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 Bill Maher Quotation"The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough." (From 1998 "Mother Jones" interview) "My generation didn't face the kind of urgent, pressing issues that my parents did, who fought through a war and a depression and know what suffering is. That's why Bob Dole had a tough time with this electorate. He was an old-fashioned curmudgeon who knew about sacrifice, and we didn't know if we could live up to his standards. But we knew we could live up to Bill Clinton's. He's more like one of us." "The food is out of this world!" When asked what he liked about the Playboy mansion. "I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn't go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me are smart. So I go to the Playboy Mansion four or five times a year, but people think I go all the time." "We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly." "All I did was tell the truth. That's is what the whole show is about! And if 'Politically Correct' has to go down for it, so be it!" "I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad's room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the gun accidentally goes off and kills his friend. Only in America is the villain in this commercial not guns or bad parenting, but pot." Kids, they're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for sex. Republicans are always saying we should privatize things like schools, prisons, social security -- hey, how about we privatize privacy! Because if the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli. I hate religion. I think it's a neurological disorder. Movie Title: Bill Maher: Victory Begins at Home (2003) as Bill Maher: Bill Maher : Its so easy to say anything. The one thats easy to say now is "I support the Troops". Doesn't cost you anything. "I support the troops". But I got a question for you can you really support the troops, If you also support these massive tax cuts for the very rich. Cause the people we say are our heros are paid by tax dollars. We hear about teachers have to buy their own school supplies. Soilders in this country are on food stamps. Firemen... Well firemen get laid so easily now... fuck them... but anyway. But I mean couldn't somebody in congress stand up and say "why dont we take half of that tax cut and give it to our heroes. Or is that why their our heroes cause they work cheap. Movie Title: Jungle Heat (1989) as Jim: Jim : Do you know what jungle herb cures the poisonous bite of the river snake? Do you know where the only land route is around the white waters of death? Do you know the way through the secret maze caves that lie underneath hangman's cliff? Huh, do you? Margo Hunt : Well, no, I don't. Do you? Jim : Well, no, but I have this paperback. Jim : I'd rather have you kill me than make me a gelding. Jim : Gee, you guys are pretty big, for wimps. Of course, the joke's on you when those broads come back and start picking out ingredients for chicken McMacho. Jim : Bunny, don't worry! You'll save me! Dr. Margo Hunt : The secret temple of the Piranha women. Their architecture is surprisingly advanced. Jim : It looks like a big lego to me. Jim : All you women have ever done is, what? Some French chick invented kryptonite, or something. Margo Hunt : It was a one-night stand. I was half-drunk and left right after we had sex. We didn't say eight words to each other, and all yours were composed of one syllable. Jim : Hah! Just like you to count the words, Dr. Hunt. Movie Title: Real Time with Bill Maher (2003) as Bill Maher: Bill Maher : New Rule: Stop whining about the French. It takes a lot of guts to stand up to the Bush administration and that's more than I can say about the Democrats! Movie Title: Tomcats (2001) as Carlos: Carlos : I'm curious, Mr. Delaney. How did you get the money? Michael : I guess you could say I sold my soul. Carlos : Yeah, I see a lot of that. |
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