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 Jamie Kennedy QuotationMovie Title: Scream (1996) as Randy: Randy : Listen up. They found Mr. Himbry dead. He was gutted and hung from the goal post on the football field. Drunk teen: Well what are we waiting for? Lets go over there before they pry him down! Randy : If you were the only suspect in a senseless bloodbath - would you be standing in the horror section? Stu : As if, that's all I'm saying, as if. Randy : Oh really Alicia? Randy : Now that Billy tried to mutilate her, do you think Sidney would go out with me? Randy : I never thought I'd be so happy to be a virgin! Randy : It's the millennium, motives are incidental. Randy : There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend. That's the beauty of it all! Simplicity! Besides, if it gets too complicated, you lose your target audience. Randy : There are certain RULES that one must abide by in order to survive a horror movie. First, you can never drink or do drugs. [crowd boos] Randy : Second, you can never have sex. BIG NO NO. It's a sin. It's an extension of number 1. And last, you can never, ever, ever under any circumstances say "I'll be right back," 'Cause you won't be back. Stu : I'm gettin' another beer, you want one? Randy : Sure. Stu : I'll be right back. Randy : See, you stretch the rules and you end up dead. I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife. Randy : The police are always off track with this shit! If they'd watch Prom Night, they'd save time! There's a formula to it. A very simple formula! [yelling in video store] Randy : EVERYBODY'S A SUSPECT! Movie Title: Scream 3 (2000) as Randy: Randy : It could be fuckin' "Reservoir Dogs" by the time this thing is through. Movie Title: Bug (2002) as Dwight: Dwight : [on fortune in fortune cookie] Norman is an ass. Dwight : [holds up a wad of cash] Would a doomed man have a wad this thick? Movie Title: The Specials (2000) as Amok: Amok : Sex? It's difficult. I get charged up, the anti-matter starts flying, next thing you know I'm humping a chick without an ass. I shoulda just stayed home. Amok : We may not be the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most powerful. But we don't exist for the beautiful people of the world, Ted! We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek! Movie Title: Scream 2 (1997) as Randy: Dewey : Look, Gale's no killer. Randy : Ok, all right then, but if she's not a killer, she's a target. Dewey : When did she start smoking? Randy : Ever since those nude pictures on the internet. Gale : It was just my head, it was Jennifer Aniston's body! Randy : I cannot believe it, they get Tori Spelling to play Syd, and they cast Joe Blow nobody to play me. At least you get David Schwimmer. I get the guy who drove the stagecoach for one episode of Dr. Quinn! Randy : Sydney, look, it's Gale Weathers. Sydney : What? Randy : Star of the Gale Weathers press conference. Author of the press conference starring Gale Weathers. Soon to be a major motion picture starring Gale Weathers! Mickey : Oh come on Randy, with all due respect, the killer obvious patterned himself after two serial killers who were immortalized on film. Guy #2: Thank you! Professor: So, you're saying that someone is trying to make a real life sequel? Randy : "Stab 2"? Why would anyone want to do that? Sequels suck! Killer: What's your favorite scary movie? Randy : Showgirls. Absolutely frightening. Randy : I'd let the geek get the girl. Randy : Oh please! By definition alone, sequels are inferior films! Randy : Showgirls. Absolutely frightening. What's yours? [runs to a girl on cell phone, its not the killer] Randy : Wait, let me guess. The house on sorority row? The dorm that dripped blood? Splatter university? Graduation day? Final exam? Am I close? Randy : Oh yeah? We'll lets re-direct a moment Mr. I'm so original. Where's your motivation? Huh? Stu was a pussy ass wet rag. And Billy Loomis? Billy Loomis, what the fuck? Jesus! What a rat looking homo repressed momma's boy! Why not set your goals higher huh? You wanna be one of the big boys! Huh? Manson, Bundie, O.J, Son of... Mickey : How about Empire Strikes Back. Improved graphics. Better storyline. Randy : Not a sequel, part of a trilogy, completely planned. Randy : Mickey, the freaky Tarantino film student. But if he's a suspect, so am I. Lets move on. Dewey : Wait a minute. Maybe you are a suspect. Randy : Well if I'm a suspect than you're a suspect. Dewey : OK. Let's move on. Randy : [from the trailer] There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate - more blood, more gore - *carnage candy*. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead. Movie Title: Enemy of the State (1998) as Jamie Williams: Jamie Williams : Ooh, sensitive. Movie Title: Three Kings (1999) as Walter: [Walter's wearing night-vision goggles in broad daylight] Troy Barlow : Hey, would you take those fucking things off? Walter : I never got to use night-vision. Troy Barlow : They do not work during the day! Walter : Yeah, they kinda work. Movie Title: Malibu's Most Wanted (2003) as B-Rad / B-rad / Brad Gluckman: B-Rad : And If I work hard, I can be the biggest rapper there ever was? Ronnie Rizzat : Rapper? Hell no you stink. B-Rad : Don't be hatin'. Ronnie Rizzat : I'd rather eat garbage then listen to your sorry ass rhymes. Brad Gluckman : I got sumtin' to say, and I need the world to hear it. I'm a lyricologist. I can rap about anything. Shrink, shrink. Blinkity-blink. Tried to make me think. Wanna go to my sink. And vomit. Clean it up wit' Comet. Earth is my planet. See? I'm the shiznit. Brad Gluckman : My name is B-rad. Not Robbie van Winkle. I like my lattes non-fat and don't fo-get the sprinkle. Brad Gluckman : Traffic, traffic lookin' fo my chapstick, feelin' kinda car sick, there's a Ford Maverick. B-Rad : Stuart Little? Ronnie Rizzat : Negro please. That little white rat ain't got nuttin' on me. B-Rad : I'm gonna be on the campaign trizzy too, 24/7. you know, kissin' babies and whatnot. PJ: If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt? B-Rad : I stole that too. Tec : Hey, yo, that was ill. Hey, where'd you learn that from? B-rad : Grand Theft Auto 3. Tec : Word? Can I borrow that? B-rad : You got a, uh, Playstation 2? Tec : Nah, I got GameCast. B-rad : GameCast? Well, there's GameCube and then there's Dreamcast. Which you got? Tec : Well, I said I got Gamecast, man. Damn! I can't afford it! [seeing a scary movie] B-Rad : RUN, BITCH! HE GONNA KIIILLLLL YOU! B-Rad : [to his parents and psychiatrist about when he becomes a famous rapper] I'll buy you ALL cars. B-Rad : [on being kidnapped and shoved into the trunk of a car] Shotgun! Movie Title: Romeo + Juliet (1996) as Sampson: Sampson : I will bite my thumb at them, which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it. Movie Title: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) as Chaka's Production Assistant: Chaka's Production Assistant : You the man. Chaka Luther King : No, you the man, and that's the problem. Chaka's Production Assistant : Here's your coffee sir. Chaka : Did you spit in it? Chaka's Production Assistant : I didn't spit in it sir. Chaka : Any boogers in it? Chaka's Production Assistant : There's no boogers in it sir. Chaka : You went to film school didn't you? Must piss you off to see a black man runnin' a big old production like this, huh? Went to film school. Does your daddy know you give a nigga his coffee? Must kill him, doesn't it! Chaka's Production Assistant : There's no boogers in it sir. Chaka : Then taste it. Taste the booger flavor. I know it's in there! Movie Title: Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004) as Creepy Guy: Creepy Guy : [looking over in Kumar's direction] Nice pubes. |
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