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 Sid Caesar Quotation"After all those years of doing a live, hour-and-a-half show every week, I've got nothing more I need to prove." "The things I see now on TV and in movies are so outlandish. Kids doing rude things with pies! And the language that they use! It's being outrageous for the sake of being outrageous. I can't watch it. It turns me off." Movie Title: The Cheap Detective (1978) as Ezra Dezire: Jezebel Dezire : Just, mmm, a few trinkets and bourbles. Lou Peckinpaugh : Trinkets and what? Jezebel Dezire : Bourbles. You know, like "bourbles and bangles." Lou Peckinpaugh : The word you're looking for, Mrs. Dezire, is "baubles." If you were an American you would know that. But the fact is, it's only Romanians that pronounce it "bourbles"! And that's why it's difficult for you, isn't it - Mrs. Vladimir Tserijemiwtz? Jezebel Dezire : Oooh, ungh! [now with heavy accent] Jezebel Dezire : I told you we would not get away with it! I told you it was stupid idea! I told you I could not say "bourbles"! You are pretty fast on your tippy-toes, Mr. Peckinbush! Ezra Dezire : But not quite tippy-toe enough! [draws gun] Ezra Dezire : Yes, Mr. Peckinpaugh. Is very clever how you figured out that I am Vladimir Tsijeremi - Tsijiza - Ts-Tsetsamuncze - Tsetzunseti - It's been so long since I said it, I forgot how to pronounce it! How does it go? Lou Peckinpaugh : Tserijemiwtz. Movie Title: It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1963) as Melville Crump: Third Cab Driver : Can't you see I'm talking on the phone? Huh? Give me two minutes! Now listen to me, Sir, I... [Looks back at Melville] Melville Crump : Will you take us to Santa Rosita state park? Third Cab Driver : What's the matter, what happened to you? What was ya, in some kind of initiation? Melville Crump : We had an accident. We fell into yellow, alright? Hurry up! First cab driver : That'll be $2.90. Melville Crump : Okay, here's $3.00. Wait for us, okay? First cab driver : [sarcastically] Oh sure. Melville Crump : Wise guy. Dinckler's Hardware Store clerk : I'm sorry, we're closed. It's 12:00. Melville Crump : It's 12:00, they're closed. WAIT A MINUTE! All we want is a pick and a shovel. Dinckler's Hardware Store clerk : Well, Mr. Dinckler is inside... Melville Crump : Dinckler. That's it, we'll get Dinckler, come on. Melville Crump : Look, why don't we just start digging for it? J. Russell Finch : Well suppose someone comes along? What do we tell them? Monica Crump : Well, we could tell them that we're here on an archeological expedition. Melville Crump : Aah! Sylvester Marcus : We don't tell them anything. We tell them to hit the road or we beat their brains in. Melville Crump : Filibuster. Filibuster. Ha. Now you can stick around and watch us take off. Ding Bell : Listen, Dentist, I hate dentists. And I hate you so much that I'm not able to tell you how much I hate you in front of your wife. Benjy Benjamin : And visa versa. Melville Crump : Why you... Come on over here! [Ding and Benji run] Melville Crump : COME ON over here! Movie Title: Grease (1978) as Coach Calhoun: Coach Calhoun : Rule number two: all couples must be boy-girl. Putzie : Yeah, too bad, Eugene. Movie Title: Airport 1975 (1974) as Barney: Mrs. Patroni : Well, the first stewardess is at the controls, but she... she's in constant touch with the tower. Barney : You mean THE STEWARDESS IS FLYING THE PLANE? Mrs. Patroni : [whispering] Would you please keep your voice down. Barney : S-s-sure... [Barney becomes hysterical] Barney : The stewardess is flying the plane. The stewardess... [Mrs Devanvey hands Barney a large Whiskey] Mrs Devaney : here... Barney : Thank you Mrs Devaney, but I don't drink. Mrs Devaney : [Looking confused] Well what difference does it make now? Barney : You're right. [Barney takes drink from Mrs Devaney and takes gulp of Whiskey] Barney : No difference. Barney : Mrs Devaney? Mrs Devaney? Mrs. Devaney : Er, yes? Barney : Salt Lake City could be very good for you. It's dry there you know? Mrs. Devaney : DRY? Mrs Devaney : Miss? Nancy Pryor : You need something? Mrs Devaney : I feel a little queasy. The altitude I guess. I'll have a bourbon... with a beer chaser. Barney : Uh. Miss Devaney. Do you know what you just ordered? They call those boiler makers. Mrs Devaney : I know. Nancy Pryor : A bourbon with a beer chaser. [Barney attracts the attention of a woman sewing] Barney : Pardon me. Don't your hands ever get tired? Passenger : Idle hands... Barney : By the time we land you'll probably have a rug! Passenger : [confused] A rug? |
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