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 Gerrit Graham QuotationMovie Title: Phantom of the Paradise (1974) as Beef: Beef : I know drug real from real real. Beef : Can't you feel the vibes in your own house, man? Bad, sport, real bad. The karma in here is so thick, you need an aqualung to breathe. Beef : There really is a phantom. He was just in my shower. He threatened my life. He said his music was for Phoenix. Only she can sing it. Anyone else who tries, dies. Beef : Look, Philbin, I am a professional. I have been in this business a long time. Now if I don't want to do a show, it's not because I got stage fright. It's because some creature from beyond doesn't want me to do the show. Now gangway. Beef : Swan, this was scored for a chick. I'm not doing it in drag. Beef : Speed? Arnold Philbin : Yeah. Beef : What do you know about it? You just pass the stuff out, I take it. Beef : You trying to tell me you didn't hear that shriek? That was something trying to get out of its premature grave, and I don't want to be here when it does. Beef : Man, you better get yourself a castrato for this, 'cause it's a little out of my range. Movie Title: Class Reunion (1982) as Bob Spinnaker: Bob Spinnaker : My father didn't keep me out of Vietnam so that I could die in my own high school! Movie Title: Now and Again (1999) as Roger Bender: [Dr. Morris allows Roger to believe he's God.] Dr. Theodore Morris : You know who I am, don't you? So you know what I'm capable of, don't you? Then hear me, friend. If you breathe a word of what you've seen tonight-- if you breathe a single syllable of your theory-- I will smite your ass so fast you'll skip fight past heaven and hell and be turned straight into pus. Roger Bender : Pus? Dr. Theodore Morris : Pus. It's got to come from somewhere, right? Movie Title: Child's Play 2 (1990) as Phil: Joanne : I was thinking maybe we should get something for Andy to make him feel more at home. Phil : How about some Valium. Movie Title: The Creature Wasn't Nice (1981) as Rodzinski: Annie McHugh : Remember, a major part of our training was to remain asexual. Rodzinski : I am asexual: a sexual fiend! Annie McHugh : Let's just hope that Dr. Stark is in a better world. Rodzinski : He's in that thing's stomach is where he is! Movie Title: The Critic (1994) as Franklin Sherman / Franklin: Jay Sherman : Mom. Dad. I never made you laugh. Franklin : Well, I did chuckle a bit when you tried to eat that bird and fell over the cliff. Eleanor : No Franklin, that was the Roadrunner. Jay Sherman : No, that was me. Franklin Sherman : I was the head of a trucker's union once. That reminds me, there's a lot of money and some dead bodies buried in the back yard! Franklin Sherman : [after Jay sees his lost son on TV] Just reach in there an pull him out! That's how I met 'the Fonz'! Franklin : I have a new girlfriend for you, son. Her name is Barbie and she lives in Mali-boo. She already has a boyfriend named Ken, but he's not much of a man, [whispering] Franklin : ... I checked. Franklin Sherman : I'm not wearing pants. I was wearing pants, but then they split and now I'm not wearing any. Franklin : Son, as vice president I will stand for honesty, and to prove it, I'll no longer wear this toupee! [Rips the hair off the top of his scalp] Jay Sherman : Dad, you don't wear a toupee. Franklin : I will from now on. Franklin : Oh son, if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times... who are all you people? Franklin : There's a reason there's a banana in my ear. I'm trying to lure the monkey out of my head. Eleanor : Franklin, my life is an endless grey corridor. Franklin : I've been there too. Usually there's a midget making googly eyes at me. I call him Mr. Picolini. Franklin : Great news, Wilson! My wife is happy! Owl: Who? Franklin : My wife, Eleanor. Owl: Who? Franklin : My wife, Eleanor. [hours later] Owl: Who? Franklin : My wife, Eleanor. Movie Title: The Man with One Red Shoe (1985) as Carson: Hulse : Here's where he varied from the program. That has to be the message. We fed the notes into the computer. Cooper : [reading] "ARDIE BETGO INDYO CEFAR OGGEL." What the hell is this? Hulse : I don't know. Carson : Oh, come on, can't you see? He's rubbing our noses in it! Let's just pick him up and put an end to it. Cooper : [frowning] Is this "cefar oh-gle" or "cefar oggle"? Hulse : Oh-gle. Cooper : "Oh-gle"? Hulse : Could be "oggle." Carson : How'd it go, sir? Cooper : Great. I haven't felt this good since I overthrew the government of Chile. Movie Title: Used Cars (1980) as Jeff: Jeff : Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head. Rudy : So. Roy L... What can I do you for? Roy L. Fuchs : Uhhh... I'd like to talk to my brother. Rudy : Well, you're gonna have to talk kinda loud. He left for Miami late last night. Roy L. Fuchs : Miami? Rudy : Yeah. Miami Beach. Roy L. Fuchs : Miami Beach? Jeff : Florida. Roy L. Fuchs : I know where the fuck Miami Beach is, dummy. [President Carter on TV] President Carter : -high inflation. What is the solution? [TV cuts to commercial for Luke's yard taking place in Roy's yard] Jeff : You want the solution to inflation? Hi, friends. Marshall Lucky here for New Deal Used Cars, where we're lowering inflation not only by fighting high prices, not only by murdering high prices, but by blowing the living shit out of high prices. Yessir. Here's an example. It's a 1972 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, for sixty-two ninety-nine. That price is too high. [shoots car] Jeff : Yessir. Here's another one. It's a Lincoln Continental, Mark IV, 1973. It's loaded. It's got air conditioning. It's got a stereo. It's got white-wall radial tires. It's got power steering, power brakes, power seats, power windows. And a price that is just too high. [shoots car] Jeff : Yessir. [Jim appears on car behind him in costume] Jim : YAAAAAAHHHH. Freddie : [on microphone] Look out, Marshall Lucky. It's High Prices. Jeff : Take this, you dirty ol' High Prices. ["shoots" Jim, who puts on a very convincing act] Jim : AHHHH. Ya got me Marshall. Ahhhhh... Jeff : [shocked] Jesus Christ. [winks at screen] Jeff : Yessir, that's New Deal Used Cars... Now wait just a Goddamn minute. What the hell is this? Is this a 1974 Mercedes 450SL for *twenty-four thousand dollars*? That's too fucking high. [blows up car with dynamite. Roy watches at home] Roy : You sonova bitch. Jeff : [laughs] Yessir. We blew the shit out of that over-priced motherfucker just the way we blow the shit out of *all* high prices, down here at New Deal Used Cars. So y'all come on down. Did you hear what I said? New Deal Used Cars. So y'all come on down. Did you hear what I said? [TV cuts back to President] President Carter : I have heard you, with unmistakable clarity... Roy : You sonova bitch. [kicks TV and electrocutes himself] [Jeff, as Marshall Lucky on a T.V. commercial] Jeff : You want the solution to inflation? Hi, friends! Marshall Lucky here for New Deal Used Cars, where we're battling inflation not only by fighting high prices, not only by murdering high prices, but by blowing the living shit out of high prices. Yes, sir, you heard me right. Jeff : Now wait just a goddamn minute here! What the hell is this? Is this a 1977 Mercedes 450 SL for $24,000? That's too fucking high! Jeff : Yes, sir, we blew the shit out of that overpriced motherfucker just the way we blow the shit out of all high prices down here at New Deal Used Cars. So, y'all come on down. Rudy : Luke told me that if you came around here to have you arrested for trespassing. Now, are you going to leave, or are we going to have to call the cops? Jeff : Yeah, do we have to call the cops? Roy L. Fuchs : What are you, a fucking parrot? Sam Slaton : Come on, Roy. Let's go. Roy L. Fuchs : Suck-ass son of a bitch. FBI Inspector : You want to give me that again? Jeff : Uh, well, yes. As I say, Inspector, I heard this large explosion and I rushed out, I couldn't tell what was going on. I saw the car over there in flames and all these strange little characters, you know, with towels on their heads, weird little goatees and stuff, running around yelling: "Ayatollah, Ayatollah." Then they all got in a car and drove away. I guess it was Iranian students out to discredit the American way of life. I can't imagine who else would do such a thing. |
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