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 Johnny Hardwick QuotationMovie Title: King of the Hill (1997) as Dale / Dale Gribble: Dale Gribble : Oh man. What kind of lefty hootenanny is this? Dale Gribble : You and I may be acquainted but we are not traveling companions. I am merely here to enjoy Earth Day and play some hacky-sack. [Working on Hank's pickup truck] Dale : You know what the problem is? It's a Ford. You know what Ford stands for? Fix It Again Tony. Hank Hill : Dale, that's a Fiat. Dale : Oh my God, I'm out of cigs. Bobby Hill : Mr. Gribble, who is your number one favorite hero? Dale : You are if you get me some smokes. Dale Gribble : It's a beautiful day. Nancy should be outside doing my laundry. Dale : [to Bill] Ignoranus. It means stupid, you moron. Dale : Gentlemen, the crap has literally been scared out of me. Dale : [after drinking tainted Alamo beer] I don't know which way it's coming out, but it's coming out. Dale Gribble : I loved my dad like a father. And he betrayed me - like a betrayer. Dale : [throwing a knife and hitting a mannequin] Get away from my wife or next time I'll aim for the mannequin and hit you. Dale : Hank, have you ever tried to change cockroach blood with root beer? Hank Hill : Dale, you know I haven't. Dale : THEN DONT JUDGE ME. [Explaining his Halloween costume] Dale : I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist peddling influence... Who wants candy? Dale Gribble : (Hank tells Dale to move his bug truck out of a movie they made to bring the Cowboys to Arlen)"You think that's all I do? I killed eight gophers last year and a purebred Tennesse walking horse that was looking at me funny." [Hank asks Dale to shoot an emu for him] Dale : Ok, but I am doing this pro bono. That means I get to keep the bones. Bill Dauterive : Dale, that money was all I had. It was a joke cheque, you weren't supposed to take all of my money. Dale : I'm sorry, but we had a verbal contract. And, besides, if I left you the money you were going to spend it on something stupid. Like you. [Hank had a sex dream about Dale's wife] Dale : You got a lot of guts showing your face around here. I'm gonna give you two seconds to leave, and then I'm gonna make you suffer. Hank Hill : Dale, getting your ass kicked won't make you feel any better. [Dale thinks his son is an alien] Dale Gribble : You're like E.T... Only he was a purebred alien with a heart of gold. You're only part alien, and at times can be self-absorbed. [Bobby and Joseph wandered off into the desert] Hank Hill : Have you seen two boys running through here? Dale Gribble : One of them's half alien. Vendor: Uhh... No. But I saw this fat kid and this Indian kid go in that direction. Hank Hill : Oh, thank god. Dale Gribble : Oh, well. Thanks anyway. Dale : Hank, come here. It's about Peggy. You may want to see this. [stifles laughter] Dale : You may also want to bring your credit card. [Dale got an anti-infestation job at a local store and calls Hank] Hank Hill : So, how's the job going. Did you find the rats yet? Dale : It's not rats. Hank Hill : It's not? Dale : No. I'm gonna have to spend the night here. Hank Hill : If it's not rats, what is it? Dale : I don't have time to explain, but it's Chuck Mangione. Dale Gribble : No, I don't see it. Governor Ann Richards: So, you boys like baseball? Dale Gribble : You trying to screen for communists? Don't worry, we're all cool. Hank Hill : I'm gonna kick your ass. Dale Gribble : You wouldn't hit an unconscious maaaa- [faints] Dale Gribble : Sh-sh-sh-sha. Dale : [pretending to be an environmentalist] Earth first. Make Mars our bitch. Dale Gribble : I'm an Indian. This explains why I love tobacco so much and hate the Federal Government so much. Dale Gribble : Well, Joseph, it would've been great having a cool son... [takes out a cigarette and thinks] Dale Gribble : Wait a minute. [sticks the cigarette in Joseph's mouth] Dale Gribble : Hey, cool kids. Look at Joseph smoke. Hank Hill : Would y'all just go to bed. Dale : It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Hank Hill : What did I tell you about talking to me? [In an admiral's club] Hostess: I'm sorry, sir, there's no smoking allowed in here. Dale : You're not sorry and I'm no admiral. [Stuffs peanuts in his pockets and leaves] Hank Hill : Yep. Dale : Yep. Bill Dauterive : Yep. Boomhauer : Mmm-hmm. Dale Gribble : They will drug test everyone in Arlen. The price of a clean urine sample will double. Bill Dauterive : What about the price of poo poo? Dale Gribble : Unchanged. [in the airport] Kahn : I look out the window of the airplane, and what do I see? A frozen Gribble. Dale Gribble : The only thing that kept me going was my will... to smoke again. [Dale is protecting his mower] Dale Gribble : YOU. Quit screwing around with my mower. John Redcorn : Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Dale Gribble : Oh, it's just you, John Redcorn. Now get in there and heal my wife. John Redcorn : He's taking all the fun out of this... Hank Hill : Don't worry Dale, it's just Bill. The army isn't after you. Dale : You mean I burned off my fingerprints for nothing? [Dale's father has revealed that he is gay] Nancy Gribble : Are you going to be all right, knowing that your dad is gay? Dale Gribble : Why would I have a problem with it? John Redcorn is gay, and I've been friends with him for twenty years. [Dale has just seen Kahn's mother] Dale Gribble : Kahn has a mother? I always imagined a pod situation. [on the phone] Dale : You don't know who I am, but I know where you live. And if you teach that class sex ed teacher, I will make you pay. Hank : Dale, is that you? Dale : Oh, hey, Hank. Can you put Peggy on the phone? Hank : Peggy? It's for you. It's Dale. Peggy: Hello, Dale. Dale : You don't know who I am, but I know where you live... Hank : Okay, my son is playing with dolls. There, I said it. Dale : He's a sissy. There, I said THAT. [Hank punches Dale in the arm] Dale : Didn't hurt. [runs offscreen] Dale : [whinning] Nancy. Dale : Rematch? I thought we agreed never to discuss the horrors that we saw on the killing fields of the Fun Center. Dale : Why do you hate love, Hank? [about Bill at a hot dog eating contest] Dale : Behold the Great American Fat Ass, gorging on the lips and anuses of his brethren! [Dale, Bill and Boomhauer are in a cave collecting guano when the bats wake up] Dale : We've awakened a sleeping, pooping giant! Dale : The silent treatment won't work on me. I have my thoughts. [pause] Dale : I can't get along with my thoughts! You've all heard them! Dale Gribble : TV sets are getting smaller and smaller, and bigger and bigger. Soon the medium-sized set will be a thing of the past. Dale Gribble : Whatcha got under the foil, Mr. Party Pooper? Some party poop? [Bill steps on Hank's glasses after Hank steps on his ping pong ball] Hank Hill : Dammit, Bill, those were my only pair of glasses! Dale Gribble : Dang it, Hank, that was our only ball. [Throws a hot Frito pie at Hank, but misses and hits Bill] Boomhauer : Hey man, I was dang ol' scarfing on that, man. Bill Dauterive : My face hurts. Hank Hill : And it'll match your ass when I'm done kicking it. Fire Chief : So it was you guys that busted that hydrant? We got an anonymous call that some kids did it. Dale Gribble : I gave you names. |
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