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 Bob Odenkirk QuotationMovie Title: Mr. Show and the Incredible, Fantastical News Report (1998) as Newscaster: Newscaster : Well, that was some story. Thank you ladies, you girls crack me up. Here, watch a man at work. Newscaster : Coming up next, the Chinese invent a new way to pee in coke. Movie Title: The Ben Stiller Show (1992) as Ice Man McGee / Gen. Douglas MacArthur / Armand Assante / Police Officer in Charge: Narrator: But in a game of doubles... Capt. Willie Jones : This is a game of DOUBLES. Narrator: He's been playing singles way too long... Capt. Willie Jones : You been playing singles wayyyyy too long. Narrator: But now there's word on the street that that little show-off Aga-SSI is back in the game. Armand Assante : So, the word on the street is that that little show-off Aga-SSI is back in the game. Ice Man McGee : [rapping] Cuttin' up my lawn, and scatterin' his clippings. / You think I don't know where my yard begins? / He lives on Springer Road, number 311. / Sucker gets home every night around 7. / Kill Doug Szathkey. / That's right, I said, kill Doug Szathkey. / Peace. Ice Man McGee : It's like I'm saying, it's just censorship, straight up. I would like to make it clear that when I said, 'Kill Doug Szathkey', I was using street terminology to describe a situation from my life. When you misinterpret my words, all ya'all dis me, you dis my fans, and you dis the United States Constitution. And that's a real crime. Gen. Douglas MacArthur : Come on Stacy, shake those cobwebs loose. B Minus Time Traveler : July 7, 1941, a dayyy that will live in infamy. Gen. Douglas MacArthur : [disapproving look] B Minus Time Traveler : September 12, 1941, a dayyy that will live in... [whines] B Minus Time Traveler : Come on, General MacArthur, they both sound right. Gen. Douglas MacArthur : How could you forget the day Pearl Harbor was bombed? B Minus Time Traveler : Well, it was like, super easy to cheat in that class, cuz I had this friend Stacy, we had this system rigged where you would write it... Gen. Douglas MacArthur : [stern stare] B Minus Time Traveler : on... your... arm... Police Officer in Charge : You just destroyed an entire deli section, mister. Bruce Willis : What do you think I'm doing here, comparison shopping, huh? Movie Title: Mr. Show (1995) as Announcer / "Keith" the U.S. Customs guy / F.F. Woodycooks: F.F. Woodycooks : Have you seen this man's ass? It's wanted for smuggling 20 million pounds of narcotics into the United States. Also: Have you seen this man? He's wanted - by crooks everywhere, for trying to David : Bob, men can kiss. Men can get married. There's even a pill now that lets men make love to each other! Announcer : With the supermodel calling service, thousands of supermodels will call you around the clock! Andre : Thousands? Clock? "Keith" the U.S. Customs guy : Where you coming from? Nervous American returning from Amsterdam: I was in Italy and then I took a balloon up my ass to Spain. Movie Title: Run Ronnie Run! (2002) as Terry Twillstein: Terry Twillstein : Tally Ho all. Is this perchance Tas-Tee Liquors? Tonya : I don't know, faggot. Terry Twillstein : Have you read the letter's I'm getting. "Dear Ronnie, my name is Maurice. I am eight years old. I am your biggest fan. How come you are not so drunk anymore? My daddy says you were never drunk, but just a Hollywood phony. I told him he was wrong and he beat the shit out of me. Love, Maurice." Ronnie, I have stacks of these back at my office. |
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