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 David L. Lander QuotationMovie Title: Laverne & Shirley (1976) as Squiggy: Squiggy : I woulda worn my tuxedo but my polo pony ate it! Squiggy : Hey, what's with all the tropical flora? Lenny: Didn't you used to date her? Squiggy : Nah, that was Teresa DeFluca. Movie Title: A Garfield Christmas (1987) as Doc Boy: Jon: Hey, Dad? Doc Boy : Hey, psst. Dad? You awake? DAD, YOU AWAKE? Dad: I am now. What do you buys want? Jon: Is it time to open our presents yet? Dad: It's 1:30 in the morning. No, it is not time to open presents yet. Doc Boy : It IS Christmas morning now, you know. Jon: Doc Boy has a point there, Dad. Any time after midnight is technically Christmas morning, you know. Dad: GO... TO BED! Doc Boy : Alright. Pleasant dreams, DAD. It IS Christmas morning, you know. Jon: I know that and YOU know that. Mom: And now, my little boy is going to favor us with a Christmas song. Doc Boy : I don't know about this, Mom. Dad: Boy, you doggone better well play. Those 24 years of py-ano lessons better be worth something. Jon Arbuckle : Doc Boy, my favorite brother. Doc Boy : Don't call me Doc Boy. And in case you've forgotten, I'm your ONLY brother. Movie Title: A League of Their Own (1992) as Radio Sportscaster / Newsreel Announcer: Newsreel Announcer : After the first month of league play, the shine still isn't off these "diamond" gals. Alice "Skeeter" Gaspers says legging out a triple is no reason to let your nose get shiny - Betty Grable has nothing on these gals. Helen Haley has not only been a member of several championship amateur teams, she is also an accomplished coffee maker. Newsreel Announcer : Then there's pretty Dottie Henson, who plays like Gehrig, and looks like Garbo. Uh-uh, fellas, keep your mitts to yourself; she's married. And there's her kid sister Kit, who's as single as they come. Enough concentrated oomph for a whole carload of Hollywood starlets. Radio Sportscaster : This week, on "The World of sports": When the boys are overseas, and off to war, baseball pitches in for the war effort. Trading bats for bullets, Yankees star Joe DiMaggio promises to give those Nazis a jolt. Ace fire baller, Bob Feller, has traded Cleveland gray for navy blue. Baseball biggest stars say: Look out Mr. Hitler, the Yanks are coming, not to mention the Indians, Red Sox, and Tigers. Movie Title: 101 Dalmatians: The Series (1997) as Horace: Horace : Jasper, do you think I need a face lift? Jasper : You need a brain lift! Horace : I think I got it now, Jasper..."Listen, this is a stick up! Fork over the money!" Jasper : Too late for that, Horace. Try this..."Help! We're trapped in a store room!" Horace : Help! We're stored in a trap room! Jasper : Close. Movie Title: Used Cars (1980) as Freddie: [President Carter on TV] President Carter : -high inflation. What is the solution? [TV cuts to commercial for Luke's yard taking place in Roy's yard] Jeff : You want the solution to inflation? Hi, friends. Marshall Lucky here for New Deal Used Cars, where we're lowering inflation not only by fighting high prices, not only by murdering high prices, but by blowing the living shit out of high prices. Yessir. Here's an example. It's a 1972 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, for sixty-two ninety-nine. That price is too high. [shoots car] Jeff : Yessir. Here's another one. It's a Lincoln Continental, Mark IV, 1973. It's loaded. It's got air conditioning. It's got a stereo. It's got white-wall radial tires. It's got power steering, power brakes, power seats, power windows. And a price that is just too high. [shoots car] Jeff : Yessir. [Jim appears on car behind him in costume] Jim : YAAAAAAHHHH. Freddie : [on microphone] Look out, Marshall Lucky. It's High Prices. Jeff : Take this, you dirty ol' High Prices. ["shoots" Jim, who puts on a very convincing act] Jim : AHHHH. Ya got me Marshall. Ahhhhh... Jeff : [shocked] Jesus Christ. [winks at screen] Jeff : Yessir, that's New Deal Used Cars... Now wait just a Goddamn minute. What the hell is this? Is this a 1974 Mercedes 450SL for *twenty-four thousand dollars*? That's too fucking high. [blows up car with dynamite. Roy watches at home] Roy : You sonova bitch. Jeff : [laughs] Yessir. We blew the shit out of that over-priced motherfucker just the way we blow the shit out of *all* high prices, down here at New Deal Used Cars. So y'all come on down. Did you hear what I said? New Deal Used Cars. So y'all come on down. Did you hear what I said? [TV cuts back to President] President Carter : I have heard you, with unmistakable clarity... Roy : You sonova bitch. [kicks TV and electrocutes himself] Movie Title: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) as Smart Ass: Eddie Valiant : I'm through with taking falls/And bouncing off the walls/Without that gun, I'd have some fun/I'd kick you in the... Roger Rabbit : Nose. Smart Ass : Nose? That don't rhyme with "walls." Eddie Valiant : No, but this does. [He kicks Smartass in the crotch, propelling him into a vat of Dip] Smart Ass : Stop that laughing. You know what happens when you can't stop laughing. One of these days, you're gonna die laughing. Smart Ass : Don't make us play rough, Valiant. We just want the rabbit. Smart Ass : Look, Valiant, we got a reliable tip-off. The rabbit was here. It was corrugated by several others. So cut the bullshtick. Eddie Valiant : You keep talking like that and I'll have to wash your mouth off. [Sticks soap bar in Smartass' mouth] Smart Ass : Say, Judge. You want we should disresemble the place? Judge Doom : No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me. [Doom taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter] Judge Doom : No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick. [Continues tapping] Smart Ass : Hey Judge, what should we do with the wallflower? [referring to Eddie who is now visible through the hole in the wall] Judge Doom : [holding Roger by the neck] We'll settle with him later. Right now, I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some dip. |
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