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 Dixie Carter Quotation"Certainly if we hope do enhance and extend whatever natural assets we were given, we must expect to make an effort, if not actually great labor." "It takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all." Movie Title: Designing Women (1986) as Julia: Julia : Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed! Allison : Oh, Julia, just so you know, the next time you see your lawyer on company time, it's going on your record. Julia : Just so YOU know... The next time you speak to me in that tone of voice, you're going to the moon. Suzanne : I never use catalogs. I'd rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you. Julia : Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart. [Boarding a plane] Suzanne : Where are our seats? Julia : I don't know. If history teaches us anything, mine will be next to a baby who smokes. [En route to Japan] Suzanne : And I'll tell you something else. I am not eating octopus, walking around in my stocking feet, or takin' a bath with my neighbors no matter what those little people say. Julia : It's always stimulating to travel with the international voice of racism. Julia : [reading aloud a letter from Dash Goff] Yesterday, in my mind's eye, I saw four women standing on a veranda in white, gauzy dresses and straw-colored hats. They were having a conversation. And it was hot. Their hankies tucked in cleavages where eternal trickles of perspiration run from the female breastbone to exotic vacation spots that southern men often dream about. They were sweet-smelling, coy, cunning, voluptuous, voracious, delicious, pernicious, vexing and sexing... these earth sister/rebel mothers... these arousers and carousers. And I was filled with a longing to join them. But like a whim of Scarlett's, they turned suddenly and went inside, shutting me out with a bolt of a latch. And I was left only to pick up an abandoned handkerchief and savor the perfumed shadows of these women... these southern women. This Suzanne. This Julia. This Mary Jo and Charlene. Thanks for the comfort, Dash Goff... the writer. [About Nancy Reagan's book] Suzanne : She said it was a gag gift. Julia : Well, it certainly made me gag. Julia : I think you should tell them to take their invitation, fold it in five corners, and stick it where the sun don't shine. Julia : I guess I'm excited about seeing Mother again, visiting a totally new country. Of course, seeing Japan with Mother will be seeing the real Japan. Suzanne : Julia, I am just here to visit Mother and pick up a car. I do not want to have any cultural experiences. As for seeing the "real" Japan, I've noticed that whenever people start talking about seeing the "real" anything, what they're talking about, basically, is hanging around with poor people. Now, I say I don't hang around with poor people at home, why should I do it on vacation? Movie Title: Filthy Rich (1982) as Carlotta: Carlotta : Kathleen, dear, I know that impeccable taste is not your strong suit, so trust me when I tell you that cheap Mexican mosaics are entirely inappropriate as tomb décor. Unless, of course, one happens to be an Aztec. [Carlotta talks on the telephone] Carlotta : I don't care if it's a telethon for gum disease, just so long as I'm Chairperson and the press shows up! Carlotta : Kathleen, before you proceed with another of your sophomoric snit-fits, you should know I tied up all the family boxes so the Westchesters couldn't sit in them. You want Wild Bill and his little Bootsie swillin' beer and shellin' peanuts at the Philharmonic in a box with our name on it? Carlotta : Marshall, will you stop that incessant wheezing? Marshall : Carlotta, I happen to have asthma. Carlotta : Well, have it somewhere else, I'm talkin'! Carlotta : We did let Bootsie and Wild Bill move in and they did tell George how nicely we've treated them. Marshall : Of course, there was that incident with the broken cellar stair, the fallen chandelier and that ugly bout with botulism. Carlotta : Yes, first it was difficult for me to believe that I could be related, even by marriage, to a woman who thinks the pinnacle of good taste is owning a rug with Elvis Presley's face on it. Carlotta : Mother B, Kathleen was married to Big Guy after your divorce. Mother B : Oh. Well, just don't forget to put out after dinner! Carlotta : Really, Stanley, who ever heard of toasting with a soft drink? Stanley : Well, Carlotta, I drink this 'cause I'm proud. I'm a Pepper. Carlotta : Stanley, until you have managed to transcend your impertinent and incredibly obnoxious James-Dean-period, I prefer that you address me only through my attorney. Carlotta : Kathleen, dear, I suggest you stay out of this or I will verbally annihilate you. I will cut you off at the knees. I will take that two-cent accent and perfectly coiffed hairdo and stuff it down your demurely concealed, but nevertheless dime store cleavage! Marshall : You know, Carlotta, you would have made a great ranch foreman on Big Valley. Carlotta : If you refuse to pay servants, you leave us no choice but to adopt small, pliant children from underprivileged countries. Carlotta : Were you aware, Marshall, that there is no valet parking at K-Mart? Marshall : No, I wasn't. Carlotta : Then you also probably did not know that people look real stupid driving their own limousines! Marshall : Carlotta, is it my fault my daddy passed away and tied up all our money? Am I to be endlessly punished and unmercifully criticized because he's forced us to live with his illegitimate son and ten-cent wife? Carlotta : Yes, I want you hurt! Marshall : What is that, anyway? Carlotta : A Dukes of Hazzard belt-buckle. I don't know what got into me. Bootsie said it was the special of the day. Everyone was buying it; there was only one left. I became confused and forced it out of a small child's hand! Carlotta : Please, Marshall, don't make me stand in another checkout line. Not even for wholesale caviar! It's a jungle out there. Fat people overflowing their rubber shoes with unkempt hair and babies that sneeze fudgsicle juice on ya! Kathleen : Really, Carlotta, you should learn how to rub elbows with the little people more often. After all, this country was built on the common man. Carlotta : Yes, not unlike your reputation. Kathleen : Anyway, I just came by to tell you some fantastic news. Carlotta : Have you decided to move away, change your name and never contact us again as long as you shall live? Kathleen : No. Carlotta : Then you do not have fantastic news. Kathleen : Why, even Bootsie says.... Carlotta : If you don't mind, Kathleen, we prefer not to seriously consider the opinion of a woman whose dog wears hot pants. Kathleen : Why can't I make fun of Bootsie and Wild Bill, just like y'all do? Carlotta : Because you're not good enough. Wild Bill : Now suppose we're having one of these fancy meals and you latch onto a piece of gristle. Do you spit that sucker out or swaller it or what? Carlotta : We do not serve gristle! Mother B : Didn't you get my message? Carlotta : What message? Mother B : That I had run away from the nursing home. I'm gonna live with you guys! Marshall : Carlotta, what do you want me to do, throw my own mother out in the street? Carlotta : Yes. Carlotta : Mother B. is totally unpredictable. There's no telling what she might do in front of that man. Marshall : Carlotta's right. She went to a political banquet and accused the governor of tryin' to steal a folding chair. Carlotta : Not to mention that time at the airport, she got a hold of a microphone and announced that TWA was out of toilet paper! Bootsie : We celebrate everything. First date, first kiss, first.... Carlotta : We get the picture. Our only regret is that we did not have time to purchase an appropriate gift. Perhaps a silver platter with rabbits on it. Carlotta : I have to wonder what heinous, long-forgotten misdeed we could have committed that would merit our being saddled with a woman who wears NASA space shuttle earrings. Kathleen : I just had the most fantastic idea. I've decided to bust up the Westchester marriage. Carlotta : Oh, did you finally run out of couples in your own group? Carlotta : I'm afraid I'd have to seduce Wild Bill. It's something that I would find disgusting and repugnant. But after all, I am young, voluptuous, and irresistible. And if that's what it takes to get them out of here once and for all, then I am prepared to make the sacrifice! Carlotta : Spare us the histrionics. If sex were fast food, there'd be an arch over your bed! Kathleen : Well, we're certainly not going to send a woman with a mustache to do the job. Carlotta : Oh, that's right. You don't have one, do you? When you were coming down the assembly line, they said: "Hold the hair on this one, piano legs will be quite enough!" Marshall : How do you know I'm not her type? Carlotta : Because Bootsie Westchester's taste in men ranges from King Kong to Lil' Abner and unfortunately you do not fall into that category! Kathleen : I'm sorry to bust in, but you'll never believe what just happened. Carlotta : Don't tell us! Random House has decided to publish your autobiography, "I Was an Elementary School Virgin." Carlotta : Kathleen, before you start counting the rings around my trunk, I think you should thank your lucky stars that a cheap, parasitic slug, such as yourself, is allowed even to cohabitate under the same roof with a woman of my caliber and credentials. Kathleen : Well, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Carlotta : How I hate it when she pummels us with clever repartee. Wild Bill : I don't exactly know how to say this in front of a lady, but she - she tried to bust into my britches. Carlotta : I'm glad you kept it tasteful. Carlotta : Anyway, Stanley, you're independently wealthy. You don't need any more cash. I, on the other hand, am just a step away from turning these drapes into a dress! Carlotta : Marshall found the name and phone number of Big Guy's attorney in Bootsie's address book. Marshall : I couldn't help it. It was lyin' open in her purse. Carlotta : Mark my words, Stanley, you cannot go around giving away wealth to people who've never had it. It just makes 'em more greedy. Marshall : That's right. Like those people in the Salvation Army at Christmas time. You give one of 'em a nickel; on the next block will be another one shaking the same stupid bell. Marshall : Just keep smilin', Carlotta. Let it seem as though we're havin' the time of our lives. Carlotta : I am smilin', Marshall. Someday this nightmare will be over. You and I will have all the money and these people will be tied to mules, working in our fields. |
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