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 Johnny Knoxville QuotationMovie Title: Jackass (2000) as Johnny Knoxville: Scott Potasnik: You guys are gonna hate me an hour from now. Johnny Knoxville : We hate you already. Chris Pontius : From my experiments with sexiness, it seems like a lot of people are afraid at first, and fear usually equals violence. But eventually I'll win their hearts, and instead of fighting, they'll want to make love to me. Johnny Knoxville : Even the men? Chris Pontius : Yep. Johnny Knoxville : I have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my truck and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South? Colonic Nurse: You know John Wayne died with over 63 pounds of impacted feces in his stomach? Johnny Knoxville : Why do you think they called him "The Duke"? [Johnny is arguing with a parrot] Johnny Knoxville : Don't tell me to fuck off, say "Jackass". [After being sprayed with Pepper Spray] Johnny Knoxville : I feel like my eyes have gonorrhea. Johnny Knoxville : [while duck hunting] We killed Quack Quack! Johnny Knoxville : You were about five feet short of a ten-foot jump. Johnny Knoxville : [While getting doused with red wine] Now I know what my liver feels like! Johnny Knoxville : In the movie Cool Hand Luke, Paul Newman eats fifty hard boiled eggs without puking in one hour. We didn't think that was possible, so we staged our own little contest to see if any man OR woman could eat fifty eggs without puking. Well one thing; in our contest we encourage puking. Johnny Knoxville : [standing in the middle of the road] Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to get hit by a car real soon! Johnny Knoxville : I'm Johnny Knoxville and welcome to Jackass! Preston Lacy : Um, tonight we're gonna get spanked by a couple of dominatrixes, up in 301. Johnny Knoxville : Dominatrices. Preston Lacy : Dominatrices? Sorry, my English ain't so good. [the last line of the last episode] Johnny Knoxville : That's it, it's over. We should probably head to the bar now. Johnny Knoxville : You're the crappiest human bowling ball I ever saw in my whole life! Movie Title: Big Trouble (2002) as Eddie: Eddie : Let's get the hell outta here, Snake. I think I hear one of them silent alarms. [Snake and Eddie are riding in the hi-jacked police car; and Eddie is coming up to the two main Airport signs] Eddie : Okay, we gotta pick a road. Arrivals or departures? We're arriving, but then we're departing. Which one, Snake? Snake : What do you think? Jenny Herk : I think you guys should turn yourselves in and plead not guilty by reason of stupidity. Snake : [looks at the signs] Departures. [Getting into the hi-jacked police car] Snake : Let's go. Eddie : I ain't never driven one of these before. Snake : It ain't a spaceship, asshole. Drive. Movie Title: Jackass (2002) as Johnny Knoxville / Johnny Knoxville): [opening line] Johnny Knoxville : I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to "Jackass"! Johnny Knoxville : Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and we're about to test my Rocket Skates. Johnny Knoxville : I think I'm a little concussed. Johnny Knoxville : Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom-boom? Dave England : No man. I shit my pants at the fair. Johnny Knoxville : Did you see the way I stopped the beanbag with my stomach? That's instinct. You can't teach that. Johnny Knoxville : I was Lon Chaney's lover! Shopkeeper: Go back and love him! Ryan Dunn : I'm surrounded by cacti, for fuck's sake... IT'S CACTI! Johnny Knoxville : It's cactus! Ryan Dunn : Whatever it is, it hurts! Johnny Knoxville : There's no such thing as failure, Steve-O!... One thing I know, is good tightrope walking! [After disturbing a golf game with an air horn] Angry Golfer: Didn't I tell you I was going to come over here and kick your ass for that? Johnny Knoxville : But... I'm sorry. I got bursitis. Angry Golfer: You got bursitis. Johnny Knoxville : Yeah. Angry Golfer: So that means you gotta play with a horn? Johnny Knoxville : It helps. Angry Golfer: I'll give you something to play with, pal! Johnny Knoxville) : You little bastard! [Johnny Knoxville returns the badly damaged rental car] Rental car attendant: Whose car is this? Johnny Knoxville : This is your guy's car. I rented it from you earlier. Rental car attendant: Yes... What? Johnny Knoxville : Yeah, I hit a dog. Rental car attendant: A dog isn't gonna do all that. Movie Title: Men in Black II (2002) as Charlie / Scrad: Scrad : We don't even know what planet it's on! Serleena : He said, "the third planet!" It's on EARTH, you moron! Charlie : [whispers] "Third Rock From the Sun." Scrad : I never got that till now! Movie Title: Making of 'Jackass: The Movie' (2002) as Johnny Knoxville: Jeff Tremaine : We're rolling! Johnny Knoxville : Am I gonna get an "action," dickface? Movie Title: A Dirty Shame (2004) as Ray-Ray: [from trailer] Ray-Ray : My name is Ray-Ray and I'm here to service you. [from trailer] Ray-Ray : Let's go sexing! |
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