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 Jason Bateman QuotationMovie Title: This Can't Be Love (1994) as Grant: [Jason and Sarah are making out, when the doorbell sounds.] Grant : Oh my God, oh my God, it's Miss Bennett! Sarah : How do you know? Grant : I've always found that by asking what's the worst thing that could possibly happen, I can predict the future with incredible accuracy. Grant : Where could she have gone? Sarah : Does she have any friends? Grant : None that she likes. Movie Title: The Sweetest Thing (2002) as Roger: Roger : Come on, don't be gay in God's house! Gimme a good slap! Movie Title: Necessary Roughness (1991) as Jarvis Edison: Jarvis Edison : [turns off radio] I hate that station. My dad owns it. I don't want to see another building with his name on it. Paul Blake : You can't just walk away. Jarvis Edison : You did. Paul Blake : How did I end up with Jiminy Cricket? Jarvis Edison : How many timeouts do we have left? Paul Blake : Three. Jarvis Edison : Can we take 'em all now? Movie Title: Arrested Development (2003) as Michael Bluth / Michael: [After Michael takes away a frozen Bluth banana from George] Lucille : How much could a banana cost? Ten dollars? Michael : You've never been to a supermarket, have you? [Lucille is trying to convince Michael to take Buster off her hands] Michael Bluth : Okay, he can hang out, but he's going to work. This is not going to be a day at the beach. [The camera pans out to show that Buster's wearing beach clothes] Michael : We can't let my mother see you until she gets in here. Wayne: Fine then, I shall hide behind the couch. Michael : What a professional. [At the fair] Michael : We can't let dad see you here with him. Wayne: I shall hide behind that trashcan. Michael : What a professional. Michael : Hey mom, there is a bowl of candy waiting in my office. [Lucille enters and while the door is closing] Wayne: I have a legal responsibility to tell you that there is NO candy in here. [Learning Michael burned down the Banana Stand] George: I had $250,000 lining the inside walls. Michael : Why didn't you tell me. George: What the hell did you think I meant when I said that "there is always money in the Banana Stand." [Michael is asked to take over the family business] Michael : I'm moving to Phoenix. I got a job. [There is an awkward silence] Michael : Something you apply for and they pay you to... Never mind, I don't want to ruin the surprise. Armless man: Oh my god! My arm! Michael : Oh my god, this guy's arm! [giving a toast] Michael : To Buster and Lucille... Buster : Don't forget my girlfriend! Michael : That's who I meant. Lucille : You tricked me. Michael : I *deceived* you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. [getting off the phone with George Sr] Michael : What'd he say? George Michael : Well, if I clean it up, it really isn't a sentence. [Gob has slept with a teacher he thought Michael liked] Michael : Gob, Ms. Whitehead was the civics teacher. We both had her. Gob : Yes we did, and now we're even. [Lindsay is trying to get rid of a replica of the Ten Commandments from the front of a courthouse] Lindsay : I've always been passionate about the separation of church and state. Michael : Oh, really? What are you going to do with them? Lindsay : I don't know. Give 'em to a school! Michael : What's the matter with you? Didn't you bag some woman you're never going to see again? Gob : Well, I broke a couple of my own rules. She knows I'm Gob Bluth, and... we got married, and... Michael Bluth : Why are you squeezing me with your body? Lucille Bluth : It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. George Bluth, Sr. : Michael, this is my brother! Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you? Michael Bluth : Just one? No. No idea. It sounds wonderful, though. Michael : You taught me a lesson about not teaching lessons? George Sr. : That was my last lesson. Michael : You knew all along, didn't you? George Michael : Sorta. One of the hot cops was my choir teacher. Michael : (about George Michael's test) A-? George Michael : Are you proud of me? Michael : Very proud... minus. Lindsay : [saying how stress can lead to drugs] ... like the stress you put on George Michael, even when he gets an A. Michael : *Minus*, and he knows an A gets him ice cream. George Michael : (arguing with his math book) Dumb, dumb George Michael, dumb... Michael : Hey, calm down there, you two; it's just a math problem. George Michael : Yeah, but if I fail math then there goes my chances to get a good job and have a happy life full of hard work, like you always say, right Dad? Michael : (to George Michael) I want you to take the rest of the day off. Here's 20 bucks, buy something you don't need, be a kid, make mistakes, get in trouble. Buster : Yes, make a mistake. Take 225 from me. Michael : Well, it's not like you made a commitment to her or anything. Buster : No, not a commitment... but I did refer to it as "our nausea," but that was when we were going at it pretty hot and heavy. Michael : Well, now it's my nausea. Michael : We're gonna go on a fishing trip. George Michael : Why? What did I do? Michael : [to Lucille] You're giving the company to a guy who thought the blue part of a map was land? Gob : [whistling] I have some conditionsss... Michael : Do you? Gob : ...termsss... One condition and one term! Michael : [in police car] What'd you do? George Michael : Just trying to be a good guy. Michael : Me too... let's go visit Pop-Pop. Michael : So this is the Aztec Tomb trick. Gob : Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money... [sees children watching his magic] Gob : ... or candy! George Sr. : [explaining why he left the company to Lucille] They cannot charge a husband and wife for the same crime! Michael : That's not true. George Sr. : Really? Michael : Yep. George Sr. : [whispering] I got the worst fucking attorneys. Michael Bluth : Do you know what they do to people who commit treason? George Sr. : First time! Michael Bluth : Second! George Sr. : I got the worst fucking attorneys. Maggie Lizer : I'm blind! Michael : I'm wasted! Michael : Tell me the truth.There's been a lot of lying in this family Lucille : And a lot of love. Michael : More lies. Michael Bluth : Mom wanted me to tell you she doesn't care whether you live or die, but if you're not dead, she would like to see you at the courthouse tomorrow in a blue sweater. Buster : Dammit! I hate the blue sweater! Michael Bluth : She said it would look nice with the gray pants. Buster : Dammit! She's right! Michael : G.O.B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters. Lucille : Michael? Michael : It's Mom. Hide. Gob : You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some. Michael : No. Lucille : Michael? Gob : He's in here, Mom! Michael : Come on! Lucille Bluth : I'll be in the hospital bar. Michael Bluth : Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother. Lucille Bluth : Well, this is why people hate hospitals. Michael : You want to be in charge? Gob : Yeah. Michael : You want to deal with what I deal with? A sister who takes your money and throws it away. A mother who you can't trust. A company whose founder may be on trial for treason. Is that what you want? Gob : What kind of vacation time does it offer? Michael : [discussing evidence that links George Sr. to Saddam Hussain] If this information was so damaging, why didn't you just shred it? George Sr. : Well, Saddam owed us money. Michael : And you didn't realize that he wouldn't pay? George Sr. : You mom had a good feeling about him. George Michael Bluth : [Michael wants to leave his family] I like the family. I mean, if we leave, who's gonna take care of these people? Michael : I don't know. The state or the police. Maybe the Magician's Alliance will pick up some slack. Buster : [about Lucille] It's like she gets off on being witholding. Michael : Whoa. Buster. Gob : Look who's got something to say. Buster : [impersonating Lucille] I'm Mom and I want to shoot down everything you say so I feel good about myself. [everyone laughs] Gob : Look who's ragging on the old lady. Buster : Cause I'm an uptight [long bleep] Buster : Buster [Long bleep] Buster : ... you old horny slut! Michael : [Pause] Well, no one's going to top that. Lucille : Look what they've done, Michael! Look what the homosexuals have done to me! Michael : You can't just comb that out and reset it? Michael : I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again. Movie Title: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) as Pepper Brooks: Cotton McKnight : And the Average Joe's beat the Purple Cobras in a *shocking* upset. Pepper Brooks : I feel *shocked*. Cotton McKnight : It looks as if the Average Joe's do not have enough players to compete, they will have to forfeit this game. Pepper Brooks : This is a bold strategy Cotton, lets see if it pays off for them. Cotton McKnight : In my 23 years of broadcasting I have never seen anything like this. It seems as if Peter La Fleur has blindfolded himself! Pepper Brooks : Yeah, he isn't going be able to see very well, Cotton. [after sudden death is announced] Pepper Brooks : Pepper needs new shorts, Cotton! Cotton McKnight : Right you are, Pep. Cotton McKnight : It looks like it's two on one. This is a ménage à trois of pain. Pepper Brooks : Usually you have to pay double for that, Cotton. Cotton McKnight : It looks like this Cinderella story has come to an end. The clock has struck midnight and this magical carriage has turned back into a pumpkin. Pepper Brooks : I sure do like pumpkins Cotton. Pepper Brooks : Effin' A, Cotton, Effin' A! Cotton McKnight : In all my 32 years of broadcasting experience I have never seen anything like this. It appears that Peter LaFleur has blindfolded himself! Pepper Brooks : Yeah, he won't be able to see anything like that Cotton. Cotton McKnight : It looks like the Average Joe's are having to forfeit because they don't have enough players. Pepper Brooks : Interesting strategy, Cot. Let's see how that works out for them. Movie Title: Some of My Best Friends (2001) as Warren: Vern : Warren, I'm sitting here reading "Peanuts" and it just occurred to me, do you think Shroeder could be gay? Warren : What? Vern : Well, think about it, you know. Everyone's outside playing baseball. He's inside playing the piano. Lucy's throwing herself at him like a tart. He could care less. And if I'm not mistaken, he colors his hair. . . |
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