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 Jimmy Nail QuotationMovie Title: Still Crazy (1998) as Les: Beano : Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show! Clare : Objection, your honor! Hughie : Objection sustained. Beano : Well, some people 'ave hooks instead of hands. Les : Yeah, but it's not part of the body; it's not... anotomical. Beano : It is if you haven't got a fuckin' hand! Movie Title: Educating Oz (1986) as Leonard Jeffrey 'Oz' Osbourne: [Oz is talking to the doctor about AIDS] Leonard Jeffrey 'Oz' Osbourne : Well, I understand how a man can give it to a woman, in the obvious way, I understand how a bloke could give it to another bloke in... well we're all men o' the world aren't we; not that I'd be up to anything like that mind! It's just that, well, I don't class meself as particularly thick in this repect... Dennis Patterson : Huh! Leonard Jeffrey 'Oz' Osbourne : Argh, thank you... I mean, I can't understand how a woman can give it to a man, cos it's, well, its one way traffic when you get in there, isn't it! [Oz stops talking about AIDS with the doctor to get a drink from the bar] Leonard Jeffrey 'Oz' Osbourne : Two pints of lager and a pint of bitter. And, er, some change for that machine in the bog. Movie Title: Auf Wiedersehen, Pet (1983) as Oz: Oz : You know the reason I left this country in the first place, divvn't you, eh? I'll tell you. In a word, Margaret bloody Thatcher, that's why. Because I'd had it, I was up to there with what she'd created. Bloody wasteland. Desolate. Nae joy, nae hope, nae nowt. Where kids get to 21 and have never done a day's work in their life. Honest men have to go out thieving to feed their families. Young bairns can buy heroin in the bike sheds at school. Oh, dear. But I thought, "Nah, nah, nah. It's got to be getting better. It cannae be as bad as what it was, can it?" I was willing to give you lot the benefit of the doubt on this one, you know. But no, no, no. What happens? What happens is I've been back on my native soil for 14 minutes, and I'm subjected to this act of fascist intimidation! 'Cos that's what it is, you know! That's what it is, and I'll be writing to my MP about this! Customs officer: Spread. [Oz, naked, faces the wall and complies. The customs officer puts on a glove and prepares to reach up the rear end] Oz : What do you think you're going to find up there, eh? A new striker for Newcastle United? Oz : Pelicans, penguins and the Inland Revenue have all got one thing in common. Dennis L. Patterson : What's that? Oz : They can all shove their bills up their arse. Oz : I'll tell you one thing, mate. Sex is in its infancy in Gateshead. Herr Ulrich : Danke schon. Oz : And donkey shite to you too, pal. Dennis L. Patterson : When those German scaffolders turn up tonight, let's all make sure that we have a good night. Agreed? You especially, Oz. Oz : Oh, absolutely. Dennis L. Patterson : And this darts match, right, it's not the World Cup, or a replay of World War II. It's just meant to cement the harmony and the goodwill amongst the British and the Erics. Agreed? [murmurs of assent] Dennis L. Patterson : Good. Oz : Mind you, it might only be a darts match, but us British have still got to try and hammer these Germans. Wayne Winston Norris : What for? Oz : 'Cos they're the bastards that bombed me granny. Barry Taylor : A letter for you. Oz : Impossible, man. Naebody knows I'm here. Barry Taylor : No, look, it's Tyne and Wear. It says on the postmark. Dennis L. Patterson : And another thing, let's have all those pornographic pin-ups off your locker, right? Oz : That's not pornography, man, Dennis. That's art. Dennis L. Patterson : What, Fräulein Oktober's art? Oz : Aye. Oz : I've met this Eric. Canny lad, for an Eric. Oz : It's the same as all the rastas driving BMWs, you know? 'Cos they think it stands for Bob Marley and the Wailers. Oz : You know the difference between a hedgehog and a Range Rover, divvn't you? Dennis L. Patterson : No. Oz : A hedgehog's got pricks on the outside. Oz : I was just saying to Barry there, owning a wife's very similar to owning a dog. It's just a pity one license costs a hell of a lot more than the other. [Oz says goodbye as his son gets on the bus to leave for a new life in Italy] Oz : You might be a man of the world now, but... never forget your roots, son. Right? You'll always be a Geordie, no matter where you go. 'Cos this is the place that shaped you, and made you what you are, alright? Rod: Ciao, Dad. [bus drives away] Oz : Auf Wiedersehen, son. Movie Title: Evita (1996) as Agustin Magaldi: Eva Peron : Your act hasn't changed much. Agustin Magaldi : Neither has yours. |
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