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 Paul Rudd QuotationMovie Title: The Object of My Affection (1998) as George Hanson: George Hanson : I'm simple, that's why I teach first grade. George Hanson : Do you ever just want to touch her nose? I mean its like a Tulip. Nina : Don't start that with her. Movie Title: Gen-X Cops 2: Metal Mayhem (2000) as Ian: Ian : Roseanne Barr Arnold will be President of the United States before you two punks see the light of day. Movie Title: 200 Cigarettes (1999) as Kevin: Lucy : You need to find somebody that likes you the way you are. Kevin : And who would possibly like me the way I am? Lucy : I have no idea. [Lucy hands Kevin a bag] Kevin : What's this? Lucy : It's your birthday present, fuck head, open it. Kevin : Look, I'm just gonna go home and kill myself. You wanna share a cab? Lucy : So I can pass out and wake up *alone* on New Year's Day? Kevin : Did you know that cigarettes are a shield against meaningful interaction with people? Kevin : You let somebody move in with you, you make all these little compromises to smooth things along, and the next thing you know, you're on some macrobiotic diet and you're listening to Joni Mitchell. Movie Title: Overnight Delivery (1998) as Wyatt: Ivy : You know it's funny I thought you had a girlfriend. Wyatt : Me? No... well yeah, but I was just killing time. Ivy : Killing time? Wyatt : Yeah, killing time until I met you. Ivy : Boy, never thought I'd fall for a line like that. Wyatt : I'll have some celery... some toast... and some water... just some water. Wyatt : Is that a sign or what? Ivy : It's not Jesus walking on water. I'll give it a nine. Ivy : I'm sorry, were you sleeping? Wyatt : Did my closed eyes and peaceful demeanor tip you off? Ivy : Try this! Kim you snotty little pig I was delighted to learn of your infidelity your puritanical attitudes towards sex were just childish and insecure. Wyatt : Ooh insecure give me something about her weight. She's one of those five, eight hundred pound girls that always gonna say "I'm fat I'm fat" Ivy : Ok! My stomach turned the last time we made out & your gut flapped against me, those cellulite packed cactuses you call thighs with the razor sharp stubble called to mind a fifth rate porno actress that I once jerked off to during the tenure of our sorry marriage of convenient. Now I can finally tell all my friends how nauseating you are to mate with. Rot in Hell! Trips. Ivy : You're friend doesn't look so good! Wyatt : No? Well how the hell am I supposed to look? My girlfriend is cheating on me with a guy named "The Ricker". Movie Title: The Cider House Rules (1999) as Wally Worthington: Homer Wells : I was wondering if you could give me a ride. Wally Worthington : Sure. I'd be glad to. A ride where? Homer Wells : Where you going? Wally Worthington : We're heading back to Cape Kenneth. Homer Wells : Cape Kenneth? That sounds fine. Homer Wells : I've never actually seen a lobster. Candy Kendall : Are you serious? Homer Wells : I've never seen the ocean either. Wally Worthington : You've never seen the ocean? That's not funny, that's serious. Movie Title: Wet Hot American Summer (2001) as Andy: Andy : You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore. Andy : You French great. Lindsay : You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man. Swimming Kid: Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? If I can't find him I'm telling Beth that you let him drown. Andy : I was busy. Swimming Kid: It's your job to make sure kids don't drown! Lindsay : What 'cha doing? Andy : Writing in my gournal. Lindsay : Don't you mean journal? Andy : Yeah, whatever, I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you. Movie Title: Clueless (1995) as Josh: Josh : You look like Pippi Longstocking. Cher : Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking? Josh : Someone Mel Gibson never played. Josh : We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree. Cher : Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Cher : I want to do something for humanity. Josh : How about sterilization? Josh : You want to practice parking? Cher : What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet. Josh : Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world. Cher : Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again? Josh : Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road. Cher : I am. You try driving in platforms. Josh : You know maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause, make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is... Cher : Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance. Josh : Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock. Cher : Oh, that'd be reason enough for me. Cher : Lucy, the gardener called again, he needs permission to fix the hose, you said you'd talk to him. Lucy : (Spanish accent) He's your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him. Cher : Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican. Lucy : I NOT A MEXICAN. [storms off] Cher : What's the matter with her? Josh : Lucy's from El Salvador. Cher : So? Josh : So, it's a completely different country. You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset. Josh : Do you have any idea what you're talking about? Cher : No. Why, does it sound like I do? Cher : You are such a brown-noser. Josh : Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades? Cher : The fact that I've done it every other semester. Mel : Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter. Josh : I don't think so. Mel : Doesn't he look bigger? Cher : His head does. Josh : Wow, you're fillin' out there. Cher : Wow, your face is catching up with your mouth. Movie Title: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) as Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana : Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies, but they don't belong in the newsroom! Champ Kind : It is anchorMAN, not anchorLADY! Brick Tamland : I don't know what we're yelling about! Brian Fantana : [speaking of a musk] They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time it works every time. Ron Burgundy : ...That doesn't make any sense, Brian. Brian Fantana : I think I was in love once. Ron Burgundy : Really? What was her name? Brian Fantana : I don't remember. Ron Burgundy : That's not a good start, but keep going... Brian Fantana : She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again. Ron Burgundy : I'm pretty sure that's not love. Brian Fantana : Damn it! Brian Fantana : It's called Sex Panther; it's illegal in nine countries. It's made from little pieces of real panther, so you know it's good. Brick Tamland : [opposing women in the newsroom] I heard somewhere their periods attract bears. They can smell the menstruation. Brian Fantana : See, Ed? Now you're putting the whole building in danger. Brian Fantana : So the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at nine, instead of eight. Ron Burgundy : Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, "jogging". I believe it's "jogging" or "yogging". it might be a soft "j". I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild. Brian Fantana : People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what your asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the octagon, but I also nick name my testie's my left one is James Wesfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noise water. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang. Movie Title: The Shape of Things (2003) as Adam: Adam : When Picasso took a shit, he didn't call it art. He knew the difference. That's what made him Picasso. Movie Title: Hall6ween (1995) as Tommy Doyle: [Opening narration] Tommy Doyle : When Michael Myers was six years old, he stabbed hs sister to death. He was locked up for years in Smith's Grove Sanitarium, but he escaped. Soon after, Halloween became another word for mayhem! One by one, he killed his entire family, until his nine-year-old niece, Jamie Lloyd, was the only one left alive. Six years ago -- Halloween night -- Michael and Jamie vanished. Most people believed them dead but I believe someone hid them away. Someone who keeps Michael, protects him... tries to control him. If there's one thing I know, you can't control evil. You can lock it up, burn it, and bury it, and pray that it dies, but it never will. It just... rests awhile. You can lock your doors, and say your prayers, but the evil is out there... waiting. And maybe, just maybe... it's closer than you think! Tommy Doyle : Michael's work is not finished in Haddonfield. And soon, very soon, he'll come back. Tommy Doyle : I was only 8 years old when I saw him... but I was one of the lucky ones. I survived. |
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