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 Bianca Kajlich QuotationMovie Title: Halloween: Resurrection (2002) as Sara: Sara : Rudy, do you ever think about anything other than food? Rudy Grimes : Wouldn't you like to know? Freddie Harris : Fear is good. Fear is what gives us the feeling of being alive. Sara : Fear makes me want to throw up. Sara : Look, every time I let you two talk me into something I live to regret it. Rudy Grimes : Listen, without me you would die of boredom. Jenna Danzig : Us! Without us you would die of boredom. Rudy Grimes : Whatever. Sara : I don't want to be famous. Freddie Harris : What do you mean you don't want to be famous? That's the American dream! Sara : Aren't we supposed to be looking for answers. Jim Morgan : All right, the devil made him do it. I'm done. Movie Title: Rock Me Baby (2003) as Beth: Jimmy : It's been ten weeks since Otis was born and you combine that with the last nine weeks of pregnancy and we haven't done it in almost five months. I miss it in there. Beth : I know, it's just... Well, last time it was in there for nine months and it kinda trashed the place. Jimmy : Okay, fair enough. Any other vacancies in the building? [Jimmy wants to have sex] Jimmy : I'll take care of him until midnight, even though I get up at four, if you just take one for the team. Beth : Take one for the team? Jimmy : Yeah. Yeah, you know, like when a baseball player gets hit by a pitch on purpose. It doesn't feel good but you do it for the team. Kate : They're dying to see you and your new boobs. Beth : They are pretty awesome, aren't they? Kate : Yeah. I hate babies but I'm thinkin' about gettin' knocked up just to get a pair. Beth : Okay, so I left CPR instructions on the counter right next to the number for poison control. Jimmy : Poison control? You think I'm gonna poison him? Beth : No! But if you do, the number's on the counter. Beth : You've seen how tired I am. Sometimes I fall asleep in the middle of a chore. Jimmy : Oh, so sex is a chore now? Beth : Well you did put it on my to-do list. Jimmy : Yeah, and I'm still waitin' for you to do me. Beth : We need parent friends. If we had friends with babies, we'd know how they do it. Jimmy : Honey, I know how they do it. Same as we did - busted condom. Pam : Can you see my nipples in this picture? Beth : Nope. No nippage. Pam : Damn! I gotta get these reshot. It's for the cover of my demo CD and the title is "Caught in the Headlights!" Beth : This is just my "I had no idea you were gay" look. Beth : I'm sorry, you just didn't seem... the type. Steve : Why, because I don't have six-pack abs? You know, pudgy guys like having sex with men too. Pam : It's me, Pam. Open the door, it's an emergency! Beth : What's a matter? Pam : I'm hungry! Pam : I was meetin a blind date for dinner tonight but there was a problem. Beth : What was the problem? Pam : He was ugly. And I'm not blind! Beth : Did you sleep with any hookers or kill anyone? Jimmy : Oh, you got me. I slept with a hooker and then I killed her. And just for fun, I kicked a puppy. Pam : Guys are always askin, "How many guys have you been with before me? Be honest." And then you tell em 28 and suddenly they start lookin at you different. Beth : 28? Pam : Imagine if I'd told the truth! Pam : Why do women start saying things like "diapee" and "poopie" after they have a kid? Beth : Sounds better than "feces" and "pee-catcher". Beth : I'm a terrible mother! Pam : See, that's why I take the pill twice a day. I'm goin to take a bonus one right now. Beth : I'm not angry. Jimmy : Damn! I was hopin' for make-up-sex. Beth : You'll find another job. Jimmy : Beth, once you've blown chunks in a chopper, there's not a lot of places to go. Pam : Beth, you're the boss and as the boss, it's your job to make him think that he's the boss. Beth : What the hell are you talking about? Pam : I don't know. I saw it on "Who's the Boss?". Beth : So you're sure you're okay with me sticking my nose in your business? Jimmy : Oh, yeah! Yeah, I love that... Oh, you mean *business* business. Beth : We could have a dinner party. Like, with real grownup conversation and we could finally use our crystal and china and linen napkins. And we'll make a gourmet meal... Jimmy : And Jello shots. Beth : Yes! Beth : It's just like Thanksgiving. Jimmy : Yeah well, it would be if my grandpa were here, all drunk, talking about "those dang homosectionals". Beth : Otis has a runny nose. Jimmy : Is it green or clear? Oh God! You know, I can't believe how much we talk about this boy's bodily fluids. It's like he's a tiny Bill Clinton. Mandy : I'm a dancer. Beth : Oooh, what kind of dance? Mandy : Well, I have a degree from the University of Arizona in modern dance and jazz, but now mostly I do lap. Beth : We have no friends. Jimmy : Yeah but, baby, you gotta look at the big picture. We also have no life. Beth : I mean, I know he's just a baby but do you think maybe sometimes he cries just to piss us off? Jimmy : Of course. Do you think it's an accident that he cries every time we try to have sex? Jimmy : Look, honey, when his show first came to Denver, instead of calling me "Jimmy Cox", he called me "Jimmy No Cox". Alright, I've been trying to come up with a nickname for him for years. Beth : How 'bout Danny Bonadouchebag? Man on TV: Miss Wilson, come in here and take some... dictation. Beth : Wow! Naked people and clever wordplay. It's like the Frasier of porn. Beth : Is this the most retarded argument we've ever had? Jimmy : No, that would be the time that we argued about whether or not Batman and Robin are gay. Beth : They totally are! Jimmy : You know what? I don't even wanna go there again. Beth : ...we didn't have sex on our anniversary. Pam : Really? Well, even I had sex on your anniversary. Beth : What happened to your finger? Jimmy : Ah, I hurt it playin' with Carl. Beth : Did he pull too hard? Beth : I am not jealous. Jimmy : Yes, you are. Cause that's the same look I get when I watch you eating a popsicle. Jimmy : Don't you ever fantasize about someone else when you're makin love to me? Beth : *No*! Jimmy : I see. Clearly I did not know that or I would not have asked the question. Beth : Oh come on, Otis, it's strained peas and squash. How can you not like this? Pam : Four words: "strained peas and squash". Beth : How could you dump her? She's perfect! Jimmy : Hey, you're the one that wanted to come here. Beth : Okay, the correct answer was, "No, she's not!" Jimmy : I thought we were done fighting. Beth : No, I walked into the bedroom. You were supposed to follow me... Jimmy : I'm sorry but when an angry bear walks away, you don't follow it. Beth : Look at these teeny tiny little sneakers. Oh, and this tiny little hat. Oh, how come teeny tiny things are always so cute? Pam : They're not all cute. Some of them are just inadequate. Beth : Oh, look at this crib and it's 25% off. Pam : Hey, why don't they make these things for adults? So many places to attach handcuffs. Beth : Pam, could you clean up your act? We are in a baby store. Pam : I know! How come they have to make everything in here so sexual? Beth : I've got a surprise for you. Jimmy : Oh no! No, last time you said that you had just finished peeing on a stick. [It's Otis's first time in his own room] Jimmy : Honey, look, you've already checked on him six times tonight. Beth : I just wanna make sure he's okay. Jimmy : Okay. Okay, maybe you should. 'Cause he's probably climbed out of his crib, crawled down the block and reached the Things That Can Lodge in Your Throat store. Beth : Jimmy does his hair at, like, the speed of evolution. Jimmy : Okay, I'm gonna share a painful memory from my childhood. Beth : Oh, is this about when your mother found you "discovering yourself?" Jimmy : Thank you for making this such a safe environment in which to share. Beth : You know how Ben and J-Lo are called "Ben-nifer"? Maybe we could name Pam and Carl "Ca-Pam". Beth : Oh, shoot! I forgot to tell them that they're both lactose intolerant. You know, that's the kind of mutual struggle that brings people together. Beth : Grandma, have you been drinking? Grandma : Of course not! You know I never I never hit the sauce when I'm on duty. Beth : Well then who's been drinking this whiskey? Grandma : Oh, that! I gave it to Otis. Beth : There's a freezer full of ice to rub on Otis's gums if he gets fussy from the teething. Grandma : Ice, gotcha, cause that'll come in handy if he wants something on the rocks. Beth : Ca-Pam had to cancel. She's got a stomach virus. Jimmy : Oh, man, I hope I don't get it. You know, I think I saw her lick her fingers before she grabbed my testicles... Sheep testicles. It's a Moroccan dish. Goes great with cow brains. Grandma : And you think whiskey on the gums is peculiar? Jimmy : Alright, since your parents are coming, I did the standard pre-parent sweep. Which means if you're looking for your "neck massager", it's under the bed. Beth : Aren't you excited? Jimmy : No. Doesn't work on my "neck". Pam : I'll stay here with Otie. You two go. Beth : Pam, I can't leave you with a sick baby. Pam : I know, but I had to pretend to offer. Beth : It's no problem. Jimmy : Okay, alright. I'm gonna agree with you because history shows that's my best chance for some sweet, sweet lovin. Beth : You know, it's like she's avoiding Otis on purpose, like he's the baby equivalent of jury duty. Monty : Ah, I lost something, Beth. I'm gonna go out and try to find it. Beth : What? Monty : My will to live. Beth : So what do you guys think? This place has the best sushi in Denver. Ginger : Yeah, it's nice... But at Red Lobster they cook the fish. I know it takes a little more time, but I think it's worth the effort. Jimmy : Who are those people? Beth : I'll tell you who they are: interlopers. Jimmy : Okay, honey, some of us went to community college. Use words I can understand. Beth : At times like this, I wish I were a guy. Pam : Yeah, I wish I was a guy too... cause then I'd find out what it's like to have sex with me. [Beth walks in pushing Otis in a carriage] Beth : I walked all over Denver trying to get him asleep, if you make a noise, I'll shoot you. Jimmy : Wouldn't a gun make a noise? Beth : I'll get a silencer. Jimmy : It'll still make that little "phtttt". Pam : You think Otis is gonna wake up with all this noise in here? Beth : Oh, not a chance. He'll save that for the exact moment I fall asleep tonight. Beth : Y'know, I miss Jimmy. Last night is the first time he's been away from me and Otis. It was strange not seeing him come home from work with his usual greeting: "Who's that new guy coming out of Pam's apartment?" Pam : He's not my boyfriend. Beth : Oh, really? Don't you date him? Accept gifts from him? Sleep with him every night? Pam : Yes. Beth : Well then what does that make him? Pam : Lucky! Beth : Okay, if we are going to tame the wild booty monster inside of you, then we have to do a "flirt intervention". The first step is to recognize that you cannot flirt your way through life. Pam : What are you talking about? I just flirt socially... on weekends... at parties... Oh, it doesn't hurt anyone. Beth : Have you ever flirted while you were alone? Pam : Well, once in a while I look in the mirror... Well it's not my fault. I'm cute, dammit! Beth : Now do you remember when you started flirting? Pam : Yes. I was five. Little Timmy Johnson had this toy truck. I didn't want the truck, but I wanted him to give me the truck. So I batted my eyes and I told him how fine he looked in that sandbox. Well the next thing you know, I had his truck, all his action figures and the keys to his big wheel. From then on I was hooked. Beth : You're weak! You're a nobody! You're nothing! Pam : What are you doing? Beth : Breaking ya down so we can build you back up. Pam : Alright, fine. But when you build me back up, can you add a few inches to my bust line? Beth : He uses my body for nine months like it's an all-you-can-eat salad bar at Sizzler and his first word is "Da-Da". Pam : Well maybe he wasn't saying "Da-Da". Maybe he was lookin at me and sayin, "D- damn, Pam's fine". Jimmy : What are you two doing in bed together? Beth : Pam spent the night. We were having a girls night. Jimmy : Define "girls night". Beth : It's not what you're thinking. Jimmy : So you guys aren't gonna put on nurses uniforms and have a pillow fight on a trampoline? Beth : No, we did that earlier... just after we washed cars in our bikinis in slow-motion. Movie Title: Bring It On (2000) as Carver: Carver : She puts the "ass" in "massive." |
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