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 Harvey Korman QuotationMovie Title: Crash Course (1988) as Abner Fraser: Abner Fraser : Ok, what is this? Maria Abeja : That is where they keep the guns, si? Vanessa Crawford : GUNS? Kichi : Come back to Earth Mr. Out-in-Space. This class be boring as you face. The big bad rapper is here to say, your wife would have left you anyway. Abner Fraser : Ok, ok. Pass your permission slips up this way. Movie Title: The Carol Burnett Show (1967) as Roger Bradford: Carol Bradford : When we were first married you wanted my meatloaf five nights a week. Roger Bradford : When we were first married there were a lot of things I wanted five nights a week. Movie Title: The Flintstones (1994) as Dictabird: Fred Flintstone : Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fliiii-- [falls backwards out of his chair] Dictabird : Are there six or seven I's in 'Fliiii--'? Movie Title: History of the World: Part I (1981) as Count de Monet: Count de Monet : Don't get saucy with me, Bernaise. Count de Monet : It is said that the people are revolting. King Louis XVI : You said it! They stink on ice! Count de Monet : My Lord, you look just like the piss-boy! King Louis XVI : And you look like a bucket of shit! Insolent Flunky : Count yer money. Count de Monet : Count de Monet! Bearnaise : I don't like your cuffs!... I don't like your cuffs! I don't like your cuffs! A man's cuffs should be even with the tip of his 'pee-pee'. Yours are all the way down to your balls! Count de Monet : At least I have them! Bearnaise : Bitch! Movie Title: High Anxiety (1978) as Dr. Charles Montague: Dr. Charles Montague : Enjoy yourself, for God's sake! Get your mind off the Wentworth murder... Accident! Accident! Movie Title: Blazing Saddles (1974) as Hedley Lamarr: Hedley Lamarr : Repeat after me: I... Men: I... Hedley Lamarr : ...your name... Men: ...your name... Hedley Lamarr : [to himself] Shmucks. [aloud] Hedley Lamarr : ... do pledge allegiance... Men: ...do pledge allegiance... Hedley Lamarr : ...to Hedley Lamarr... Men: ...to Hedy Lamarr... Hedley Lamarr : That's *Hedley*. Men: That's Hedley. [Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain] Bart : Stampeding cattle. Hedley Lamarr : That's not much of a crime. Bart : Through the Vatican? Hedley Lamarr : [smiling] Kinky. Sign here. Taggart : I got it. I got it. Hedley Lamarr : You do? Taggart : We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em. Hedley Lamarr : "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one... Taggart : Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course. Hedley Lamarr : You spare the women? Taggart : NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on. Hedley Lamarr : Marvelous. Hedley Lamarr : Meeting adjourned. Oh, I am sorry sir I didn't mean to overstep my bounds, you say that. Governor William J. Le Petomane : What? Hedley Lamarr : Meeting is adjourned. Governor William J. Le Petomane : It is? Hedley Lamarr : No, you say that governor. Governor William J. Le Petomane : What? Hedley Lamarr : Meeting is adjourned. Governor William J. Le Petomane : It is? Hedley Lamarr : Here sir, play with this. [Hands the governor a rubber ball and paddle set] [The Governor is having trouble putting his pen back into its holder] Hedley Lamarr : Think of your secretary... [The pen goes straight in] Governor William J. Le Petomane : Thank you. That's a good one. Hedley Lamarr : My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives. Taggart : God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore. Hedley Lamarr : You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the Best Supporting Actor. Hedley Lamarr : Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and that property - the rightful owners. Hedley Lamarr : Qualifications? Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape. Hedley Lamarr : You said rape twice. Applicant: I like rape. Hedley Lamarr : My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention. Taggart : Ditto. Hedley Lamarr : "Ditto"? "Ditto," you provincial putz? Taggart : I got it. Hedley Lamarr : What? Taggart : Let's kill every first born male child in Rock Ridge. Hedley Lamarr : Nah, too Jewish. Taggart : What do you want me to do sir? Hedley Lamarr : I want you to round up ever vicious criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this down. [Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks] Hedley Lamarr : I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists. Taggart : [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir? Hedley Lamarr : Where's my froggy? Henchman: We'll head them off at the pass. Hedley Lamarr : Head them off at the pass? I hate that cliché. Hedley Lamarr : Maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage... if I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very *appearance* would drive them out of town. [to camera] Hedley Lamarr : But where would I find such a man? [pause] Hedley Lamarr : ... Why am I asking you? [Hedley gives Lili a bunch of flowers] Hedley Lamarr : For you, my dear. Lili Von Shtupp : Oh... how ordinawy Governor William J. Le Petomane : Thank you, Hedy, thank you Hedley Lamarr : It's not *Hedy*, it's *Hedley*. Hedley Lamarr. Governor William J. Le Petomane : What the hell are you worried about? This is 1874. You'll be able to sue *her*. [Hedley is at Graumann's Chinese Theater] Female tourist: Look, Irv. I'm in Heddy Lamar's shoes. Hedley Lamarr : [running by] HEDLEY. Movie Title: Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995) as Dr. Steward: Dr. Steward : Allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as a man of theology and philosophy. Van Helsing : And gynecology. Dr. Steward : Oh, I didn't know you have your hand in that, too. |
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