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 Frankie Muniz Quotation[when he received news of his Emmy nomination] "I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist." "Acting classes, I guess, are good and I would like to maybe sometime take one. But I would feel like I was learning someone else's technique. I like mine." "Yeah, I like cars and basketball. But you know what I like more? Bananas." [about Australia] I love it! It's awesome. I want to move here! I've just been promoting Movie Title: Big Fat Liar and hoping it's going to go really good. Movie Title: Malcolm in the Middle is doing really well here. I haven't been able to do a lot of stuff and I haven't seen that much though. "Some kids are always getting into trouble or doing stuff, and I stay away from those types. I know I am no better than anyone else in this world. I'm just an actor, that's nothing special. But I'm not into anything bad. Just blackjack." Movie Title: Big Fat Liar (2002) as Jason Sheperd: Jason Sheperd : Remember me? I wrote "Big Fat Liar". Movie Title: Agent Cody Banks (2003) as Cody Banks: Cody Banks : All her classes, isn't that kind of creepy? CIA Director : Creepy? We're the CIA, creepy is what we do. Natalie Connors : You know your first impression sucked and your second was terrible, but your third was kinda good. Cody Banks : Wait till you see my fourth. Cody Banks : What was my mission again? Natalie Connors : I think you were going to kiss me. Movie Title: Malcolm in the Middle (2000) as Malcolm: [talking about Malcolm's class picnic] Malcolm : There won't be any meat. They all decided they didn't want to eat anything that has a mother. Dewey : Cousin Nancy doesn't have a mother. Lois : That's right. She has two daddies. Reese : Two guys as your parents? That house has to be a dude's paradise. Malcolm : In the wrong hands, these chemicals could make a really powerful stink bomb. My hands look wrong enough. Malcolm : Apparently the difference between a stink bomb and a Level 3 toxic biohazard is two extra drops of sulfur tetraoxide. I am totally suing that Web site. Malcolm : What d'you do if he catches you? Dewey : Roll in a ball. Malcolm : What if he starts kicking you? Dewey : Stay in a ball. Caroline Miller : Now, you can look at this picture for 60 seconds and I want you to tell me everything that's wrong with it. Okay? Malcolm : The man only has four fingers. Caroline Miller : Right, but this time I want you to really take your time and really look at... Malcolm : The car's shadow's going the wrong way, the steering wheel's on the wrong side, there's no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be backwards, the man's watch wouldn't say twelve o'clock if he was looking at a sunset, and I have red paint on my ass. That's right - red paint all over my ass. Malcolm : I did the math once; it turns out, every 17.4 dinners, my family actually has a pleasant meal together. Malcolm : Mom: 62,437. Kids: 0. Malcolm : You know what the best thing about childhood is? At some point, it ends. Malcolm : This is the world. 196 million square miles. If I covered 100 square miles every hour for the rest of my life, I'd only see half. [We see Reese's nose] Malcolm : And this is my brother Reese's left nostril. It squeaks... all night long. [We see Dewey's feet] Malcolm : And these are the feet of our little brother Dewey. [We see a picture of Francis] Malcolm : This is my favorite bother, Francis. So naturally, my parents sent him off to military school. [We see Malcolm] Malcolm : My name is Malcolm. You want to know the best part about childhood? At some point, it stops. Lois : There's nothing wrong with being smart. There's nothing wrong with being cut from the herd, either. It makes you the one buffalo who isn't there when the Indians run the rest of them off the cliff. Malcolm : Huh? [Malcolm is unable to talk Reese out of becoming a cheerleader... ] Malcolm : I tried talking to him, I gave him advice, I tried reasoning with him, there's only one thing left to do: Sit back and laugh my ass off. Mrs. Griffen : What are you? Malcolm : You mean like how old? Mrs. Griffen : No, what are you? Pollack? Swede? Hipachi? Malcolm : I really don't know. Mrs. Griffen : Aw, a mutt. Well whatever you are, stay away from my liquor. Malcolm : Why are you so happy? Dewey : Gorak gave me one of his Babies. Malcolm : Reese we are not leaving Stevie behind. Reese : Maybe it's his time, what do we know, who are we to play god? Dewey : Does this means Reese's a girl now? Malcolm : No Dewey, he's a lady. Reese : Shut up. Malcolm : Yes Ma'am. Malcolm : What happened to this book? Reese : I threw it at a duck. Malcolm : Okay, so where's your math book? Reese : Which half? Malcolm : Let's just start with Geography. Reese : I don't TAKE Geography. Malcolm : Yeah you do, you got a grade in it. Reese : Oh, that can't be good. Reese : Here's proof that I went to that all-girls camp. I have this thong right here. Malcolm : That's probably just Mom's. Reese : If it were Mom's, would I do this? [puts nose into thong and inhales through nose] Dewey : Malcolm, in school we learned the coolest thing: there were these people that did this broadcast to convince everyone that aliens were landing. So what we do is wait for Reese to fall asleep, then we flash some lights outside his window then we go to the TV, but we'll have already made a tape... Malcolm : Dewey, you're totally over-thinking this. Reese, aliens landed down the street! Reese : [Runs in wearing a helmet and carrying a bat] Every man for himself! Reese , Malcolm : Happy Dance, Happy Dance, we love to do the Happy Dance. Francis : Happier. Reese , Malcolm : Happy Dance, Happy Dance, we love to do the Happy Dance. [Malcolm is playing the video game "The Sims."] Malcolm : Why am I five hundred pounds? Stevie : Social skills 10? Malcolm : I have social skills, jackass. Reese : What am I thinking? Malcolm : I'm smart, not psychic. Dewey : Can you understand dogs? Malcolm : No. Dewey : [smiles] I can. Lois : Malcolm, what are you walking like that? Malcolm : My side still hurts. Lois : But it's the weekend. [Reese is holding a spoonful of mashed potatoes, aimed at Lois] Malcolm : [to the camera] It would take hours to explain the psychology of this event, so I'll just simplify. [points to Lois] Malcolm : Dynamite. [points to Reese] Malcolm : Kid with matches. [Malcolm learned to enjoy life and to stop thinking] Francis : [on the phone] Malcolm, you gotta help me. Is there a scientific way to prove if ice cream can be used as sunscreen? Malcolm : What's the flavor? Francis : I don't know. Malcolm : Is it chocolate? Francis : I don't know. Why are you asking? Is it going to be different if it's chocolate? Malcolm : No. I just like chocolate. Francis : Uhh, Malcolm, you didn't find that coffee can in the garage by any chance, did you? Malcolm : I feel like crap and no one understands. Even you. You're supposed to be my friend and you don't even care. Stevie : And yet... you keep... talking. Lois : Look at those Parker boys across the street. They may be healthy, but honest to God those are the ugliest little boys ever born. They look like boiled beets, don't you think? And those Henderson kids? That electrocuted their dog when they were trying to get free cable? How smart can they be? Just remember, any kid who makes fun of you is a creepy little loser who will end up working in a car wash. Malcolm : This shouldn't make me feel better, but it does. Malcolm : My dad's like a total fanatic about skating. He doesn't even call it skating, he calls it the brotherhood of the wheel. Malcolm : Now my brain is filled with mom-guilt. Dewey : She's stealing Christmas. Malcolm : Mom, you can't do this. Reese : Yeah, this is the last year Dewey'll believe in Santa Claus. Dewey : What? Malcolm : I never even knew we had fancy silverware. When was the last time you used this? Lois : The night you were conceived. You want more details? Malcolm : Why do we have to get dressed up for Reese's court date? Lois : So the judge will see that he comes from a good family who loves him. Dewey : Why aren't they trying him as an adult? Malcolm : When I was six, I dove in a pool and my trunks came off. God, I wish I was there right now. Malcolm : Sorry, Damn. Stupid. I can't do it. I'm stupid and I'm terrible. I suck at everything. . .and I'm fat. Hal : Look at that sky, Malcolm. Just think, somewhere out there, all those stars and planets, there might be at this very moment a space dad who just got kicked out of his space trailer, who's looking down on us. Or would it be up at us? Or maybe sideways. Malcolm : Trust me, dad, they're all looking down on us. Malcolm : That's the way discussions go down in this family. I tell them my needs, and they say no. Then dad reveals another cartoon character he's afraid of. Reese : I've been kind of zoning in and out here, but did she just say milk comes out of those things? Malcolm : Reese, that's what they're for. Reese : My God. Women are the cows of people. Malcolm : Just remember, as far as we know, Dewey has always been missing the tip of his finger. Malcolm : I don't know what he did last night, but there's no hot water, and the toilet's full of sawdust. Dabney : Look, Malcolm, I know you think I'm a mamma's boy. Malcolm : No, mamma's boys are laughing at you... with their mothers. Malcolm : Francis and Piama came to visit at the same time Grandma is here. Eight people, seven sleeping places; guess who gets the shaft? This is my reward for being at the library when they asked for a volunteer. Malcolm : Sleeping is the only thing that makes my life worthwhile. I can dream I'm somewhere decent. Malcolm : I don't believe it. You've turned into Mom. Francis : Yeah? Well, sometimes Mom's right. Reese : You take that back. Malcolm : It's amazing all the different kinds of kids you meet when you're tutoring after school. In the last six weeks alone, I've met morons, idiots, lunkheads, jackasses and one imbecile. Malcolm : Hey. This is supposed to be to Dewey from both us. Reese : I picked it out. Malcolm : I stepped in it. Reese : I'm completely defenseless. Malcolm : Reese, she's four. You're bigger and smarter than... well, you're bigger. Malcolm : It's weird, all my life dad has been getting up every morning, and dragging himself to a job he hates with every fiber of his being, I can't believe I never noticed. I guess I've been pretty self-centered... Oh my god. What if that happens to me? Malcolm : Okay, maybe I was trespassing and I did hip-check her. And who knows, maybe she won't be that bad. Maybe she'll be like a grandma. Well you know, not like my grandma. Like a nice grandma. [Knocks on the door; Mrs Griffen answers] Malcolm : Hi, I'm Malcolm. I'm the kid who broke your arm, I'm real sorry. Mrs. Griffen : [Hands him a jar] Fill this up. I'm not having any druggies in my house. Reese : These girls want to fool around with us. Malcolm : Only because we're losers. Reese : Hey. We're riding in a limo we didn't pay for. We're about to make out with hot girls who don't even like us. I don't know what we are, but we are not losers. [Malcolm has just beaten up a seven-year-old] Malcolm : I did something horrible. Don't you even care? Hal : Well, it's nothing to be proud of son, but you told us the whole story and he didn't give you much choice. It was an honest beating mistake. Reese : Besides it sends a good message to our enemies. Malcolm : What are you talking about? What enemies? Reese : Oh, they're out there. And once they know we're capable of this they'll know were capable of anything. Malcolm : Mom, I hate wearing Reece's hand-me-downs. Look at this. Jelly in the pockets, the fly's broken, and it smells like wet dog. Lois : Well, you should be glad he only wore it once. [Malcolm, Reese and Stevie have been picked up by some girls who want to use them to make their boyfriends jealous] Malcolm : Haven't you thought about where this is going? Her boyfriend is Aaron Seponevic. Have you ever seen that guy? If he sees you making out with his girlfriend, he's gonna kill you! Reese : I know. Malcolm : Then why are you... Reese : Because anything's better than the way things are now! I've had this cute lab partner in science for eight weeks now. Her name is Cheryl. I finally left Cheryl a note on her desk asking her out. And when she read it, she turned to me and said: "Do you know who Reese is?". So then she says, "Does ANYBODY know who Reese is?", and everybody shrugged. So I said, "Probably some nobody". And you know what? I was right. Limo Driver: Wow... that's awful, kid. You wanna wear my hat? Reese : So tonight, I'm gonna fix that. From now on, when I walk by, people are gonna say, "What happened to that guy's face?". And someone'll say, "That's Reese. He made out with Aaron Seponevic's girlfriend." And I can live with that. Malcolm : The whole neighborhood hates us so much that they throw a giant celebration just because we're gone. Lois : Malcolm, that's not news. I'm just surprised they're so organized. Malcolm : I'm just saying, kids should not be blamed for how terrible their parents are. I mean, if Saddam Hussein had a son - well, maybe that's not the best example. Malcolm : Mom said you ratted on us about Dewey's bike. But she's probably just mixed up, right? Because you're our big brother and you wouldn't do something like that... Francis? Francis : You don't know what kind of pressure I was under. I... Malcolm : YOU BUTT-WIPE! How could you? Malcolm : Hey, you can tear up the house if you want, with my mom here and explain it to her, or you can quit and slink away like the monosolavic mouth breathers you are. Francis : What did he say? Richie : He said alot of things. Malcolm : You know, Francis, we never actually intended to show that letter to Mom. We were just trying to scare you. Francis : I know, you guys would never do that to me. Malcolm : But if she did see the letter, you know it was an accident, right? Francis : Yeah, but Richie has the letter. Please tell me Richie has the letter. Malcolm : Richie has coupons. Mom has the letter. But like I said, it was just an accident. I swear. Francis : So the thing you were threatening to do all day but had no intention of doing you did but didn't mean to? Malcolm : You like clouds? Reese : Yes I like clouds! I call them sky kittens. Malcolm : Okay, Reese. I finished your essay. A guaranteed A. Reese's Girlfriend: But I need an essay, and I can't afford an F. Reese : [rips his essay in half] Now we'll both get C's. Lois : [entering the boys' room] What did you do? Malcolm : What? Lois : Don't give that look. What did you do? Malcolm : Nothing. Lois : Well I suppose you wouldn't mind if I... Took a look in here! [opens a drawer] Malcolm : Mom, I'm telling you. we didn't do anything. Lois : [notices the curtains are closed] If you've broken another window, it's coming out of your... [opens curtain] Reese : Are you done? Wanna frisk me? Lois : You just consider yourselves lucky. [leaves then immediately returns, then closes door] Dewey : [tied up on back of door] That was close. Malcolm : Either she's losing her touch, or we're getting better. Francis : There. Finished. Reese : It's never been this clean before. Malcolm : Uh-Oh. It's too clean. Francis : You're right. She'll never buy it. Malcolm : We have asbestos in the ceiling! Yay! Movie Title: My Dog Skip (2000) as Willie Morris: [Referring to the leg Jack lost in combat] Willie Morris : Does it ever itch or hurt, like it's still there? Jack Morris : Yes, it hurts. Willie Morris : But they gave you a medal for it, didn't they? Jack Morris : I'd rather have the leg. Dink : You bawling like a big baby 'cause you lost that ball game? Willie Morris : What do you know about it? You didn't come you big liar. Leave me alone. Dink : That's how it is, isn't it? You're a hero today, and then you're a goat tomorrow. Now I didn't come because games don't mean nothing to me anymore. Willie Morris : It's not the game. It's Skip. He's gone for good. Dink : For good? Now how do you know that? You some kind of fortune teller? Willie Morris : I got mad at him and I hit him. And he ran away. Just like you ran away. Skip was never afraid of nothing. Dink : You think I don't know what folks are saying? That old Dink's a coward? Huh? Well I know. And you know what? They're right. I got scared. And I ran. You think it was 'cause I was afraid of dying? Because I wished I was dead plenty of times. Willie Morris : Then what was it? Dink : It ain't the dying that scary, boy. It's the killing. Now look, that dog ain't lost. You just need to know where to find him. There's gotta be at least one place around here that you hadn't thought of to look at, right? [Willy runs off to find Skip] Jack Morris : Sometimes he gets mad and says things he doesn't mean. He gets it from his mother. When I got back from Spain, I got into accounting. I figured I could hide behind a desk. I looked down, and I didn't so much as look up for a whole year. When I finally did, people weren't staring at me anymore. I guess they kind of forgot about it. Dink : Well, Mr. Morris. You got a purple heart. I got a yellow stripe. You can trust me. They don't forget about cowards. Jack Morris : Well, folks like to keep things small, Dink. Fit you into one pocket or the other. Give a man a label, and you never really need to get to know him. My son, he looks up to you, Dink. Not because you can run or throw a ball. You're his hero because you're his friend. And that's what he needs. A friend. Willie Morris : Haven't seen you around much. Dink : Yeah, I've been pretty busy. Willie Morris : I'm playing some ball now, ya know. Dink : Oh yeah? That's good. Willie Morris : Yeah. Right. Well, see ya. Dink, It's opening day. That's what they call the first game of the season, and well, I was sort of wondering if... I was hoping that maybe... you might come. Dink : Yeah, sure kid. That'd be fine. Willie Morris : Really? Ok, great! Well, I better get on down there. See ya! Dink : Thanks for picking my number. |
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