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 Adam Baldwin QuotationMovie Title: The Cape (1996) as Col. Jack Riles: [Testing a new space suit] Capt. Ezekiel "Zeke" Beaumont, ASCAN : I thought you said these new suits were lighter. Col. Jack Riles : They are. This one only weighs 200 pounds. Movie Title: Predator 2 (1990) as Garber: Garber : Harrigan! What the fuck happened in there!? Huh!?...God damn it, we came so close! Movie Title: Blind Justice (1994) as Sgt. Hastings: Sgt. Hastings : My men are soldiers in the United States Cavalry! And they are prepared to die for their country! Beauchamp : With all due respect, sir, you're out of your fuckin' mind! Sgt. Hastings : Do these dead men belong to you? Canaan : They just came with the horses. Canaan : You the law? Sgt. Hastings : The closest thing they got in this shit hole, yes. Canaan : Aren't you going to wish me luck? Sgt. Hastings : Why don't you go to hell! Canaan : Well, that'll do. Movie Title: The Chocolate War (1988) as Bill Carter: Archie Costello : You've disobeyed the Viglis once already Jerry. This calls for punishment. Now, we the Vigils don't believe in physical violence, but we've found it necessary to have a punishment code. The punishment is usually worse then the assignment. We can make your life sad. But we're letting you off easy Jerry. Tomorrow, we're simply asking you to sell the chocolates. Bill Carter : We're not asking Archie, we're telling! Movie Title: Full Metal Jacket (1987) as Animal Mother: Animal Mother : You a photographer? Private Joker : I'm a combat correspondent. Animal Mother : Well you seen much combat? Private Joker : I've seen a little on TV. Animal Mother : You're a real comedian. Private Joker : Well they call me Joker. Animal Mother : Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole. Private Joker : Well pilgrim, only after you eat the peanuts out of my shit. Animal Mother : You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk? Animal Mother : If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang. Animal Mother : Well, if you ask me, uh, we're shooting the wrong gooks. T.H.E. Rock : You're going home now. Crazy Earl : Semper fi. Donlon : We're mean marines, sir. Private Eightball : Go easy, bros. Animal Mother : Better you than me. Private Joker : Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me? Private Cowboy : Hey, start the cameras. This is "Vietnam - the Movie." Private Eightball : Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne. I'll be a horse. Donlon : T.H.E. Rock can be a rock. T.H.E. Rock : I'll be Ann-Margret. Doc Jay : Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo. Crazy Earl : I'll be General Custer. Private Rafterman : Well, who'll be the Indians? Animal Mother : Hey, we'll let the gooks play the Indians. Animal Mother : All fucking niggers must fucking hang. [being interviewed] Animal Mother : What do I think about the U.S. involvement in the war? We should win it. [after Joker kills the sniper] Animal Mother : [laughs] Hey joker, we ought to put you up for the congressional medal of... ugly! ha-ha! Donlon : Hard core man, hard core. Animal Mother : Oh, fuck you! Fuck the lot of you! Movie Title: My Bodyguard (1980) as Ricky Linderman: Melvin Moody : You broke my nose! Ricky Linderman : It looks better that way! Movie Title: Angel: The Series (1999) as Marcus Hamilton: Marcus Hamilton : Let me say this as clearly as I can. You cannot beat me. I am a part of them. The Wolf, Ram, and Hart. Their strength flows through my veins. My blood is filled with their ancient power. Angel : Can you pick out the one word there you probably shouldn't have said? Movie Title: Firefly: The Series (2002) as Jayne: Jayne : [into radio] Testing. Captain, can you hear me? Mal : I'm standing right here. Jayne : [into radio] You're coming in good and loud, too. Mal : 'Cause I'm standing right here. Jayne : You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here. Jayne : You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here. Now we're finishing this deal, and then maybe maybe we'll come back for those morons who got themselves caught. [Starts breathing heavily] Jayne : You can't change that by getting all... [His voice slows] Jayne : ... bendy. Wash : [not understanding the bendy thing] All what? Jayne : [obviously drugged] You've got the light... from the console... keep you, lift you up. They shine like... [tries to catch the light in his hands] Jayne : ... little angels... [Jayne collapses with a thud. The crew just stares] Wash : Did he just go crazy and fall asleep? Simon : I told him to sit down. Jayne : Time for some thrilling heroics. Mal : Can't get paid if you're dead. Jayne : Can't get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither. I got a share of this job. Ten percent of nothin' is, let me do the math here... nothin' and a nothin', carry the nothin'... [Jayne is trying to trade his favorite gun for Mal's new wife] Mal : She's a human being. She has a name. Jayne : So is this. I call her Vera. [flipping through Simon's journal] Jayne : "Dear diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy... Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever." Wash : So... two days in a hospital. That's awful. Don't you just hate doctors? Simon : Hey. Wash : I mean, present company excluded. Jayne : Let's not be excluding people. That'd be rude. [repeated throughout the episode "War Stories"] Jayne : I'll be in my bunk. Mal : I know it's a difficult mission, but you and I have to get it on. Zoë : I understand. We have no choice. Take me sir. Take me hard. Jayne : Now somethin' about that is just downright unsettlin'. Jayne : So, like, never? Book : Well, no. Jayne : Not ever, never? Book : Some orders allow shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path. Jayne : But you still got the urge. They don't... cut it off or nothin'? Book : No, I'm more or less intact. I just direct my energy elsewhere. Jayne : You mean like masturbatin'? Jayne : Let's move this conversation in a not-Jayne's-fault direction. Zoë : Where's River now? Mal : In her room, which I'm thinking we bolt from the outside from now on. Wash : That's a little extreme, isn't it? Jayne : Anyone remember her comin' at me with a butcher's knife? Wash : [smiling] Wacky fun. Zoë : Sir, I know she's unpredictable, but I don't think she'd harm anyone. Jayne : Butcher's knife. Zoë : Anyone we can't spare. Jayne : If wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak. Badger : The situation is... fluid. Jayne : The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay our wage. Mal : You've only got to scare him. Jayne : Pain is scary. Zoë : We're getting him back. Jayne : [staring at Mal's severed ear] What are we going to do - clone him? Mal : Now all we need are some patients. Simon : Corpses. For this to work River and I will have to be dead. Jayne : I'm starting to like this plan. Jayne : [drinking tea] This ain't bad. Badger : There's a trick to it. Wood alcohol. Mal : So now we're favored guests, treated to beverages that make you blind. Mal : Looks can be deceiving. Jayne : Not as deceiving as a low down, dirty deceiver. Mal : Well said. Wasn't that well said, Zoe? Zoë : It had a kinda poetry to it. Jayne : Hey, do you have any funny whorin' stories? Inara : Oh, do I ever. Funny and sexy. You have no idea. And you never will. Jayne : What we need is a diversion. I say Zoe gets nekked. Wash : No. Jayne : I could get nekked...? Zoë : No. Wash : No. Jayne : Are you saying River's a witch? Wash : Yes, Jayne, she's a witch. She's had congress with the Beast. Jayne : She's in Congress? Wash : How did your brain even learn human speech? Jayne : Don't see much point getting involved in other people's trouble's without an up front price negotiation. Zoë : As I said, no one's forcing you to go, this job is purely speculative. Jayne : Good, don't know these people don't care to. Mal : They're whores. Jayne : I'm in. Simon : What happened in here? Jayne : Needed to find some tape. Simon : So you had to tear my infirmary apart? Jayne : Apparently. Jayne : Mal! Looks like we got us some imminent violence! Zoë : If I'm gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink. Wash : You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress? Jayne : I'll chip in. Mal : You could've gotten off with the shepherd for some meditation at the Bathgate Abbey. Jayne : Beats just sittin'. Wash : It IS just sitting. Jayne : [to Simon] Little Kaylee here just wishes you was a gynecologist. [Jayne laughs] Mal : Jayne, you will keep a civil tongue in that mouth, or I will sew it shut. Is there an understanding between us? Jayne : You don't pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets lubed up over some big-city dandy... Mal : Walk away from this table. Right now. [Jayne loads his plate with food and leaves] Simon : What do you pay him for? Mal : What? Simon : I was just wondering what his job is - on the ship. Mal : Public relations. [Simon prepares some bad rice] River : I don't want it. Simon : River, you have to eat. It's good. It tastes like... [Simon samples rice and grimaces] Simon : It's good. Jayne : It smells like crotch. Jayne : Well, as a rule I say girlfolk ain't to be trusted. River : Jayne is a girl's name. Jayne : Well, Jayne ain't a girl! If she starts in on that girl's name thing, I'll show her good and all I got man parts. Jayne : Far as I see it, you people been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered a human soul in this crap-heel 'verse. But you took that end, and you - well, you took it. And that's - Well, I guess that's somethin'. [on merchandise they've just stolen] Wash : I'd say worth a little risk. Jayne : Yeah, that was some pretty risky sittin' ya did there. Wash : That's right, of course. Because they wouldn't arrest me if we got boarded. I'm just the pilot. I could always say that I was flying the ship by accident. Jayne : Whoo! My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly around the room, there's so much tasty in here. Wash : Would be you'd get your most poetical about your pecker. Jayne : Mm. They call it mudder's milk. All the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus fifteen percent alcohol. Wash : It's horrific. Simon : Worked for the Egyptians. Mal : [about cattle] You know, they walk just as easy if you lead 'em. Jayne : I like smackin' 'em. Jayne : Hey, you know, we'd have been back first, except there's somethin' wrong with Inara's shuttle. She done somethin' to it, Mal. It smells funny. Inara : I told you, that's incense. Jayne : So you say. Wash : But these apples are healthsome and good. Jayne : Yeah, grenades cost extra. Jayne : [about his mother's homemade hat] How's it sit? Pretty cunning, don't you think? Jayne : Well, I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking. Inara : No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking. Jayne : [over radio] Oh, now, girl, that is just plain dirty. Mal : [into radio] Jayne, you are aware your radio's transmittin'? 'Cause I don't feel particularly girlish or dirty at the moment. Kaylee : Jayne, open the port jet control. [nods towards it] Kaylee : Cut the hydraulics. Jayne : [looks around] Where the hell is it it? Kaylee : [points] Look! Look! Look where I'm pointing! Kaylee : It was your makeout session that got us into this, sir. Mal : I was poisoned! Inara : You were drugged. Jayne : That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth. Jayne : [to his gun] See Vera? Dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun. |
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