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 Demond Wilson QuotationMovie Title: Sanford and Son (1972) as Lamont Sanford: Lamont Sanford : You're a dirty old man ya know that? Fred Sanford : And I'm gonna be one 'till I'm a dead old man. Fred Sanford : I still want to sow some wild oats. Lamont Sanford : At your age, you don't have no wild oats, you got shredded wheat. Fred Sanford : [Coughs violently] Smokin' less but enjoying it more. [Lamont enters room] Fred Sanford : Hey Lamont you bring me cigarettes? Lamont Sanford : What? Fred Sanford : Cigarettes. Smokes. Did you get them? Lamont Sanford : Did you hear yourself just now? Fred Sanford : Yeah I asked if you brung me cigarettes. Lamont Sanford : No I mean did you hear yourself coughing? I heard you a block away, it sounded like they was tearing up the streets. Fred Sanford : We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans? Lamont Sanford : The oven don't work. Fred Sanford : Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or... Lamont Sanford : Would you stop that? Lamont Sanford : Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long. Fred Sanford : That's real super king sized ain't it? Lamont Sanford : 41 miles. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland. Fred Sanford : Now she's got TB. Lamont Sanford : What? Fred Sanford : Terrific Body. Lamont Sanford : When a person has three heart attacks, he's dead. You had fifteen. Lamont Sanford : You know what they say, the truth will set you free. Fred Sanford : Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months. [Lamont bought 2 coffins at an auction and is trying to convince Fred of their worth] Lamont Sanford : C'mon pop, we're gonna make a killin' on these. Fred Sanford : Well then why don't you make two killin's and get them outta here. Lamont Sanford : Do you read Ebony magazine? Man: No. Lamont Sanford : Why not? I read Life. Lamont Sanford : This house was always damp, even my bed was damp. Fred Sanford : Now you can't go blaming that on me. Lamont Sanford : [Holding a dented hub cap] Do I put this in H.C.: Hub Cap. Fred Sanford : No, you put that in G.C.: Garbage Can. Fred Sanford : Let's do like they did in the Bible: Moses spread his arms out and the Red Sea divided. Lamont Sanford : So we're gonna do like Moses? Fred Sanford : No, we're gonna do like the Red Sea and split. Lamont Sanford : This is a pea coat. Bubba : Did you know that when you bought it? Fred Sanford : This is a real Chinese restaurant, isn't it? Lamont Sanford : No, it's a pizza parlor. Of course it's a Chinese restaurant. Fred Sanford : I can't eat here. I can't eat that Chink food. Fred Sanford : You remember that command they used to give? "Don't fire 'till you see the whites?" Lamont Sanford : It was, "Don't fire 'till you see the whites of their eyes". Fred Sanford : Bufford never waited that long. Fred Sanford : Who is it? Lamont Sanford : It's the phone company. They say that if we don't pay the bill, they're gonna cut it off. Fred Sanford : Gimmie that. Hello? Yes, this is Fred Sanford. Yeah, the phone is listed in my name. Say listen, what makes you folks think you can call me and cut somebody's phone off just because they're a little behind in their bill? Listen, I need my phone for my place of business. That's right, I wish one of you would come over here and try to cut my phone off. I'd put my foot in your - Hello? Lamont Sanford : Pop, that's what the welfare thing was setup for: for people in financial trouble. What do you think we pay taxes for? We'd just be taking advantage of something that was setup for people like us. Fred Sanford : What do you mean 'people like us'? Lamont Sanford : Poor people. The have nots. Fred Sanford : The have nots? Well if the have nots could get something from the haves and the haves gave the have nots half of what they have, then the haves would still be the haves but the have nots would be the have somethings. Lamont Sanford : Grady, you're gonna be the first person in history to get busted for molesting a vegetable. Lamont Sanford : The first signs of marijuana use are the hungries, or munchies. Grady Wilson : Weren't they in The Wizard of Oz? Lamont Sanford : That's Munchkins. Lamont Sanford : [has discovered Fred cheats on his taxes] Why only put $200? Why not $1,000? Or $2,000? $10,000? Why not even a million? Fred Sanford : That's good. Put that down, Calvin. Lamont Sanford : Pop, if you put that, you go to jail. Fred Sanford : Take that off, Calvin. Fred Sanford : Listen, Son, I kow everything that's going on here and that's your business. Lamont Sanford : I was hoping you'd understand... Fred Sanford : If you wanna be down here with that girl, that's your business. I mean, if you wanna be hugging and kissing all night, that's your business. Lamont Sanford : I appreciate it... Fred Sanford : But when she smacks your face and the police come here and arrest me for harboring a sex maniac, then that's MY business. So you get her the hell out of here. Lamont Sanford : What's the matter with you, man? Fred Sanford : Didn't you read the paper? Lamont Sanford : No. What happened? Fred Sanford : Well look here: Lucy stole Linus' blanket and hid it in Snoopy's dog house. Lamont Sanford : I'm glad you told me, now I won't have to watch the 11:00 news. Lamont Sanford : [about his cologne] It's called "A Day in Paris". Fred Sanford : Smells more like "A Night in El Segundo". Lamont Sanford : [on the phone with his employer] What do you mean what am I doing home? I already worked an hour and a half overtime for you. Did you expect me to unload all those bath tubs by myself? I don't get that. Of course I want the j... But I... WHAT? Well you're a *white* one! [hangs up] Bailiff: Will a Juan Diego Perez please rise? Fred Sanford : [whispering to Lamont] He's a Mexican. Lamont Sanford : Yeah, no kidding. Fred Sanford : Look at the family: buncha jive niggers. Lamont Sanford : Pop! |
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