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 David Paymer QuotationMovie Title: State and Main (2000) as Marty Rossen: Marty Rossen : I'm going to rip your heart out, then I'm going to piss on your lungs through the hole in your chest! Marty Rossen : And how are you getting along with these fine people? Walt Price : Like dykes and dogs! [Marty eats a piece of bread.] Marty Rossen : Mm, this is good. Have you tried it? Walt Price : Oh, like I'm really going to eat carbohydrates. Marty Rossen : If your memory was as long as your dick, you'd be in good shape. Walt Price : What does that woman WANT from life? Marty Rossen : She wants $800,000 to show her tits. Walt Price : How are we coming with the dead horse scene? Marty Rossen : You can't actually kill the horse. Walt Price : Aw, fuck me! Walt Price : What's in the bag? Marty Rossen : My undies, cause, you can't get this film off on time I'm gonna wet myself. Movie Title: Quiz Show (1994) as Dan Enright / Enright: Dan Enright : How much do they pay instructors up at Columbia? Charles Van Doren : Eighty-six dollars a week. Dan Enright : Do you have any idea how much Bozo the Clown makes? Charles Van Doren : Well... we, we can't all be Bozo the Clown. Herbie Stemple : Don't do this to me, it's humiliating. Enright : For seventy grand, Herb, you can afford to be humiliated. Movie Title: Carpool (1996) as Daniel: Travis : I'm not crazy. Daniel : I didn't say you were. Travis : I was tested, ya know. Daniel : Well then you obviously cheated. Daniel : What are you doing? Franklin : Driving into the back of a truck, Dan, you ever watch the A-Team? Old Lady: What adorable children. Daniel : You want'em? 'Cause I'll sell them to you real cheap. Daniel : [about the ferris wheel] I'm not getting on that death trap. Franklin : Oh we won that law suit. Daniel : Huh? Franklin : Okay we tied, but it's still safe. Come on, I'll show you how to operate it. It's so easy a trained monkey could do it and it did until that uproar with the Humane Society. Daniel : Can't one of the neighbors drive the carpool? What about Mr. Kopek? Mrs. Miller : He's 88. Daniel : So he'll drive real slow. Mrs. Miller : He's had three strokes. Daniel : But never while driving. Franklin : Uh oh. I dropped my wallet. I can't drive without a driver's license, you'll have to switch with me. Daniel : I don't think that rule applies when committing a felony. Franklin : Oh, right. [They are listening to a heavy metal song] Franklin : Great tape. This yours? Daniel : Oh yeah, I got everything by the Screaming Idiots. Franklin : This is the Ramones, actually, I haven't heard the Idiots yet, maybe you can turn me on to them. [Andrew got an F on his spelling test] Andrew : Mrs. Karkanie is giving me a do over. She says everyone get's a second chance. Daniel : That's only because she's been married 5 times. Let me tell you something, sport, in the business world there are no second chances. [location: in their van which is inside a refrigeration truck] Andrew : It's freezing. Franklin : Huddle together if you're cold, I'll turn on the heat. Daniel : That's brilliant. See in order to get heat you have to turn on the engine, thereby trapping the fumes and rendering us all dead by asphixiation. Franklin : In that case forget the heat. Hey who farted? Did you cut the cheese, Dan? Daniel : For God's sake, no I did not. Franklin : How about you, Kayla? Kayla : Girls don't fart. Franklin : Really? Come over to my house sometime and ask my mom why all our cats committed suicide. Franklin : Hey there, Dan, you're late. Daniel : Well I didn't take our usual shortcut through the mall. Daniel : Believe me, Hammerman's is better than mud. Bucky : Is that gonna be your new Hammerman's slogan, Dad? [Daniel races for the phone. Franklin stops him] Franklin : No calls! That is, no obscene calls. He's trying to quit. Daniel : I am not. Franklin : Well you should! What's your phone number? Daniel : 9-1-1. Franklin : Very funny. Do realize if I get arrested you won't make your meeting because you'll be filling out police reports until next October. Andrew : Look, Mr. Kopek's working in his yard. Daniel : Yeah. Let this be a lesson to you kids, the world says that he's too old to drive a car but look at him, he's a vibrant, healthy old man who can do anything he put's his mind to. Andrew : Dad, Mr. Kopek's not wearing his pants. Daniel : Yeah so from now on you kids stay away from him okay? Andrew : I want to be the hostage! Kayla : How come I never get to be the hostage? Travis : That's because you're a girl. Bucky : Hey, girls can be hostages, too. I mean, we're moving toward the twenty-first century and girls can be whatever they want. Kayla : Right on, sister. Daniel : Ok, quiet down or nobody gets to be the hostage! Bucky : Well, that made sense, dad. Movie Title: Mumford (1999) as Dr. Ernest Delbanco: Dr. Ernest Delbanco : ...no one can escape the fear of death. It is, as William James put it, 'the worm at the core,' and try as we may to forget or ignore our own mortality, the skull will grin in at the banquet. Movie Title: Line of Fire (2003) as Jonah Malloy: Jonah Malloy : And that's that with that! Jonah Malloy : You make it clear. I own this town. There are rules, and there are penalties for violating those rules. Jonah Malloy : Without our loved ones, we don't live. We just exist. Movie Title: City Hall (1996) as Abe Goodman: Kevin Calhoun : You keep looking at that thing as if it weren't kosher. Abe Goodman : A cut of meat is kosher. A piece of fish, savory foods, and all kinds of dang things are kosher, but a probation report is not kosher. A probation report is merely a probation report. Kevin Calhoun : I am a good Louisiana lapsed Catholic, Abe, so just don't talk to me about kosher, just give it to me straight. What's wrong with this report? Abe Goodman : It's too kosher. [pause] Kevin Calhoun : Translate that for me. Abe Goodman : Uhhhhh, the virgin looks pregnant to me. - Look, see, the supervisor signed this. Kevin Calhoun : So what? Abe Goodman : That's a lot of weight for a 4C. So what happened to the original little probation officer? Where is his signature? Movie Title: The American President (1995) as Leo Solomon / Leon Kodak: President Andrew Shepherd : What I did tonight was not about political gain. Leon Kodak : Yes sir. But it can be, sir. What you did tonight was very presidential. President Andrew Shepherd : Leon, somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor's working the night shift at Libyan Intelligence headquarters. He's going about doing his job... because he has no idea, in about an hour he's going to die in a massive explosion. He's just going about his job, because he has no idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You've just seen me do the least presidential thing I do. Lewis Rothschild : Mood swings? Nineteen post-graduate degrees in mathematics, and your best explanation for going from a 63 to a 46 percent approval rating in five weeks is mood swings? Leon Kodak : Well, I could explain it better, but I'd need charts, and graphs, and an easel. Robin McCall : It's Christmas. Lewis Rothschild : It's Christmas? Leon Kodak : Yeah. You didn't get the memo? A. J. MacInerney : Oh, and Leon, don't be the nice, sweet guy from Brooklyn on this one. Do what the NRA does. Leon Kodak : What, scare the shit out of them? A. J. MacInerney : Exactly. Leon Kodak : I can do that. Leo Solomon : I hired your reputation, Sydney. I hired a pit bull, not a prom queen. Sydney Ellen Wade : That's unfair. Leo Solomon : It's *incredibly* unfair. Leo's secretary : Mr. Solomon? This was just delivered by a White House messenger. It's marked perishable. Leo Solomon : The White House has sent me something perishable? Leo's secretary : It's for Ms. Wade. Leo Solomon : Oh, here we go. Sydney Ellen Wade : Relax, Leo, I'm sure it's just a formality. Leo's secretary : It's from him. Leo Solomon : Of course it's from him. Sydney Ellen Wade : So he had some staff flunky send me a fruit basket. Leo's secretary : Well, he wrote the note himself. Sydney Ellen Wade : I'm sure he didn't take the time to... Leo's secretary : The messenger said he waited in the Oval Office for ten minutes while the president wrote the card. Sydney Ellen Wade : Okay, listen- it took him ten minutes to write the card? Leo's secretary : Apparently he went through several drafts. [After President Shepherd's speech] Leon Kodak : Well, you don't see that every day of the week. Lewis Rothschild : He's got the whole White House press corps asking each other how to spell erudite! A.J. : Better call the printer, Lewis. Lewis Rothschild : I know, we gotta rewrite the State of the Union. A.J. : Every word, kid. It's a whole new ballgame. You have exactly 35 minutes. Lewis Rothschild : Oh, good, I thought I was gonna be rushed! Lewis Rothschild : We lost Jarret. Leon Kodak : Well I hope so because if that was an undecided we need to work on our people skills. Movie Title: Focus (2001) as Finkelstein: Finkelstein : They are a gang of devils and they want this country! Movie Title: Amistad (1997) as US Secretary of State Forsyth: US Secretary of State Forsyth : The only thing John Quincy Adams will be remembered for is his middle name. Movie Title: Get Shorty (1995) as Leo: Leo : But you don't even know where I'll be. I don't even know where I'll be. Chili Palmer : I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar. Movie Title: Payback (1999) as Stegman: Stegman : You know what, Val, this one's on me. OK? Val Resnick : Do you see me reaching for my fucking wallet? [repeated line] Stegman : You're not gonna fuckin' kill me, are you? Stegman : Don't let the bastards get ya' down. Movie Title: City Slickers (1991) as Ira Shalowitz: Barry Shalowitz : What do you think? What would be the perfect flavor with this meal? Ira Shalowitz : Cherry vanilla? Barry Shalowitz : No. If it was Chinese food, right on the money, but this? Toasted almonds. Mitch Robbins : What's going on? Ira Shalowitz : Barry can pick out the exact right flavor of ice cream to follow any meal. Go ahead. Challenge him. Mitch Robbins : Challenge him? Barry Shalowitz : Go on. Mitch Robbins : Franks and beans. Barry Shalowitz : Scoop of chocolate, scoop of vanilla. Don't waste my time. [Flings plate at Mitch as if he throws down the gauntlet] Barry Shalowitz : Come on. Push me. Mitch Robbins : Sea bass. Barry Shalowitz : Grilled? Mitch Robbins : Sauteed. Barry Shalowitz : I'm with you. Mitch Robbins : Potatoes au gratin. Asparagus. Barry Shalowitz : Rum raisin. Barry Shalowitz , Ira Shalowitz : WOOF! Movie Title: City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold (1994) as Ira: Barry : It's Curly. He's come back from the dead! Ira : He looks great. Ira : Hi. We're Ira and Barry Schalowitz. Barry : We helped bury your brother. Duke : Oh. Maybe someday I can do the same for you. |
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