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 Mark McKinney QuotationMovie Title: Dog Park (1998) as Dr. Cavan: Dr. Cavan : What's wrong, Mogli? Movie Title: Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996) as White Trash Woman / Don / Don Roritor / Cabbie / Simon / Nina Bedford: Cabbie : When I was a little boy, my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over." Scientist: I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends. Don : Uh, right, and what's positive about that? Scientist: Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends. Don : Couldn't it also give worms to ex-boyfriends? Scientist: This is a drug... for the world... to give worms to ex-girlfriends. Don : Well, great. Thanks for stopping by. Scientist: You just don't get it here! Huhoooo! Cisco : Okay, I was driving around last night in my sixty-two thousand dollar car. And I was trying to think of a name for the drug, then it hit me. Don Roritor : The name? Cisco : No a bird, it hit my windshield. When that happened, I got depressed. Natalie : Not you, Cisco! Cisco : Yeah, even me. But as soon as I got depressed, I got underpressed. 'Cause as I was cleaning the gleaming guts of that bird off my car, I thought of a name for the drug: Gleemonex. The slogan: Gleemonex makes it feel like it seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time! White Trash Man : Baby... get in the vehicle, baby! White Trash Woman : I'm not getting in that vehicle! White Trash Man : Baby, this is my gift to you! White Trash Woman : What?! Gift?! That's not a gift, you freakin' stole this! White Trash Man : I stole it to make it up to you, baby. White Trash Woman : [sobbing] Well, tell me this, then -- how could you sleep with my best friend, and not tell me about it?! White Trash Man : I told you about it, baby, but don't shoot the messenger! Cabbie : Ya know, the pills are made of monkey cum. Simon : Hey, look! I'm an elephant rider!! Huh?? Ya like that?? Nina Bedford : When we come back we're going to give Dr. Cooper a complete makeover. Movie Title: Superstar (1999) as Father Ritley: [Communion] Father Ritley : Body of Christ. Evian Graham : Are these low-fat? Movie Title: The Kids in the Hall (1989) as Darrill / Mark / Silvee / Rick Metheral: Rick Metheral : I believe the aliens are here to collect decorative spoons. My own store has been visited three times by three separate groups of aliens, and each time, although they initially expressed a lot of interest in the beer mug shaped like a tit, their only purchase was the Stevenville commemorative spoon. In fact, the last group complained, quite tellingly, I think. They said, "Why don't you have a spoon that just says 'Earth?' It would save time." Darrill : Now that that's done, let's turn our attention back to the lovers. Now, when I brought in the canvas from the storeroom today, Martin, our cameraman, remarked that he thought the lovers looked... well, how did you put it, Martin? Martin: I said I thought they were fucked. Darrill : I think what he meant is vague. And I agree. So, let's give them something, shall we? Now if you remember all great paintings have an element of tragedy to them. Uh, for instance if you remember from last week, the unicorn was stuck on the aircraft carrier and couldn't get off. That was very sad. Uh... and this week some of you wrote in with your suggestions. In fact, Mrs. Trabinsky of Paulvale Street wrote in and suggested we give this lover a tumor in his head. So, let's begin! Now color is especially important with a tumor. You want some red, and you want some green, and you want a little bit of blue to make it out... There. Can you see that? That's a really nice color for a tumor, isn't it? Silvee : What's wrong, my Michelle? Michelle : Oh, Silvee, I can't stop thinking about Tony, wondering where he could be, who he is with, what is he thinking, is he thinking of me, and whether he'll ever return someday. Silvee : Oh, Michelle. Michelle : Hmmm? Silvee : You have to stop lying awake wondering about Tony, wondering where he is, who he could be with, what he's thinking, if he's thinking of you, and whether he'll ever return one day. Michelle : Oh. Silvee , Michelle : [Man enters] What? Man : Upstairs we are having a fabulous party, but we've run out of wine. So I am forced to borrow a bottle of yours. My God, it stinks in here! It stinks of stupid women wondering about Tony, wondering where he could be, who he is with, what he's thinking, whether he's thinking of you, and whether he'll ever return someday. Mark : What's wrong with you? Having your period? Dave : What if I was, huh? Mark : Do you want to step outside? Dave : No, I just want to have a period, that's all. Just one a month, okay? |
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