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 Marlon Wayans QuotationMovie Title: Senseless (1998) as Darryl Witherspoon / Daryll Witherspoon: Darryl Witherspoon : Good afternoon freshmen, freshwomen, and people of freshness. Daryll Witherspoon : They killed my baby! He got involved with that whole east coast-west coast thing, and being that he is from Chicago they BOTH banged on him! Darryl Witherspoon : Oh, I really want to thank you all for helping me with my campus maintenance duties. I think it's a beautiful thing. But remember, plastic goes in the blue, paper in the green. Darryl Witherspoon : Yo sir! Yo! Difference of opinion here. Economics Professor : Uh, Darryl. And we can do without the yo-ing. Darryl Witherspoon : What he's saying is let's help people by firing them. Now this seems to me, ebonically speaking, wack. Scott Thorpe : Perhaps Darryl does have a special insight into the blue-collar or, should I say, hairnet mentality. Darryl Witherspoon : Good afternoon freshmen, freshwomen, and people of freshness. Daryll Witherspoon : They killed my baby. He got involved with that whole east coast-west coast thing, and being that he is so Chicago they BOTH banged on him! Darryl Witherspoon : Oh, I really want to thank you all for helping me with my campus maintenance duties. I think it's a beautiful thing. But remember, plastic goes in the blue, paper in the green. Darryl Witherspoon : Yo sir! Yo! Difference of opinion here. Economics Professor : Uh, Darryl. And we can do without the yo-ing. Darryl Witherspoon : What he's saying is let's help people by firing them. Now this seems to me, ebonically speaking, wack. Scott Thorpe : Perhaps Darryl does have a special insight into the blue-collar or, should I say, hairnet mentality. Darryl Witherspoon : AH! PISS ON ME! I'M ON FIRE! Movie Title: Requiem for a Dream (2000) as Tyrone C. Love / Tyrone: Tyrone C. Love : California, here we come. Harry Goldfarb : It's Florida, Ty. Florida. Tyrone C. Love : California, Florida, whatever. Either way, your pale ass is getting a tan. Harry Goldfarb : This is our only change to make it big. Tyrone C. Love : C'mon baby let's do this... naturally. Tyrone : (about the TV) Shit, this muthafucka's startin' to look a little seedy, man. Harry : What's the matter, you particular all the sudden? Tyrone : Hey, baby, I don't care if the motherfucker's growing hair just so long as we get our braid. Movie Title: Dungeons & Dragons (2000) as Snails: Snails : I've got a new word for "stupid" now: "Ridley"! This is the Ridleyest thing I've ever heard! [While scaling the towers of the magic school, to Ridley] Snails : Why don't we just rob God while we're up here. Snails : I thought you said this was going to be easy. Ridley : No, I said it wasn't impossible. Snails : See that's the same thing you said when we robbed that halfling's house. And who did he catch? Me. And who did he beat from the waist down? Me. Ridley : Are you gonna jump? Snails : You gonna catch me? Ridley : I'm gonna catch you. Snails : Promise? Ridley : I promise. Now jump. Snails : All right. [There is a noise off to the side and Ridley turns around as Snails falls to the ground.] Ridley : Sorry, I though I heard something. Snails : You did. Me hitting the ground. [Marina Pretensa ties up Ridley and Snails with magic rope] Snails : She must've put some kind of holding spell into that bracelet. Ridley : Yeah, must be the only way she can get guys to come home with her. Marina Pretensa : I'll have to put a feeble mind spell on myself to want to take you home. Ridley : We gotta save Marina. Snails : Wait. What about the dwarf? Ridley : You get the dwarf. I get the girl. Snails : Wait, how come I always got to get the dwarf? Norda: How old are you? Snails : Twenty-three. Yeah, I know I'm a little young for you, but what if I get my hnds on an aging potion, huh? I'll sacrifice a couple of years for you. Norda: I'm two hundred and thirty-four. [Ridley recites an incantation, hoping to decode a scroll] Ridley : Alanor, salah, bedara! [Nothing happens. Hands scroll to Marina] Ridley : Can't blame me for trying. At least I... [Ridley is sucked into the map] Snails : Woo hoo! I knew that boy had talent! Movie Title: The Ladykillers (2004) as Gawain MacSam: Gawain MacSam : You brought your bitch to the Waffle Hut? [to Garth] Gawain MacSam : Fuck you *and* the Swiss Miss! Garth Pancake : Do you know who the Freedom Riders were, MacSam? Gawain MacSam : No, and I don't give a fuck. Just tell me when the fuck they gonna leave. Gawain MacSam : Would you tell this muthafucka he can sew this shit back on? It's like that dude whose wife cut his dick off, threw it on the freeway? She just called Triple A, they towed the dick and sewed the muthafucka back on. Listen up, jackass, I saw the muthafucka in a porno, the thang still worked, it looked like a chewed-up frank, but that little muthafucka be workin' that muthafucka. It's mangly, but he be fuckin' the bitch all kind of ways with a twisted dick. Movie Title: The Wayans Bros. (1995) as Marlon Williams: Shawn Williams : I was reading in the trades the other day and they're looking for a young, hip, energetic black guy on 'Beverly Hills 90210'. Marlon Williams : A burglar? Shawn Williams : Yeah. Movie Title: Scary Movie (2000) as Shorty: Brenda : Shorty, what are you doing driving? I know you ain't got no papers. Shorty : I got papers, blunts, blongs, blokes, anything to make a high nigga pie! Brenda : Shorty, if you go to class once in a while you would learn. Shorty : I do go to class. Brenda : Shorty, lunch is not a class. Shorty : It is if you got the munchies! Shorty : Someone's gone all crazy out here. There's blood, guts and asses everywhere man! Bobby : Well... We all go a little crazy sometimes. [Bobby shoot Shorty in the chest] Cindy Campbell : No! Shorty : [Lying on the ground] Oh, Cindy he shot me in the lung. [Smoke is coming out of the wound] Shorty : Wanna hit this shit? Gail Hailstorm : What would have been your last words to the victim? Shorty : RUN BITCH! RUN! [Press is interviewing Shorty on Drew Decker's death] Shorty : I'm on TV! Oh shit! First 'Cops' now this? Oh man, I'm gonna be a star, son! Reporter #1 : What can you tell us about the victim? Shorty : Well, she had the phat ass! It was like BANG! Reporter #2 : How close were you to the victim? Shorty : REAL close. Until the roofies wore off. Then she woke up and talked about pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue out of her ass and left. Reporter #1 : What would've been your last words to Drew? Shorty : Run buitch, RUN! Killer: [Rap singing] I'm gonna slash and gash, cut another hole in your ass. I spill blood on the walls, then play tennis with your balls. If the phone rings, don't answer the call. Gonna slit your throat, fuck you like a goat, peal your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace! [camera pulls back to reveal all of Shorty's friends dead] Shorty : Yo! That was the silliest rhyme I ever seen! Gail Hailstorm : What can you tell us about the victim? Shorty : Well, she had a phat ass! It was like BANG! Shorty : Yo, man. It's like I seen all this shit before. Cindy Campbell : They had a killer at you high school, Shorty? Shorty : No, it was in that movie- Scream. Same dialogue everything. That shit is ill! Shorty : I'm on TV! Oh shit! First Cops now this! I'm gonna be a star, son! Gail Hailstorm : How close were you to the victim? Shorty : Oh, real close. 'Til the Roofies wore off, then she woke up and was all talking 'bout pressing charges. So, I pulled my tounge out of her ass and left. Shorty : Yo' mama! Brenda : You're my brother, it's the same thing jackass! Shorty : Oh yeah, well then yo' fatha! Brenda : Yeah? Well, I don't know him! Movie Title: Scary Movie 2 (2001) as Shorty Meeks: Shorty Meeks : Shut the fuck up, son! Dwight Hartman : Let's split up. Brenda Meeks : Hold up! How come when anything bad happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say split up? Theo : She's right, we should stick together. Dwight Hartman : OK. [pointing to the white people in the grou] Dwight Hartman : You, you and you, come with me. Shorty Meeks : Ain't that a bitch. [The three of them begin to cry] Brenda Meeks : We gonna die, y'all. Shorty Meeks : No. I need a place to stay! Momma Dukes kicked me out! Shorty Meeks : Yeah! [Rips out a page from his history book] Shorty Meeks : Free papers! [Rolls a joint with the page] Shorty Meeks : NOOOOOO! PLEASE GOD NOOO! NOT A POLTERGEIST! What's a poltergeist? Shorty Meeks : [Walks over to a caged parrot] Hey! Wuz up, little guy? Polly wanna cracker? Little Bird : No, Polly wants yo momma's sweet ass! Movie Title: White Chicks (2004) as Marcus Copeland: Heather Vandergeld : Your mother is so stupid, that she started exercising to lose weight, when she could just get a liposuction, or something. Marcus Copeland : [as Tiffany Wilson] You wanna talk about our mothers, oh, ok Marcus Copeland : [as Tiffany Wilson] Well, your mother's so old, that her breast milk, is actually powder, see, she breast feeds like this, [blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh] Heather Vandergeld : This isn't over yet Megan Vandergeld : Yeah, This is a long weekend, you better watch your back Kevin Copeland : [walking up to the hotel desk clerk] Hi, Brittany and Tiffany Wilson checking in. [knocks an assortment of things over that were laying on the desk with his fake breasts] Kevin Copeland : Sorry, they're new. Marcus Copeland : Yeah, the doctor did an AMAZING job, they feel SO real [squeezes fake breasts] [Marcus, dressed as Tiffany, lays down to tan, and closes eyes] Marcus Copeland : [as Tiffany Wilson] Ah, What a beautiful sunny day [Latrell walks over and blocks the sun] Latrell Spencer : Easy White chocolate, wouldn't want you to melt [Latrell walks away] Marcus Copeland : Uh huh, Hasta la vista Shawrtsennegro! Movie Title: Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood (1996) as Loc Dog: Loc Dog : How much for these chips? Korean Woman : Das five dala! Loc Dog : Five dollars? Damn! I better get some sucky-sucky with that! Loc Dog : Everyone in the hood been up in her! She got more kids than Mrs. Wayans! [While filling out job application] Loc Dog : Name: Loc Dog, baby. Height: Six-deuce! Age: 19. Father's name: mmm... I dunno. Sex: hell yeah, nigga! Salary desired: 3 million dollars! Cash! Loc Dog : Well, I can see how a pretty little woman like yourself can make a man a little sick- I mean, nervous! Loc Dog : "The Dog" don't bite... unless ya ask. [His friend died because he smoke a powerful joint] Loc Dog : Yo, pass that shit! Movie Title: The Sixth Man (1997) as Kenny: Kenny : I'm gonna call the Ghostbusters on you're ass! |
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