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 Liza Weil QuotationMovie Title: Gilmore Girls (2000) as Paris: Rory : So I was thinking that maybe we could move it from this Saturday to next Saturday? Paris : Okay. Madline : What did she say? Louise : What did you say? Paris : I said okay. Paris : Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me? Rory : Then you'll find someone else. Paris : But what if there is no one else? Rory : Then you'll buy some cats. Paris : For example, I can instantly deduce that when someone hears the name Paris in the same sentence with the word date, jaws will drop, confused looks will cover faces, words like 'how' and 'why' and 'Quick, Bob, get the children in the minivan because the world is obviously coming to an end.' will immediately fly out of people's mouths. Paris : I can't do this. Rory : What? Paris : Date. I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it. Rory : Not true. Paris : I get no pleasure out of the prospect or the preparation. I'm covered in hives, I've showered four times, and for what? Some guy who doesn't even have the brains to buy a Zagat so we don't wind up in a restaurant that's really just a front for a cocaine laundering ring? Paris : You lost my number? Jamie: Nope, I memorized your number. Paris : You didn't wanna use my number? Jamie: I was starting classes. Paris : In phone dialing? How's it going? Paris : We're friends? Rory : I'm not sure if there is an exact definition for what we are, but I do think it falls somewhere in the bizarro friends-ish realm. Paris : Pack up the chastity belt, Gilmore. You're going to Harvard. Rory : Why me? Paris : Because people like you. You're quiet. You say "excuse me". You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. Paris : I pierced my nose. And within an hour of having it done, my nose swelled up to four times its normal size, blocking all nasal passage, making it impossible to breathe. I went to the emergency room, where they pried the thing out of my nose and shot me up with antibiotics. I spent the night with an ice pack strapped to my face. Rory : Oh, Paris. Paris : It seems that I was allergic to the crap metal hoop that I paid $19.95 to have jammed into my nose. Louise : Did you take a picture? Paris : No, Louise, I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells, a burden you've not yet faced. Paris : I didn't get into Harvard. I had SEX, but I didn't get into Harvard. If you had asked me last year which I thought was more likely, it WOULD NOT have been not getting into Harvard. Paris : Gandalf the Grey is still falling down that hole; it's a big hole! Paris : Ladies, thank you for seeing me. I know you're busy with work and have families to get home to, so I really appreciate your courtesy, and I'll make it brief. Having Grad Night on a yacht is the worst idea since Neville Chamberlain told the people of England, "Hey, don't worry about Hitler. He's a stand-up chap." Forget the inconvenience of being at sea with guests unable to leave if the party is dull or if the band, which will inevitably be composed of accountants with semi-mullets, decides to do a half-hour tribute to Kenny G. The seasickness factor alone, abetted by snuck-in flasks and badly cooked food, could lead to an epidemic, which may lead to lawsuits the school could ill afford. These points conclusively call for a change in venue to a hotel ballroom, a restaurant facility, several of which I've already called. Here are the results of my research. I've also included a list of maritime disasters from the past fifty years - capsizings, onboard fires, et cetera - and trust me, it'll put you off your lunch. Thank you for your time and cooperation. [leaves] Madline : Judy Garland is trendy? Paris : Completely. Louise : She was neo-addict retro chic. Madline : No one tells me these things. [Paris is getting concerned about the age difference between her and a professor she's dating] Paris : I'm 19. I should be rollicking. Asher doesn't rollick. Rory : Well, he probably didn't rollick when he was younger either. He's British. Paris : [Rory and Paris are running inside to get out of the pouring rain] Out of the way! Move, move, move! Girl in the dorm: Is it raining? Paris : No, it's National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot! [on Paris's relationship with Asher Fleming] Paris : I'm not denying that we've got a May-December romance going on here. Rory : This is not May-December, this is May - Ming Dynasty. Paris : An age difference like this is very common. People dating people the same age are passe now. Rory : My grandfather introduced you to him. Do you see how awkward this is for me? Paris : Well, hot men tend to run in packs. Rory : Do not ever say anything like that again. |
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