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 Rodger Bumpass QuotationMovie Title: Heavy Metal (1981) as Hanover Fiste: Hanover Fiste : Hangin's too good for 'im. Burnin's too good for 'im. He should be torn into little bisty pieces and buried alive! Hanover Fiste : He's nothing but a low-down, double-dealing, backstabbing, larcenous perverted worm! Hanging's too good for him. Burning's too good for him! He should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive! Movie Title: SpongeBob SquarePants (1999) as Squidward: Squidward : I order the food, you cook the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die. Mr. Krabs : Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly. [whispering] Mr. Krabs : Anchovies. Squidward : What? Mr. Krabs : ANCHOVIES. Squidward : [after an embarrassing incident] Well, I'm sorry THAT didn't kill me. Squidward : If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar. Squidward : We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs. But how? SpongeBob SquarePants : Well, in the movie, the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot. Squidward : They poop on the robot? SpongeBob SquarePants : Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop. Ask questions, get information. Squidward : I never thought I'd say this, but SpongeBob, let's get that poop. Mr. Krabs : Three cheers for SpongeBob Hip-hip. Crowd: Hooray! Squidward : [unenthusiastic] Hooray. Mr. Krabs : Hip-hip. Crowd: Hooray! Squidward : Whoop-dee-doo. Mr. Krabs : Hip-hip. Crowd: Hooray! Squidward : Oh, Boy. SpongeBob SquarePants : And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place while I was gone: Squidward. Hip-hip. Crowd: Boo! SpongeBob SquarePants : Hip-hip. Crowd: Boo! SpongeBob SquarePants : Hip-hip. Crowd: Boo! SpongeBob SquarePants : Hip-hip. Deep vioce in crowd: Boo! You stink! Squidward : Let me get this straight. You two bought a big screen television just so you could play in the box? SpongeBob SquarePants : Pretty smart, huh? Patrick : I thought it wouldn't work. Squidward : But I have a theory. People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right? Plankton : CORRECT. SpongeBob SquarePants : I made you this sweater... Do you love it? Squidward : It's a little itchy. What's it made out of? SpongeBob SquarePants : Eyelashes. [Mermaid Man is talking about his super hero costume] Mermaid Man : The powers are in the costumes. Why else would we wear these underpants over our shorts? Squidward : I can think of three good reasons. Squidward : [To Krabs. ] Why don't you go and ask Cowbob Ranchpants and his friend sir Eat-a-lot. Mr. Krabs : SpongeBob. What's with all the nicknames? Mermaidman: You fiends can't win. You're out-numbered. Barnacle Man: You senile bag of fish paste. There are three of us and only one of you. SpongeBob SquarePants : Make that two. ManRay : The Quickster. Squidward : three. Barnacle Man: Captain Magma. Patrick : Four. Dirty Bubble: The Elastic Waistband. Sandy : Five. EVIL: M-M-M-Miss Appear. Mermaid Man : And me makes 10. I think. Squidward : Why didn't the kid see the pirate movie? Because it was rated "Aarrh." [Squidward is trying to start a marching band] Squidward : OK now, how many of you have played musical instruments before? Plankton : Do instruments of torture count? Squidward : No. Patrick : Is mayonnaise an instrument? Squidward : No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. [Patrick raises his hand again] Squidward : Horseradish is not an instrument either. [Patrick lowers his hand] SpongeBob SquarePants : I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey. Squidward. Squidward : NO. [Squidward and SpongeBob believe they are on the verge of death] Squidward : SpongeBob, no matter what I've said, I've always sorta liked you. SpongeBob SquarePants : Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet. Squidward : What? [SpongeBob and Patrick think Squidward is a ghost] Squidward : Enough. Squidward's ghost is feeling unusually generous today, and has decided to spare ye a horrible fate. Sssss. All you must do is obey my every whim and tickle my fancy on demand. SpongeBob SquarePants : Does that include...? Squidward : Quiet. Do as you're told, lest you incur the wrath of Squidward's ghost. Patrick : I think they make a cream for that now. Squidward : I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts. Squidward : My wish is that the people of Bikini Bottom will stop paying any attention to the inane drivel that is constantly streaming out of this dunderhead's mouth. SpongeBob SquarePants : Gee, SquidWard, maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said. Squidward : SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish, [shouting] Squidward : for twelve hours! [Squidward tries to start a marching band] Squidward : Let's just try stepping in rhythm. Now I want everyone to stand in straight rows of five. SpongeBob SquarePants : [raises his hand] Is this the part where we start kicking? Squidward : No, SpongeBob. That's a chorus line. Patrick : Kicking? Oh, I wanna do some kicking! [Patrick kicks Sandy] Sandy Cheeks : Why, you... [fights Patrick; they tumble outside, and after a while, Patrick peeks his head through the door] Patrick : Whoever is the owner of a white sedan, you left your lights on. [Patrick walks in and takes his seat; his head has been pulled through his trombone, and he makes a trombone sound as he walks] [SpongeBob has a jellyfish on a leash] SpongeBob SquarePants : Hey, Squidward. Meet my new pet. Squidward : That's no pet. That's a wild animal. SpongeBob SquarePants : No he isn't. He can do tricks. [Throwing a stick] SpongeBob SquarePants : Fetch! [Jellyfish fetches stick] SpongeBob SquarePants : [holding up three fingers] How many fingers am I holding up? [Jellyfish buzzes three times] SpongeBob SquarePants : Play dead! [Jellyfish is buried under a tombstone, then comes out] Squidward : I wouldn't let that thing in my house even if it was potty-trained. [Jellyfish is sitting on a toilet, reading the newspaper and humming] Squidward : I didn't need to see that. Squidward : Good evening, and welcome to the first Annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show. Sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... 'cause no one else would give it a home. Squidward : Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened... SpongeBob : He forgot the secret sauce? Squidward : No. SpongeBob : He didn't wash his hands? Squidward : No! SpongeBob : Irregular portions? Squidward : NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake! SpongeBob : You mean like this? [At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back] SpongeBob : Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Squidward : Except he wasn't a sponge! SpongeBob : So? Squidward : So it didn't grow back! SpongeBob : OH NO! Squidward : And he replaced his hand... with a rusty spatula. And then... he got hit by a bus! And, as funeral, they fired him! So now... every... What day is it? SpongeBob : Tuesday. Squidward : Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance! |
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