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 Marcia Wallace QuotationMovie Title: The Brady Bunch (1969) as Saleswoman: Jan Brady : I'd like to buy a wig please. Saleswoman : Not for yourself. Why would you want to cover such beautiful blonde hair? Jan Brady : You'd understand if you had two blonde sisters at home. Saleswoman : Oh, so we want a complete change do we? Jan Brady : Yes ma'me. Saleswoman : Ok. What kind of style are you looking for? Jan Brady : I don't know. Something wild. Cookey. Kinda like something you're wearing. Saleswoman : This is my own hair. Jan Brady : Oh! I'm so sorry! Saleswoman : Not half as sorry as I am. Movie Title: That's My Bush! (2001) as Maggie: Maggie : Mrs. Bush, you look like a hooker. George : Maggie, don't you have laundry to do? Maggie : Oh that's right, I can do what your father did and separate the whites from the coloreds. Movie Title: The Simpsons (1989) as Mrs. Krabappel: Principal Skinner : Move your car, woman. Mrs. Krabappel : Go cry to your mommy about it. Principal Skinner : Don't worry, she'll hear about this. [Homer is teaching a university course on marriage] Homer : I do have a story about two other young marrieds. Now, the wife of this couple had an interesting quirk in the bedroom. It seems she goes wild with desire if her husband nibbles on her elbow. Mrs. Krabappel : We need names. Homer : Well, er, let's just call them, uh, "Mr. X" and "Mrs. Y." So anyway, Mr. X would say, "Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson." Bart : Hey wait a minute, man. You don't have to leave just because Superintendent Chalmers tells you to. You've spent your whole life following orders. From your mother, the army, Superintendent Chalmers. For once in your life, stand up for yourself, man. Principal Skinner : Okay, Bart. Mrs. Krabappel : Let's go, Seymour. Principal Skinner : Okay, Edna. Mrs. Krabappel : As you know, Bart, one day your permanent record will disqualify you from all but the hottest and noisiest jobs. Mrs. Krabappel : Embiggens? I never heard that word before moving to Spingfield. Miss Hoover : I don't know why, it's a perfectly cromulent word. Elizabeth Hoover : I fail to see the educational value of this assembly. Mrs. Krabappel : Ah, it will be one of their few pleasant memories when they're pumping gas for a living. [Skinner hands Edna Krabappel an ice cream cone] Mrs. Krabappel : Oh Seymour, you shouldn't have. It's going to go straight to my thighs. Principal Seymour : Well Edna, it just might have some company. [getting death threat letters has made Bart paranoid on his way to school] Marge : [menacingly, with large scissors] Bart... I'm going to GET you... [brightly, clipping coupons] Marge : ...some ice cream at the store since I'm saving so much money on Diet Cola. [Bart walks down the street] Ned Flanders : [menacingly, wearing a Freddy Kreuger razor glove] Say your prayers, Simpson... [brightly] Ned Flanders : ...because the schools can't force you like they should. [to Maude] Ned Flanders : Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church. [Bart enters class] Mrs. Krabappel : [menacingly] You're going to be my murder victim, Bart... [brightly] Mrs. Krabappel : ...in our school production of Lizzy Borden, starring Martin Prince as Lizzy. [Martin is wearing a dress and a wig, wielding an axe] Martin Prince : Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart. [in the school cafeteria] Mrs. Krabappel : Seymour, you have to think of the children's future. Seymour : Oh, Edna. We all know that these children HAVE no future. [everyone stops and stares at Seymour] Seymour : Prove me wrong, children. Prove me wrong. [to Bart, who has mis-cast a spell to change a frog into a prince] Mrs. Krabappel : Sloppy work, as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level. You've sinned against nature. [after watching a film on sex education] Bart : How would I go about creating a half-man, half-monkey-type creature? Mrs. Krabappel : I'm sorry, that would be playing God. Bart : God-schmod, I want my monkey man. |
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