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 Judd Hirsch QuotationMovie Title: Ordinary People (1980) as Dr. Berger: Conrad "Con" Jarrett : When I let myself feel, all I feel is lousy. Dr. Berger : Oh well excuse me, I never promised you a rose garden. Conrad "Con" Jarrett : Oh fuck you Berger. Dr. Berger : What? Conrad "Con" Jarrett : FUCK YOU! Dr. Berger : Hey, that's it! Conrad "Con" Jarrett : Geez! You're really weird huh, what do you feel huh? Do you jerk off, or jack off, or whatever you call it? Dr. Berger : What do you think? Conrad "Con" Jarrett : What do I think? I think you're married to a fat lady and you go home and you fuck the living daylights out of her! Dr. Berger : Sounds good to me. Dr. Berger : A little advice about feelings kiddo; don't expect it always to tickle. Dr. Berger : So what are you thinking now? Conrad "Con" Jarrett : That I jack off a lot. Dr. Berger : So what else is new? Does it help? Conrad "Con" Jarrett : For a minute. Conrad "Con" Jarrett : It's impossible after all the shit I've pulled. Dr. Berger : What shit have you pulled? [pause] Dr. Berger : Hey, remember, I'm talking proportion here, now what shit? [pause] Dr. Berger : C'mon, you must be able to come up with at least one example. [pause] Dr. Berger : And don't give me, "I tried to kill myself." That's old turkey. Movie Title: Independence Day (1996) as Julius Levinson: [At the secret government lab] President Thomas Whitmore : I don't understand, where does all this come from? How do you get funding for something like this? Julius Levinson : You don't actually think they spend $20,000.00 on a hammer, $30,000.00 on a toilet seat do you? Julius Levinson : If I had known I was gonna meet the president I would've worn a tie. Look at me, I look like a schliemiel. Julius Levinson : Everyone's trying to get out of Washington, and we're the only schmucks trying to get in. Julius Levinson : If you're so smart, tell me something, how come you go to M.I.T. for 8 years to become a cable repairman? Julius Levinson : All you need is love, John Lennon, smart man, shot in the back very sad. [Julius discards a styrofoam cup] David Levinson : Hey, you have any idea how long it takes for those cups to decompose? Julius Levinson : If you don't move soon, I'm gonna start to decompose. Albert Nimzicki : I'm not Jewish. Julius Levinson : Well, nobody's perfect. Julius Levinson : Hey don't you tell him to shut up! You'd all be dead now if it weren't for my David! None of you did anything to prevent this! General Grey : There was nothing we could've done. We were totally unprepared for this. Julius Levinson : Ah! Don't give me unprepared! It was, what? In the 1950s, you, uh, had that space ship. Yeah, that thing that you found in New Mexico. David Levinson : Dad, no. Not the spaceship. Julius Levinson : Roswell! Roswell, New Mexico! Yeah. You had the spaceship, and you had the bodies. They were all locked up in a bunker. Where was that? David? In Area 51, right? Area 51! You knew then, and you did nothing! President Thomas Whitmore : Sir, regardless of what you may have read in the tabloids, there have never been any spacecraft recovered by our government. Take my word for it, there's no Area 51. There's no recovered spaceship. Albert Nimzicki : Uh... Excuse me, Mr. President? That's not entirely accurate. David Levinson : What? Which part? [David Levinson is getting air sick] Julius Levinson : It's Air Force One for crying out loud and still he gets sick! [The President wonders where Area 51's funding came from] Julius Levinson : You didn't think they actually spent ten thousand dollars for a hammer and thirty thousand for a toilet seat, did you? Julius Levinson : David. What the hell are you doing? David Levinson : Making a mess! Julius Levinson : Yes, this I can see. Julius Levinson : Hey don't you tell him to shut up! You'd all be dead now if it weren't for my David! None of you did anything to prevent this! General: There was nothing we could do! Julius Levinson : Oh don't give me that! You knew about this for a long time! What with that spaceship you found in New Mexico! What was it called... Roswell, New Mexico! And that other place... uh... Area 51, Area 51! You knew then! And you did nothing! Thomas Whitmore: Mr. Levinson, you're mistaken. There is no Area 51. There is no spaceship: Albert Nimzicki : Uh... Mr. President. That's not entirely accurate. David Levinson : What, which part? Movie Title: Taxi (1978) as Alex Rieger: Alex Rieger : One thing about being a cabbie is that you don't have to worry about being fired from a good job. Louie De Palma : Do you know what the difference is between people like you and people like me, Nardo? Alex Rieger : Yeah, two million years of evolution. Alex Rieger : Why'd you change your name to Ignatowski? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Try saying it backwards. Bobby Wheeler : Ix-wah-tangy. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : That's nowhere near Starchild, is it? Alex Rieger : I'm not really a cab driver. I'm just waiting for something better to come along. You know, like death. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : You know, you really need to clean up those bathrooms. Alex Rieger : You just came from the kitchen. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Thank God. Alex Rieger : Jim, when are you finally going to have some pride and stand up for yourself? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : August! "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : What did you win that trophy for? Alex Rieger : For making a fool of myself. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Why doesn't anyone tell me about contests like that? Alex Rieger : We're arguing because we care too much, and we're breaking up because we don't care enough. Alex Rieger : It's so quiet up here you can hear yourself think. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : I don't hear anything. [in the mountains, Jim hits his head] Alex Rieger : Jim, are you alright? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Yeah... who are you? Alex Rieger : I'm Alex. We're friends, we work together. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : What are we, lumberjacks? Alex Rieger : No, we're cabdrivers. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : I bet we don't do much business up here! Elaine Nardo : Dress is optional... He means how we dress, not if we dress, right? Alex Rieger : No, I don't think so. Elaine Nardo : Why? Alex Rieger : [showing Elaine his invitation] Yours is the only one that says that. Alex Rieger : Jim, when I said you were a flake, I meant you'd done some weird things. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Name one. Alex Rieger : You lived in a condemned building for five years. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : You're confusing flakiness with style! Alex Rieger : You kept a horse named Gary in your bedroom. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski : Not everyone has a guest room, Alex. Alex Rieger : I'm going to die as I've lived, wearing a green shirt, a catcher's mask, and dancing the can can. Latka Gravas : [After his paper marriage, his "wife" runs off] No honeymoon? Alex Rieger : No, Latka. Latka Gravas : America's a tough town. |
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