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 Vincent D'Onofrio Quotation"He calls himself a Hollywood hired gun. If a producer has a character they can't get a handle on, they call Vincent. The only thing he tells them is, 'Don't mess with me when I'm doing it.' He does it his way." -- Gene D'Onofrio, Vincent's father [on acting:] "Some scenes you juggle two balls, some scenes you juggle three balls, some scenes you can juggle five balls. The key is always to speak in your own voice. Speak the truth. That's Acting 101. Then you start putting layers on top of that." Movie Title: The Salton Sea (2002) as Pooh-Bear: Pooh-Bear : A man will say just about anything when he's sportin' badger-food for a pecker. Pooh-Bear : Make me an offer. Danny : I don't know, 14,000 a kilo? Pooh-Bear : I deal in U.S. pounds, friend. None of that faggot metric shit for me. Movie Title: The Whole Wide World (1996) as Robert E. 'Bob' Howard: Robert E. 'Bob' Howard : Hey girl. Take a look at the sunset that I ordered for you. Robert E. 'Bob' Howard : To make life worth living a man or woman has to have a great love or a great cause... I have neither. Movie Title: Ed Wood (1994) as Orson Welles: Orson Welles : Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams? Edward D. Wood, Jr. : Do you know that I've even had producers re-cut my movies? Orson Welles : I hate when that happens. Edward D. Wood, Jr. : And they always want to cast their buddies. It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part. Orson Welles : Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller for Universal. They want Charlton Heston as a Mexican. Movie Title: The Cell (2000) as Carl Stargher: Carl Stargher : And what world do you live in? Carl Stargher : Where do you come from? Carl Stargher : You can not kill me. Movie Title: Impostor (2002) as Major D.H. Hathaway: Major D.H. Hathaway : Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm note sure about the universe. Movie Title: Crooked Hearts (1991) as Charley: Charley : This family is like a drug, and we're all hooked. Movie Title: Naked Tango (1991) as Cholo: Cholo : The REAL you belongs to me. Movie Title: Nunzio's Second Cousin (1994) as Sgt. Tony Randozza: Sgt. Tony Randozza : I wish they wouldn't say that. Sgt. Tony Randozza : Bashing fags doesn't stop you from becoming one. Movie Title: Imaginary Crimes (1994) as Mr. Webster: [When Sonya's teacher encourages her to go to college.] Sonya Weiler : You don't know my father. Mr. Webster : Well, in a way, I do. Movie Title: Men in Black (1997) as Edgar / Edgar/Bug / Bug: Edgar : I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it. It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck. [Flying saucer smashes truck, Edgar comes out of the house to look at the damage] Edgar : Figures Bug : Place projectile weapon on the ground. Edgar : You can have my gun, when you pry it from my cold dead fingers. Bug : Your proposal is acceptable. Bug : Ever pull the wing off a fly? Care to see the fly get even? [Bug takes Dr.Weaver with him into the flying saucer] Edgar : You're coming with me. It's a long trip. I'll need a snack. Edgar : You idiots. You don't get it - I've won. You don't matter... In fact in a few seconds you won't even be matter. Edgar/Bug : Y'know, I've noticed an infestation here. Everywhere I look, in fact. Nothing but undeveloped, unevolved, barely conscience pond scum, totally convinced of their own superiority as they scurry about in short pointless lives. Zap-Em Man : Well, yea... uh... don'chou want to get rid of 'em? Edgar/Bug : Ah... you have no idea. [Dr. Weaver is trying to stall Edgar so she can escape] Dr. Weaver : You don't want to eat me. People worship me like a queen, a god maybe. If you do, there might be a war. Edgar : War? Good. That means more food for my family. All 78 million of them. That's a lot of mouths to feed. Edgar : Get your big butt back in the house! Beatrice : Edgar, what on earth was that? Edgar : Sugar. Beatrice : I've never seen sugar do that. Movie Title: Feeling Minnesota (1996) as Sam: Sam : He ain't heavy, he's my shit-head brother. Movie Title: Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001) as Detective Robert Goren: Detective Robert Goren : No, no, no, I know that anger. I should have seen it coming. Detective Alexandra Eames : So the victim came into this cubicle, hung her bag on the hook and then the suspect came in. Detective Robert Goren : No, I think she put her bag on the floor, otherwise the suspect could've just reached over the door and grabbed it. Detective Alexandra Eames : No. She put it on the hook. Detective Robert Goren : Oh, I get it. A girl thing. Detective Robert Goren : One thing this line of work teaches us is that guys will do anything for love. [referring to notes on Goren's desk] Detective Alexandra Eames : Admirers? Detective Robert Goren : No, reporters. They want a comment. Detective Alexandra Eames : Can they print a hand gesture? [Eames, while examining a recently discovered, 20 year old partly decomposed corpse, realizes the victim was wearing a very rare mini skirt] Detective Robert Goren : You wore one of those? Detective Alexandra Eames : Looked good in it, too. Detective Robert Goren : Yeah, he's crazy but you're evil. Movie Title: Full Metal Jacket (1987) as Private Gomer Pyle: Private Joker : Are those... live rounds? Private Gomer Pyle : Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket. Private Joker : Leonard, if Hartman finds us here, we'll be in a world of shit. Private Gomer Pyle : I *am*... in a world... of shit. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Do you think I'm cute Private Pyle; do you think I'm funny? Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, no sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face. Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, yes sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Well any fucking time sweetheart! Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, I'm trying sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : ONE! TWO! THREE! Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, I can't help it sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Bullshit! Get on your knees scumbag. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Now choke yourself. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : God dammit with my hand numb nuts. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Don't pull my fucking hand over there. I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : [choking Pyle] Are you through grinning? Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, yes sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Bullshit, I can't hear you. Private Gomer Pyle : [Louder] Sir, yes sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Bullshit, I still can't hear you. Sound off like you've got a pair. Private Gomer Pyle : SIR, YES SIR! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : That's enough; get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up. Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, yes sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Did your parents have any children that lived? Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, Yes Sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : I'll bet they regret that. Your so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : What's your name fat-body? Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, Leonard Lawrence, Sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Lawrence? Lawrence what of Arabia? Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, No, Sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : That name sounds like royalty are you royalty? Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, No, Sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Do you suck dicks? Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, No, Sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose. Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, No, Sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : I don't like the name Lawrence, only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle. [Gunnery Sergeant Hartman finds a donut in Private Pyle's footlocker and asks him why he shouldn't be eating it] Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, because I'm too heavy, sir. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Because you are a disgusting fat body, Private Pyle. Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Pyle! Private Gomer Pyle : Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Pyle, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you WILL bunk with him! He'll teach you everything; he'll teach you how to pee! Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, aye aye, sir! Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Joker, he's silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts and guts is enough. Now you two ladies carry on! Private Gomer Pyle , Private Joker : Sir, aye aye, sir! Movie Title: Good Luck (1996) as Tony 'Ole' Olezniak: Tony 'Ole' Olezniak : She wants to do things to me they don't even do in CUBA! Tony 'Ole' Olezniak : I dunno...maybe I need a balls check, myself. Tony 'Ole' Olezniak : Do you remember the Donner Party? I'm not going to starve to death in the freakin' woods!" Movie Title: Happy Accidents (2000) as Sam Deed: Sam Deed : The future isn't what it used to be... Sam Deed : I'm different. Ruby : You're gay! You're a Jew for Jesus? It's that tattoo. It's a cult. You're in a cult. You're a Branch Davidian? You're a Survialist? Sam Deed : No! Ruby : You're a pimp and Chrystie Delancey's one of you're sluts! Sam Deed : I am not a pimp! |
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