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 Danny Strong Quotation"Only on Buffy can you get killed and do three more episodes." [June 11, 2003] Movie Title: Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000) as Jimmy Boner / Boner: Martina : Did you hear the news? About Screw. She was killed. Murdered. Gutted. Flayed. Sliced. Diced. Fried. And hung. Boner : I'm never gonna get laid. Martina : Oh, and it's all over the TV news. Boner : Oh, great! Now everybody knows. Barbara : What are you doing here anyway, Doughey? You're not a real cop. Shouldn't you be guarding the Orange Julius? Boner : [fake coughing] N.Y.Kiddy.GAP! Slab : [fake coughing] Sergeant Sears! Barbara : [fake coughing] Food court police! Boner : Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's all make a pact to lose our virginity before graduation! Doughy : I'm in! Everybody Else: We're not. Dawson : After all, it is Halloween. Slab : And Friday the 13th! Dawson : On the same day? Impossible. Boner : Slab's dyslexic. Barbara : And so what if Boner's dad was cheating with my mom, causing her to go on a downward spiral resulting into alcoholism? Boner : My dad has what? Dawson : You know what we've gotta do? We've gotta get out of here! Boner : To someplace safe. Martina : Yeah, in the middle of nowhere. Slab : In the dark woods and pouring rain. Dawson : Without any adult supervision or police protection anywhere in the vicinity. Barbara : I know just the place! It's been totally deserted ever since those dorky kids were dismembered. Boner : Are you talking about band camp? Boner : Roofies are bull, I take them before every date and I never get laid Slab : maybe you aren't taking enough Barbara : A kid couldn't right that, at least not a kid in public school. Martina : Unless he was Japanese. Boner : But they aren't historically serial killers. Slab : What about Godzilla. Boner : Born in international waters. Female Prison Guard : Time's up, Boner! Jimmy Boner : It's Boner [B-O-N-N-E-R pronounced] Jimmy Boner : . Female Prison Guard : Not for long. Dead boner walking! Movie Title: Boy Meets World (1993) as Arthur: Eric : Hey, Artie. Arthur : It's Arthur. Eric : You're up for the same internship. Arthur : Eric, I'm going to save you the embarrassment. I'm a straight A student, my documentaries have gone to multiple film festival honors, and I have a letter of recommendation from Ted Turner. Eric : Your point? Arthur : I could walk in without pants and get this job. Eric : I've seen you in gym class, Arthur, wear pants. Movie Title: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997) as Jonathan / Jonathan Levinson: Spike : In my head. The chip in my head. Warren Meers : We're kind of in the middle of something. Spike : Well, you can play holodeck another time. Right now, I'm in charge. Spike : Yeah, what are you gonna do if we don't especially feel like maybe playing your... [Spike rips Boba Fett action figire off its base] Warren Meers : What are - wait, what are you doing? Spike : Examine my chip or else Mr. Fett here is the first to die. Jonathan Levinson : Hey! All - All right. Let's not - Let's not not do anything crazy here. Andrew Wells : That's a limited edition, 1979 mint condition Boba Fett. Warren Meers : All right, dude, chill. You can still make it right. You know you don't wanna do this. Spike : What I want is answers, nimrod! Warren Meers : Right. But you don't want to hurt the Fett... because, man, you're not coming back from that! Spike : That right? Let's find out. [about to rip head off of action figure] Warren Meers : One sec - Once second. Jonathan Levinson : But whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history, and we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class offers its thanks and gives you, uh, this. It's from all of us, and it has written here: Buffy Summers, Class Protector."... Jonathan Levinson : Wish I'd stayed in Mexico. Andrew Wells : I didn't like it there. Everyone spoke Mexicalan. Jonathan Levinson : You could've learned it. You learned the entire Klingon dictionary in two and a half weeks. Jonathan : Of course I'm scared. Last time we were here, 33.3 bar percent of us were flayed alive. Jonathan Levinson : We got a lot bigger problems bonehead, the slayer's invisible now. Andrew Wells : He's right. She could be anywhere, even here right now, watching, listening to every word we say. For all we know, she could be one of us... [All stare at each other suspiciously] Andrew Wells : Oh, wait, no guys, that isn't true. Jonathan Levinson : Think. Willow brought something into the house. Something that you can use... Andrew Wells : The new microwave? Andrew : We're fugitives, haunted by our past, tormented by a message we don't understand. Jonathan : We're hunted men, driven mad by forces beyond our understanding. Andrew : We're men of hidden power, tortured from within by-by a voice from out of nowhere. Jonathan : I don't deserve this. I wasn't even that evil. Andrew : I thought you were evil. Jonathan : Yeah? Andrew : Sure. I respected your ideas for evil projects, and I thought you had good follow-through. Jonathan : Oh, well, thanks. It's nice that you noticed. Jonathan : We're not killers, we're crime lords! Andrew : Yeah! Like, like Lex Luthor. [gesturing with a comic book] Andrew : He's always trying to take over Metropolis, but he doesn't kill Superman! Warren: Because it's Superman's book, you moron! Andrew : But Lex doesn't kill him, does he? Jonathan : You're checking for implants? Andrew : [defensive] Lex Luthor had a false epidermis escape kit in Superman versus the Amazing Spider-Man Treasury edition... |
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