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 James Coco Quotation"Maggie Smith acts like Quentin Crisp in drag" Movie Title: The Cheap Detective (1978) as Marcel: [Marcel comes into Lou's room and sees Betty in her underwear] Marcel : I'm sorry, I thought you were alone. Lou Peckinpaugh : I tried it that way. It's not as much fun alone. Lou Peckinpaugh : You can pay, of course. Paul DuChard : Ah, monsieur, we, we're not wealthy people. We lost over four million francs betting on the war. Lou Peckinpaugh : Who'd you have? Marcel : We took France - at eight to five. Marcel : Gentlemen, may I present Miss Betty DeBoop from the Islands? Colonel Schlissel : Caribbean or Virgin? Betty DeBoop : Well, let's just say I came back a Caribbean. Movie Title: The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) as Mr. Skeffington: Mr. Skeffington : And give him a rubber newspaper. He prefers the rubber Wall Street Journal to the rubber Washington post. Rowlf : Don't we all? Movie Title: Murder by Death (1976) as Milo Perrier / Inspector Milo Perrier: Milo Perrier : Be quiet everyone! I smell something! Milo Perrier : I'm not a Frenchie, I'm a BELGIE! Milo Perrier : He's gone! Jessica Marbles : Who's gone? Milo Perrier : The butler. Here's the key. Sidney Wang : If butler gone, where you find key? Milo Perrier : In his pocket. Jessica Marbles : What pocket? Milo Perrier : The butler's pocket. Sidney Wang : Butler gone but pocket still there? Marcel : Something isn't right in all of this, eh. I can feel it in my buns. Inspector Milo Perrier : Your what? Marcel : My buns. Inspector Milo Perrier : Buns? Your buns? You bought buns and you didn't tell me? Where are they? Where are the buns? Marcel : Oh! No, monsieur. The BONES in my body. Inspector Milo Perrier : You should not speak with an accent when you know I am so hungry. [Willie, having just covered up the remains of Lionel Twain, joins everybody else in Twain's drawing room] Willie Wang : I covered him up, Pop. [chuckles] Willie Wang : I don't know how you missed it. [beaming, with some irony] Willie Wang : The world's five greatest detectives, and not ONE of you noticed that TWAIN WAS CLUTCHING A NOTE IN HIS HAND! [He shows everyone the note] Sidney Wang : Give it to me. Willie Wang : No. I found this. It's MY clue. Milo Perrier : Oh, give it to your father you idiot! Willie Wang : [gloating] IDIOT? We'll see who's the IDIOT, Mister Perrier! The $1 million goes to the one who solves the crime, and that could be me just as well as you! I've got more brains than my father gives me credit for. "Number Three Adopted Son." I'm sick and tired of being your "Number Three Adopted Son!" I'm WILLIE WANG, YOUNG DETECTIVE! And this clue belongs to me. And nobody's getting it from me, you understand? No one! [He suddenly notices that Diamond's got a gun trained on his head] Sam Diamond : [with his gun leveled at the side of Willie's skull] Better stand back, Tess. I don't want you to get hurt when the bullet comes out his other ear. [taking the note and reading it for everybody] Sam Diamond : "Please call dairy maid to stop deliveries of milk; Lionel Twain deceased." [He hands the note back to Willie] Sam Diamond : So much for your clue, kid. Willie Wang : [grinning sheepishly] Uhm... Sorry about that, Dad. Inspector Milo Perrier : Since we cannot call for a doctor, I will need a cold compress for my chaffeur, and a cup of hot chocolate for me, n'est ce pa? Jamesir Bensonmum : I don't think we have any Nespa, sir. Just Hershey's. Sam Diamond : You say you know who's going to get it? Lionel Twain : Intimately. Inspector Milo Perrier : And you know how the crime is to be committed? Lionel Twain : Definitely. Sidney Wang : And exactly what time murder to take place? Lionel Twain : *The* murder. Precisely. Dora Charleston : Well, I know it's none of my business, but doesn't that mean that you're the murderer, Mr. Twain? Inspector Milo Perrier : I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. Sidney Wang : I like it, but do not understand it. Inspector Milo Perrier : What do you make of all this, Wang? Sidney Wang : [long pause] Is confusing. Lionel Twain : Aha, stumped already. Need some clues, Monsieur Perrier? Inspector Milo Perrier : Clues? I need no clues from you! I find my own clues, you demented lollipop! Inspector Milo Perrier : Everything here has been rented for tonight. The butler, the cook, the food, the dining room chairs, everything! Jessica Marbles : You mean... Inspector Milo Perrier : Yes. This entire murder has been... catered. Inspector Milo Perrier : Touch nothing! Jessica Marbles : Will you stop saying 'touch nothing'? We're all experienced criminologists. I find it insulting, debasing, and redundant to keep telling us to 'touch nothing!' Inspector Milo Perrier : Oh, be quiet, woman! Jessica Marbles : Up yours, fella! Inspector Milo Perrier : A mannequin. Sam Diamond : No, a dummy. Inspector Milo Perrier : Doors and windows will automatically open at dawn, and one of us here will be one million dollars richer, and one of us will be going to the gas chamber to be hung. Marcel : I will tell everyone that you wear a toupee. Inspector Milo Perrier : They already know! Marcel : Then why do you wear it? Inspector Milo Perrier : I didn't know that you knew. Inspector Milo Perrier : Forgive me, but I was talking about patricide, not uncle-cide. Movie Title: Man of La Mancha (1972) as Sancho / Sancho Panza: Aldonza : All right, you're a squire. How does a squire squire? Sancho Panza : Well, first, I ride behind him. Then he fights. And then I pick him up off the ground. Don Quixote : Dost not see? A monstrous giant of infamous repute whom I intend to encounter. Sancho Panza : It's a windmill. Don Quixote : A giant. Canst thou not see the four great arms whirling at his back? Sancho Panza : A giant? Don Quixote : Exactly. Sancho Panza : Many a man has gone to bed feeling well, only to wake up the next morning and find himself dead. Don Quixote : That's a proverb. Sancho Panza : Yes, Your Grace. Don Quixote : I don't approve of them. [the Barber and Sancho Panza are singing about Don Quixote] The Barber : I can hear the cuckoo singing in the cuckooberry tree. Sancho Panza : If he says that that's a helmet I suggest that you agree. The Barber : But he'll find it is not gold and will not make him bold and brave. Sancho Panza : Well, at least he'll find it useful if he ever needs a shave. Sancho : Dying is such a waste of good health. Sancho : They say one madman makes a hundred and love makes a thousand. Aldonza : What does that mean? Sancho : I'm not sure. Movie Title: A New Leaf (1971) as Uncle Harry: Uncle Harry : You are an aging youth! |
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