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 Simon Jones QuotationMovie Title: Brazil (1985) as Arresting Officer: Arresting Officer : This is your receipt for your husband... and this is my receipt for your receipt. Movie Title: The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy (1981) as Arthur Dent / Arthur: Slartibartfast : Come with me or you shall be late. Arthur : Late? Late for what? Slartibartfast : What is your name, human? Arthur : Dent. Arthur Dent. Slartibartfast : Late as in the late Dent Arthur Dent. It's a sort of threat, you see. Never been particularly good at the myself but I'm told they can be quite effective. Arthur : I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle. Prosser : But the plans were on display. Arthur Dent : On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar. Prosser : That's the display department. Arthur Dent : With a torch. Prosser : The lights had probably gone. Arthur Dent : So had the stairs. Prosser : But you did see the notice, didn't you? Arthur Dent : Oh, yes. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign outside the door saying "Beware of the Leopard." Ever thought of going into advertising? Arthur Dent : That man wants to knock my house down. Ford Prefect : Well, he can do that whilst your away, can't he? Ford Prefect : And no sneaky knocking Mr. Dent's house down while he's away, all right? Prosser : The slightest thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind. Arthur Dent : Can we trust him? Ford Prefect : Myself, I'd trust him till the end of the Earth. Arthur Dent : Yes, but how far's that? Ford Prefect : About twelve minutes away. Ford Prefect : How would you react if I told you that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse? Arthur Dent : I don't know. Why? Do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say? Ford Prefect : Drink up. The world's about to end. Arthur Dent : This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays. Ford Prefect : How are you feeling? Arthur Dent : Like a military academy. Bits of me keep passing out. Ford? If I were to ask you where the hell we were, would I regret it? Ford Prefect : We're safe. Arthur Dent : Ah. Good. Ford Prefect : We're in a cabin of one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet. Arthur Dent : Ah. This is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I hadn't previously been aware of. Arthur Dent : Good grief. Is this really the interior of a flying saucer? Ford Prefect : Yes. What do you think? Arthur Dent : Well, it's a bit squalid, isn't it? Ford Prefect : Preparing for hyperspace. It's rather unpleasantly like being drunk. Arthur Dent : What's so wrong about being drunk? Ford Prefect : Ask a glass of water. [Arthur Dent looks up "Earth" in the Hitchhiker's Guide] Arthur Dent : What's it say? "Harmless." Just one word? *Harmless?* Arthur Dent : You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young. Ford Prefect : Why? What did she tell you? Arthur Dent : I don't know. I didn't listen. [Arthur and Ford are caught in an improbability field] Arthur Dent : You know, if this is Southend, there's something very odd about it. Ford Prefect : Oh, you mean the way the sea stays steady as a rock and the buildings keep washing up and down? I thought that was odd. Arthur Dent : I wonder what will happen if I press this button. Ford Prefect : Don't. Arthur Dent : [Presses it] Oh. Ford Prefect : What happened? Arthur Dent : A sign lit up saying "Please do not press this button again." Marvin : And then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. Arthur Dent : Really. Marvin : Oh, yes. I mean, I've asked for them to be replaced, but no one ever listens. Arthur Dent : Is there any tea on this spaceship? Slartibartfast : Is that your robot? Marvin : No. I'm mine. Arthur : If you can call it a robot. It's more of an electronic sulking machine. Arthur Dent : The Earth. Slartibartfast : Well, the Earth Mark II, in fact. We're making a copy from our original blueprints. Arthur Dent : Are you telling me you originally *made* the Earth? Slartibartfast : Oh, yes. Did you ever go to a place - I think it was called Norway? Arthur Dent : No. No, I didn't. Slartibartfast : Pity. That was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Arthur Dent : You know, this explains a lot. Because all my life, I've had this unaccountable feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the universe and that no one would tell me what it was. Slartibartfast : Oh, no. That's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe has that. Slartibartfast : Science has achieved some wonderful things, I know, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day. Arthur Dent : And are you? Slartibartfast : No. That's where it all falls down, of course. Frankie Mouse : Still, the best laid plans of mice. Arthur Dent : And men. Frankie Mouse : What? Arthur Dent : And men. The best laid plans of mice and men. Frankie Mouse : What have men got to do with it? Arthur Dent : Ford, there's an infinite number of monkeys out here who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out. Arthur Dent : What the hell's that? Ford Prefect : Well, if we're lucky, it's the Vogon Guard come to throw us into space. Arthur Dent : And if we're unlucky? Ford Prefect : The Vogon Captain might want to read us some of his poetry first. Arthur Dent : I like the cover. "Don't Panic". It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anyone has said to me all day. Arthur : It's not so much an afterlife as an après-vie. Number One : But, sir, they're my prisoners. Can't I just interrogate them a little bit? Captain: Oh, very well. Ask them what they want to drink. Number One : Thank you, sir. All right, you scum, you *vermin*... Captain: Steady on, Number One. Number One : - what do you want to drink? Ford Prefect : Well, gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur? Arthur Dent : Huh? Yes. Number One : With ice or without? Ford Prefect : With, please. Number One : *Lemon*? Ford Prefect : Yeah. And do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesy ones? Number One : I'm asking the questions. Arthur Dent : I'm trying to teach the cavemen to play Scrabble. It's uphill work. The only word they know is "unh," and they don't know how to spell it. Arthur Dent : I always said there was something fundamentally wrong with the universe. Arthur : So this is it. We're going to die. Zaphod Beeblebrox : Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Ford Prefect : I think so. Zaphod Beeblebrox : Tell me what you think I'm thinking. Ford Prefect : I think you're thinking it's time we got off this ship. Zaphod Beeblebrox : I think you're right. Ford Prefect : I think you're right. Arthur : What are we going to do? Ford Prefect , Zaphod Beeblebrox : Quiet, we're thinking. Arthur Dent : What is your name by the way? Slartibartfast : My name... my name is Slartibartfast. Arthur Dent : I beg your pardon? Slartibartfast : Slartibartfast. Arthur Dent : Slartibartfast? Slartibartfast : I said it wasn't important. Dish of the Day : May I urge you, sir, to consider my liver. It must be very rich and tender by now. I have been force feeding myself for months. Arthur Dent : Green salad, please. Dish of the Day : A Green salad? |
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