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 Christopher Masterson QuotationMovie Title: Dragonheart: A New Beginning (2000) as Geoffrey: Geoffrey : It is not like pride is one of those seven deadly sins or anything. Mansel : Actually it is. Mansel : Drake is an innocent, he is easily mislead! Geoffrey : Don't worry. I'll protect him. Mansel : Who will protect him from you? Geoffrey : And then we can come back and be more famous than Bowen and Draco. All you have to do is just, open your wings... Drake : I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here. I like it. If it's so easy, why don't you show me how to do it. Geoffrey : No, it would've been better for everybody if I was the dragon and you were the stableboy. Drake : Go ahead, I'd like to see that. Geoffrey : Stupid dragon! Movie Title: Malcolm in the Middle (2000) as Francis: Francis : Okay, I'm going to show you guys the coolest thing you have even seen. Get me some lighter fluid, a waffle iron, and one of Dewey's stuffed animals, the furrier the better. Francis : Did you guys see Circus break that cinder block with his head? That's a good lesson for you guys: it didn't break the first six times, but did he quit trying? No sir... Commandant Spangler : Ahh, passive resistance. The last resort for slackers and sissies. Francis : What about Ghandi? Commandant Spangler : Sissy. Reese's History Teacher: I don't see why you would sacrifice the good son for, well, Reese. Lois : You don't think I would give this one up? Let me tell you something. I would sell Malcolm down the river in a heartbeat for Reese. Sure, he might have to go to Blue Collar or something but he'll do fine. Reese is the one who needs saving. History Teacher: Nobody could be that cruel to their own son. [Francis appears in the window] Francis : Mom. Please let me come home. I'm cold and I'm hungry. Please, I'll fix the roof, I'll paint the house. I'll do anything Mom, just please let me be warm again. Reese , Malcolm : Happy Dance, Happy Dance, we love to do the Happy Dance. Francis : Happier. Reese , Malcolm : Happy Dance, Happy Dance, we love to do the Happy Dance. Lois : [on phone] Hey Francis. How's school? Francis : Oh, couldn't be better, mom. My new roommate showed me how to kill mice with a hammer yesterday, so between that and the general atmosphere of simmering homoeroticism, I think I'm really starting to turn around. Otto : Oh. Darling, I didn't want you to see me in my fury. Gretchen : Otto, I love your fury. Francis, isn't his fury magnificent? Francis : I... try not to look at his fury. [Malcolm learned to enjoy life and to stop thinking] Francis : [on the phone] Malcolm, you gotta help me. Is there a scientific way to prove if ice cream can be used as sunscreen? Malcolm : What's the flavor? Francis : I don't know. Malcolm : Is it chocolate? Francis : I don't know. Why are you asking? Is it going to be different if it's chocolate? Malcolm : No. I just like chocolate. Francis : Uhh, Malcolm, you didn't find that coffee can in the garage by any chance, did you? Francis : Oh, great, a one-way street. How does that work if I'm going backwards? Lois : We're on our way to Aunt Helen's funeral. Francis : Aunt Helen died? Lois : Well, I sure hope so, we're going to her funeral. Grandma Ida : You do this to torture me? To hurt me? Francis : You don't like Christmas music? Grandma Ida : It sounds like the song they sang when they would run through the villages and throw the babies into the fire. Francis : They sang Jingle Bells? Grandma Ida : They sang something. Piama : My husband is being disrespected by a woman who isn't fit to eat the crap between your toes. Someone ought to cut that woman's belly open with a rusty knife and strangle her with her own entrails." Francis : I love you, too. Francis : Dad, I know what you're going to say, and believe me, I totally agree with you. There is no excuse for what I did. It was idiotic, immature, totally reckless, and I'm really sorry. I'm just hoping against hope that you will give me another chance, which I admit I don't deserve. If you could just find it in your heart to forgive me, I know I could earn your trust back. It's not like it was even our car. [The end of Francis' bedtime story to a group of young children] Francis : And the little boy, about your age, was found hanging in the moonlight. Strangled by his own intestines. And there was just enough life left in him to say, (Points at all the children) 'YOU'RE NEXT.' Ida : [knocking on the front door] Are you going to open the door, or should I lie down in the grass and feed the worms? Francis : Oh, great. Who opened the gates of Hell? Francis : There has to be some way to get rid of her. Piama : All we know is she doesn't burn. Francis : Dewey, there's a principle I learned in military school. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the guy who can't run fast. Francis : Is there some scientific way to find out if something is pudding without actually tasting it? Malcolm : I don't believe it. You've turned into Mom. Francis : Yeah? Well, sometimes Mom's right. Reese : You take that back. Francis : Okay, and now you're smiling, which means in about two seconds I'm going to look like a jackass. Piama : [indicating note from boys] I'm afraid it starts off a little antagonistic. Francis : [reading] Is that last word 'lick' or 'wipe?' Piama : I think you're safe either way. Francis : [having lit a huge firecracker] Did it say when our vision would come back? Reese : Box said two days. Francis : Totally worth it. Merl: Our ranch has used this trail for over fifty years. We're not about to stop for a bunch of city boys playing 'horsey.' Francis : Look, just because it's a dude ranch doesn't mean I don't bust my ass the same as you. [cell phone suddenly rings in musical fashion] Earl: Hey, cowboy, your fanny-pack's ringing. Francis : We might consider trying to reach a compromise. Otto : Do I look French to you ? Francis : Good job, dipwad. You got me in the nards. Hal : You are a wonderful mother and you're a wonderful person. Francis : [On the phone] Hey Mom, it's Francis. I just want you to know that I am disgusted with the way you treat Grandma. Abandoning a helpless old woman on Christmas. I hope you're ashamed of yourself. Francis : What are these doing in your closet? Grandma Ida : They're gifts. For the family, for relatives. For friends. Francis : But you never give presents... Oh my God, Donatello with pizza-throwing action? I wanted one of these when I was six. Grandma Ida : I know you did. I bought that for you. And then, right before Christmas, your mommy put you on the phone, you called me "poopie" and hung up. Francis : Isn't that the bread maker Mom asked for last year? Grandma Ida : If she wants bread so much, she should write back when her mother writes to her. This was for Cousin Nicola. I spent a day shopping for it, then she marries a Protestant. That camera, for your father, right before he refused to drive me to the liquor store. All the nice things I do for people. Francis : Oh my God, you're crazy. I just thought you were evil, but you are nuts. Grandma, gifts aren't conditional. They're gifts. You give them to people because you love them. They're not something you can take away because of some petty slight. You're not teaching people anything, you haven't gotten back at them. They don't even know they've upset you. All you've done here is constructed a monument to your own insanity. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DOES THAT? Grandma Ida : A lonely, bitter old woman. Look what I've done. What use is all these things to me now? They could've brought somebody some happiness and instead they rot here. [Sarcastically] Grandma Ida : Oh. My hear... My heart. I think it's... Melting. Yes, it's melting. You've showed me the way, Francis, by yelling at me. Quick, go get my magic sled. And me and my reindeers will go and give Christmas to other mean, rude, stupid people. We'll all join hands and sing songs and we'll sprinkle the ingrates with fairy dust and... Francis : I'm working for a moron. Lois : Of course you are, honey. Your boss is an idiot, your co-workers are incompetent and you are underappreciated. Welcome to the working world. Malcolm : Mom said you ratted on us about Dewey's bike. But she's probably just mixed up, right? Because you're our big brother and you wouldn't do something like that... Francis? Francis : You don't know what kind of pressure I was under. I... Malcolm : YOU BUTT-WIPE! How could you? Francis : Put Justin on the phone. Justin: You the man, Francis! You the man! Francis : Put Richie back on the phone. Malcolm : Hey, you can tear up the house if you want, with my mom here and explain it to her, or you can quit and slink away like the monosolavic mouth breathers you are. Francis : What did he say? Richie : He said alot of things. Malcolm : You know, Francis, we never actually intended to show that letter to Mom. We were just trying to scare you. Francis : I know, you guys would never do that to me. Malcolm : But if she did see the letter, you know it was an accident, right? Francis : Yeah, but Richie has the letter. Please tell me Richie has the letter. Malcolm : Richie has coupons. Mom has the letter. But like I said, it was just an accident. I swear. Francis : So the thing you were threatening to do all day but had no intention of doing you did but didn't mean to? [Francis is being pursued by a gang and calls home] Francis : [over answering machine] Mom. Dad. Sorry I gotta whisper, but I'm calling from inside a washing... Hey, guys. What are you doing with those quarters? No! No! NO! [screams] Francis : There. Finished. Reese : It's never been this clean before. Malcolm : Uh-Oh. It's too clean. Francis : You're right. She'll never buy it. Francis : [finds cadet Finley in a cupboard] Finley, what are you doing in here? Cadet Finley : Poquito Cabeza! Francis : Get out of there. Cadet Finley : I can't. I've been marked by the Brothers of the Apocalypse! Francis : Please. Five seniors with limited imaginations. Cadet Finley : Easy for you to say. You've got Stanley protecting you, and you're not holding Poquito Cabeza. Francis : Would you stop saying "Poquito Cabeza" so much? Cadet Finley : I can't. Poquito Cabeza! Would you turn in my math homework for me? Francis : [Erasing Finley's name and writing his own] Poor Finley. He's good at math, right? Brothers of the Apocalypse: [chanting] Finley, Boom-ba-yay. Finley, Boom-ba-yay. Cadet Finley : [Gets carried away by gang] Oh no. AAH! Cadet Stanley : Hold it. Froot Loops? [Finley hands him a cereal box] Cadet Stanley : Continue. Cadet Finley : [as gang continues to chant] No! No! NO! Movie Title: Scary Movie 2 (2001) as Buddy: Buddy : Are you OK, Dwight? Dwight Hartman : I can't... I can't feel my legs. [pause] Dwight Hartman : Aaahahaha, I can't feel my legs. Ray Wilkins : You never could. Dwight Hartman : You stay out of this, all right? |
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