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 Nick Frost QuotationMovie Title: Spaced (1999) as Mike Watt / Mike: Tim : [On the phone] What you doing playing army on a Sunday morning, your missing Grange Hill. Mike : [On the other end of the phone] The TA is no game Tim. Tim : It isn't the TA Mike, its the Rough Ramblers. Mike : [Grunts] your a civilian... you don't understand, you're thinking "Its Sunday I'd rather be in bed." Tim : And your thinking "It's Sunday id rather be in Apocalypse Now." Mike : Wanna go into your party? Tim : But they were playing 'The Timewarp'. I hate 'The Timewarp'. Mike : Daisy likes it. Tim : So what? I hate it. It's boil-in-the-bag perversion for sexually repressed accountants and first-year drama students with too many posters of Betty Blue, The Blues Brothers, Big Blue and Blue Velvet on their blue bloody walls. Mike : They're not in the jungle. They ARE the jungle. Tyres : Mine's a pint of the black stuff. Mike : You can't drink a pint of Bovril. [Daisy answers phone] Daisy : Oh hi Mike. Yeah, he's here, I'll just get him. [to Tim] Daisy : It's your boyfriend. Tim : He's not my boyfriend. [picks up phone] Tim : Hi babe. Mike Watt : Hello Timmy. Tim : Where are you? Mike : Err, Sheffield. Tim : What are you doing in Sheffield? Mike : Fell asleep on the tube. Tim : The tube doesn't go to Sheffield, Mike. Mike : Yeah, I know. I um must have changed at King's Cross. Tim : What's the hold up? Mike : There been an accident. Someone got hurt. Tim : Who? Mike : A lady. Tim : How d'you know? Mike : Because we hit her. Tim : Did we? Mike : Yeah. That's her there. Tim : Ah. Mike : Don't worry Daisy. Tim's just really ANGRY at you because you've just jeopardised his future. Mike : In 1994 while on weekend manoeuvres in France, I commandeered a Chieftain tank without permission of my immediate superiors. I then attempted to invade Paris. However, en route I stopped off at Disneyland, or Eurodisney as it was then called, and was subsequently apprehended on Space Mountain. TA Officer : Do you have any explanation as to why you might have done this? Mike : Well sir, at the time, I was suffering from serious emotional problems that had clearly affected my judgement. I had immersed myself in a fantasy world of my own creation and as a result I became very insular and uncommunicative. TA Officer : Why do you think that was? Mike : [Shrugs] I dunno. Mike : Don't forget whose shoulder you cried on when the last one dumped you. Tim : I won't Mike : Or when Johnny Alpha got killed by that big flying monster in 2000 A.D. Tim : I think we should lose the axe. Mike Watt : I like the axe. Tim : I like my *face*. Mike Watt : *I* like your face. Daisy : Colin's gone. Tim : What? Daisy : He went next door. Tim : Oh, Daisy. I'm sorry. How did that happen? Daisy : He walked. Tim : Right, right. Sorry. My mum used to use "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead. Mike : Whoa. Does that mean my rabbit's dead? Tim : It's been 18 years Mike, where did you think he was? Mike : [sobbing] Next door! Movie Title: Shaun of the Dead (2004) as Ed: Ed : Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink? Ed : Any zombies out there? Shaun : Don't say that Ed : What? Shaun : That... Ed : What? Shaun : The "Z" word Ed : Why? Shaun : Because it's ridiculous. Ed : Who died and made you king of the zombies? [looking through Shaun's LPs for suitable records to throw at two approaching zombies] Ed : Stone Roses? Shaun : No. Ed : ...Second Coming? Shaun : I liked it. Ed : Dire Straits? Shaun : Chuck it! Ed : We're coming for you, Barbara! Ed : Don't forget to kill Philip! Pete : It's four in the fucking morning! Shaun : It's Saturday! Pete : No it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm so FUCKING ANGRY? Ed : Fuck yeah! Ed : What's the plan then? Shaun : Right, we take Pete's car, we drive over to mum's, we go in, take care of Phillip - "I'm so sorry Phillip". Shaun : then we grab mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over Ed : Why have we got to go to Liz's? Shaun : Because we do. Ed : But she dumped you. Shaun : I have to know if she's alright! Ed : Why? Shaun : Because I love her! Ed : Alright... gayyyy, I'm not staying there though. Shaun : Why not? Ed : If we hole up I wanna be somewhere familiar, I wanna know where the exits are, and I wanna be allowed to smoke. Shaun : Ok, we take Pete's car, go around mum's, go in, deal with Phillip - "Sorry Phillip" - grab mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over Ed : Perfect! Shaun : No, no no no, no wait, we can't bring her back here. Ed : Why not? Shaun : Well it's not really safe is it? Ed : Yeah, look at it. Shaun : Where's safe? where's familiar? Ed : Where can I smoke? [Shaun and Ed pause then slowly make a realization] Shaun : Take car, go to mum's, kill Phil - "sorry" - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over, how's that for a slice of fried gold? Ed : YEAH BOYYYYY! Ed : It's not Hip hop... it's electro... prick. Ed : Next time I see 'im, he's dead! David : We're in a pub! What're we going to do now? Ed : Get a round in? Liz : Just somewhere private where we can... Ed : Fuck... Liz : Spend some time together... Ed : Big Al says so. Shaun : Yeah, but Big Al says dogs can't look up! Shaun : Pete? Pete? Ed : Why can't we go up there? Shaun : Because one; he might be one of them, and two; he might still be annoyed with us. Shaun : Pete? Ed : OI, PRICK! Shaun : [having just run someone over] Excuse me. Are you alright? Ed : Why can't we just go? Shaun : I've got to be sure. Are you Ok? Shaun : [the body rises and moans at them] Ohh, thank God! Ed : Cock it! David : You still haven't met his mum? Shaun : Not yet! Dianne : Don't you get on with your mum, Shaun? Shaun : Yes! What... David : Are you ashamed of your mum, Shaun? Shaun : No! I love my mum! Ed : I love his mum too Shaun : Ed... Ed : She's like butter! Movie Title: Black Books (2000) as Security Man: Security Man : This is a really good security system. You know the CIA? Bernard : Yeah. Security Man : Well, they don't use this stuff. They've probably got something a lot better. |
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