|
|
|
|
 |
|
 Zach Braff Quotation"I love Scrubs. It's the best day job in the world." "I love The Office. I think it's the funniest thing - Ricky Gervais is possibly the funniest person I've seen in my entire life." "That was a very surreal experience: I had studied the script right down to the punctuation marks, and then he would say 'we're not going to say what's on the page, and you don't really have to either, try to keep up.'" - On working with Woody Allen Movie Title: The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000) as Benji: Dennis : Benji, there isn't a straight man in America who doesn't refer to anyone but his girlfriend as 'girlfriend'. Benji : I know, but I was so butch when I said it. Benji : It's called being horny. Howie : It's not horny. I know horny. I've taken a lecture series on horny. Benji : They have lecture series on horny? Howie : There isn't a movie in the cinema canon that depicts a gay character that we would aspire to be. What are our options... noble, suffering AIDS victims, the friends of noble suffering AIDS victims, sex addicts, common street hustlers and the newest addition to the lot, stylish confidantes to lovelorn women. Just once I would like to see someone who is not sick, hasn't been laid in about three months and is behind on his student loans. Benji : And that is someone you would aspire to be? Taylor : Right? Movie Title: Scrubs (2001) as John Dorian / J.D.: J.D. : Go ahead, insult me like you always do. Janitor : Too easy. When you less expect... J.D. : [thinking] Well then he said something I never expected to hear. Janitor : I don't like you. J.D. : [thinking] Well, that? I expected that. J.D. : I just Marcia Brady'd your ass. Chris Turk : What the hell are you talking about? J.D. : Like in the episode of the Brady Bunch where Marcia gets fired after Jan tells her boss... Chris Turk : -DUDE, I know. Don't you ever question me on 'the Bunch'. Dr. Cox : Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. And now, in a reciprocal gesture. Can I be included in the planning of your coming out party? J.D. : Is that a gay joke? Dr. Cox : No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years-how is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays-I like their music, I like their sense of style, I especially like what they've done with Halloween-but our thing is that you are a little girl. That's who you are. But that's really not fair... Ben : I think you've got yourself a Christmas card right there. Jordan : Yeah, you're funny. Look, I don't understand why you refuse to put on a hospital gown? Ben : [in English accent] Because I don't like people to see my bum. Jordan : So wear underwear. Ben : You know how I feel about underwear. Jordan : Every girl who came to our house in the mid-eighties knows how you feel about underwear. Ben : [laughs] The sweatpants years. J.D. : I don't like that much freedom down there. It makes me tingle in my giblets. J.D. : What are you doing? Janitor : I'm fixing the door. J.D. : Maybe there's a penny stuck in there. Janitor : Did you stick a penny in there? J.D. : No, I was just trying to make conversation. Janitor : If I find a penny in there... I'm taking you down. J.D. : Look, Dr. Cox, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I honestly think the only reason that your not down at that hospital right now is that... you're afraid. Dr. Cox : I think you're right, I do. It's partly because you've gotten to know me this year, but mostly it's that well... I told you I was afraid earlier today... so please don't tell me you've some to reiterate things that I've already said, because I know the things that I've already said, in fact... I'm the one who said them. Dr. Cox : You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps whining about how horrible his father was. J.D. : Well he did some considerable emotional damage, so... Dr. Cox : Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage, and from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if come guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, believe me when I tell you I wouldn't care if this as the first time you ever met your daddy. Because, in reality... well, he could have done a much, much worse job. John Dorian : Who put this up? Janitor : I did. I drove around the whole city before my 5 AM shift, just looking for that. Trying to add a little cheer. You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year. John Dorian : But I've only worked here for three months. John Dorian : [after Janitor pops up behind him] Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time? Janitor : I don't jump out and scare you. I follow you around all day. I only got about an hour and a half of work around here, and the rest of the time I track you, like an animal. Elliot : Do you want to be alone? John Dorian : No. Elliot : Do you want to cry a little? John Dorian : No. Elliot : Wanna go throw stuff off the roof like Letterman used to do? Jordan : I don't dislike you, I nothing you. J.D. : That's special. [Elliot and JD are about to bungee jump, and JD is very nervous] Elliot : Come on, what's the worst that could happen? J.D. : We could die. J.D. : [To Turk] Okay, fine. Let's just play... Tip Over the Trashcan. [He tips over the trashcan] J.D. : Okay, I win. Janitor : Can I play? [Janitor knocks JD's stack of folders to the floor] Janitor : This is fun. J.D. : Yeah. Chris Turk : Let's play "Steak." J.D. : What? Chris Turk : Steak." The first person to finish their steak is the winner of "Steak. J.D. : It's hard to take positive steps, when you've burned the bridge you got to walk across. J.D. : You think Turk would like it if I started calling him 'my brother'? Nurse Carla Espinosa : I don't know. [Turk passes by] J.D. : Catch you later... my brutha. Chris Turk : I'll holla. J.D. : [to Carla] He said, he'll holler... Lisa : [after kissing J.D] Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you having a good time? J.D. : Actually, it's a roll of quarters. [takes out roll of quarters] J.D. : Laundry day. [Dr. Cox, Turk and J.D. are having very different woman problems] Dr. Cox : I don't know what the hell she wants. Chris Turk : I don't know if I'm what Carla really wants. J.D. : My peeps are on the frits. Dr. Cox : What? Chris Turk : Whoa. J.D. : No, I mean you're me peeps, and you're on the frits... Chris Turk : Yeah, right. Dr. Cox : God bless you newbie. You helped me get a new perspective on everything. Chris Turk : Dude... [Dr. Cox and Turk leave, the janitor approaches J.D] Janitor : Thanks for the coffee. Here's your dollar. [empties cup full of pennies on J.D.'s table] Janitor : Oh, and by the way, your new nickname is Pepe LeFrits. J.D. : Hey, Perry... Dr. Cox : Perry? J.D. : Yeah, it's a new thing I'm trying. So, Perry, I was wondering if you knew that I have a date this weekend? Dr. Cox : Really? Well, newbie, I'm glad that you finally found a woman who enjoys the benefits of a same sex relationship. Janitor : Scooter! J.D. : Huh? Janitor : Your nickname will be scooter. J.D. : I don't get it. Janitor : Like Scooter Pies. I *hate* Scooter Pies! J.D. : Oh... now I get it. [Dr. Cox and Jordan are fighting] J.D. : [thinks] This is bad. I got to stop this. I got to say something. [out loud] J.D. : Banana Hammock. J.D. : I think childbirth has been way too romanticized. [cut to a 1950s era informational film with JD and the soon-to-be parents] J.D. : You will spend hours and hours of pain while you poop, pee, puke and other people stare into your vagina, which, by the way, has an 80 percent chance of tearing. Woman: [to her husband] You do it. J.D. : Can you get that for me? I can't reach it. Janitor : Is this some kind of trick to get me off your back. I mean, I owe you one. J.D. : No, I really need it. Janitor : Ok, here you go. You know, you could have just asked me to stop harassing you for about a year. J.D. : Ok, I want that. Janitor : Too late. Dr. Cox : Hey, newbie. What's up? J.D. : Everything. Everything's up. Dr. Kelso : Rise and shine, Dr. Dorian. [J.D. gulps] Todd : Hey, how's your penis? [continues walking] J.D. : [thinking] Don't worry, he says that to everybody. [stops and waits] Todd : [to another doctor] Hey, how's your penis? [Somebody streaked in the hospital] Chris Turk : Don't worry. I know it wasn't you. I'd recognize your kid anywhere. J.D. : Well, he changed since the last time you saw him. He got a haircut. J.D. : Dr. Kelso. The doc here has been telling me that you have some great stories. I wouldn't mind hearing one sometime. Dr. Kelso : Oh what the hell. Back in '68 I don't like you. The end. Dr. Cox : Doc, Kelso asked me to give him a physical, I did it, and he thanked me and said he owed me one. Psychiatrist: You're telling me that you actually made a decision that had a positive impact on your life? Dr. Cox : Well, a resident [JD] Dr. Cox : kinda talked me into it. Psychiatrist: You mean to tell me that you actually took the advice of another human being? This is a big moment for me. Dr. Cox : Yuh-huh. Psychiatrist: Well, by God, Perry, if there is a person in that hell-hole of a hospital that can give you advice, keep that person around you for as long as possible. Because, that person is a genius. [Cut to JD in an elevator in an elevator, singing and dancing] J.D. : Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting! [pause] J.D. : Those kicks were fast as lightning! J.D. : Time to take the "GR" off my Gratitude and give that old bastard some Attitude, J.D. style. [Walks off] Nurse Carla Espinosa : His office is that way. J.D. : Yeah, I have to throw up first. J.D. : Why aren't you using the mop I bought you? Janitor : I didn't like it. J.D. : But you cried! Janitor : No, that was you. [drags wet mop over JD's face] Elliot : C'mon peeps, let's go kick some sick patient ass. [JD turns to Turk and Carla] J.D. : And that my friends is one nerdy honky. [Turk to Carla] Chris Turk : That's two. J.D. : What do I know about good relationships? Yesterday I had funeral sex. J.D. : Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long. [To Dr. Cox] J.D. : And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby. That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE. [To Carla and Turk] J.D. : And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it? [To Elliot] J.D. : And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are. [JD storms out of the cafeteria, passing Nurse Roberts] Nurse Roberts : Did I miss something good? [After sleeping with a widow] J.D. : There are a lot of ways to grieve, but last time I checked, wheelbarrow style wasn't one of them. [While inspecting a suspicious mole on the Janitor's penis] J.D. : Hmm... it looks benign. Janitor : Yeah, 'bout nine, nine and half. [JD was cooing to a baby] Dr. Cox : Newbie, I know your ovaries are ahab-solutely tingling at the very sight of this little fella but you gotta snap out of it. J.D. : Oh, I have to get to the funeral. Dr. Cox : Well, raise my rent if you're not off to see Tasty Coma Wife, aren't you? [explaining to Jordan] Dr. Cox : Her husband was in a coma so long that she actually forgot what an attractive male looks like. Enter Errol Flynn here, whose conscience will not allow him to either swash or buckle her, but since hubby is now worm food, I'm guessing all bets are off, mmmmhmmmm? J.D. : Dr. Cox... Dr. Cox : Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.'. J.D. : See ya. [A nurse has stood up for JD against Dr Cox] Dr. Cox : Oh, and Ginger, by the way. Just a real smooth move runnin' to your mommy. J.D. : Excuse me? Dr. Cox : Yeah, your mommy cah-rushed me today. I'm serious. [to the various doctors and patients in the busy hospital] Dr. Cox : Uh, I'd like to issue a warning to everybody, and I'm dead serious. FYI, JD's mommy has made it perfectly clear she doesn't want her daughter picked on. Nothing mean, she's a precious flower, and we should all be super-nice to her. Todd : Show Todd some love. [high fives J.D., who winces in pain] J.D. : [thinking] I hate showing Todd love. Dr. Cox : Hey, Betty. Hey, Wilma. Oh, what the hell, you're only forty minutes late. Do I... do I smell beer? J.D. : Uh, we... we, uh, we had a few. Dr. Cox : Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots. Dr. Cox : Oh and [Whistles] Dr. Cox : Lassie, in response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I have decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl's name, and instead I am going to refer to you as whatever famous dog I can think of. I have gone with Lassie because of course it satisfies the criteria of being both a girl's and a dog's name, thus helping you to ease into the transition J.D. : I was just running kissing drills. Dr. Cox : Oh, that is completely normal then. J.D. : Because nothing sucks worse than feeling alone, no matter how many people are around. [Todd offers a high-five to J.D] J.D. : What the hell, he deserves it. [Todd high-fives J.D., who winces in pain] J.D. : Mother-f [cuts into title song] J.D. : Elliot, come on. You're living out of a van like a homeless person... or Jewel. Carla : What are you guys talking about? Chris Turk : Nothing, guy talk. J.D. : Bitches and Hoes. J.D. : [Thinking] Just tell him how you feel without sounding like a woman. J.D. : [To Turk] I miss you so much it hurts sometimes. J.D. : [to himself, as Dr. Cox stands next to him at a urinal] Okay, just act natural. (out loud) Hey, Dr. Cox. Takin' a whiz? [To J.D., after he asks for help] Dr. Cox : Listen Vanessa Janice Tiffany Amber (in a sing-song voice)Thiessen. I'm gonna go ahead and give ya a little something I call "Perry's Perspective". 1. If the guy in front of me in the coffee shop can't decide what he wants in the 30 minutes it takes for him to get to the register, i should be allowed to kill him. 2. I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website left, and it would be called "Bring Back The Porn". 3rd, and most important, to be respected as a doctor, nay a man, you must me an ocean. You're born alone, you damn sure die alone, (looks over and speaks to a cadaver rolling by) isn't that right spike? My point is, and you may want to jot this down... only the weak need help. J.D. : I should have that tattoed on my neck. [Turk is talking about a rival surgeon] Turk: Bonnie is killing me; I'm telling you, I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try. She's like a ninja but worse. J.D. : Nothing's worse than a ninja - they're masters of every style of combat. Carla : Can we please talk about something other than Bonnie? Elliot : [to Turk] I think you should give Bonnie a break. You know, it's really hard being a woman around here... you can walk through walls and nobody notices you. J.D. : Not entirely unlike a... ninja. J.D. : I can't believe you lost our bottle opener. Turk: Yeah, I know. [quoting JD from earlier] Turk: "I miss it so much, it hurts sometimes." J.D. : You're a bad person. Dr. Cox : No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny, the tackling Alzheimer's patient. J.D. : Now what's that supposed to mean? Patient: [Tackling J.D. from out of nowhere, shouting] Who am I? J.D. : But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too. J.D. : Elliot, he didn't say goodbye to a lot of people. Just me, Dr. Cox, Carla, Doug, Snoop Dogg Intern... Snoop Dogg Intern: Where my hoes at? J.D. : I haven't seen them. [About Dr. Cox] Dr. Kelso : And I'll be damned if he doesn't disagree with everything I say just because I said it. J.D. : Sir, I don't think that's true. [Kelso turns over] Dr. Kelso : It's hotter than hell in here, Perry! Dr. Cox : Freezing! Dr. Kelso : Great coffee, though! Dr. Cox : Rat piss! Dr. Kelso : Dr. Murphy here is an incompetent suck-up! Dr. Cox : No, Bob, in fact he's one of the finest young doctors I ever had the good fortune of working with. Dr. Kelso : [to J.D] Your witness. Dr. Kevin Casey: It's been four hours since my last surgery, I just can't stop washing my hands... [grunts] Dr. Kevin Casey: This is a secret... no one is suppose to know about this. Ok? J.D. : Okay, no problem. Dr. Kevin Casey: I just don't want to tell anyone, this is my problem, no one should ever burden it on someone else... J.D. : [voice over] He was right, I couldn't do it... Dr. Kevin Casey: You need help JD? J.D. : No, nothing... [voiceover] J.D. : None of us needed help... Dr. Turk : Awww... Where's my lucky "Tabasco" rag? J.D. : Why don't you use "Power Rangers"? Dr. Turk : How are "Power Rangers" as lucky as "Tabasco"? J.D. : Do you remember when communications with Zordon went down and the Megazord was destroyed? Dr. Turk : How did I miss that episode? Oh, right. I was making love to a woman! J.D. : Power Rangers ho! [mimicking Dr. Cox in front of him] J.D. : [whistles] Here's the deal, Eleonore. We're gonna go ahead and get a full work-up on this guy. So while drop an NG2 and do a gastric lavage, why don't you go ahead and get an order order on EKG with cardio-bio-markers? If you need to know where those are, they are on page 37 of the Ann Teller catalogue, right next to that salmon cable-knit sweater you wanted for so long but haven't had the courage to order, because you worried the weave is so thin, your nipples just might go ahead and peak their pink selves through! Isn't that right, Dr. Cox? Dr. Cooox! Dr. Cox : [mimicking the J.D. daydream stare] Uhm, I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little world, talking to myself, dreaming about candy bracelets. J.D. : Hey there, research buddy! Dr. Cox : We're only four seconds in and I'm already regretting my decision. J.D. : [hits a bell] Things Jordan says during sex! [drops giant stack of carefully sorted files] J.D. : ... there's a good chance I'm gonna kill someone. Dr. Cox : [hits a bell] Things you say when you talk to your patients. Nurse Carla Espinosa : [helping a bruised J.D] So how far over the creek did you make it? J.D. : I don't know the exact distance in terms of feet and inches but in my own terms I would have to say... about half way. Dr. Cox : [strolling by] Don't stop paddling, Amy. You are sure in for the "Little Girl X-Games". Elliot : Position one, two or three? J.D. : We only had two. Elliot : Oh yeah. Then I have to show you something later. Dr. Moyer : You called me in to the hospital at midnight to do a CAT scan that could wait until monday? J.D. : You see, Dr. Moyer, I... Dr. Moyer : [throwing a tantrum] These are my machines! My machines! Nurse Carla Espinosa : But Dr. Moyer, if you could just... Dr. Moyer : [still screaming] My machines! My Machines! Chris Turk : Who's machines are they? Dr. Moyer : They're my machines! My machines! J.D. : [to Turk] How does that help? Elliot : I have a huge bunion. Sean's coming back in, like, a few weeks what am I supposed to do? J.D. : Well, I think the obvious answer is to draw Sean's face on it and tell him you grew it because you missed him. Chris Turk : *Or,* it's a simple surgery. J.D. : Uhhh, Turk, I think we've already decided on bunion-face! Elliot : Cut me the hell up. J.D. : Dammit! Jordan : It's Jack's first birthday, I want it to be special. I got a petting zoo for the kids, and we need to figure out something great for the adults. Dr. Cox : How about a russian roulette booth? And here's the kicker, we put bullets in all the chambers, that way *everybody* wins! J.D. : [butting in] will there be a piñata? Because I need to know if I should bring my piñata helmet. Jordan : Up-up-bah! The only reason we invited you is because for *some* reason, you have your own Spongebob Squarepants Costume! J.D. : It was a gift! [voice-over] J.D. : From me, to me! Movie Title: Garden State (2004) as Andrew Largeman: Sam : Hey, I recognize you from T.V. Didn't you play the retarded quarterback? Andrew Largeman : Yea Sam : Are you really retarded? Andrew Largeman : No Karl Benson : I though you killed yourself. Andrew Largeman : What? Karl Benson : That wasn't you? Andrew Largeman : No, no, tha-that wasn't me. Andrew Largeman : You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? That idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place. Mark : [referring to his mother's boyfriend] I'm going to kill that motherfucker. Andrew Largeman : Pun intended? Sam : I haven't even lied in like, the past two days. Andrew Largeman : Is that true? Sam : No. Andrew Largeman : Hey Albert? Good luck exploring the infinite abyss. Albert : Thanks. Hey, you too. Andrew Largeman : This is life. This is it. Andrew Largeman : Fuck, this hurts. Sam : I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got. |
 |
 |
||
|
Copyright movies studios and Imdb.com: Zach Braff
Legal © Quotesbase.com |
