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 Don Adams QuotationMovie Title: Get Smart, Again! (1989) as Maxwell Smart: Maxwell Smart : 99, I love you better than the whole world. Would you believe it? The whole world. Agent 99: Yes, Max, I believe it. Movie Title: Get Smart (1965) as Maxwell Smart: Maxwell Smart : There are no holidays in the fight against evil. The Chief, Thaddeus : Max, you realize that you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable. Maxwell Smart : And... loving it. Agent 99 : You'll be in extreme danger every minute. Maxwell Smart : ...and... loving it Maxwell Smart : I'm getting complaints from the landlord about the gun battles in the hall, and the bombs in the lobby, and the knife fights in the elevator. The Chief, Thaddeus : Well, when you rent an apartment to a secret agent, you've got to expect those things. Maxwell Smart : But he doesn't know I'm a secret agent. The Chief, Thaddeus : Well, how do you explain people attacking you and shooting at you? Maxwell Smart : Well, I told him I work for the Bureau of Internal Revenue. The Chief, Thaddeus : Max, this will undoubtedly be the most dangerous mission you've ever gone on. You probably won't get back alive. Maxwell Smart : If you're trying to scare me, Chief, you're wasting your time. I don't know the meaning of the word fear. The Chief, Thaddeus : You'll parachute from six thousand feet. Maxwell Smart : I think I just learned it. Maxwell Smart : I'm sorry I'm late, Chief, but I was stuck in the car for almost twenty minutes. The Chief, Thaddeus : I know, 86. The traffic. Maxwell Smart : No, the seat belt. I can never get that darn thing unbuckled. The Chief, Thaddeus : Max, I don't know what I'm going to do about you. You bungle assignment after assignment. Maxwell Smart : I resent that, Chief. The Chief, Thaddeus : Do you deny it? Maxwell Smart : No, but I resent it. The Chief, Thaddeus : There's no telling where they'll be able to infiltrate next. May be even the Pentagon. Maxwell Smart : You're right, Chief. But even if they do get a man into the Pentagon, that's not saying he'll be able to get out. I remember one of our own agents was lost in there for three days. The Chief, Thaddeus : Three days? Max, no agent could be that confused. Maxwell Smart : Well, let me see. I went in on a Friday... Senator: Mr. Smart, how many arrests did Control make last year? Maxwell Smart : I don't know. Senator: Who's the number one man in your organization? Maxwell Smart : I don't know. Senator: How many cases were assigned to Control last year? Maxwell Smart : I don't know. Senator: What would you do if you were fired, Mr. Smart? Maxwell Smart : They can't fire me. I know too much. Agent 99 : Sometime I wish you were just an ordinary businessman. Maxwell Smart : Well, 99, we are what we are. I'm a secret agent, trained to be cold, vicious, and savage. Not enough to be a businessman. Agent 99 : Oh, Max, how terrible. Maxwell Smart : He desereved it, 99. He was a Kaos killer. Agent 99 : Sometimes I wonder if we're any better, Max. Maxwell Smart : What are you talking about, 99? We have to shoot and kill and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world. Agent 99 : Oh Max, you're so brave. You're going to get a medal for this. Maxwell Smart : There's something more important than medals, 99. Agent 99 : What? Maxwell Smart : It's after six. I get overtime. Maxwell Smart : Listen, 99, did you find out anything about that restaurant that sold me the poison coffee? Agent 99 : Yes, Max. It was a Kaos front. They stayed in business almost a year just to get the Professor. Then they packed up and disappeared. Terrible, isn't it? Maxwell Smart : It certainly is. They had the best prune danish in town. [Max suddenly shoots a window washer] Agent 99 : Max, what did you do? Maxwell Smart : Just eliminated a Kaos agent. Agent 99 : Well, how could you be sure? Maxwell Smart : Because, 99, my eagle eye picked out a few things that the ordinary person might not see. First of all, his sponge was absolutely filthy. Second, he was using horizontal strokes instead of vertical strokes. And finally, he was holding his squeegee with an overlapping lacrosse grip. Agent 99 : Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain. Maxwell Smart : I wasn't finished, 99. Agent 99 : Sorry, Max. Maxwell Smart : Besides, it's raining, and window washers don't work in the rain. Agent 99 : Good thinking, Max. Maxwell Smart : You can't do that, Chief. Hymie's my friend. The Chief, Thaddeus : Your friend busted into my office, said he was going to kill me, smashed my desk to pieces, and almost strangled me with his bare hands. Maxwell Smart : Well, I said he was my friend, not yours. [Repeated line] Maxwell Smart : Sorry about that, Chief. Maxwell Smart : Missed me by that much. [repeated line] Maxwell Smart : Missed it by that much. Mr. Pfister: Won't you please sign my petition? Maxwell Smart : I'm sorry, Mr. Pfister, but I can't sign that petition. Quiet is un-American. Maxwell Smart : What are you, some kind of a nut who likes to watch people die? Mr. Hercules: Yes, it's such a marvelous contrast to my own splendid good health. Maxwell Smart : I'm not going in there. There are gollywoggles in there. Maxwell Smart : I don't know the meaning of the word "fear". The Chief (Thaddeus) : You have to jump from a plane at a height of 2000 feet. Maxwell Smart : Now I know the meaning... Movie Title: Pepper Ann (1997) as Principal Hickey: Pepper Ann : Well, if you won't stand up for our soccer program, then I'm left with no other choice but to... Principal Hickey : Cross stitch? Throw horseshoes? Jump up, jump up and get down? Movie Title: Inspector Gadget (1983) as Inspector Gadget: Inspector Gadget : I'm on an assignment. I have to find out who's stealing those mansions. Penny : I think the chief meant that someone's stealing things from the mansions, Uncle Gadget. Inspector Gadget : No, no, Penny, the chief said mansions were being burglarized. Inspector Gadget : Wowsers! It's the top secret Gadget phone. [Talks into hand] Inspector Gadget : Is that you chief? You're where? Right away. Inspector Gadget : Wowsers! Inspector Gadget : Am I right? Inspector Gadget is always right. Inspector Gadget : This car is acting funny. Ah, of course, the emergency brake is on. Penny : Look, Uncle, there's the water fountain. Inspector Gadget : Well it looks like a water fountain... [Gets squirted in the face] Inspector Gadget : Just as I expected, it's a water fountain. Penny : Gosh, Scotland is beautiful, Uncle Gadget. Inspector Gadget : It certainly is, Penny. This is where they make Scotch tape, ya know. Inspector Gadget : This message will self destruct. Don't worry, Chief, Inspector Gadget is always on duty. Inspector Gadget : Go Go Gadget mini suit! Go Go Gadget mini shoes and mini hat! Chief Quimby : Congratulations, Gadget, I don't know how you did it. Inspector Gadget : Thanks, Chief. Uh, what did I do? [Reading a note on the door of Police HQ.] Inspector Gadget : "Closed until horrible crime is committed. Signed, The Chief." Inspector Gadget : An air show? Now why would anybody want to pay to see air? Inspector Gadget : All work and no play makes Gadget a dull boy. Inspector Gadget : Now I'll prove to you that Martians are just an image of your figment. Uh, I mean a figure of your sensation. Well you know what I mean. Inspector Gadget : Be careful, Brain, those are probably priceless fake artifacts. Inspector Gadget : I haven't seen this much snow since that episode in the Arctic. Inspector Gadget : I'd better get a new rubber duckie. This one is too mean. Inspector Gadget : Say, when will your shop be open again so I can come by and get a new trench coat? LaPoof : [getting arrested] Uh, in about 20 years. Inspector Gadget : This place is as empty as a graveyard on Halloween. Penny : Uncle Gadget, lunch is ready. Inspector Gadget : [wearing ear muffs] School? I'll give you a ride as soon as I'm finished shoveling snow. Penny : But it's Saturday. Inspector Gadget : Why would Penny want to go to school on Saturday? Chief Quimby : With Capeman gone, maybe you'd better come down to the station for a few days. Inspector Gadget : No thanks, Chief, I'll lock myself in the Gadget house. That way, I'll be as safe as if I were you. [Chief is blown up by the message] Chief Quimby : I wish he hadn't said that. Inspector Gadget : Go-Go Gadgetmobile! Inspector Gadget : Go-Go Gadget copter! Go-Go Gadget 'brella! Go-Go Gadget anything! [Lands safely] Inspector Gadget : Go-Go Gadget save the day again. Inspector Gadget : Stupid alien. [Delirious, Gadget sits on a polar bear's lap, thinking its Santa Claus] Inspector Gadget : I'd like a choo-choo train, a candy cane, an Inspector Gadget doll... Inspector Gadget : Just what do you think you're doing?! Pleasure boating is no place on a busy river like this! |
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