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 Ice Cube QuotationMovie Title: Ghosts of Mars (2001) as James Williams: James Williams : That's the second time I've saved your life. Melanie Ballard : Yeah, run a tab. James Williams : Tide's up. Time to stay alive. Movie Title: Barbershop (2002) as Calvin: Calvin : Ray! I told you to stop coming in here soliciting. Are you retarded or something? Ray-Ray : No. Calvin : Are you stupid, simple, or slow; which one? Terri : Who drank my goddamn apple juice? Calvin : Whoa! Terri, stop cussing. This ain't Def Comedy Jam! Calvin : Terri, stop cussing. This ain't Def Comedy Jam. Calvin : You see that? That right there is Oprah's house. [Hustling his goods] Ray-Ray : DVDs! CDs! Calvin : Not today, man... Ray-Ray : Got Cristal, MoÎt! Whatever you want, man! [DMX impersonation] Ray-Ray : Got dat new DMX, baby! Jimmy : Let me tell you somethin'... you will *never* own a Black barbershop! Isaac : I will if I want to. Terri : If Tony Roma can make ribs better than Black people, Isaac can own a Black barbershop... Calvin : Wait a minute... "ribs better than Black people?" Jimmy : Tony Roma boils his ribs! That is *not* authentic! Dinka : Tony Roma is delicious! I don't see White or Black... I just see red sauce on everyt'ing! Movie Title: Barbershop 2: Back in Business (2004) as Calvin: [Calvin is about to eat a biscuit] Miss Emma: Say grace first! Calvin : Oh, uh... "Jesus wept". Miss Emma: Why? Calvin : Why what? Miss Emma: Why did Jesus weep? Calvin : 'Cuz he was sad. Miss Emma: *Why* was he sad? Calvin : 'Cuz he was sad 'cuz they ain't let him eat his biscuit... Calvin : [to his calm baby son] One day this shop's gonna be yours. [his baby son starts to cry loudly] Movie Title: Higher Learning (1995) as Fudge: Fudge : Don't read them damn books for them classes and shit. Remy : How would you feel if I came in your room and I started playing my music. Fudge : I wouldn't feel anything. Remy : Why not? Fudge : 'Cause I'll whoop your ass. That's why. Movie Title: All About the Benjamins (2002) as Bucum: Bucum : Shoot out the back tire! Reggie : Who do you think I am, Mel Gibson? Bucum : There's a whole lotta money out there. All I gotta do is put my name on it. Bucum : Now I believe you about the missing wallet, but the lotto, Uh-uh. Bucum : This is it, man. You're going to fucking jail. Bucum : Reggie, I love you. But I gotta take you in! Reggie : Come on, man! Bucum : Punk-ass Mini-Me. Movie Title: Friday After Next (2002) as Craig Jones: Craig Jones : Ho-ho, Motherfucker! Craig Jones , Day-Day : YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT! Craig Jones : He looked like Bobby Brown in a goddamn Santa Claus suit. Craig Jones : [To Officer A. Hole] Do your fuckin job! Movie Title: Anaconda (1997) as Danny: Danny : Hold on I think I can blow it up. Danny : That's it, man. I'm getting the hell back to L.A... [Sarone unravels a thirty-five foot snake skin] Danny : What's this? Paul Sarone : Anaconda skin. Danny : There's sankes out there this big? Paul Sarone : This skin is three or four years old, whatever shed it has grown since then. [investigating a wrecked boat] Danny : It's kind of spooky in here. Paul Sarone : You think so? Movie Title: Three Kings (1999) as Chief Elgin: Archie Gates : What's the most important thing in life? Troy Barlow : Respect. Archie Gates : Too dependent on other people. Conrad Vig : What, love? Archie Gates : A little Disneyland, isn't it? Chief Elgin : God's will. Archie Gates : Close. Troy Barlow : What is it then? Archie Gates : Necessity. Troy Barlow : As in? Archie Gates : As in people do what is most necessary to them at any given moment. Archie Gates : Sit down. What do you see here? Chief Elgin : Bunkers, sir. Archie Gates : What's in them? Troy Barlow : Stuff they stole from Kuwait. Archie Gates : Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion. Conrad Vig : You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup? Archie Gates : No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup. Troy Barlow : I'm gonna buy a set of Lexus convertibles in every color. Chief Elgin : I told you, Lexus don't make a convertible. Troy Barlow : I'll bet you a Lexus they do. Chief Elgin : Alright, but it won't be a convertible. Conrad Vig : One gold Rolex would get me a very nice split-level house outside of Garland. Troy Barlow : Five Rolexes would get my family that Lexus convertible. Chief Elgin : I told you, Lexus doesn't make a convertible. Troy Barlow : Yes they do, it has room in the back for a kid's seat. Chief Elgin : Infiniti has a convertible but not Lexus. Troy Barlow : Wrong. Chief Elgin : Either way, the Good Lord has put this map in our path and I believe we're gonna find something. Troy Barlow : Yeah, he could also put a land mine in our path if we go out there. Troy Barlow : Let's just stick to the plan. The plan is for the gold, right? Chief Elgin : Hold on, we can help these people first, and then we can be on our way. [Maj. Gates knows a map has been found in one of an Iraqi soldier's orifices, but isn't sure which] Archie Gates : Good afternoon. Would this be the proctology tent? Chief Elgin : No, sir. Archie Gates : Maybe it's the urology tent. Or the neurology tent. Or the nose and throat tent. Troy Barlow : Captain's at a staff meeting, sir. Archie Gates : Captain of proctologists? Conrad Vig : What's a proctologist, sir? [Conrad retrieved a map from an Iraqi's soldier's butt] Sgt. Troy Barlow : Conrad, you've washed your hands like ten times. Conrad Vig : Lord knows what kind of vermin live in the butt of a Dune Coon. Chief Elgin : Why do you let this cracker hang around with you, man? Sgt. Troy Barlow : He's all right, man. He's from a group home in Dallas. He's got no high school. Conrad Vig : Don't tell people that. Chief Elgin : I don't care if he's from Johannesburg. I don't want to hear Dune Coon or Sand Nigger from him or anybody else. Conrad Vig : Captain uses those terms. Sgt. Troy Barlow : That's not the point, Conrad. The point is that Towel Head and Camel Jockey are perfectly good substitutes. Chief Elgin : Exactly! Archie Gates : You know anything about gunshot wounds? Conrad Vig : I don't know. Archie Gates : Specifically, the worst thing about a gunshot wound, provided you survive the bullet, is something called sepsis. Chief Elgin : Infection of the blood... Archie Gates : That's right. Say a bullet tears into your gut. It creates a cavity in the dead tissue. That cavity fills up with bile, and bacteria, and you're fucked. Movie Title: Torque (2004) as Trey: Trey : Fuck the police! Agent McPherson : [Trey takes off after Ford] Was that a threat? Agent Henderson : I believe it was! Movie Title: Boyz N the Hood (1991) as Doughboy: Doughboy : Ho's gotta eat too. Shalika : Who you callin' a ho', I ain't no ho'. Doughboy : Oops, I'm sorry, bitch. Doughboy : Yeah, I heard you been gettin' that dope-head pussy. See, me, I probably get more pussy than you get air with yo' wannabe macdaddy ass. Shalika : Why is it every time you talk about a female you gotta say bitch, ho, or hootchie? Doughboy : 'Cause that's what you are. Doughboy : We got a problem here? We got a problem, nigga? [Ferris and gang take a step back] Ferris : Put the gun away, nigga. Female Club Member : Can we have one night where there ain't no fightin'; nobody gets shot? Doughboy : Shut up, bitch! [complaining about TV news coverage] Doughboy : Either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about what's going on in the hood. They had all this foreign shit. They didn't have shit on my brother, man. Doughboy : I heard you like Mr. JQ Smooth now. Tre Styles : Yeah, I get a discount on clothes. How do I look? Doughboy : You look like you selling rocks. Doughboy : Turn your punk ass over! Doughboy : Life would be different if God was a bitch. Doughboy : Fool you don't go to college to be talkin' to no bitches. Your black ass 'posed to be learnin' somethin'. Can't learn shit talkin' to no stupid ass bitch. Ricky : Hey D, why don't you go to the store for me. Doughboy : Nigga, I ain't the one she told to go get it, its yo wife. Ricky : Look man, she ain't my wife. Doughboy : She may as well be, Y'all got a family and all. Movie Title: Trespass (1992) as Savon: Savon : You think you king of the street or somethin'. Ain't nobody king of the street. Savon : "King" James. Like he's king of the street or something. Ain't nobody king of the street! It's all about survival! It's all about gettin' yours! It ain't about takin' no chances. And it damn sure ain't about jeopardizing your whole motherfuckin' crew! Vince : Look, I don't wanna get in the middle of no big gang hassle! Savon : Gang? You think we some punk ass gang? King James : I am a businessman. These are my associates. Savon : I told you that motherfucker was scandalous! Now we get to break him off some. Movie Title: Next Friday (2000) as Craig Jones: Craig Jones : What's that smell? Mr. Jones : Must be your upper lip, son, I don't smell nothing. Craig Jones : Look, we cousins and everything, but don't be hooking me up with the *little* sister that's bigger than the *big* sister! Mr. Jones : Now Craig, it's gonna be different living out here. Don't let your Uncle or your cousin get you in any shit. Now you hear me? Craig Jones : Pops I'm grown now, can't nobody get me in trouble no more. Mr. Jones : Well I'm glad you said that son, but since you grown, don't bring your black ass back home. Day-Day : I got the BGs Craig Jones : What's the BGs? Day-Day : The bubble guts, I'm nervous and I'm bout to shit on my self Mailman : So are you like a sports star or something? Craig Jones : Yeah, I play for the Cucamunga Cracker-Killers. You want tickets? Mailman : Hey easy bro! You don't need to call up your posse to do a 187 in my ass. Craig Jones : Look, I'm your cousin an' ev'rything, but don't be hookin' me up with the little sister that's bigger than the big sister! [discussion about Day-Day's ex] Craig Jones : Psycho, huh? She must be worst than Left Eye from TLC or somethin'. Day-Day : Yeah, well, this fat bitch ain't burnin'! Movie Title: Friday (1995) as Craig Jones: Mrs. Jones : Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game. Craig Jones : What do you know about game? I got ALL the game. Mrs. Jones : Now your father... he has game. Mr. Jones : [coming out of the bathroom] Don't nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window. Craig Jones : You call that game? Craig Jones : You better get your ass off your shoulders and make that money. Smokey : Older the berry, the sweeter the juice. Craig Jones : Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice. Smokey : Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too. Craig Jones : We ain't got no sugar. Smokey : No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either ya got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn. Craig Jones : I felt sorry for Smokey, 'cause peer pressure is a motherfucker. Craig Jones : For most people, Friday's just the day before the weekend. But after this Friday, the neighborhood 'll never be the same. Craig Jones : What I'm trippin on, is how you gonna sell bud, when you smoke it? Smokey : I don't know. That's my only problem. Craig Jones : Big Worm gonna fuck you up. Smokey : Big Worm ain't gonna do a goddamn thing, man. Craig Jones : All right... Smokey : Why you not goin' to work? Craig Jones : I got fired yesterday. Smokey : No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday. Craig Jones : I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes. Smokey : The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse? Reverend: What we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins. Smokey : Well round here, between Harmony and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen... Craig Jones : Right... Smokey : Nigga... Reverend: Give me a little for my cataracts. Smokey : You didn't put in on this man. Reverend: What we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins. Smokey : Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen... Craig Jones : Right... Smokey : Nigga... Reverend: Give me a little for my cataracts. Smokey : You didn't put in on this man. Craig Jones : Mom, loan me 200 dollars. Mrs. Jones : Craig, I wouldn't feel comfortable lending you money without a job. Craig Jones : If I had a job, I wouldn't need to borrow any money. Mrs. Jones : Exactly. |
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