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 Dan Aykroyd Quotation"If it hadn't been for Carleton [University], The Blues Brothers movie would never have been made." "Ghostbusters 3 will never happen. Unless Bill Murray agrees. Everyone else would love to do it, Columbia, Harold, myself, Ivan. It's a five-way rights situation and Bill is locking up his piece of the rights because he feels that was work he just wants preserved and he doesn't want it diluted. As an artist I can respect that." On the Blues Brother sequel - "Basically they gave us the budget to make the film. We got paid zero. I wanted Jim Belushi to play the part Joe Morton did, but he was doing a TV show and couldn't do it. But Morton did a great job and John Goodman did a good job. I think it's a good companion piece to the first film." "Chevy Chase was the first to make it huge - people would recognise him in the street: 'hey Chubby Chase, look at Chubby Chase'. Everybody knew who he was. He was the first to start on a movie career and maybe Belushi was a little jealous. But I liked Chevy and was sorry to see him leave SNL. He's one of the master physical comedians. I think you can place Buster Keaton and Chevy in the same sentence and be pretty safe there." Movie Title: 1941 (1979) as Sergeant Frank Tree: Sergeant Frank Tree : If there's one thing I can't stand seeing, it's Americans fighting Americans. Private Foley : Now Sarge, what is the loading and firing procedure for the 75-millimeter cannon? Sergeant Frank Tree : [delirious] There are five basic components... Private Foley : This is it, pay attention. Sergeant Frank Tree : ...to the new General Electric refrigerator: one, the freon compressor, two, the freon tube... Sergeant Frank Tree : You know, this year wasn't *the* big year of the war, '41. I think the really big year is going to be 1942. Major General Joseph W. Stillwell : It's gonna be a long war. Movie Title: Saturday Night Live: 25th Anniversary (1999) as Dan Aykroyd: [Remembering John Belushi] Laraine Newman : Some people think that John Belushi is this Tasmanian beast blowing through life like a hurricane. Dan Aykroyd : And he was. Laraine Newman : But he could be so sweet too. He once gave me this marshmallow tin and after I moved to LA, John showed up unexpectidly one night and gave me this very hard to find Johnny Taylor Blues '45 because he remembered that I loved it years ago. Dan Aykroyd : That was mine. Movie Title: The Great Outdoors (1988) as Roman: Roman : Chet is gonna shit a solid gold brick when he sees us. [Chet getting pulled behind the boat on water-skies] Chet : you bastard, you bastard! Roman : I think he's saying go faster. Roman : Pontoon boat? Whaddya going to do with a pontoon boat? Retake Omaha Beach? Roman : You know what the gourmet here wanted? Hotdogs! You know what they're made of, Chet? Huh? Lips and assholes! Movie Title: Chaplin (1992) as Mack Sennett: [Chaplin tells Sennett he intends to leave Sennett's employ and open his own studio] Mack Sennett : Charlie, I've been so rotten to you. I don't know if you can forgive me. I forced you to leave Butte Montana. I made you accept a hundred and fifty per. You mentioned directing and I stuffed that down your throat too. Now tell me how else Uncle Mack can make it up to you! [Sennett is explaining the film industry to Chaplin as Rollie edits a film] Mack Sennett : Now I know this is all new to ya, but remember something, we're all new. This is not an ancient industry. This whole place here is built around speed. Start the story, start the chase. I get bored easy. Rollie Totheroh : How much you reckon Mack? Couple yards of Mabel? Mack Sennett : Hmm, yeah. Nah, make it three. But don't go thinking we sacrifice quality. I never make more than two motion pictures a week, but I'll spend up to a thousand dollars on each of 'em if I have to. Movie Title: Driving Miss Daisy (1989) as Boolie Werthan: Daisy Werthan : You should have let me keep my old LaSalle. It never would've behaved this way and you know it. Boolie Werthan : Mama, cars don't behave. They are behaved upon. Fact is, you demolished that Chrysler all by yourself. Daisy Werthan : Say what you want, I know the truth. Boolie Werthan : The truth is, you just cost the insurance company $2,700. You're a terrible risk. Nobody's gonna want to issue you a policy after this. Daisy Werthan : You're just saying that to be hateful! Boolie Werthan : OK. I am. I'm makin' it all up. Look out there in the driveway! Every insurance company in America is out there, waving their fountain pen, trying to get you to sign up! Boolie Werthan : You're a doodle, Mama. Boolie Werthan : How're you, Idella? Idella : Livin'. Boolie Werthan : Where's that vacuum cleaner I brought over here? Idella : In the closet. Boolie Werthan : [turning to Hoke] She won't touch it. Idella : I would if it didn't give me a shock every time I come near it! Boolie Werthan : It works for me! Idella : Fine... you clean and I'll go down and run your office! [after Florene storms out when Katie Bell makes a mistake] Boolie Werthan : Don't worry Katie Bell, it not QUITE the end of the world. Movie Title: Sgt. Bilko (1996) as Colonel Hall: Major Ebersole : Well, in theory, and I wouldn't bet the farm, the tank is supposed to hover several inches over the pond. Then it's supposed to destroy the target, boom, the shed, kaboom, the ammunition dump, boom. Colonel Hall : Excellent, excellent, one thought though. Maybe it should be boom, boom and *then* kaboom. Sort of a hoo-ah grand finale. [Stunned silence] Major Ebersole : I'll make a note of it sir. Colonel Hall : Wha... what's that? Bilko : Horse shit, sir. Colonel Hall : Well, what's it doing there? Bilko : Keeping the flies off the food, sir. Movie Title: Sneakers (1992) as Mother: Mother : We got bubkes! We turn ourselves in now, they'll give us twenty years in the electric chair! Crease : Now what are you saying, the NSA killed Kennedy? Mother : No, they shot him but they didn't kill him. He's still alive. [Mother (the conspiracy theorist) is reading a tabloid.] Mother : Cattle mutilations are up. Donald Crease : Don't. Mother : Sorry. Mother : They've even got photos of the guy leaving the embassy, through the back service entrance. Hey, Crease, you on? Donald Crease : Yeah, I'm on. Mother : Were you still in C.I.A. in '72? Donald Crease : Yeah, why? Mother : Did you know the Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day before the earthquake? Donald Crease : Now what are you saying, the C.I.A. caused the Managua earthquake? Mother : Well, I can't prove it, but... Mother : Uh, could we maybe just go back to the "they might kill us" part? Whistler : Fellas, Janek's little black box is on his desk between the pencil jar and the lamp. Mother : Uh, Whistler, I hate to tell you this, but you're blind. Mother : O.K., boss, this LTX-27 concealable mike is part of the same system that NASA used when they faked the Apollo moon landings. Yeah, the astronauts broadcast around the world from a soundstage at Norton Airforce Base in San Bernadino, California. So it worked for them, shouldn't give us too many problems. Mother : But the key meeting took place July 3rd, 1968, when the Air Force brought the space visitor to the White House for an interview with President Eisenhower. And Ike said, "hey look, give us your technology, we'll give you all the cow lips you want." [Mother walks into the room and triggers the motion sensor] Donald Crease : This is what's in Cosmo's office. Best motion sensor on the market. Mother : And watch this. [He breathes in front of the sensor, and it goes off] Donald Crease : Also responds to thermal differentials. Martin Bishop : Does this have a happy ending? Mother : Oh, yeah. We can wrap you in a full-body suit of neoprene, heat-resistant rubber. Or we can raise the temperature in Cosmo's office to 98.6 degrees--which is probably what we'll have to do, because the neoprene would suffocate you. Either way, you've got a top speed of two inches per second. Any faster than that- [alarm beeps] Mother : and, uh, big guys with guns. But you'll probably do fine. Movie Title: Spies Like Us (1985) as Austin Millbarge: Austin Millbarge : They do seem to be headed in that general direction. Maybe your dick's not so dumb. Emmett Fitz-Hume : It got me through high school. [Milbarge and Fitz-Hume hear a sound] Emmett Fitz-Hume : What was that? Austin Millbarge : It was a dickfor. Emmett Fitz-Hume : What's a dickfor? Austin Millbarge : To pee with. [Ninjas emerge and surround Millbarge and Fitz-Hume] Austin Millbarge : We need a plan. Emmett Fitz-Hume : Let's play dead. Austin Millbarge : For once I'm completely in agreement with my partner. I'm not going down there. Do you know what those things can do? Suck the paint off your house and give your family a permanent orange afro. [Emmett Fitz-Hume and Austin Millbarge are surrounded by Ninja warriors] Austin Millbarge : Show some balls, man! Emmett Fitz-Hume : I think it's too late to try and impress them. [Arguing surgical techniques] Austin Millbarge : We mock what we don't understand. Austin Millbarge : [Listening to faint music] It's..."Soul Finger" by the Bar Kays Emmett Fitz-Hume : They must be havin' a hard time getting gigs. Emmett Fitz-Hume : What's she saying? Austin Millbarge : H... hair... hairbrush... headrest... Emmett Fitz-Hume : Jesus, where did you learn your Russian, J.C. Penny? Austin Millbarge : I gotta take a leak. You should go too. Emmett Fitz-Hume : What are you my mother? Don't you think I'm capable of determining my own time to go to the bathroom? Austin Millbarge : So, isn't now one of those times? Emmett Fitz-Hume : No. Austin Millbarge : You mean you don't feel a certain degree of urgent pressure on the inner wall of your bladder, now, right at this moment? Emmett Fitz-Hume : No, I'm fine! Austin Millbarge : Well... wouldn't you feel more comfortable being fully relieved of any excess fluids that might be building up immediately, now? Emmett Fitz-Hume : I gotta take a wizz? Austin Millbarge : [Nods triumphantly] Movie Title: Tommy Boy (1995) as Ray Zalinsky: Ray Zalinsky : Ted, send over a bottle of bubbly in a bucket of ice and a card. Have the card read, "Tough luck, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z." [After Tommy has rubbed air freshener on himself] Ray Zalinsky : Goin' a little heavy on the pine tree perfume there kid? Tommy : No, it's an auto air freshener. Ray Zalinsky : Good, you've pinpointed it, now the next step is washin' it out. Movie Title: Nothing But Trouble (1991) as Bobo / J.P.: Chris Thorne : Death for running a stop sign? J.P. : And for being a banker. That's the double death. J.P. : Y'know, you are worse than a week of yellow shitstorms. [Judge Valkenheiser calls his court to order... ] J.P. : Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake! J.P. : Welcome to Supper! How 'bout a nice glass of Hawaiian Punch? J.P. : There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a bank grope for money? J.P. : If it's an ambulance you got a chance, if it's in a hearse, it's gotta be worse! J.P. : You really put the pin in the party hog now, girl! J.P. : Get yer Eye-talian loafers outta my bedpan! J.P. : Go fuck a bug. [Eldona is about to throw Diane into an oil well after being chased by Bobo and L'il Debbull] L'il Debbull : Eldona's got her, that's good. Bobo : That's not good! L'il Debbull : No, that's not good! Movie Title: Nothing Lasts Forever (1984) as Buck Heller: Buck Heller : And here is your gun. Adam Beckett : What? I've never used a gun before in my life. I mean, they scare me. Buck Heller : Come on, Beckett, don't be such a pussy. You don't know who's out there. Movie Title: All You Need Is Cash (1978) as Brian Thigh: Narrator : And you turned down the Rutles. Brian Thigh : Yeah, yeah. [beat] Narrator : What's it like being an asshole? Movie Title: My Girl (1991) as Harry: Vada : I was born jaundiced. Once I sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. And I've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years. So I knew Dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction. [to father] Vada : Dad, I don't want to upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate that my right. It can only mean one thing. Cancer. I'm dying. Harry : Okay, Sweetie, hand me the mayonnaise out of the fridge. Shelly : She won't come out. It's been a whole day. You have to do something, Harry. Harry : The funeral's starting. Shelly : Open your eyes, she's eleven years old! Her only friend in the world is dead. Harry : I know that, but what do you want from me? Shelly : Stop hiding, Harry! You run, Harry. When I first came here, the idea of working with dead people didn't exactly thrill me. When I saw a family that lived here... I thought, if I'm living without a family, at least I can work with one... and maybe once in a while get invited in for supper. Harry : Yeah... and when those suppers are disrupted because there's a car crash, or a fire, or a little boy steps on a beehive. Shelly : I'm not asking you to stop caring for those people. But life isn't just death, Harry. Don't ignore the living... especially your daughter... Movie Title: My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988) as Steven Mills: Celeste Martin : [After changing to new dress in Dr. Mills' car] Is this acceptable? Steven Mills : Is the drool apparent? Steven Mills : Would you mind if I kissed you? Celeste Martin : Does it hurt? Steven Mills : Not the way I do it. Movie Title: Antz (1998) as Chip: Chip : Oh, please, Muffy. Not another crusade. Chip : You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles. Muffy : Oh, my big, strong pheronome factory. [They eskimo kiss] Z : [nauseated] Oh, brother. Suddenly, I just lost my appetite. Movie Title: Into the Night (1985) as Herb: Herb : There's a girl there who will do *anything you want* for fifty dollars an hour. Ed : Like what? Herb : Anything! If you want she'll dress like Santa Claus! Ed : Will she bring me a pony? Movie Title: Ghost Busters (1984) as Dr. Ray Stantz / Dr. Raymond Stantz: Gozer : Are you a god? Dr. Raymond Stantz : No. Gozer : Then die. Winston Zeddemore : Ray. When someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes. Dr. Peter Venkman : This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions. Mayor : What do you mean, "biblical"? Dr. Raymond Stantz : What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff. Dr. Peter Venkman : Exactly. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Dr. Egon Spengler : Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes... Winston Zeddemore : The dead rising from the grave. Dr. Peter Venkman : Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria. Man at Elevator : What are you supposed to be, some kind of a cosmonaut? Dr. Peter Venkman : No, we're exterminators. Someone saw a cockroach up on twelve. Man at Elevator : That's gotta be some cockroach. Dr. Peter Venkman : Bite your head off, man. Dr. Raymond Stantz : [Entering elevator] Going up? Man at Elevator : I'll take the next one. Dr. Raymond Stantz : You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment. Dr. Egon Spengler : I blame myself. Dr. Peter Venkman : So do I. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Well, no sense in worrying about it now. Dr. Peter Venkman : Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back. Dr. Raymond Stantz : I think we'd better split up. Dr. Egon Spengler : Good idea. Dr. Peter Venkman : Yeah... we can do more damage that way. [evaluating a site for their business] Dr. Peter Venkman : What do you think, Egon? Dr. Egon Spengler : I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Hey. Does this pole still work? [slides down a fireman's pole] Dr. Raymond Stantz : Wow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out. [Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agent] Dr. Peter Venkman : I think we'll take it. Dr. Raymond Stantz : My parents left me that house. I was born there. Dr. Peter Venkman : You're not gonna lose the house, everybody has three mortgages nowadays. Dr. Egon Spengler : There's something very important I forgot to tell you. Dr. Peter Venkman : What? Dr. Egon Spengler : Don't cross the streams. Dr. Peter Venkman : Why? Dr. Egon Spengler : It would be bad. Dr. Peter Venkman : I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean "bad"? Dr. Egon Spengler : Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Total protonic reversal. Dr. Peter Venkman : That's bad. Okay. Alright, important safety tip, thanks Egon. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Symmetrical book stacking. Just like the Philadelphia mass turbulence of 1947. Dr. Peter Venkman : You're right, no human being would stack books like this. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Listen. You smell something? Dr. Raymond Stantz : Well, this is great. If the ionization-rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads... in a spiritual sense of course. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Where do these stairs go? Dr. Peter Venkman : They go up. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here. Walter Peck : They caused an explosion! Mayor : Is this true? Dr. Peter Venkman : Yes it's true. [pause] Dr. Peter Venkman : This man has no dick. Walter Peck : Jeez! [Charges at Venkman] Mayor : Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up! Walter Peck : Alright, alright, alright! Dr. Peter Venkman : Well that's what I heard! Winston Zeddemore : Do you believe in God? Dr. Raymond Stantz : Never met him. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Gozer the Gozerian... good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension. Dr. Peter Venkman : [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray. [In a TV commercial] Dr. Raymond Stantz : Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night? Dr. Egon Spengler : Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Dr. Peter Venkman : Have you or your family ever seen a spook, spectre or ghost? Dr. Raymond Stantz : If the answer is "yes," then don't wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals... Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Dr. Peter Venkman : Ghostbusters. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs. Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Dr. Peter Venkman : We're ready to believe you. Dr. Peter Venkman : All right, this chick is TOAST. Okay sticks? Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : PULLED 'EM. Dr. Peter Venkman : Heat 'em up. Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : SMOKIN'. Dr. Peter Venkman : Bang 'em hard. Dr. Raymond Stantz , Dr. Egon Spengler , Winston Zeddemore : READY. Dr. Peter Venkman : Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like out there! I've *worked* in the private sector. They expect *results*. Dr. Peter Venkman : Ray, pretend for a moment that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering, or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on. Dr. Raymond Stantz : You never studied. [after Venkman's close encounter with a ghost] Dr. Peter Venkman : He slimed me. Dr. Raymond Stantz : That's great. Actual physical contact. Can you move? [over walkie-talkie] Dr. Egon Spengler : Ray, Ray, come in please. Dr. Peter Venkman : I feel so funky. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Are you okay? Louis Tully : Who are you guys? Dr. Raymond Stantz : We're the Ghostbusters. Louis Tully : Who does your taxes? Dr. Raymond Stantz : You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual. Louis Tully : I know! Dr. Raymond Stantz : You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909! Louis Tully : Felt great. Dr. Egon Spengler : We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue. Louis Tully : Okay. Dr. Peter Venkman : As a friend, I have to tell ya you've finally gone around the bend on this ghost business. You guys have been running your ass off, meetin' and greetin' every schizo in the five boroughs who says he has a paranormal experience. What have you seen? Dr. Raymond Stantz : Of course you forget, Peter. I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration. Dr. Peter Venkman : Ray, the sponges migrated about a foot-and-a-half. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central. Dr. Peter Venkman : She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws! Dr. Peter Venkman : To our first costumer. Dr. Raymond Stantz : To our *first* and *only* costumer. Dr. Peter Venkman : I'm gonna need to draw some petty cash. I should take her out to dinner. We don't wanna lose her. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Uhhh... this magnificent feast here represents the *last* of the petty cash. Dr. Peter Venkman : Slow down. Chew your food. Dr. Raymond Stantz : I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft! Dr. Peter Venkman : Nice thinkin', Ray. Dr. Peter Venkman : [picking up his radio and speaking slowly] Come in, Ray. Dr. Raymond Stantz : [excited] Venkman? I saw it, I saw it, I saw it. Dr. Peter Venkman : [slowly, calmly] It's right here, Ray. It's... looking at me. Dr. Raymond Stantz : He's an ugly little spud, isn't he? Dr. Peter Venkman : [quickly] I think he can hear you, Ray. Dr. Raymond Stantz : Every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world. Winston Zeddemore : Myth? Ray, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason we've been so busy lately is because the dead *have* been rising from the grave? [long pause] Dr. Raymond Stantz : [Turns on radio] How 'bout a little music? [The Ghostbusters are climbing the stairs to the top of Dana's apartment building] Dr. Peter Venkman : Where are we? Dr. Ray Stantz : I think we're in the teens somewhere. Dr. Peter Venkman : When we get to twenty, tell me. I'm gonna throw up. [alternate wording from cable TV version] Dr. Raymond Stantz : Everything was fine until the grid was shut down by wally wick here. Walter Peck : They caused an explosion! Mayor : [to Venkman] Is this true? Dr. Peter Venkman : Yes sir, it's true. This man is some kind of rodent, I don't know which. Movie Title: Trading Places (1983) as Louis Winthorpe III / Louis: Louis : Looking good, Billy Ray! Billy Ray : Feeling good, Louis! Louis : My God! The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market! Ophelia : Unless somebody stops them... Coleman : ...or beats them to it. Eggnog? Pawnbroker : Burnt my fingers man. Louis Winthorpe III : I beg your pardon? Pawnbroker : Man, that watch is so hot, its smokin'. Louis Winthorpe III : Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen? Pawnbroker : I'll give you fifty bucks for it. Louis Winthorpe III : Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The finest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is *the* sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail! Pawnbroker : You got a receipt? Louis Winthorpe III : It tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverley Hills, London, Paris, Rome and Gstaad. Pawnbroker : In Philadelphia it's worth 50 bucks. Louis Winthorpe III : I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro. [Approaching the New York Commodities Exchange] Louis Winthorpe III : Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the unlimited carnage you are about to witness. Superbowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One moment you're up half a mil in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me? Billy Ray Valentine : Yeah, we got to kill the mother - we got to kill 'em! Louis Winthorpe III : He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? My Harvard tie. Like oh, sure he went to Harvard. Louis Winthorpe III : Nenge? Nenge Mboko? It is me, Lionel Joseph! Billy Ray Valentine : Lionel! From the African Education Conference! Louis Winthorpe III : Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion. Billy Ray Valentine : I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there! Both: Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, boo-boo yah, hah! Billy Ray Valentine : Oh, memories! Louis Winthorpe III : [to Penelope] Those men wanted to have sex with me! Louis : [after giving the secret knock] Who is it? Billy Ray Valentine : Open the door, man! Movie Title: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) as Webber: Webber : Ah, Dr. Jones. I'm Earl Webber. I spoke with your assistant and managed to secure three seats. However, there might be a *slight* inconvenience as you will be riding on a cargo plane full of live poultry. Movie Title: Canadian Bacon (1995) as Highway Patrolman: [Highway patrolman tells Boomer why his graffiti must be in both English and French] Highway Patrolman : Le Quebecois. Boomer : Huh? Highway Patrolman : You know. Wine drinkers. Pea soup eaters. French Canadians! Highway Patrolman : I do have to fine you. That will be a thousand dollars Canadian, or 10 American dollars if you prefer. Movie Title: Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) as Elwood Blues: Elwood Blues : We've got to get off this road. They've called ahead by now and you can't outrun a Motorola. Mighty Mack : Great. They have automatic weapons. We have carpet tacks. Elwood Blues : There not carpet tacks. They're dry wall nails. Elwood Blues : Stay away from drugs, gangs, and cyberporn on the Internet and you can be President some day. Elwood Blues : Duck, give me a mountain tempo in A minor. [Repeated line] Elwood Blues : The Lord works in mysterious ways. Mother Mary Stigmata : Before Curtis came to us at St. Helen of the Blessed Shroud he had a musical group that toured the joints of the Mid West. In one town Curtis had an affair... with a married woman. Elwood Blues : Go Curtis! [Mother Mary Stigmata hits him] Elwood Blues : I mean... that's terrible. Mother Mary Stigmata : That's what I thought you meant. Cab Chamberlain : I thought you said she was old and ugly. Elwood Blues : Ix-nay on the ugly-ay. Elwood Blues : [addressing the rest if the band] You may go if you wish. But remember this: walk away now and you walk away from your crafts, your skills, your vocations; leaving the next generation with nothing but recycled, digitally-sampled techno-grooves, quasi-synth rhythms, pseudo-songs of violence-laden gangsta-rap, acid pop, and simpering, saccharine, soulless slush. Depart now and you forever separate yourselves from the vital American legacies of Robert Johnson, Muddy Waters, Willie Dixon, Jimmy Reed, Memphis Slim, Blind Boy Fuller, Louie Jordon, Little Walter, Big Walter, Sonnyboy Williamson I and II, Otis Redding, Jackie Wilson, Elvis Presley, Lieber and Stoller, and Robert K. Weiss. Donald "Duck" Dunn : Who is Robert K. Weiss? [the rest of the band shrug] Elwood Blues : Turn your backs now and you snuff out the fragile candles of Blues, R&B and Soul, and when those flames flicker and expire, the light of the world is extinguished because the music which has moved mankind through seven decades leading to the millennium will whither and die on the vine of abandonment and neglect. [he walks off, followed by Buster, Mack and then the rest of the band] Movie Title: Casper (1995) as Dr. Raymond Stantz: Dr. Raymond Stantz : Who you gonna call?... Someone else. Movie Title: Dragnet (1987) as Joe Friday / Friday: Topless woman: Are these the breasts of a forty year old? Friday : No ma'am. They're very impressive... bordering on spectacular. Joe Friday : I don't care what undercover rock you crawled out from, there's a dress code for detectives in Robbery-Homicide. Section 3-605.10.20.22.24.26.50.70.80. It specifies: clean shirt, short hair, tie, pressed trousers, sports jacket or suit, and leather shoes, preferably with a high shine on them. Joe Friday : Ma'am, what is the approximate dry weight of the average Madagascan fruit tree bat? Pep Streebeck : You mean you don't know? Joe Friday : Ah, sure, but just like every other foaming, rabid psycho in this city with a foolproof plan, you've forgotten you're facing the single finest fighting force ever assembled. Reverend Jonathan Whirley : The Israelis? [Friday is about to eat a hot dog] Pep Streebeck : Do you have any idea what falls into an industrial sausage press, including rodent hairs and bug excrement? Joe Friday : I hate you, Streebeck. Pep Streebeck : Are you crazy? Silvia Wiss wanted you. Friday : Now let me tell you something, Streebeck. There are two things that clearly differentiate the human species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now, you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private Hell. Pep Streebeck : You've got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Friday? That must be what keeps your hair up. Pep Streebeck : You know Friday, we're allowed to go 55. Sometimes even higher. Friday : Did it ever occur to you that by going eight miles an hour slower, we might save some gas and ease the burden on the poor taxpayers that pay our salaries. Pep Streebeck : A little gas isn't gonna put the city in hock and besides this looks bad, man. Friday : Look out. Muppets. Friday : Can you tell me how much a monthly run of your "magazine" is worth? Jerry Caesar : Well, let's just say it's more money than you'll ever see in your life. And I do that every month. Friday : At least my money is clean. Jerry Caesar : Tell you what you can do, Friday, before you go home and start polishing your pennies. Why don't you go out there and get my magazines back on the stands where they belong? Friday : Listen, hotshot. I'm gonna tell you something right now. I don't care for you or for the putrid sludge you're troweling out. But until they change the laws and put you sleaze kings out of business, my job is to help you get back your stenchering boxes of smut. And since I'll be doing it holding my nose, I'll be doing it with one hand. Caesar Mansion intercom: Oh thank God, vibrator repair! Friday : No mam, LAPD... Pep Streebeck : Well what a pleasant surprise... Grannie Friday... Friday : Not that it's any of your business, she's my maternal Grandmother, her name is Monday. Captain Gannon : Frank won't be coming into work today Joe. Friday : 24 hour virus? Captain Gannon : Or tomorrow. Friday : 48 hour? Captain Gannon : Frank quit, bought a goat farm... [Friday's car was stolen] Friday : With the exception of you and canned cling peaches, I'd find it hard to find anyone or anything that doesn't know you should never leave your car keys in the ignition. Pep Streebeck : It's called a mistake, Friday. But I guess you never make any of those, do you? Captain Gannon : Friday, Streebeck, we've got another one. Chemical train hijack down at the freight yards. Damn Pagans must be living on No-Doz! Friday : Yessir, Captain. We'll roll as soon as we requisition a new... Captain Gannon : Oh, one more thing. Police and fire departments all over the county are reporting vehicles stolen. So keep an eye on your car. Connie Swail : [commenting on Streebeck's gun to Friday] Why is his so much bigger than yours? Joe Friday : I've never needed more, ma'am. Pep Streebeck : Hey partner. I tried to call you up til midnight. I didn't know the Christian Science reading rooms stayed open so late. Joe Friday : Not that it's any of your business, but I spend the evening in the company of Connie Swail. Pep Streebeck : Don't you mean "the Virgin Connie Swail"? [Friday looks at Streebeck as the Dragnet theme starts] Pep Streebeck : Wait a minute! Joe Friday : As we were in need of a new vehicle, the department issued us a 1987 Yugo. Not only does this vehicle get exceptional gas mileage, it also represents the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian technology. [the detective's car has just been blown up] Joe Friday : My hat was in that car. Pep Streebeck : I bet you can guess who blocked it for you. Movie Title: Neighbors (1981) as Vic: Vic : We haven't any children, unless Ramona just pumped one out and didn't tell me about it. Vic : We're waiting, or do I have to pound it out of you? Earl Keese : Don't ever speak to me like that in my own house! Vic : Why would I? Earl Keese : You just did. Vic : I didn't mean anything - it's just something a guy says. Earl Keese : I never say it. Vic : I don't blame you. Vic : Believe me, I know women - upside down and backwards, which is not a bad way to know 'em, huh? Vic : Stay here on the outer limits of the dead end zone? Nothing personal, but life at the end of the road just ain't for Captain Vic and Empress Ramona. Sorry folks, but you can color us gone. Vic : We'll get your jacket later. Right now, take me to THE SWAMP. Movie Title: Pearl Harbor (2001) as Captain Thurman: Admiral Chester W. Nimitz : So, sir, you would have us mobilize the entire fleet, at the cost of millions of dollars, based on this 'spine-tingling' feeling of yours? Captain Thurman : No, sir. I understand my job is to gather and interpret material. Making difficult decisions based on incomplete information from my limited decoding ability is your job, sir. Movie Title: 50 First Dates (2004) as Dr. Keats: Dr. Keats : Doug, once again, off the juice. Doug : It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake. Dr. Keats : Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you? Doug : Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, alright? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that! Dr. Keats : Note the intense overreaciton. That's the 'roids talking. Dr. Keats : All I know about walruses is that out of all mammals they have the second largest penis. I have the first. Henry : That's my joke. Movie Title: Caddyshack II (1988) as Capt. Tom Everett: Chandler Young : Your target's name is Jack Hartounian. I want him to be discouraged from erecting any more structures on Bushwood estates. Capt. Tom Everett : Discouraged? As in "extreme prejudice"? Chandler Young : We already tried extreme prejudice. It didn't work. Capt. Tom Everett : No, I mean do you want him... Everett pulls out a gun. Capt. Tom Everett : ...terminated? Chandler Young : The less I know about that, the better. Capt. Tom Everett : Good! Good, that's my policy exactly. You see, that way, when we're captured, and they attach the twelve-volt car batteries to our testicles... which can, does, and... has happened... [Everett winces as electricity is heard] Capt. Tom Everett : ...then we can honestly say we had nothing to do with it. Movie Title: Evolution (2001) as Governor Lewis: Governor Lewis : You may proceed, sergeant. Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman : That's general! Governor Lewis : Not if you screw this up. Officer: All the monitors are down! Governor Lewis : Well that can't be good! Dr. Allison Reed : At this rate, they will take over Glen Canyon in three days. In two weeks, the rest of Arizona. Within three months, the United States will officially belong to them. And we are extinct. Governor Lewis : Oh, you gotta be shittin' me! Governor Lewis : What, the fuzzy no-nosed chimps? Movie Title: Ghostbusters II (1989) as Ray: Egon : Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610. Peter Venkman : 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he? Ray : He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, streched, disembowled, drawn and quartered. Peter Venkman : Ouch. Winston : Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh? Egon : No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy. Peter Venkman : Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch? Ray : And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, he said, "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back." Ray : Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city. Winston : Yeah, we conjured up a hundred-foot marshmallow man, blew the top three floors off an uptown high-rise, and ended up getting sued by every city, county, and agency in New York. Ray : Yeah... but what a ride. Ray : You mean you never even had a Slinky? Egon : We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it. Ray : You think this river of slime has anything to do with this Vigo character? Egon : Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9? Peter Venkman : Doh! Ray : Re! Egon : Egon! Boy at party: My dad says you guys are full of crap. Ray : Well, some people have a hard time believing in the paranormal. Boy at party: Nah, he just said you guys are full of crap and that's why you went out of business. Ray : Not so fast Dead Head! You want a baby, why don't you go knock off some willing hellhound! Otherwise I'm giving you three to get back in that painting! One! Peter Venkman : Two. Ray : It looks like a Jell-O mold. Winston : I hate Jell-O. Peter Venkman : Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O! Judge Wexler : You got to do something! Help me! Ray : Don't talk to me, talk to my attorney. Louis Tully : And that's me! My guys are still under a judicial mistrangement order... that blue thing I got from her! They could be exposing themselves! Peter Venkman : And you don't want us exposing ourselves! Ray : You know, I just can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. I mean, sure, it's messy, it's crowded, it's polluted, and there are people who would just as soon step on your face as look at you. But come on! There's gotta be a few traces of sweet humanity left in this city. We just gotta find a way to mobilize it! [piloting the Statue of Liberty] Egon : We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster? Ray : I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet. Egon : I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray. Peter Venkman : Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick! [Louis Tully is the Ghostbusters defense lawyer] Louis Tully : I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree in night school. Ray : Well, that's good Louis. We got arrested at night. Movie Title: My Girl 2 (1994) as Hary Sultenfuss: Vada : Shelly's already told me all about about sex. Hary Sultenfuss : She told me too. I mean, she told *me* she told *you* about sex. I--I personally knew about sex long before I met Shelly. Vada : I figured you did. Hary Sultenfuss : Your Dad's a paranoid nitwit who has never let his baby girl out of his sight for the simple reason that he's a paranoid nitwit. Movie Title: Saturday Night Live 80 (1975) as Dan Aykroyd: Dan Aykroyd : Jane, you ignorant slut! Dan Aykroyd : In order to perform the experiment, we need one ounce of marijuana. Weekend update correspondent Garrett Morris was sent into one of our urban neighborhoods to provide us with one ounce of marijuana. This bag contains one ounce, Garrett, it feels light. This isn't a full ounce. We gave you money for one ounce, you're going to have to go back and get more. Garrett Morris : Man, don't make me go back there! Those guys will kill me! Dan Aykroyd : We need one full ounce not .97 ounce of marijuana for the experiment. [Morris leaves] Dan Aykroyd : In other news [phone rings] Dan Aykroyd : ... Dan Aykroyd : Hello. Thank you. This just in; Garrett Morris is dead. The Weekend Update correspondent was found dead in an alley, the victim of a senseless killing. Another drug related death, Jane. Movie Title: Coneheads (1993) as Beldar Conehead: Beldar Conehead : An owner's manual to a Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable. Highmaster : Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable? Beldar Conehead : A personal conveyance named after its inventor, an assassinated ruler, a character from Greco-Roman myth and a small furry mammal. Highmaster : Ah. [Beldar tears open the roof to Ronnie's car.] Ronnie : H-hi, Mr. Conehead. Beldar Conehead : I find you unacceptable! Ronnie : Yes, sir. Beldar Conehead : If I did not fear incarceration of human authority figures I bring pressure to your blunt skull and cause it to collapse! Ronnie : Th-thank you. Movie Title: The Blues Brothers (1980) as Elwood: [Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood with her stick] Elwood : Ow, you fat penguin. Mrs. Murphy : Help you two? Elwood : Do you have any white bread ma'am? Mrs. Murphy : Yeah. Elwood : I'll have some toasted white bread please. Mrs. Murphy : You want butter or jam on that, honey? Elwood : No ma'am, dry. Jake : Do you have any fried chicken ma'am? Mrs. Murphy : Best damned chicken in the state. Jake : Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke. Mrs. Murphy : You want chicken wings or chicken legs? Jake : Four fried chickens and a Coke. Elwood : And some dry white toast please. Mrs. Murphy : Ya'all want anything to drink with that? Elwood : No ma'am. Jake : A Coke. Mrs. Murphy : Be right back. Elwood : Illinois Nazis. Jake : I hate Illinois Nazis. Elwood : The light was yellow, sir. [Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone] Elwood : You don't like it? Jake : No I don't like it... [Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge] Jake : Of course it's got a lot of pickup... Elwood : It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what? [A brief thinking pause while Jake Blues lights a cigarette] Jake : Fix the cigarette lighter. [while standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany] Jake : The band... the band... Reverend Cleophus James : DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT? Jake : THE BAND. Reverend Cleophus James : DO YOU SEE THE LIGHT? Elwood : What light? Reverend Cleophus James : HAVE YOU SEEEEN THE LIGHT? Jake : YES. YES. JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST... I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT. Reverend Cleophus James : Praise God. Elwood : And God bless the United States of America. Jake : How often does the train go by? Elwood : So often you don't even notice it. Elwood : Oh no. Jake : What the fuck was that? Elwood : The motor. We've thrown a rod. Jake : Is that serious? Elwood : Yup. Mrs. Tarantino : Are you the police? Elwood : No, ma'am. We're musicians. [after a burst of gunfire from the Mystery Woman, Jake climbs to his feet, covered in mud from the tunnel floor] Jake : It's good to see you, sweetheart. Mystery Woman : You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother. [Jake falls to his knees] Jake : Oh, please, don't kill us. Please, please don't kill us. You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault. Mystery Woman : You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me. Jake : No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD. [Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the Mystery Woman visibly softens] Mystery Woman : Oh, Jake... Jake, honey... [Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss] Jake : [to Elwood] Let's go. [He drops the Mystery Woman and walks off] Elwood : [to the Mystery Woman as he steps past her] Take it easy. Jake : [to Sister Mary Stigmata] 5 grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood. Sister Mary Stigmata : No, no, I will not take your filthy stolen money. Jake : Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek. [Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of language] Sister Mary Stigmata : I beg your pardon, what did you say? Jake : I offered to help you... You refused to take our money. Then I said; I guess you're really up Shit Creek. [Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again] Elwood : Christ Jake. Take it easy man. [Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues] Jake : Oh shit. [Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues] Elwood : Jesus Christ. [Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues] Jake : Shit. Jake : You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again. Elwood : What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you. Jake : You lied to me. Elwood : Wasn't lies, it was just... bullshit. [Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up behind them. The words are said in the same rhythm as a blues song ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo] Elwood : Shit. Jake : What? Elwood : Rollers... Jake : No. Elwood : Yeah. Jake : Shit. Elwood : Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now. Jake : First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint. Elwood : They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God. [while they are driving around in the shopping mall with 2 police cars on their tail] Elwood : Baby clothes... Jake : This place has got everything. [Repeated line] Elwood : We're on a mission from God. Matt Murphy : But babes, this is Jake and Elwood. The Blues Brothers. Mrs. Murphy : The Blues Brothers? Shiiit. They still owe you money, fool. You're livin' with me now. You ain't goin' back out on the road and playin' them old two-bit sleazy dives, and y'ain't gonna go slidin' around witcho ol' white hoodlum friends. Jake : Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if we told you that what we're asking Matthew to do is a holy thing? Elwood : We're on a mission from God. Mrs. Murphy : Don't you blaspheme in here. Don't you blaspheme in here. This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are gonna turn around and walk right out of here - without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and withOUT Matt 'Guitar' Murphy. Elwood : What kind of music do you usually have here? Claire : Oh, we got both kinds. We got country *and* western. Jake : Book us for tomorrow night. Maury Sline : Hold it, hold it. "Tomorrow night", what are you talking about. A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation. Elwood : I know all about that stuff. I have been exploited all my life. Elwood : It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Jake : Hit it. [Carrie flame throws a propane tank next to a phone booth they are in - it blows sky high and crashes down to earth - the phone breaking in half] Elwood : Hey Jake. Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here. Elwood : I bet these cops got SCMODS. Jake : SCMODS? Elwood : State County Municipal Offender Data System. Elwood : You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield, ma'am? Elwood : You on the motorcycle... You two girls... tell your friends. [Camille has fired a machine gun at Jake and Elwood] Elwood : Who *is* that girl? [The brothers race around the mall parking lot] Elwood : We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway. Jake : This don't look like no expressway to me, pal. Elwood : Don't yell at me. Jake : Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead? Elwood : Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some... constructive criticism? [Arriving at the Orphanage] Jake : What are we doing here? Elwood : You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out. Jake : Yeah? So I lied to her. Elwood : You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin. Jake : No... fucking... way. Movie Title: The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001) as Chris: Chris : You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them. C.W. : I know, perceptive. Movie Title: Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) as Mr. Grocer: Mr. Grocer : After we do your job, we're gonna do another job. Marty : Tell me about it. Mr. Grocer : Like I'm gonna put a bullet hole in your fuckin' forehead, and I'm gonna fuck the brain hole! [to Debi's father, while fleeing from Grocer] Marty : I was hired to kill you. But I'm not going to. It's either because I'm in love with your daughter or I have a newfound respect for life. [In pursuing car] Mr. Grocer : That punk's either in love with that guy's daughter or he's got a newfound respect for life. Mr. Grocer : Workers of the world, unite! Mr. Grocer : [singing] I'll be comin' around the mountain when I come / I'll be comin' around the mountain when I come / I'll be blowin' your fuckin' head off / I'll be blowin' your fuckin' head off / I'll be whackin' your fuckin' mind out when I come. Mr. Grocer : This is Durazac 15, kid. It makes Prozac seem like de-caf latte. Marty : I don't do that stuff anymore. Mr. Grocer : Don't say "do it," because I don't "do it," I *ingest* it, on orders of my neurophysiologist. This stuff is legal. In five years they'll be putting it in the water for citizens, just like fluoride. Mr. Grocer : Hey, if you're lookin' for a father figure I'll give you a spankin'! Mr. Grocer : Easy there Chief, I don't see Hollow-Point Wound Care on the menu. Marty : Why are you in Detroit? Redwings need a new goon? Marty : What about those two guys in a Caprice Classic outside? The word is you turned two Governments on me, you turncoat. Mr. Grocer : Me? Marty : You. Mr. Grocer : Go G? Marty : Yes. Mr. Grocer : On you? Marty : Yes. Mr. Grocer : Never. Mr. Grocer : Look at that! Empty! Mr. Grocer : [Marty and Grocer are shooting eachother] Comrade! Comrade! Marty : What? Mr. Grocer : Why don't you just join the union, we'll go upstairs together and cap daddy! Marty : This union, there's gonna be meetings? Mr. Grocer : Of course! Marty : No meetings. [They continue shooting] Movie Title: Exit to Eden (1994) as Fred Lavery: Fred Lavery : Good morning and welcome to L.A.'s premium triple X club: The Feather. When the sun comes up, the bras come down. It is dark and time for our sunrise special. Cock-a-doodle-doo! Fred Lavery : They have a Club Med for sex orgies? Fred Lavery : An alternative lifestyle. DO you know what that is? That's just a phrase deviants use to cover up their sex lives. Movie Title: Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) as Car Passenger / Ambulance Driver: Car Passenger : Hey...you wanna see something really scary? Ambulance Driver : So, you had a pretty big scare up there, huh? John Valentine : Oh yeah! Ambulance Driver : You wanna see something really scary? Movie Title: North (1994) as Pa Tex: Pa Tex : Well I reckon we'll wake up early and eat, then we'll dig for oil and eat, then we'll rope some doggies, bust a few broncs and maybe get a bite to eat. You like Tex Mex? North : Sure, I'm a big fan of any food that straddles two borders. Pa Tex : That's my boy. North : What are you doing here? Gabby: Well I finished all my chores, I thought I'd get a little shootin' in. North : No I mean, have you ever been an Easter Bunny? Gabby: Easter Bunny? Pa Tex : Careful, Son, Gabby's killed men for less than that. North : Oh, sorry. Gabby: No harm done. Pa Tex : Remember before when I told you that everything I own is the biggest and the best? Well you're already the best. Now there's nothing left but to make you the biggest. Ma Tex : And don't fret about not being able to clean up your plate. Why soon your stomach will stretch and stretch and your capacity for food will grow and grow. North : You say that like that's a good thing to have happen to your stomach. Pa Tex : It is. North : Why? Ma Tex : Then you'll be like Buck. North : Who? Pa Tex : Our first son. The biggest boy this big state's ever seen. Why he could eat more in one day than anyone else could eat in a whole month. Ma Tex : That's why Buck hated February. |
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