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 Greg Proops QuotationMovie Title: Men Behaving Badly (1996) as Billy: Dr. Alexander : Why are we here? Kevin : Because you're Sarah's dearest and closest friends. Billy : Well, that's just sad. Dr. Alexander : How do you know Sarah? Billy : I used to groom her cat. Dr. Alexander : She has a cat? Billy : Not anymore. What about you? Dr. Alexander : I was her dentist until she sued me for gross malpractice. Billy : What did you do? Dr. Alexander : You're full of a lot of questions, aren't you? Cat killer. Movie Title: Comedy Central Presents: Greg Proops (1999) as Greg Proops: Greg Proops : Whoo! Heidi! Little goat girl, you are kicking the jam. You've got my lederhosen in a situation. Greg Proops : My feeling is, the Pilgrims were asked to leave England. England was never funner than when the Pilgrims split, right? The people of England got a little tired of these dour, right-winged conservative psycho-Christians wearing all black, bumming people out, confusing everyone by wearing buckles on... their heads. "Is that tight enough for you, Cotton?" "Yea, verily." Greg Proops : ...I have to hear this all the time in England: "Well, all Americans are fat and stupid, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm." Really? Well, thanks for sending over the best and brightest to start the party. Maybe we can send a few freaky, Texas, militia, hate-group, gun-toting weirdoes back to your country. Greg Proops : How come we got the grumpy boat of bandy-legged Puritans? How come we didn't get the Italian party boat with the cappuccino makes and the gelato machine? That was the sexy boat, man. Movie Title: Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1988) as Greg Proops: Greg Proops : When's it gonna end, huh? The aggression. Clive Anderson : When you give us our colonies back. Greg Proops : His colonies. Clive's colonies. Greg Proops : Righty-ho, Mr. A. [hoe-down about sex] Greg Proops : Oh, I'm a randy bugger; I really get around/I like to have a shag with everyone in town/I have lots of fun, I'm happy as can be/And that's cause my name is Tony Slattery! Clive Anderson : [fielding suggestions from the audience] And we're going to want to have a crisis that the world is facing. Audience Member 1: Richard Nixon comes back from the dead! Audience Member 2: An asteroid about to crash into the earth! Clive Anderson : A jam shortage. Okay, so it's - Greg Proops : WHO are you listening to? Mike McShane : Where are you receiving your suggestions from, British Telecom? Movie Title: I Love the '70s (2003) as Greg Proops: Greg Proops : She shoots ugly white guys, which is, you know, so necessary, and frankly, isn't done enough. Greg Proops : At my high school, all the kids who liked The Who were jocks, and all the kids who liked Led Zepplin were the, you know, pot-smoking, acid-taking, "Hobbit"-reading groove monkeys. Movie Title: Brother Bear (2003) as Bo: Bo : I guess it's our turn. This is the year I met the MOST gorgeous... Nookie : No... YOU'RE gorgeous. Bo : You're gorgeous... -ER. Tug : Get a cave. Igor : Oy. [starts speaking in his language] Mabel : If only EDGAR was alive. Edgar: I told you woman I'm right here. Bo : I love you buttercup. Movie Title: Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1998) as Greg Proops: Greg Proops : In a world full of poo, there's only one scooper. I'm Greg Proops the pooper scooper. [Scenes from a hat- Things George Bush does alone in the oval office] Greg Proops : [pretends to look in mirror] Who beat Al Gore? Who beat Al Gore? [playing World's worst TV programs] Greg Proops : Hi, and welcome to the NRA's gun safety week. [imitates getting shot] Colin Mochrie : [playing impossible mission] I thought we were out of the spy buisiness? Ryan Stiles : We're never out of the spy buisiness, Colin, not as long as tapes keep coming to the door. Greg Proops : How would you like to make money in Real Estate? [Ryan fast forewards] Greg Proops : Good morning, gentlemen. Colin Mochrie : Good morning. Greg Proops : How are you today? Colin Mochrie : Fine. Ryan Stiles : How's your cold, Ryan? Ryan Stiles : It's cleared up. Greg Proops : Well all right then... Colin Mochrie : Like what am I, nothing? Greg Proops : I'd love to chat but I'm busy being on the... [Colin fast forewards] Greg Proops : Today's mission is of the greatest importance. The Meer of Grufunkastan, a small Middle Eastern Nation is coming to visit the President. He'll be arriving in Washington D.C., however, his flight has been delayed and his burnoose is dirty. Your mission is to go to his hotel, The George C. Clark hotel, you don't know it nevermind, and clean a new bernoose for the Meer of Grufunkastan. This tape will self destruct as soon as you throw it out the... [Ryan throws it out the window] Greg Proops : BOOM! Ryan Stiles : Thank God we picked window! Colin Mochrie : Yes. Well, we've got a mission lets get to it. [dramatic music] Ryan Stiles : I can't remember where the hotel is you got your Thomas Guide? E5 it's gonna be tough. Oh my God, my car's in the shop. Colin Mochrie : Well, luckily they've marked every street and town with big numbers and letters. Ryan Stiles : Wait a minute we're at E4 already. Colin Mochrie : Quick, E5. Ryan Stiles : I didn't know we lived so close to the hotel. Colin Mochrie : No kidding, we only look out the windows to throw burning tapes. [Scenes From a Hat - "What George W. Bush is really thinking during Cabinet meetings"] Greg Proops : What's the 'W' stand for, anyway? Whatever... [Buzzer] Colin Mochrie : There's not even a cabinet in here. [playing Bad Dating Service Videos] Drew Carey : I can't hear you. Greg Proops : Really? Maybe it's because I have a fucking rabbit mask over my face. Drew Carey : [giving hints to Greg that the answer for Colin's "party quirk" includes gravity] What holds you to the Earth? Greg Proops : Why, my love for you, Drew. Drew Carey : Now let's go on to a game called "African Chant". As we know, Africa's a big country... [Greg starts laughing] Greg Proops : Or a *continent*, if you're a geographer. Greg Proops : [playing Bad Dating Service Videos] I have a fish head on. I'm fucking 42 years old. |
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