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 George Wyner QuotationMovie Title: Hill Street Blues (1981) as Bernstein: Bernstein : Are you kidding? Frank, there's a lynch mob out there. Furillo : I know there's a lynch mob out there. I think I can use it. Movie Title: To Be or Not to Be (1983) as Ratkowski: Ratkowski : Ravitch, we're doing "Naughty Nazis", not "Naughty Marietta". Movie Title: Spaceballs (1987) as Colonel Sandurz: [King Roland has given in to Dark Helmet's threats, and is telling him the combination to the "air shield"] Roland : One. Dark Helmet : One. Colonel Sandurz : One. Roland : Two. Dark Helmet : Two. Colonel Sandurz : Two. Roland : Three. Dark Helmet : Three. Colonel Sandurz : Three. Roland : Four. Dark Helmet : Four. Colonel Sandurz : Four. Roland : Five. Dark Helmet : Five. Colonel Sandurz : Five. Dark Helmet : So the combination is one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage! [Lord Helmet is playing with his dolls in his quarters when Col Sandurz bursts in] Colonel Sandurz : Lord Helmet! Dark Helmet : WHAT? [Helmet gathers up his dolls] Colonel Sandurz : You're needed on the bridge sir! Dark Helmet : Knock on my door! Knock next time! Colonel Sandurz : Yes, sir! Dark Helmet : Did you see anything? Colonel Sandurz : No, sir! I didn't see you playing with you dolls again. [Sandurz closes the door] Dark Helmet : Good! [Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet and the Video Operator are watching Movie Title: Spaceballs, the movie] Colonel Sandurz : That's much too early. Prepare to fast-forward! Video Operator : Preparing to fast-forward! Colonel Sandurz : Fast-forward! Video Operator : Fast-forwarding, sir! Colonel Sandurz : Oh my god, it's Mega Maid. She's gone from suck to blow. Colonel Sandurz : Sir, do you think we're being too literal? Dark Helmet : No you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it. Colonel Sandurz : Prepare ship for light speed. Dark Helmet : No, no, no, light speed is too slow. Colonel Sandurz : Light speed, too slow? Dark Helmet : Yes, we're gonna have to go right to ludicrous speed. Colonel Sandurz : They must have hyperjets on that thing. Dark Helmet : And what do we have on this thing? A cuisinart? Colonel Sandurz : Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo! Dark Helmet : Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it! Laser Gunner : Sorry sir! I'm doing my best! Dark Helmet : Who made that man a gunner? Major: I did sir. He's my cousin. Dark Helmet : Who is he? Colonel Sandurz : He's an asshole sir. Dark Helmet : I know that! What's his name? Colonel Sandurz : That is his name sir. Asshole, Major Asshole! Dark Helmet : And his cousin? Colonel Sandurz : He's an asshole too sir. Gunner's mate First Class Philip Asshole! Dark Helmet : How many asholes do we have on this ship, anyway? [Entire bridge crew stands up and raises a hand] Entire Bridge Crew: Yo! Dark Helmet : I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes! [Dark Helmet pulls his face shield down] Dark Helmet : Keep firing, assholes! Dark Helmet : How is everybody? Colonel Sandurz : Fine, sir. Dark Helmet : Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break? Smoke if you got 'em. [faints] Colonel Sandurz : What shall we do now, Sir? Dark Helmet : Well, are we stopped? Colonel Sandurz : We're stopped, Sir. Dark Helmet : Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break? Colonel Sandurz : Very good, Sir. Dark Helmet : Smoke if you got'em. [Faints] Dark Helmet : What's the matter with this thing? What's with all that churning and bubbling? You call that a Radar Screen? [Sandurz points to the sign on the machine] Colonel Sandurz : No sir, we call it Mr. Coffee. Care for some? Dark Helmet : I always have coffee when I watch radar, you know that! Colonel Sandurz : Of course I do, sir. Dark Helmet : Everybody knows that! All the henchmen in the room: Of course we do, sir! Dark Helmet : Now that I have my coffee I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it? Colonel Sandurz : Right here, sir. [Sandurz points to the sign on the radar screen that says Mr. Radar] Movie Title: Not Another Teen Movie (2001) as Mr. Cornish: Mr. Cornish : And now the moment every popular guy who's made a bet to turn a rebellious girl into prom queen has been waiting for. |
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