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 Howard Hesseman QuotationMovie Title: Rubin and Ed (1991) as Ed: Ed : I'll be quiet. Quiet as a well-digger's ass. Ed : Man, it is el warmo out here. Ed : Oh it's going to get weird now, isn't it? Ed : You know what the biggest difference between you and a rich man is? He has money and you don't! And if you were smart, you would ask yourself why! Ed : You know what the biggest difference between me and a rich man is? He has my bitchy wife and I don't! And if he were smart, he would ask himself why! Ed : All those years in bed, I never had ONE! SINGLE! ORGASM! Rula : ARRGGGLE! Movie Title: My Chauffeur (1986) as McBride: McBride : What are you doing? Casey : I came for a job! McBride : This is Brentwood Limousines Ltd. Casey : I know, I came to be a driver. [The elder driver is getting visibly excited] McBride : Madame, if you continue masturbating my driver, you are going to be a murderer. McBride : Giles! Giles : Yes, sir. McBride : Get her a uniform Casey : [Chasing after Giles] Hey, slow down. What's your problem? Where ya goin', Babe? It is "Babe", isn't it? Movie Title: WKRP in Cincinnati (1978) as Dr. Johnny Fever: [After an elderly couple has broken into the DJ booth] Dr. Johnny Fever : All right, you two, up against the wall! I don't what you want but you should know I've killed a lot of old people in my time. And I'm not above doing it again. Dr. Johnny Fever : Do you have enough money to feed yourself? Les Nessman : Yes. Dr. Johnny Fever : I don't, can you loan me some money? Les Nessman : No. Dr. Johnny Fever : Can you loan me some food? [Venus is showing off his flashy wardrobe] Venus Flytrap : I only came downtown to have one of my suits serviced. Dr. Johnny Fever : I'll bet a suit like that stays in the shop most of the time. Venus Flytrap : I got suits I can't get parts for. [Johnny is lying to keep from being beaten up by a big thug named Dave] Dr. Johnny Fever : I'm Andy Travis, glad to meet you, (pointing to the real Andy Travis) that's my brother Randy and that's old Venus of course. Venus Flytrap : Of course. Dr. Johnny Fever : (referring to Dave) We don't know who the mountainoid is. Dave: Name's Dave. Venus Flytrap : [Fever runs into the booth and hides behind the coat rack] What are you doin', man! I'm on the air! Dr. Johnny Fever : Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance! Venus Flytrap : Oh, no! Close the blinds before he sees us! Andy Travis : [Walks into the booth] What have I told you guys about goofing off when one of you is supposed to be on the air? Dr. Johnny Fever : Herb Tarlek is selling life insurance! Andy Travis : Oh, no! [slams the door and hides with Fever] Movie Title: Billy Jack (1971) as Drama Teacher: Councilman : When was the last time you cut your hair? Drama Teacher : When was the time you brushed your teeth, sir? Mr. Posner : Why did you read it? Councilman : Were you taught this in school? Drama Teacher : [shouts from audience] Because her brain has been damaged by the heathen devil weed, marijuana! Movie Title: About Schmidt (2002) as Larry Hertzel: Larry Hertzel : All I was doing was welcoming somebody into the family. Roberta Hertzel : Larry, we've been welcomed by you, thank you so much, now would you please just drink your fucking milk and shut the fuck up. Movie Title: Clue (1985) as The Chief: The Chief : Good evening. Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven? Mrs. Peacock : What? The Chief : Repent. The kingdom of heaven IS at hand. Miss Scarlet : You ain't just whistlin' Dixie. The Chief : Armageddon is almost upon us. Professor Plum : I got news for you - it's already here. Mrs. Peacock : Go away. The Chief : But your souls are in danger. Mrs. Peacock : Our lives our in danger, you beatnik. |
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