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 Wendy Hoopes QuotationMovie Title: Is It College Yet? (2002) as Jane Lane: Jane Lane : What about you? Still thinking about [in snooty voice] Jane Lane : Bromwell? Daria Morgendorffer : They don't really talk like that... I hope. Anyway, I'm applying because it's an outstanding university, not because the students engage in the rectal transport of steel rods. Jane Lane : The Equestrian Club must be in constant pain. Jane Lane : You're getting soft around the edges, Morgendorffer. Daria Morgendorffer : Maybe, or maybe you've got glaucoma. [On Jane's plans to go to an art college after graduation] Trent Lane : I don't really think you're a sell-out. Jane Lane : Well, that's not exactly an apology, but you know what they say about beggars. Trent Lane : That they'll only spend it on booze? Jane Lane : Never mind. Jane Lane : Behold, Daria. The group dynamic you crave so much. Daria Morgendorffer : I suppose pulling out a can of mace right now would be considered bad form. Trent Lane : Um, why do you want to go to art college? You're already an artist. Jane Lane : I know, but I want to be a starving artist so I need to ring up more debt. Movie Title: Calling Bobcat (2000) as Monica: Monica : I want you to piss in all the hair care products your little heart desires. I'll still love you. Movie Title: Is It Fall Yet? (2000) as Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer / Jane Lane / Quinn Morgendorffer / Helen: Helen : Oh, Jakey, do you realize what a momentous summer our girls have had? Quinn learned she's smarter than she thought, and Daria has her first boyfriend. Jake : It's summer already? Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Daria, I'm serious, I'm not going to let you sit around the house all summer. Daria Morgendorffer : Fine, I'll LIE around the house all summer. David Sorenson : I see here that you took European History last year. I guess there's no need repeating that. Quinn Morgendorffer : Oh yeah, Napoleon, Waterworld, the A la Carta... Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : Daria, you need to be more tolerant. You know what they say, 'judge and be judged'. Daria Morgendorffer : And I judge myself unfit for human contact. Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : That's exactly what you *will* be if you don't learn to interact with the rest of us. You keep hiding your real face behind that anti-social mask, and one day that mask will be your face. I'm not going to let that happen. You're working at that camp. Alison : Why go to an artist's colony if you're not going to mingle with your fellow artists? Jane Lane : That's like saying 'why go to a PENAL colony if you're not gonna mingle with your--' I think I'll stop there. David Sorenson : But when the workers stormed the Bastille, they only found seven prisoners and one of THEM was the Marquis de Sade. Quinn Morgendorffer : Eww. David Sorenson : That's more or less the way THEY felt. Jane Lane : Uh-oh, don't look now but it's 'Toulouse Lau-dreck'. Jane Lane : Daria! Daria Morgendorffer : How are things going? Jane Lane : Fine! Fine! Fine! Couldn't be better! Daria Morgendorffer : Sucks, huh? Jane Lane : Only in a mind numbingly pretentious way. Jane Lane : Some day the curators will look back on these and say they're from my 'art colonies suck' period. Daria Morgendorffer : [sceptical] "Curators"? Jane Lane : Criminologists? Jane Lane : The guys here are a lot better looking in person than on their wanted posters. Quinn Morgendorffer : So David was right. I AM superficial. Daria Morgendorffer : At least you know your strengths. Jane Lane : Any kid who looks to you for nurturing is more than just lost. Quinn Morgendorffer : But that's not fair. I didn't have time to study with my Fashion Club duties. Don't extracurricular activities count for anything? Movie Title: Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne - A Film Noir Love Story (2003) as Mona Sax: Mona Sax : There's a contract out on us. Max Payne : There's no "us" in this. Mona Sax : God. I turned out to be such a damsel in distress. Max Payne : Mona? Mona Sax : Max, we've gotta stop meeting like this. Movie Title: Daria (1997) as Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer / Helen Morgendorffer / Jane Lane / Quinn / Quinn Morgendorffer / Helen / Jane: Jane : You know, being a post-apocalyptic town is going to be cool. Other towns will be scared of us. Daria : I'm sure they already are. Jane : Well, what's your definition of true? Daria : Something that says something. Jane : What, anything? Daria : No, something, about something. Jane : Let me get this straight, you're telling me that you want to write something, not just anything, that says something about something. Daria : Right. Jane : Gee, who'd ever believe you having trouble communicating. Jane : Hey Daria, can I have your boots? Daria : Yeah, turn around. I'll give you one right now. Daria : You tried to buy my influence with a date? Quinn : Well, that's how we do it in America, comrade. [Daria puts her head in her locker] Daria : Do me a favor. Jane : Yeah? Daria : Close my locker. Daria : Only Quinn could turn having brains into a fad. Jane : You know how fads are. Today it's brains, tomorrow, pierced tongues. Then the next day, pierced brains. Mr. Timothy O'Neill : So you see, girls, I don't want to change the intent of the poster, I just want to make it more palatable. You know what they say: "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." Jane Lane : Not if you're diabetic. Jane Lane : Am I missing something? Ms. Morris : The team needs you, and you need the team... IF you don't want to be here taking math again this summer. Jane Lane : Gee, that almost sounds like blackmail. Fortunately, I can pull up my math grade on my own. Ms. Morris : Then I'll flunk you. Jane Lane : Why don't I go to Ms. Li and expose this grade-changing arrangement? Ms. Morris : She already knows. Jane Lane : Okay, then, back off or I'll tell the P.T.A. Ms. Morris : They know, too. Jane Lane : Congress? Ms. Morris : You're beaten, Lane. Jane Lane : How about if I call the three local TV stations and tell each one that the other two are running the story? Ms. Morris : Damn. Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer : I came in to ask you to rinse off your dishes before you put them in the dishwasher. Your father found a cheese fry melted onto his "World's Greatest Dad" cup and he thought it was some kind of rodent. Now he's sworn off coffee. Daria : Then I should be hearing from the Nobel committee any day now. [Daria orders an extraordinarily juicy hamburger from a hotel] Quinn : Ewww. You're not going to eat that fat, are you? Daria : No. I'm going to stick it in my boots, 'cuz I love the squishy, squishy feeling 'round my toes. Jane Lane : Hey, look Daria. The fog's rolling in. Daria : Ew. That's not fog. That's methane. Quinn : Daria, you can't leave me here with those, those yuppies. Daria : Yuppies are from the '80s. Quinn : So what do you call people with funny outfits who talk about peace and love and stuff? Daria : Trekkies. [Daria bumps into someone she can't see, because she isn't wearing her glasses] Upchuck : Ow. Daria : Oh, uh, sorry, Upchuck. Upchuck : Sweet Daria, you don't have to resort to a ruse to get into my personal space. All you need do is ask. Daria : Your personal space is the final frontier, Upchuck. One where I intend never to boldly go. [walks away] Upchuck : You'll be back. They all come back. Jane : Name two. [walks away] Upchuck : [pause] I could. Jane : Come on, not even aliens would give the planet to the Fashion Club. You're getting paranoid. Daria : I'm not talking about aliens. But there's something out there. Something stupid. Quinn : Eww. Look how dirty those sheep are. From now on I'm only buying imported wool. Jane : I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special. [Daria and Jane lead a school tour] Daria : Let's move on to Hell and Purgatory, also known as the gym and locker rooms. Jane : Where, for 20 bucks, I'll show you which showers haven't been peed in. To my knowledge. [Tour students are shocked] Daria : My friend is just kidding you, of course. They've all been peed in. Jane : You'll figure out something. Use your womanly attributes. Daria : Gotcha. I'll give birth. Quinn : Daria, have you seen my new Teenage Superstars magazine? Daria : I couldn't help myself. I plastered my walls with its hot sexy pin-ups. Quinn : I'll ask Mom. [Quinn exits. Helen enters] Helen : Daria, have you seen your father? Daria : Did you look under the Teenage Superstars magazine? Helen : I'll ask Quinn. Jane : So you convinced your dad you're not a communist? Daria : Yeah, I'm showing him how much I love money by hitting him up for it every chance I get. Jane : A lot of weirdness around here lately. Daria : Yeah. I won't be sorry to see this day end. Jane : You say that every day. Daria : Oh, yeah. Mr. O'Neill : Have you been watching "The X-Files"? I know I have. Daria : And that's good. Mr. O'Neill : But you know what's interesting? Jane : Why do you encourage him? [Upchuck peeks through the keyhole of Ms. Li's door] Upchuck : Ooh, I like what I'm seeing... Jane : Ms. Li changing her support hose again? Daria : That's another habit that'll lead to blindness, Upchuck. Jane : But in this case, you'll wish for it. Quinn : So you see, when you contribute to my surgery, it's like we're all sharing my surgery. We're making a statement about solidarity. Andrea : Solidarity? Quinn : You know, sisterhood is powerful. Andrea : Aren't you even a *little* worried that there might be a Hell? Jane : And the dish ran away with the spoon. But Hawaii was the only state that would recognize the marriage as legal. Jane : Can we get on with this? I have someplace to go. [classmates look at her in disbelief] Jane : Television counts as a place. [Jane finds out the Morgendorffers are going camping] Daria : I hope the raging envy you're feeling won't affect our friendship. Jane : I do envy you. Daria : Then I'm afraid the fever has reached your brain and you'll have to be destroyed. Jane : Would you say sleeping with the guitar in your hands is practicing? Trent : As long as you don't drop it. Jane : Why do I get so much fun out of this? Daria : Past life as a barnacle. Daria : So now my once rational mother is telling me that I have to respect Quinn's beliefs. Jane : Well I suppose the earth *could* be flat. Quinn : If I hadn't got up that minute, that thing would have hit my head. Daria : Or something vital. Jane : Ready to go? Daria : I was ready to go before we got here. [Leaving a Party] Quinn : This night was like... What does it mean when something's funny? Moronic. Jane : I think you mean ironic. Daria : She was right the first time. [Daria and Quinn are walking to school] Quinn : Stop following me. You're following me. Daria : Quinn, we go to the same school. [In the Lawndale H.S. parking lot] Bing(Radio DJ): [in ref. to Upchuck] Okay, Charles. The first girl out here in our audience to agree to a date with you is going to get a free "Mental In The Morning" bumper sticker. Spatula Man(Radio DJ's Partner): What do you say, ladies? [Crowd of girls boo and go "eew"] Jane : A date for a bumper sticker? Jodie : Even Upchuck doesn't deserve this much humiliation. Daria : Imagine how the bumper sticker must feel. [Daria and Jane are working on a student film that's going nowhere] Jane : Andy Warhol filmed eight hours of a guy sleeping and people thought it was brilliant. Daria : Those people changed their minds after they got into the twelve step programs. Helen Morgendorffer : You gloss over everything with a cynical joke and no one knows what you really believe in. Daria : A-ha. So my evil plan is working. Jane Lane : Well, you lead an interesting life when I'm not around. Have you been drinking some out-of-season nog, perhaps? Daria Morgendorffer : Could they make the holidays any more vulgar? Jane Lane : I hope so. Daria Morgendorffer : What? Jane Lane : The more debased they become, the less reason there is to celebrate them. That means the less reason for my family to get together until presto I'm finally alone on Thanksgiving with a TV dinner. Jane Lane : Hmm. I sense a worrisome teen conspiracy afoot. Jane Lane : You're a real Joan of Arc, you know that? Daria Morgendorffer : Yeah. And I think I just ordered a stake. Helen Morgendorffer : We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just don't get it. What's wrong with you? Helen Morgendorffer : Daria, you can't spend the rest of your life in there. Daria Morgendorffer : I can once they put in my high-speed internet connection. Quinn Morgendorffer : So I wrote a stupid essay. What's everyone making such a big deal about? Jane Lane : Well you know, condition people to expect nothing and the least little something gets them all excited. Ask Pavlov. Quinn Morgendorffer : The custodian? Jane Lane : Never mind. Return to your world and I'll return to mine. Quinn Morgendorffer : Does this black match? Daria Morgendorffer : Matches my mood. [Daria sees Quinn dressed in all black] Daria Morgendorffer : Did a mime crawl in here and die? Quinn Morgendorffer : I'm putting together an outfit. For your information, this is how deep people dress. Daria Morgendorffer : Yeah, deeply affected people. Quinn : Thanks a lot! You're making me do my own homework! Daria : That's a scary thought. Amanda Lane: You know Jane, if you try to hold a butterfly in your hand, it will die. You must set it free and let it fly. If it comes back to you it was, truly yours. And if it doesn't, it never was. Jane : What if we tear off its precious little wings? Jane : Why Daria, are you becoming an optimist? Daria : Hmmm, I dunno. Hold up your glass. Nope, still half empty. Jane : So Grandma Morgendorffer just left? Daria : She realized she was causing more harm than good. Jane : Did you help her in her realization? Daria : I may have had a hand in her epiphany. Jane : I hope you washed it thoroughly. [agents are looking for "different" people] Jane : Different, huh? What do you think I'll get if I turn you in? Daria : More quality time with Brittany and Kevin. Jane : Damn you different ones and your insidious logic. Daria : Between my family at home and the DJs at school, I have nowhere to escape. Jane : Well, you could always dive into a wooded thicket. Quinn : OK, Daria's talking, so I have to leave now. Quinn : And why do they call them tennis bracelets, anyway? It sounds like some sort of sweat band, if you ask me. I'd call them wrist ornaments, doesn't that sound festive? Jane : Take... her... NOW. Daria : This story I've gotta hear. |
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