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 Alyssa Milano QuotationAlyssa's favorite saying is "It's nice to be important, but it's important to always be nice." "Every time I decide I want a child I get another pet. I have 3 dogs, 13 birds and 3 horses, what does that tell you?" "I've always believed in experiencing everything in life. When you walk out with blinders on, you cut yourself off from the angels and the fairies." Movie Title: Crash Course (1988) as Vanessa Crawford: Abner Fraser : Ok, what is this? Maria Abeja : That is where they keep the guns, si? Vanessa Crawford : GUNS? Vanessa Crawford : Mom, I don't need a best friend right now. What I need is a mother. Movie Title: Melrose Place (1992) as Jennifer Mancini: Amanda Woodward : Just one piece of advice to you to make sure this interview wasn't a complete waste. That type of arrogant attitude will not get you anywhere in the advertising world. Jennifer Mancini : That didn't stop you. Did it? [on a job interview with Amanda, which Michael set up as a favor] Jennifer Mancini : You know Michael, he likes to bend the truth. But you probably do too, being in advertising. [Pause] Amanda Woodward : We walk a fine line. Jennifer Mancini : Right, truth with a little "t", as opposed to the actual Truth, which is with a big "T". Am I getting too philosophical? I don't want to lose you. Amanda Woodward : [getting annoyed] Well, considering your resume barely qualifies for entry level, I doubt it. So what kind of advertising do you like? Jennifer Mancini : I know what I don't like. That billboard on Whilshire with the busty bimbo showing the "Sunset Diet Plan." No normal woman's ever going to respond to a cheesy ad like that. Amanda Woodward : That was my ad campaign. Jennifer Mancini : [laughs] I'm so embarrassed... Amanda Woodward : Yeah. Jennifer Mancini : ...for you. [About Megan] Dr. Michael Mancini : If you get us back together, what's in it for you? Jennifer Mancini : ["Godfather" voice] One day Michael, I will come to you for a favor, and when I do, you will grant me that favor... no matter what it is. Capiche? Dr. Michael Mancini : [Pause] You're the weird one in the family... you know that, right? [Amanda and Kyle are kissing in front of Jennifer at the Jazz Club] Jennifer Mancini : Are we working? Or are you gonna mate right in front of me? Movie Title: Buying the Cow (2002) as Amy: Amy : [after Mike gives her a dollar when she's stripping] Wow! A dollar! Now I can quit stripping, go back to vet school, and save my sick pony. Movie Title: Charmed (1998) as Phoebe: Phoebe : I forgot your question. Piper : I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year. Phoebe : That's disgusting. Please say yes. Piper : The only Halliwell that likes earthquakes. Prue : I don't like them, but I don't go running naked through the house screaming "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE." either. Phoebe : Okay, that is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers. Phoebe : Go away horny tom cats. Phoebe : Come on, you don't think we'll be 60 and still living together, sharing clothes and a cat. Piper : Well now that you put it that way, no, I don't want to live with you anymore. Phoebe : No. According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren. Piper : And we have a cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible. Piper : Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff. Phoebe : Sure, why not? Piper : Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa. Piper : I'm not pregnant. Trust me. Prue : Well, that's good news. Phoebe : Are you kidding? That's great news. You can live. Piper : You were at Cole's all night? Phoebe : Uh huh. Piper : Did you? Phoebe : Uh huh. Piper : Was he? Phoebe : Uh huh. Piper : Hi, Phoebe. Need a diaper change? Phoebe : Haha, very funny. Look, we need you to come home right away by midnight or else... Piper : The tooth fairy's gonna come and harass us all for not flossing? Phoebe : I'll do what I should've done a while ago which is vanquish your sorry ass. Phoebe : I hope this doesn't mean we get our *virginity* back too. Phoebe : Why couldn't you get a boy-band song stuck in your head like everyone else? Phoebe : We thought that the good guys were bad guys, in trying to vanquish them we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for the good guys Leo : Was that English? DA: You are...? Phoebe : Phoebe DA: Is that like a Cher, or a Madonna, or do you have a last name? Prue : By the look of the clothes I'd say we were in the early 1700's. Phoebe : Where the life expectancy of a witch is, oh, 15 seconds. Phoebe : You have really got to lay off the rhyming, Prue Cole : Why would I ever not want to talk to you? Phoebe : I don't know, you know, just in case you thought I was a drunk or a lunatic, or a drunk lunatic. Phoebe : If I had a dollar for every times an owl turned into a hot guy on our porch, I'd be rich... Phoebe : Wanna take a wiccan time out and do the crossword puzzle? Phoebe : I curse you, you curse me, let's get together and do a little cursing. Phoebe : Anyone got a vanquish in their pocket Phoebe : We could sure use some cosmic help right about now. Phoebe : I think I found the demon. Oh my god... Paige : What? You can't say "demons" followed by "oh my god" - I'm new at this, I'm likely to panic. Phoebe : Can you do anything about this thunder? 'Cause it's making me nuts. The Seer : I have no sway over the weather. I do have a friend who works with the wind, but she's out of town. Cole : Don't you think you're being a little paranoid? Phoebe : With my demon ex-husband from hell? Piper : Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner. Prue : I'm not hungry. Phoebe : I ate on the bus. Piper : Okay, we'll try the group hug later. Phoebe : Notice anything different about me? [Paige looks at her oddly] Piper : Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee. Phoebe : Who's Natalie? Piper : She's a... Leo : Fellow whitelighter. See I finished your sentence. Piper : Hmm. That's not what I was gonna say. Phoebe : Will your friends be staying for dinner? Cole : I'm going to have a hard enough time convincing them to stay 'til the end of the meeting if you don't stop threatening to kill them. Demon: You've got something up your sleeve... Phoebe : [looks at sisters' shirts] Hello? Sleeveless. [Prue has been transformed into a dog] Piper : She's such a pretty dog. Phoebe : What else did you expect? Leo : A Doberman. Prue : Grrrrr... Phoebe : This costume happens to be a protest statement. Prue : I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time. Phoebe : Thanks. Cole : Did you get my flowers? Phoebe : Yeah. "Sorry I tried to strangle you" Probably not a card the florist gets to write everyday. Phoebe : Ready to kick some ass... sis? Phoebe : I can't believe you guys didn't notice my billboards downtown. Piper : Oh, honey, of course we noticed. You can see them from a passing 747. Craig: Who are you? Paige : Witch. Leo : Angel. Phoebe : Mermaid. Phoebe : Good people do not turn other people into water coolers. Piper : So what do you say to an overbearing younger sister who's treating her pregnant older sister like a porcelain doll? Phoebe : "Thank you"? Piper : How about "Knock it off"? Phoebe : That's probably better advice. Phoebe : [about Leo's spell] "We harken ye"? What are we trying to summon a leprechaun here? Phoebe : [about Paige] Dead? What do you mean she's dead? Leo : Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it. Phoebe : The dwarves? Leo : Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now. [Piper walks into the living room to see Phoebe and Paige wearing beauty masks] Piper : Ah. Phoebe : What? Piper : Oh, my God. You two could scare the hair off a cat. No demons dare drop by here. Phoebe : Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles. Piper : You guys are all ready getting freaky? Phoebe : I mean, you're not even showing yet... except for your boobies. Piper : I'm telling you, they are large and they are definitely in charge. Piper : I've come to the conclusion that if you've got it, then you must flaunt it. [Lifts her shirt a little to show her pregnant tummy] Phoebe : That's my niece in that belly. Paige : She's my niece, too. Phoebe : Hi, niece. It's your favorite aunt, Phoebe. Piper : You were all over him with your breasts all... whatever... Phoebe : I didn't even have breasts back then. Piper : Phoebe, you've always had breasts. Phoebe : Prue was right, which means I'm dating a warlock. Piper : Been there, done that. Phoebe : AT&T, Power of Three. Phoebe : No I can still cast spells and do the power of three thing. Whatever the problem is it seems more natural than supernatural. Leo : Phoebe why didn't you come to me, I'm your Whitelighter. Phoebe : Because you've been busy. Leo : I've been busy? Phoebe : Well I've been busy. My work schedule has been really hectic. But I'm coming to you guys now. Leo : Ok you guys yell at her, and I'm gonna check with the Elders and see what they know. Phoebe : Whoa, whoa, whoa. You, Leo, last night, dish. Piper : Um, well, it was nice. It was... well, it was wonderful. We just had a few problems. Phoebe : Problems? Prue : What problems? Piper : Well, it's been a while since, you know, I-I was a little nervous, and I kinda kept freezing him. Prue : Piper, you didn't? Piper : I didn't mean to... the first time. Phoebe : I mean, between you and Leo, and Prue, the new Hot Wicca Woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are looking up. Piper : Don't say that. The moment someone says that, everything always goes south. Phoebe : Unless you freeze him. Oh, I couldn't help it. It was so good. Prue : Okay, okay, come on, we're going, you're going to borrow the car. [Leo comes down the stairs] Leo : Good morning. Phoebe : Yeah, we heard. Prue : So, witches forever? Phoebe : And damn proud of it. [Piper and Leo are down behind the bar. Piper giggles. Piper's cell phone rings and she pops up, out of breath to answer it] Piper : Hello? Phoebe : Hey, did you make the potion? Piper : Potion? P-P-Paige is making the potion. [Leo pops up beside Piper and starts kissing her neck] Piper : And I have ten glorious minutes then I have to have my herbs. Phoebe : Great, because I need your help fast. Karen's gonna get fired unless we get her advice column in by 8:00 tonight. Piper : Uh-huh. Phoebe : So what would tell a twenty-eight year old woman who's still living in her parents house because she's afraid of living alone? Piper : I'd tell her to get a life. Phoebe : How can I write that? We fight demons every day. How can I tell her that there's nothing to be afraid of, you know? (Piper makes a noise as Leo disappears behind the bar again, smiling.) What are you doing, Piper? Piper : I am taking my own advice. Phoebe : Eww. Paige : I can't believe I destroyed the house. Phoebe : What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier... Piper : Lalala. Over sharing. Phoebe : I don't get it. If our ancient compilation of spells, witchcraft and rituals can't help us, what makes you think Martha Stewart can? Prue : Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken. Phoebe : Yeah, but bodies weren't. Piper : And neither were hearts. Grams : You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm? Phoebe : Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f... Grams : Fine. Paige : [about Cole] I'm telling you, he's gone for good. Phoebe : Yeah... that's what we thought last time. Piper : And the time before that. Phoebe : What about water birth? Can we do that at home? Eve: Sure, we can rent a tub. Piper : What am I a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish. Leo : Well, actually, dolphins aren't fish. They're mammals. Piper : Shut up. Phoebe : What's the celebration? Paige : I'm just so happy to be home, that's all. Piper : You wanted to move out. Paige : I did? God, no. Never. Well, I mean, you know, maybe when I'm married or pregnant or... hopefully both at the same time. We're sisters. We shouldn't split up until we absolutely have to. You know that, right? Piper : She's rambling. Phoebe : I hear that. [a witch doctor has put a hex on Piper, Paige and Phoebe; causing their character flaws to become obsessions] Phoebe : What are those? Piper : Slipcovers. To keep the furniture clean. Although I've come to the conclusion we should probably just stand from now on. [Witch doctor appears dressed in a suit] Witch Doctor: How may I be of service? Paige : Are you a witch doctor? Witch Doctor: Let me guess. You were expecting someone with a bone through the nose and shrunken head necklace, perhaps? Phoebe : Yeah, actually. Yeah. Yeah. [Paige nods in agreement] Phoebe : [about possessed shoes] Cole, these boots may be made for walkin, but they're NEVER walkin' back to you buddy. Paige : If you want to talk to Piper, she's in the room throwing up. Phoebe : What, is she sick? Paige : She's pregnant Phoebe, sickness is their way of life. Phoebe : Go to hell. Cole : We're already here. Leo : Did you find out anything? Phoebe : Besides having a twenty-four hour death wish? Nope. Phoebe : I need your help. Cole : You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn. Phoebe : Okay, Piper. As much as we would love to hear about your man problems, we have a possible demon to vanquish. Phoebe : Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon? Piper : I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded. [after Piper destroys a watermelon in the kitchen] Phoebe : Oh sweetie, honey why did you vanquish watermelon? Piper : [crying] I didn't vanquish watermelon. Phoebe : Okay we theme, you potion. Piper : Me peeved, you annoying. Phoebe : Welcome to our world, dad. Piper : Pheobe, why would you even leave her alone with it? Phoebe : Well, because she's our sister. [Piper Laughs] Piper : Not for long. Phoebe : It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made that blood oath to be friends forever, not just sisters? Piper : I remember my finger got infected. Phoebe : I don't understand. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the "take a chance" gene? Piper : Probably. Cause if I remember my biology correctly, its attached to the "cant mind my own business" gene. Phoebe : Sorry, had to grab my broom. Phoebe : You came all the way over here for me, I mean we, I mean us? Piper : Uh, guys, we have about 20 seconds until they unfreeze. Phoebe : How did you find out about us? Aviva: I'm gonna need more than 20 seconds for that. Prue : Hey, be nice. I don't even want to think about sin tonight. Phoebe : Me neither. Prue : So, this is an interesting band, what's their name? Piper : Orgy. Phoebe : It's just research for that stupid article Jason made me do. Piper : Ah, you said his name without swearing. Does that mean things are going better at work? Phoebe : Oh, no. He's still driving me crazy. Piper : Didn't he just give you a raise? Phoebe : Yeah, but that was just a bribe so I wouldn't quit. Piper : Ah, a woman of principles. I admire that. Piper : Paige. Is everything okay? Paige : Better than okay. I'm going to have a love life. Phoebe : You're making a love potion? Paige : No, I'm making a stun potion. Piper : So that lovers will be stunned by you? Paige : No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me. Phoebe : You're in love with a Kazi demon? Paige : Try to stay with me, people. Phoebe : You're a monkey. Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Oh, you're pissed. You're- PMS monkey? Phoebe : It's not everyday you find out the person you love isn't human, except in Piper's case. Phoebe : Stop hinting around and let him have your crab already. Piper : Don't be disgusting. [Prue and Piper just find out Leo is a Whitelighter] Prue : What is he again? Phoebe : He's a Whitelighter. You know, kinda like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell without the wings and the tutu. [Prue has just slammed the door in front of Phoebe] Phoebe : Hey, we've had this discussion before, you're not allowed to use your active power on me until I have an active power to use on you, remember? [upon hearing what could happen if Piper and Leo go against the Elders] Phoebe : This whole unspeakable rath thing, does that mean just the bride and groom, or the bridesmaids as well? [to Leo] Piper : [smiling] I'll just go make you some more coffee. Phoebe : [grinning] And I'll bring it to you. [while checking out Leo] Phoebe : My Santa how you've changed. [pause] Phoebe : Those must be the finest glutes in the entire city. Piper : In the entire state. Phoebe : In all the land. Piper : I saw him first. Phoebe : Uh-uh. Piper : Uh-huh. Phoebe : Uh-uh. Piper : Uh-huh. Phoebe : Huh? Piper : Huh. Phoebe : Awh. [Pheobe to Piper who's still inside the bathroom] Phoebe : Piper, are you still in there? Piper : [checking the results of her pregnancy test] Just, give me a minute. Phoebe : Define a minute. Piper : Two. Phoebe : [after waiting a second] Piper come on please, look I can not be late today. Piper : [to herself] I know the feeling. Phoebe : Piper. [Piper ditches the test and storms out of the bathroom] Phoebe : I just want to know, am I in for another cold shower or not? Piper : [worried that she may be pregnant] You know Phoebe, there are times in our lives where a cold shower is a good thing. Chris : Where is Paige? Phoebe : She's at her new temp job. Chris : She's still on that kick? Piper : It's not a kick, Chris. It's her quest for happiness outside of magic. Chris : Yeah, but it's a temp job. Who finds happiness in a temp job? Grams : You and Paige moved out? When? Phoebe : Uh, a few weeks ago. But we're handling everything. Grams : Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things? Phoebe : So, we get to go back there? And we get to meet our grandfather? Grams : Don't make too much out of it, because whatever you do, you can't change the past or tell anyone you're from the future. Phoebe : [Indicates Chris] Well, why does he get to? Chris : Because I know what I'm doing. Grams : Not from where I'm standing. Piper : Oh, you know what? She's getting angry. And our powers don't work so good when we're angry. Mitzy: We've got them now. Piper : Yeah, you've got us now so why don't you blow us up? Phoebe : Piper, death bad, life good. Paige : Don't worry, this bimbo couldn't hit the broadside of a beauty parlour. Check out that dye job. [The blonde sisters gasp] Mabel: How dare you! [Mabel blows up the doors] Piper : Run! Phoebe : I was under a spell. Evil. Paige : Evil? You were blonde! Phoebe : Piper, just so you know, I may have to flee the country, but just for a little while. And I will call you, okay. Piper : Oh, no you don't, Missy. There will be no fleeing the country until you clean up after yourself. Phoebe : No-no-no-no-no, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm possessed. Piper : That is not an excuse! Phoebe : [to Spencer Ricks] You know what? You're a turkey! And turkeys don't write columns. [she throws the potion at Spencer and he turns into a turkey] Phoebe : But they do make delicious dinners! [Piper and Leo hear a turkey gobble and look to see Phoebe getting out of her car carrying the turkey] Phoebe : A little help here. Piper : What are you doing with that thing? Phoebe : Well, first I'm gonna kill it and then I'm gonna stuff it. Piper : You are not bringing that filthy fowl in the house. Phoebe : Yes, I am. Thanksgiving's early this year. Phoebe : We're not demon hunting. We're going to lunch. Chris : Hey. I am not unreasonable. You can hunt demons after lunch. Prue : Alright, wait, uh, who do you think we are? Eva : The most powerful witches of all time, of course. Phoebe : Okay, lucky guess. Movie Title: Commando (1985) as Jenny: Arius : Your father appears to be cooperating. You will be back with him soon. Won't that be nice? Jenny : Not as nearly as nice as watching him smash your face in. Movie Title: Family Guy (1999) as Alyssa Milano: Peter Griffin : Since I took over as President our profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano. Alyssa Milano : Of all the cheap shots... Joel. Joel: I know, I know. I'm suing, I'm suing. Movie Title: Fear (1996) as Margo Masse: Margo Masse : Do yourself a favor and don't think so much. It gives you premature wrinkles. |
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