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 Jeremy Piven Quotation"From the get-go, I'd keep talking and never stop. Literally I would take single lines and just keep going. In Runaway Jury, there are so many great actors but I got lucky because I'm standing next to Dustin Hoffman! That's the secret; Get next to him and they can't cut you out!" - on how to make an impression in small roles. "John Cusack and I have been friends since childhood, and the fact that we're in so many films together is, no pun intended, serendipitous. I audition and after I find out I've got the job I call Johnny and say 'hey man, we're going to be in New Orleans together'. And because we've done a bunch of films, people connect the dots. But thats not the case." "When I was in London, I saw Ralph Fiennes in Brandt. My mother and I went to the stage door, because we were so blown away by it. We were just gushing American fans. And then this guy went 'ohmigod, Jeremy Piven!' And he started giving it up in a very un-British way. It was a strange moment." "I have a place in Chicago and I get there as much as I can. ... The city is so unbelievably beautiful. It's one of the greatest cities on the planet. My heart beats differently when I'm in Chicago. It slows down and I feel more at ease." - On Chicago Movie Title: The Essence of Combat: Making 'Black Hawk Down' (2003) as Jeremy Piven: Jeremy Piven : See I thought this was a musical, so, I'm confused by the gunfire, constantly. Movie Title: Black Hawk Down (2001) as Cliff Wolcott: [Durant and Wolcott talk over the intercom as they fly past each other in their helicopters] Durant : Super Six One, go to UHF secure. I've got some bad news. Cliff Wolcott : Limo is a word, Durant. I don't want to hear about it. Durant : It is not a word. It's not in the dictionary. Cliff Wolcott : Limo is a word in common usage. That is the key phrase in scrabble, my friend. Durant : No! If it's not in the dictionary, it doesn't count. Cliff Wolcott : It doesn't have to be in the dictionary! Durant : It does have to be in the dictionary! Listen, when we get back to base, it's coming off the board. Cliff Wolcott : You touch my limo and I'll spank you, Night Stalker. You hear me? Durant : Yeah. Promises. Movie Title: Serendipity (2001) as Dean: Jonathan : Maybe I am just getting cold feet. Dean : I'm telling you right now British women do not age well. Eight years ago she was a luscious treat, you know, she probably looked like, you know, Baby Spice, now she could look like... Jonathan : Old Spice. Dean : I hate to break up a good thing, but we have half a dozen strippers waiting for us, we're late. Halley : You mean exotic dancers? Dean : No, I actually mean strippers. Bloomingdale's Salesman : So... you write for the obituary? Dean : Absolutely. Bloomingdale's Salesman : Hmm. You must be very proud. Dean : Uh-huh. I'm the one with the last word. Bloomingdale's Salesman : Not tonight. Dean : Yes, I am. Bloomingdale's Salesman : Don't think so. Dean : Absolutely. Bloomingdale's Salesman : Fat chance. Dean : Still talking! Bloomingdale's Salesman : Last line! Dean : You're the shit! [man next to him on plane looks over at him thinking he's talking to him] Jonathan : [To the guy] That's me, I'm the shit. Dean : Contrary to popular New York myth the Times is not omniscient. Dean : [commenting on Jonathan's craziness] They should make pills for this stuff. Dean : What's wrong? You alright? Jonathan : Her name's Sara Thomas. [Jonathan hands Dean the book] Dean : How? Jonathan : Halley gave it to me as a wedding present. Dean : Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Dean : Johnathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Johnathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Johnathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we crrently refer to as destiny. Jonathan : Forget about privacy laws. You know what privacy laws do? Leasing Office Temp : No. Jonathan : They protect millionaires. You know who those millionaires are? Leasing Office Temp : Who? Jonathan : Tell him who they are. Tell him. Dean : Kids your age. Pimple-faced college drop outs who have made unhealthy sums of money forming internet companies that create no concrete products, provide no viable services, and still manage to generate profits for all of its lazy day-trading son-of-a bitch shareholders. Meanwhile, as a tortured member of the disenfranchised proletariat, you find some altruistic need to protect these digital plantation-owners? Jonathan : [reacting to Dean's speech] Wow! Jonathan : [to Temp] Come on. Dean : You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: "Did he have passion?". Movie Title: Cupid (1998) as Trevor Hale: Trevor Hale : Make a move! Get in the game! You gonna get hurt? Have a beautiful train wreck. Trevor Hale : Coffee without caffeine is like sex without the spanking. Trevor Hale : She's not getting older, she's getting bitter. Trevor Hale : Ooh. Look at this towel. I have a little rule. If you can't identify the stain, then you don't dry off with it. nm0005191Claire Allen: If we are sharing the bed we sleep head to toe. Trevor Hale : What's the point, all the interlocking parts still align. Movie Title: Very Bad Things (1998) as Michael Berkow / Mike: Mike : Dad used to bring home these sparklers for me and Adam, you know? (laughs) Sparklers! We'd go out back, the three of us - and we'd hold it up to the sky and watch the explosions of light and the sparks, you know, and Dad would be all "Wait for it! Here it comes! Watch for it! Here comes the wahoo!" Kyle : Wahoo? Mike : Wahoo. The sparkler would burn hot, then hotter, then even hotter, and then there'd be this one moment of pure burn when that little fucker would cook perfect, just perfect. It would only last a second, but that second was *it*. And *that's* what Dad had us looking for, man. Kyle : The wahoo moment? Mike : That's exactly right. Man - burning at his absolute. All the forces coming together - burning - just perfect, perfect harmony. That's what I'm driving at. Are you with me? Kyle : I think so. Mike : I have been looking for that flash. I've been looking and I've been looking, and I can't find it. What if it already happened, you know? My moment! What if it already happened and I didn't see it? Mike : Your kid is one crutch short of a telethon. Mike : Look at 'em. I'm amazed the windows don't blow out of their fucking sockets with all the ass-puckering rage in these soulless lizards. Kyle : I just want her to be happy. Mike : The same alarm clock every morning, same two pops on the same snooze button, same shower, towel, toothbrush, razor, blazer, hair pump, gel spray. It's a fucking epidemic, Fisher. You're getting married, baby. I'm not going to candy-coat it - it just gets worse. It's an eighteen-wheel cement truck that's going to crush every bone in your big body. Michael Berkow : We were playing. She bumped her head. Adam Berkow : Bumped? BUMPED? She's got a fuckin' spike in her head! Movie Title: Kiss the Girls (1997) as Henry Castillo: [Following a suspect on a California highway] John Sampson : This does not look like a 7-11 run. Where does this road go? Henry Castillo : Vancouver. Movie Title: Music From Another Room (1998) as Billy: Billy : He's the retard! Hey, you're the retard! Movie Title: Rush Hour 2 (2001) as Versace Salesman: Versace Salesman : Mmmm, butter cream, butter cream, alligator, butter cream. Versace Salesman : Mmmmm, butter cream, butter cream, croc skin, butter cream... Movie Title: Scary Movie 3 (2003) as Ross Giggins: Ross Giggins : Turning now to sports... [Cindy types new text for the teleprompter] Ross Giggins : and an evil video tape that kills anyone who watches it in seven days. It's true. We're all in danger. There's an alien force that's trying prevent you from knowing the truth. Carson Ward : Oh, no. Campbell, are you insane? Ross Giggins : It's a horrible fate. Cindy Campbell : Carson, I have to do this. [Ward types his text] Ross Giggins : Correction, there really is no danger. Actually, I didn't really mean anything I just said. Yes, I did. Every word of it. Everyone watching this could be dead in a week. [Everybody's fighting over the telemprompter keyboard, the janitor sits on it] Ross Giggins : Oh, shizl gzngahr, % + 7, , 193419 ckin etd vaus erstn gubl chn q shnitzi guorsn blkn (, , 18 469 [Janitor takes over the keyboard] Ross Giggins : I been cleanin' after this dumb-ass cracker Giggins for ten years, but I been hittin' it with his woman for twelve. Know what I'm sayin', nigga? She likes her some chocolate. Sharpton for President y'all. I'm outie. [Cindy and Ross Giggins are TV Anchors on air] Cindy : And now back to you, Ross. Ross Giggins : I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Ward, Carson : And I told you, Campbell, no more paranoid on-air rants about the supernatural. Cindy Campbell : I know. This station is about sex, violence, and the weather. Ward, Carson : Yes. That reminds me. We're gonna need that "Porn Star Shot Dead in a Hurricane" story. [Anchor on the air] Ross Giggins : Meanwhile, a tornado in Charleston threatens a clothing-optional beach where just yesterday a naked couple was brutally murdered. This just five miles from where the last naked couple was brutally murdered. Ross Giggins : Do they pose a threat? Only one thing's for certain. We are all going to be killed. Movie Title: Old School (2003) as Dean Pritchard: Dean Pritchard : Listen, Chang. Sara: It's Huang. Dean Pritchard : Whatever. Mitch : Wow. Chesse, is that you? Dean Pritchard : Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much. Beanie : Who's this? Mitch : Beanie, remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother? Dean Pritchard : Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard. Beanie : Oh yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in the dumpster one time? Dean Pritchard : I got out. Beanie : Good, I'm glad you did. Dean Pritchard : Are you a comedian now? This is me leaving. This is me leaving. Movie Title: Entourage (2004) as Ari Jacobs: Ari Jacobs : Is that the way they drive in Tiananmen Square, bitch? Ari Jacobs : Let's hug it out, bitch. Movie Title: PCU (1994) as Droz: Droz : Are we having a party tonight or what? Cecilia : Well, there's no publicity, so there's no people; Gutter never showed up, so there's no beer; instruments just blew out, so there's no band; and I think Raji and Deege may be dead. Droz : Wait a minute... no beer? Well, where the hell's Gutter? Katy : Probably in a parking lot somewhere picking his nose. Droz : These, Tom, are the Causeheads. They find a world-threatening issue and stick with it for about a week. Droz : What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy. Tom : What's he doin? Droz : He's finishing his senior thesis. Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV. Tom : That's his thesis? Droz : Yes! That's the beauty of college these days, Tommy! [stealing a car, finds The Club, still in the package with the words: Police say "Use it"] Droz : Well, that's good thinking. Droz : You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit. Katy : Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: Tonight, at the Pit, "Everyone Gets Laid." Droz : It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it. Droz : Alright right, whaddya need? Bottle rockets, dental dams, Redi Wips, term papers? Droz : What some advice? Tom : Well, yeah. Droz : Well, here's all you need to know: Classes, nothing before eleven. Beer, it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car? Tom : Uhh... no. Droz : Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day. Droz : Ok, now it's true, the majority of students today are so cravenly PC, they wouldn't know a good time if it was sitting on their face, but there's one thing that will always unite us and them. They're young. They may not realize it yet. They've got the same raging hormones, the same self-destructive desire to get boldly trashed and wildly out of control. Look out that window! That's not a protest! That is cry for help! They're begging us... [Shouts] Droz : Please have a party! Feed us drinks! [Continues shouting] Droz : Get us laid! Aahhhhhh! Droz : Go to sleeeep! Droz : Hey monkeys, how about a little respect. The presiding person of the university just walked in. Droz : We need kegs. Multiple, cold and domestic. President Garcia-Thompson : I heard that just today you and your friends dumped 100 pounds of meat on a peaceful demonstration. Droz : Oh, come on! That was way more than 100 pounds. Droz : Go to sleep! Why won't you just go to sleep! Movie Title: Ellen (1994) as Spence: Paige : I still can't believe that Ellen is gay. Spence : Well, I always thought for a while she might be. I mean she could always run faster than I could, throw a ball farther, climb a tree faster... Joe Farrell : Did you ever think maybe YOU were gay? Paige : What are you doing in here? Spence : I'm playing "Crimson Tide" and I'm waiting for Denzel Washington to punch me in the face. I'm taking a bath, what does it look like I'm doing? Movie Title: Judgment Night (1993) as Ray Cochran: Ray Cochran : All aboard! Frank Wyatt : That's a conductor, not a bus driver. Ray Cochran : Hey, why don't you sit down and shut up. Frank Wyatt : Now THAT's a bus driver. Ray Cochran : Come inside this thing, it's bigger than your house. Mike Peterson : It's all right, John's a good guy. Ray Cochran : He's a good guy? He's a pain in the ASS! Ray Cochran : Un-fucking-believable! John Wyatt : Ray, calm down. Ray Cochran : Calm down? This stuff's gonna cost me a fortune! I'm now the proud owner of this piece of shit! Ray Cochran : We're stuck in this piece of shit which I NOW OWN!! Movie Title: Grosse Pointe Blank (1997) as Paul: Marty : Debi's house. Paul : Kinda crept up on you, didn't it? Marty : No, you drove us here. Paul : [pause] Yep. Marty : This your Beamer? Paul : Yeah. Marty : In Detroit? That's sacrilege! Paul : Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater. Paul : Okay, well, I'll see you at the "I've peaked and I'm kidding myself" party. Paul : [after Jenny Slater has been dismissive towards him] I was just trying to get a little validation for my life. I guess I came up a bit SHORT! |
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