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 Gabriel Thomson QuotationMovie Title: My Family (2000) as Michael: Susan : I have decided to put an end to this madness that is ruining all our lives. Michael : You're going to kill dad? Michael : I hate you. Ben : No, that's my line. Ben : I assure you, I said nothing wrong. All I said was, 'Hi there, I'm Michael's Dad, what's that game about?' And that was all. Michael : [From inside the kitchen] And his flies were open the whole time. Michael : Nick, I gave you money for a film. Nick : I know. I rented Stuart Little 2. I love that talking mouse. Michael : I meant go to a film. Michael : [to Susan] Haven't you got anything to say? Ben : [Drunkenly] I've got... an earring. Michael : For God's sake, it's 1:30. How am I supposed to push against my boundaries if I don't have any? Where's the challenge? It's like I'm Steve McQueen in "The Great Escape", except the Germans have let me out, given me a motorbike and an A-Z of Hamburg. Michael : The fact is, now that Mum's "hands-off", it's like there's two Bens, and one of you has to go. Ben : What? Michael : You're expendable. Ben : Erm, I'm what... expendable? Michael : You see? That's another thing. You're very slow on the uptake. Ben : Michael, are you firing me? Michael : Very, very slow. Ben : I don't believe this. You can't fire me. I quit years ago. Michael : Sorry about the dish crisis, Nick. Nick : What do you mean? Michael : Never mind. I just want Mum to learn her lesson. Nick : How to live with a pig? I taught that years ago. Susan : How's gran doing? Michael : I think she's getting better. She hit Abi and she called me virgin boy. Michael : You're detached, you're selfish, you suck the joy out of everything. You undermine your children's self esteem so each of us has found our own way to escape. Nick has rejected adulthood and all responsibility, Janey has moved 200 miles away and got herself pregnant, whereas I, since that route has denied me, have resorted to lowering a steel shutter on my emotions so at times I may seem cold; even cruel and insulting to my parents. The irony being is that although you have caused all this, you are the only one who cannot see it. Now what did you want to say? Ben : I was just gonna ask if you wanted to come ice skating. Susan : (After finding Michael kissing Fiona) Don't be a smart-arse, Michael. You've got to learn to take responsibility for your actions. Michael : How can I if you barge in before we get to any action? Ben : Look, if you're mature enough to have sex, then you're mature enough to lie about it, OK? Just tell your mother it didn't happen. Michael : You want me to pretend nothing happened even though I'm proud of it? Ben : Yeah. Michael : You're asking me to give up my manhood. Ben : [Thinks] That's what being a man is all about. Michael : You're not making any sense, Dad. Ben : That's what being a man is all about, too. Ben : Nobody likes a smart-arse. Michael : Nobody likes a shoplifter. Susan : You know, one day mummy and daddy will be old. Michael : Hmm, you're already old. Susan : I mean older. Michael : How much older can you get? Susan : The point is there may come a time when I need to be taken care of by my children and I just want you to be prepared to accept your responsibilities. Michael : You mean "switch off the machine". [Michael breaks the living room window with a bazooka] Susan : What the hell has happened? Michael : Erm... if I said 'nothing', would you believe me? Susan : Michael. Michael : All right, all right. It was for my science project... on organic foods. Susan : You fired a rocket through a window? Michael : Come on, mum. Do you think I'd be so stupid as to fire a rocket through our living room window? It was a sausage. Susan : Michael, you could have killed someone. Michael : It was an organic sausage. Susan : That's it. You're grounded until further notice. Michael : Grounded? Susan : Don't you realize you could've taken somebody's eye out. Michael : Oh, please. It'd exploded before it hit anything. Susan : [Thinks] Did Nick put you up to this? Michael : Actually, it was part of our new high-speed food delivery service. [Abi runs into the house] Abi : You're not gonna believe this. I was just getting off the bus, and it started raining sausage. I've prayed for this day. Michael : See? Our first satisfied customer. Michael : [after finding out Janey's pregnant] How did that happen? Janey : Do you want me to draw you a diagram? Michael : I mean, did you get him drunk or something? Ben : Michael, religion isn't about personal gain. Michael : Dad, stop preaching at me! Ben : [grabs Michael on the neck from behind] Right, gotcha! Michael : How long have you been waiting there? Ben : Hours. Where's my £60? Michael : I put it in the bank. Ben : At this time of night? Michael : Erm... I did it online. Ben : [looking puzzled] I gave you cash! Michael : It's got a holographic modem. Ben : What's that? Michael : Well... you scan the bank notes into the feeder slot, which then converts them into cyber-pennies... which, then transmatterates them directly into my account. Ben : Well, transmatterate them back. Michael : Erm... you can't do it twice. They'll disintegrate. Ben : Come on! You can't fool me! I'm not your mother! If you can transmatterate them one way, you can transmatterate them back! Now, where's my cash? Janey : Abi, can you keep a secret? Abi : Oh, yeah. I've never told anyone about Michael's vandalism charge. Michael : [from the other room] Hey! |
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