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 Dian Bachar QuotationMovie Title: Alferd Packer: The Musical (1996) as George Noon: [Interrupting the trappers' gruesome song about the joys of killing animals] George Noon : Oh, stop! James Humphrey : That's sick! Frenchy Cabazon : I agree! Nutter was singing in the wrong key! Preston Nutter : No I wasn't! It was Loutzenheiser! I was singing in E flat minor. Frenchy Cabazon : The SONG'S in F sharp major! Shannon Bell : I think they're the same thing. I mean, E flat is the relative major of F sharp. Frenchy Cabazon : No it isn't! The relative minor is three half-tones DOWN from the major, not up! George Noon : No, it's three down. Like A is the relative minor of C major. O.D. Loutzenheiser : But isn't A sharp in C major? Shannon Bell : Wait, are you singing mixolydian scales or something? [After Swan has been shot] George Noon : He's dead! James Humphrey : Well no kidding he's dead. His brains are lying in the snow. [After spotting a sheep, George Noon starts unzipping his pants] Alferd Packer : No, to eat. George Noon : I know, I need to take a pee! [Noon is trying to flirt with an Indian girl] George Noon : I may look tough and mean-spirited but I'm really a sensitive artist. Indian Girl : That's very interesting. George Noon : I paint, and I sculpt with my hands. Indian Girl : That's very interesting too. George Noon : You have no idea what I'm saying, do you? Indian Girl : That's very interesting. Movie Title: BASEketball (1998) as Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Your bed is over here. [indicates a dog bed] Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that? Joseph R. Cooper : Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Yeah I could. Douglas "Swish" Reemer : No. Dude, you're a little bitch! Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : I am not! I don't even know why I hang out with you guys, anyway. Joseph R. Cooper : 'Cause you're a piece of shit. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : I am not a piece of shit! Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Yeah, but you're a little bitch. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Goddammit! I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times... I'm outta here! Joseph R. Cooper : Thanks a lot, Doctor Dickhead! You totally fucked me there! Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Dude, relax. It was a joke. Joseph R. Cooper : Why don't you give it up! She doesn't even like you! Douglas "Swish" Reemer : You think she got the hots for you? Shit. Squeak has a better chance that you do. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Hey, you think? Joseph R. Cooper : That is low. You son of a bitch. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Why is that low? Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Dude, I know you're feeling jealous right now. Don't blame me because I have a sweet ass! I can't help it! Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : If I make this next shot, you'll have to stop calling me Squeak. Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Okay. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Or bitch. Douglas "Swish" Reemer;Parker, Trey (I): Or bitch. Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Okay. [Squeak throws the ball and misses] Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Tough break, Squeak. Joseph R. Cooper : Yeah, now you gotta fetch the ball, bitch. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : I am not going out with his sister! Joseph R. Cooper : Dude, that's the defense, ya gotta psych them out. Douglas "Swish" Reemer : Yeah, ya gotta say totally fucked up shit to psych them out. Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Oh... Hey wait a minute, why is me going out with his sister totally fucked up? [Coop and Reemer are fighting] Kenny "Squeak" Scolari : Hey! Would you just stop it? Would you just hold on a minute? Look at you guys... fighting on the Malaka-Laka board! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Back in the driveway, we were nothing! Now we've risen to the highest level, but you're throwin' it all away! If you've forgotten what BASEketball means to America, you have only to look at this board - the Malaka-Laka Balance Board of Trust. Don't you see what we have here? A game where guys with bad backs and bad knees can... get together and compete on the same field as guys that are all goosed up on steroids. But more than anything, isn't this game about gettin' together with your friends and just havin' a good time? I remember. I remember a long time ago, I didn't have anybody. You guys took me in. I guess that's why it kills me to see you like this. If we can't be friends... then the heart and soul are out of this game. Certainly out of me. I know I'll never get that back again. We have sullied the waters of the Lagoon of Peace! I'm begging you, for the love of our Caribbean brothers, dudes, stop this madness! Movie Title: Orgazmo (1997) as Ben Chapelski: [Dave recounts a painful memory of why he quit Hamster Style kung fu.] Young Ben : Dad? Ben's Father: Hmm? Young Ben : I don't think I'm gonna do Hamster Style anymore. Ben' Father: That's nice. [Flashback pans back to the present.] Ben Chapelski : [tearfully] And that's how it went down, man! Ben Chapelski : Let's see how you like my... COCK ROCKET! Ben Chapelski : Jesus! Joe Young : Where? Ben Chapelski : To the Orgazmobile! Joe Young : What? Ben Chapelski : My Buick Century! Joe Young : Ben, superheroes that pray together stay together. Ben Chapelski : Aw, what the fuck! Ben Chapelski : I tell ya, Joe, there's nothing sadder than a sad Japanese man. [Joe Young has just zapped Maxxx Orbison several times with the Orgazmorator.] Ben Chapelski : Dude! He's never gonna wanna have another orgasm again! Joe Young : One more time for Jesus. Ben Chapelski : Whoa! DVDA shot! So, you up for some sushi? |
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