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 Judd Nelson QuotationMovie Title: Suddenly Susan (1996) as Jack: Girl in audience: So, do you need a college degree to work in a magazine? Vicki : No, not if you're sleeping with the boss. Susan : Excuse me! Luis : No, don't excuse it Vicki. Jack : Oh, shut up Luis. Luis : No, you shut up. Jack : You shut up. Vicki : [to Jack] You shut up. Todd : [to Vicki] You shut up! Vicki : [to Todd] I'm on your side! Boy in audience: yeah, I'm confused.....which one of you is sleeping with the boss? Jack : Hey, there's your man To-ny. Why don't you go say hi? Susan : Hey handsome. Tony: Will you give it up? I didn't want you last night. I don't want you today. And I wouldn't want you if we were two horny teenagers stranded on a desert island! [Jack must choose between taking Susan on a date and going to a game] Jack : Let's see... [takes out a coin] Susan : You flip that coin, I'll kick your ass. Movie Title: St. Elmo's Fire (1985) as Alec: Alec : You're being arrested for drunk driving. Billy : Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving. Billy : The wet look is in, asshole. Alec : That's Mr. Asshole to you. Alec : You walked out on this relationship. Leslie : I didn't walk out. You walked out. Alec : You fucked Kevin! Leslie : You fucked many! Alec : Nameless, faceless many. Leslie : Thank you. I feel much better now. Kevin : Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is extinct. Alec : Dinosaurs are extinct. Marriage is still around. Movie Title: New Jack City (1991) as Nick Peretti: Nick Peretti : Drugs ain't a black thing, or a white thing. It's a death thing. Death don't give a shit about color. Nick Peretti : Is this one of those black things? Movie Title: Relentless (1989) as Buck: Buck : Was all of it for nothing? Say, they didn't accept me, the psychiatrist said no, and that's it. What do I do now? Please, tell me, what now!? Buck : I called to see if you were home, I have to kill you tonight. Movie Title: The Breakfast Club (1985) as John Bender / John / Bender: [Vernon catches Bender playing basketball in the gym] Bender : Don't you want to hear my excuse? Richard Vernon : Out! Bender : I'm thinkin' of tryin' out for a scholarship. Richard Vernon : You're not fooling anyone Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you. Bender : Eat my shorts. Richard Vernon : What was that? Bender : Eat... My... Shorts. Richard Vernon : You just bought yourself another Saturday. Bender : Ooh I'm crushed. Richard Vernon : You just bought one more. Bender : Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar. Richard Vernon : Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through? Bender : No. Andrew : Speak for yourself. Bender : Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language. [To himself, crawling above some acoustic ceiling tiles] Bender : Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says... [the ceiling gives way] Bender : oh shit. Bender : You know how you said before, how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity? John Bender : Screws just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place. Claire Standish : You know why guys like you knock everything? John Bender : Oh, this should be stunning. Claire Standish : It's because you're afraid. John Bender : Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities. Claire Standish : You're a big coward. Brian Johnson : I'm in a math club. Claire Standish : See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it. John Bender : Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it? Claire Standish : Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us. John Bender : Well, I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs. Andrew Clark : Hey. Let's watch the mouth, huh? Brian Johnson : I'm in the physics club too. John Bender : Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about? Brian Johnson : Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the latin, and the physics club... physics club. John Bender : Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club? Claire Standish : That's an academic club. John Bender : So? Claire Standish : So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs. John Bender : Ah... but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club? Brian Johnson : Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics. John Bender : So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right? Claire Standish : He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him. John Bender : Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. So... so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection? Andrew Clark : If I lose my temper you're totaled, man. John Bender : Totally? Andrew Clark : Totally. John Bender : Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe? John Bender : Don't you ever talk about my friends. You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean. Claire Standish : Shut up. John Bender : And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of school together, you can forget it cuz it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fucking prom. Brian Johnson : I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp? John Bender : No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp. Allison Reynolds : I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either. Claire Standish : You're lying. Allison Reynolds : I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac. Claire Standish : Lie. Brian Johnson : Are your parents aware of this? Allison Reynolds : The only person I told was my shrink. Andrew Clark : And what did he do when you told him? Allison Reynolds : He nailed me. Claire Standish : Very nice. Allison Reynolds : I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him. Claire Standish : He's an adult. Allison Reynolds : Yeah, he's married too. Claire Standish : Do you have any idea how completely gross that is? Allison Reynolds : Well, the first few times... Claire Standish : The first few times? You mean you did it more than once? Allison Reynolds : Sure. Claire Standish : Are you crazy? Brian Johnson : Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink. Allison Reynolds : Have you ever done it? Claire Standish : I don't even have a psychiatrist. Allison Reynolds : Have you ever done it with a normal person? Claire Standish : Didn't we already cover this? John Bender : You never answered the question. Claire Standish : Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers. Allison Reynolds : It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it? Claire Standish : A what? Allison Reynolds : Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right? Claire Standish : Wrong. Allison Reynolds : Or are you a tease? Andrew Clark : She's a tease. Claire Standish : I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it. Andrew Clark : Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases. John Bender : She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot. Claire Standish : I don't do anything. Allison Reynolds : That's why you're a tease. Claire Standish : OK, let me ask you a few questions. Allison Reynolds : I already told you everything. Claire Standish : No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect? Allison Reynolds : I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me. Claire Standish : It's not the only difference I hope. John Bender : Face it, you're a tease. Claire Standish : I'm NOT a tease. John Bender : Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect. Claire Standish : No, I never said that she twisted my words around. John Bender : What do you use it for then? Claire Standish : I don't use it period. John Bender : Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological? Claire Standish : I didn't mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth. John Bender : Well, if you'd just answer the question. Brian Johnson : Why don't you just answer the question? Andrew Clark : Be honest. John Bender : No big deal. Brian Johnson : Yeah answer it. Andrew Clark : Answer the question, Claire. John Bender : Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it. John Bender : C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question. Claire Standish : NO I NEVER DID IT. Allison Reynolds : I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar. John Bender : Being bad feels pretty good, huh? John : Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy. John : I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts. John Bender : Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers? Brian Johnson : Uh, no. Mr. Johnson. Andrew Clark : You don't have any goals. John Bender : Oh but I do. Andrew Clark : Yeah? John Bender : I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need, is a lobotomy and some tights. Brian Johnson : You wear tights? Andrew Clark : No I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform. Brian Johnson : Tights. Andrew Clark : Shut up. John Bender : Sporto. Andrew Clark : What? John Bender : You get along with your parents? Andrew Clark : Well, if I say yes I'm an idiot, right? John Bender : You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too. Richard Vernon : What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire? John Bender : Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear. John Bender : What's in there? Claire Standish : Guess? Where's your lunch? John Bender : You're wearing it. Claire Standish : You're nauseating. John Bender : [pointing to Claire's lunch] What's that? Claire Standish : Sushi. John Bender : Sushi? Claire Standish : Rice, raw fish, and seaweed. John Bender : You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that? Claire Standish : Can I eat? John Bender : I don't know. Give it a try. John Bender : But face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen? John Bender : Excuse me, Dick. I mean, Rich, will milk be made available to us? Claire Standish : I have a really low tolerance for dehydration. Andrew Clark : I've seen her dehydrate, sir, it's pretty gross. Claire Standish : What's your name? John Bender : What's yours? Claire Standish : Claire. John Bender : Claire? Claire Standish : Claire. It's a family name. John Bender : Oh, it's a fat girl's name. Claire Standish : Oh, thank you. John Bender : You're welcome. Claire Standish : I'm not fat. John Bender : Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I'm not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there's fat people that were born to be fat, and there's fat people that were once thin but became fat... so when you look at 'em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh... [John Bender is absently tearing up books] Andrew Clark : That's real intelligent. John Bender : You're right. It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And [examines title] John Bender : Moe-Lay really pumps my nads. Claire Standish : Moliere. John Bender : Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? Fuck you. Brian Johnson : Is that for real? John Bender : Wanna come over sometime? [As Bender prepares to urinate under his desk] Andrew Clark : Hey, you're not urinating in here, man. John Bender : Don't talk. Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up. John Bender : YOU ARE A BITCH. Claire Standish : Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch? John Bender : NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, if you don't got the balls to stand up to who you like. John Bender : Hey, homeboy, what do you say we close that door, we'll get the prom queen impregnated. John Bender : So... So, are you guys boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady Dates? Lov-ers? Come on, Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection? Claire Standish : GO TO HELL. Andrew Clark : ENOUGH. Richard Vernon : Hey. What's going on in there? [whispering] Richard Vernon : Spoiled little pricks. John Bender : You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny." [Bender is running through the halls, singing] John Bender : I wanna be an airborne ranger, I wanna be put in danger. [Richard Vernon places magazine rack in front of door to hold it open] John Bender : That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir. Claire Standish : Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin? Brian Johnson : Because it's my business - my personal business! John Bender : Actually, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business... John Bender : My impression of life at the Johnson residence: "Son?" "Yeah, dad?" "How was your day, son?" "Great, dad! How's yours?" "Super! Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, dad! But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son! You can do it on the boat!" "Gee!" "Hon, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?" [kiss] John Bender : [kiss] John Bender : [after Claire flips him off] Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl! Bender : Claire, you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? It's pretty tasty. Claire : No thank you. [sarcastically] Bender : Oh Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy who looked like this? Claire : Can't you just leave me alone? Bender : I mean even if he had a nice personality and a cool car... although you'd probably have to ride in the backseat because his nuts would ride shotgun Movie Title: The Transformers: The Movie (1986) as Rodimus Prime / Hot Rod: Hot Rod : We can't hold out forever Kup, but we *can* give them one *humongous* repair bill. Kup : Don't act hostile, I'll use the universal greeting. Hot Rod : "Universal greeting"? Kup : Watch, I'll have them eating out of my hands. Bah weep granah weep ninni bong. Hot Rod : "Bah weep granah weep ninni bong"? Sharkticons: Bah weep granah weep ninni bong. Kup : See, the universal greeting works every time. Kup : Reminds me of the Nighteth Slave Mines on Galganeth Seven. Hot Rod : Every place reminds you of some place else. Kup : Experience, lad. You should learn to appreciate it. Hot Rod : Alotta good it's done us so far. Hot Rod : They're closing on us. Kup : Yep, like the Shrikebats of Dramedan. Hot Rod : How'd you beat them? Kup : I am trying to remember, there were an awful lot of casualties that day. Quintesson : Silence, or you'll be held in contempt of this court. Hot Rod : I have nothing but contempt for this court. Kup : I can't transform. Hot Rod : Keep trying. Quintesson : Quiet or you'll be held in contempt of this court. Hot Rod : I have nothing but contempt for this court. [After being shot down, captured and imprisoned] Hot Rod : We've got to get anew travel agent. Rodimus Prime : It's the end of the road Galvatron. [Throws Galvatron through Unicron's hull and opens the Matrix] Rodimus Prime : Now light our darkest hour. Hot Rod : Not bad for an old timer. Kup : Old Timer? That's something you'll never be if you don't get back to the city. Daniel : LOOK. Rodimus Prime : Autobots transform and roll out. Kup : I knew you had potential lad. Kup : The Insecticons are in our way. Hot Rod : Wrong. They're our way in. Hyah. Optimus Prime : Arise, Rodimus Prime. Rodimus Prime : Optimus. Hot Rod : Doesn't this remind you of anythig Kup? Kup : Nope. I've never seen anything like this. Arcee : I was afraid you'd be trapped outside the city. Hot Rod : Hey, I wasn't worried for a micro-second. Arcee : Then you probably didn't understand the situation. Arcee : Stay by me Daniel. Hot Rod : And you'd better stay by me. Arcee : No you'd better stay by me. Kup : Of all the circuit glitched, diode blown dimwittery. You left a piece out. Hot Rod : No way. You're just a little stiff. Kup : Anyway all things considered you did an amazing job lad. Amazing. Hot Rod : Really? Kup : Yeah. You even got rid of a nasty burr in my rotator. Now let's find the Dinobots and get off of this twisted planet. Ultra Magnus : You're all alive. Hot Rod : The Matrix? Ultra Magnus : It's gone. Kup : and with it all hope. Hot Rod : No. Arcee : Galvatron has it. Hot Rod : Where's Galvatron? Where is he? Wreck-Gar : The Answer is UNICRON. Hot Rod : The Matrix. Galvatron : It will do you no good Autobot. It cannot be opened. Hot Rod : Not by a Decepticon. Galvatron : Like it or not we are allies now against a common foe. [Shrill noises and bright lights surround Galvatron] Unicron : Destroy him Galvatron NOW or you, yourself shall be obliterated. Galvatron : Yes my master. Galvatron : Punny Autobot. You lack even Prime's courage. Come out Autobot. We all must die sometime. Hot Rod : Not today Galvatron. [Hot Rod tackles Galvatron. Galvatron then puts his hands around Hot Rod's throat and begins choking him] Galvatron : Die Autobot. Hot Rod : What is this place? Kranix : The world of the savage Sharkticons and their cruel masters the Quintessons. I am Kranix. My planet was destroyed by Unicron. Hot Rod : Unicron? Who's Unicron? Kranix : A planet, that devours everything in its path. Kup : So that's the creature's name? Rodimus Prime : Let this mark the end of the Cybertronian Wars as we march forward to a new age of peace and happiness... Til all are one! Springer , Arcee , Kup : Till all are one! Movie Title: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) as Sheriff: [Willenholly and the Utah police confront Jay and Silent Bob] Sheriff : Are you fucking crazy? Now they may be gay, but that's not their son. That's the ape. Whillenholly : I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is the political fiasco I'm about to avoid here by letting this butt-fucking Brady Bunch go. Sheriff : The hell with this. Let's go back to the station house, and cornhole us a drunk. Whillenholly : Fire a warning shot into his bulbous ass. Sheriff : One rectal breach comin' up. Movie Title: The New Adventures of Spin and Marty: Suspect Behavior (2000) as Jack Hulka: Jack Hulka : You guys okay in there? I can hardly hear you. Choking on that big ball of fear? Jack Hulka : You know, you boys would have been fine, perfectly safe, maybe in school... if you had just left me alone. I didn't want to bother you, but you felt compelled to bother me... and now you're on your way to an oven. Now, that's entertainment. Marty Markham : I've got a knife! Jack Hulka : Oh, yes... and it's very ripe. Spin Evans : What's going on? Marty Markham : He killed her! Jack Hulka : I killed who? Marty Markham : Your wife! Jack Hulka : I did? Marty Markham : Mrs. Hulka, where is she? Jack Hulka : She's not here. Marty Markham : She's not here because she's dead! Jack Hulka : If you don't mind... I'm going to kill you. Jordan : I beg to differ, sir. Jack Hulka : Spin.... that's short for... Stephanie Evans : Spinning out of control. Movie Title: Flinch (1994) as Harry Mirapolsky: [first lines] Daphne James : That is your eighth sneeze today. Harry Mirapolsky : Yeah? Daphne James : You can't sneeze, you're not allowed to move! Harry Mirapolsky : Sorry. Daphne James : Why don't you just quit and get it over with? Harry Mirapolsky : And lose the pleasure of your company? [last lines] Daphne James : So, how'd it go? Harry Mirapolsky : It went... I've got a feeling things are going to go OK this time. Daphne James : Hmm, funny, I was thinking the same thing. Harry Mirapolsky : C'mon. Daphne James : [laughs] |
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