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 Kevin McDonald Quotation"I don't say funny things, I say things funny." "I left the show because of creative differences. I was creative and they were different." "I feel as if I'm playing myself only more feminine, and to me more feminine means smarter." "I have demons. . . polite demons that would open the door for a lady carrying too many parcels, but demons nonetheless!" "Can't fix the car without a whole lotta milka." "Couldn't I have just one hand free? How much trouble can I get into with just one hand?" "I'm nutty bunny number three, the cutest bunny is always me!" "Do you really think this soup can bring about world peace?" "I am sexy. . . oh, maybe not to the average Joe of sexy, but to the connoisseur of sexy, I'm hot, I'm very hot!" "Hi, I'm Kevin McDonald, or as many of you know me, the Kid in the Hall we don't like." "They love me in France." "Jerry, you are clearly insane!" "I'm just one guy! Let's count: one, done!" "You're just saying that [you love me] because you have a spider on your face." "Must have slipped my mind." "Uncle is a word you use to describe the brother of one of your parents. It is not a word used to describe someone your mother is banging!" "No, the beard stays, you go." "Wait a second, everyone is on my list. . . they're all against me." "Give him a hand, he's British!" "When I was a kid, my dad was a drunk, and he would sometimes try to kill me and my sister. Well, he didn't really, but he said he would, and it scared us. I knew I had sort of a comic talent, comic timing, and I wanted to be a comic actor. When things were bad, I would go to bed crying and think, "I'm gonna be really famous. I'll show him." So I tried to do that, and as a result, I met the other guys.(The Kids In The Hall.) By the time of the TV show, the quest for being famous had melted away, and it became about loving the work. I really fell in love with the work. I learned how to write, and there I was on TV for five years. As a result, I became semi-famous, because I stopped caring about it. I honestly thought that if I kept caring about it, I wouldn't be known." Movie Title: Stitch! The Movie (2003) as Pleakley: Pleakley : Maybe the Grand Councilwoman will let us come home with her this time! [Jumba and Pleakley watch the GCW's ship blast off.] Pleakley : [sigh] I'll get the wig.... Movie Title: The Godson (1998) as 'Guppy' Calzone: 'Guppy' Calzone : If this is about the other night... I just wanted to see how pantyhose would look on me. Movie Title: Lilo & Stitch: The Series (2003) as Pleakley: [Jumba and Peakley in another costume theme] Pleakley : Don't we look marvelous? Jumba : Frankly, my dear, I do not give darn. Jumba : Ha! The bigger they are, the more their landing. Pleakley : Or, something very close to that. Pleakley : Who knew Armageddon could be so barbecue-tasty! Pleakley : Jumba, you're messing up my decorative orbs! Jumba : Well, you are standing in two of my eyes! Nani : [rushing into the kitchen after Pleakly mops the floor] WHERE'S LILO? Pleakley : Well a clean floor was here, but apparently it just left! Pleakley : [trying to stall an angry crowd] Everyone loves balloon animals! [holds one up] Pleakley : See? It's a little... puppy!... with three heads Movie Title: Lilo & Stitch (2002) as Pleakley: Pleakley : Oh great! He's loose! Jumba : His destructive programming is taking effect. He'll be irresistibly drawn to large cities where he'll back up plumbing, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe. Jumba : WHAT? after all you put me through, you expect me to help you just like that? JUST LIKE THAT? Stitch : [alien language] Ih. Jumba : Fine! Pleakley : "Fine"? You're doing what he says? Jumba : He's very persuasive! Grand Councilwoman : What if our military forces just landed there? Pleakley : Well that'll be a BAD IDEA! These are extremely simple creatures miss. Landing there would create mass mayhem and planet wide panic! Grand Councilwoman : Are they intelligent? Pleakley : No. But they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet, they have to begin life all over. Pleakley : Oh, can't complain, Mom. I'm camping out here with a convicted criminal. And, uh, oh; I had my head chewed on by a monster! Lilo : We're leaving Stitch? Pleakley : Trust me, this is NOT going to end well! Pleakley : Look! A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. There's another one, and another. It's a whole flock. They like me. They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses. Now they're... they're... Aaaaaaaah! Movie Title: Galaxy Quest (1999) as Announcer: [Introducing Guy at the convention] Announcer : It's... another crew member. [Introducing Alex at the convention] Announcer : Give him a hand, he's British. Movie Title: Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy (1996) as Dr. Cooper / Dr. Chris Cooper: Mrs. Hurdicure : [looking at drug] What will this do? Dr. Cooper : Well, it reaches into your brain "chemically," and then it locates your happiest memory "chemically," then it locks onto that emotion and freezes it "chemically," and then it keeps you happy, happy. Baxter : Chris? She's depressed, not stupid! Dr. Chris Cooper : [holding out cappuccino cup to assistant) My cap is luke. Assistant: Lukewarm, Chris? Cisco : No, Luke Skywalker, you fuckin' inbred. Movie Title: Senior Trip (1995) as Travis: Travis : I shall put an end to your dirty Klingon ways. Travis : Follow that bus, Mr. Sulu. Mr. Woo : Sulu? I'm Mr. Woo. Travis : I see. Traitors to the Federation! [pulls out a gun] Travis : Nobody moves! Wong Woo : Hey, is that a Walther PPK semi-automatic? Travis : Yes. Wong Woo : Great! You cover Dad... [Wong Woo pulls out his own Walther PPK gun and points it at his parents] Wong Woo : I'll cover Mom. Movie Title: Invader ZIM (2001) as Almighty Tallest Purple: Almighty Tallest Purple : Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia? Shouldn't you be... frying something? Zim : Oh, I quit when I found out about this. Almighty Tallest Purple : You quit being banished? Almighty Tallest Red : You will be sent to a planet so mysterious, no one has even heard of it! Almighty Tallest Purple : Right! And those who have heard of it dare not speak it's name! Zim : What's it's name? Almighty Tallest Purple : Oh, I dare not speak it! Almighty Tallest Red : So, these humans are tall... but they're dumb? Almighty Tallest Purple : [With his mouth full] How can they be tall and be dumb, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? can you imagine, huh? Huh? Huh? Movie Title: Dinner at Fred's (1999) as Fred: Richard : What if he's up late catching a movie? Fred : He doesn't watch TV! Dennis : Not since he blew a hole in it with his shotgun. [Richard reacts] Fred : Don't worry. He was just mad at Phil Donahue about the episode where he wore a dress. Who didn't shoot their TV that day? Aunt Bonnie : We had the bible read to us by Charleston Heston I wish it had been a longer trip, I'd like to have heard the ending. Fred : The Hero dies. Aunt Bonnie : No! Movie Title: The Kids in the Hall (1989) as Guy #2 / Sir Simon Milligan / Kevin / Jerry Sizzler / Man #1: Man #1 : So it was a good movie. It wasn't a great movie, but how often do you see a great movie? Man #2 : Oh, I saw a great movie last night. Yeah, it was on the late show. It was... um... uh... uh... oh, what was it called? It's a classic. It's... um... uh... oh, I hate this! I hate it when this happens! Man #1 : Well, what was it about? Man #2 : Uh, it's about this newspaper tycoon and he's dead and everybody's telling stories about him and... Man #1 : It's "Citizen Kane." Man #2 : No, that's not it. No, no, no, no. But it's something like that. It's uh... it's um... Man #1 : Okay, who was in it? Man #2 : Orson Welles is in it. And it's called... Man #1 : Then this is "Citizen Kane." It's "Citizen Kane." Man #2 : No, that isn't it. That's isn't it, but you're not far from it. It's uh... Man #1 : Well, who else was in it? Man #2 : Uh... I don't know. Man #1 : Was Joseph Cotten in it? Man #2 : What else has he been in? Man #1 : "The Third Man," "The Magnificent Ambersons"... Man #2 : Oh, "The Magnificent Ambersons!" Yes! Yes, yes, he was in it! Yes! Oh, that's one of my favorite Orson Welles movies! Man #1 : Well, this is definitely "Citizen Kane," then. You're talking about "Citizen Kane." Man #2 : No... no, no. But it's... it's something like that. Kevin : Hi, I'm Kevin McDonald. Or, as you might know me at home, "the Kid in the Hall we don't like." Dave : Well, this is the place I've been telling you about. Kevin : Yeah, it's really nice. So, what do you eat when you come here? Dave : Well, I'll tell ya. If you're gonna eat here, you've got to try the Shitty Soup. Kevin : Shitty Soup? Dave : Oh yeah, everyone that comes here has the Shitty Soup. Kevin : It doesn't sound that great. Dave : Oh, it's not, it's awful. That's why they call it "shitty." Jerry Sizzler : Good evening, pricks. I'm Jerry Sizzler and this is my sister - Jerry Sizzler : - Jerry Sizzler! Jerry Sizzler : We of course are two lounge singers - Jerry Sizzler : - and not two clearly insane people. Sir Simon Milligan : Hecubus, have you seen the movie "Presumed Innocent?" Hecubus : Yes I have, Master, and his wife killed her. Sir Simon Milligan : But Hecubus, I haven't seen the movie yet... Evil! Evil! Guy #1 : I know it's a cliché, but my favorite album of all time is still "Sgt. Pepper's." Guy #2 : "Sgt. Pepper's"? What's that? Guy #1 : Only the Beatles' most famous album! Guy #2 : I'm sorry, the Beatles? Who are they? Guy #1 : The best group of the sixties! Guy #2 : Oh, the sixties. I didn't hear much music in the sixties. Guy #1 : What are you talking about? Guy #2 : Well, dad always was a little crazy. After the car accident he started medication and things got worse. One night he woke me up and knocked me out. He brought me down to the basement where I lived for the next ten years. I heard no music, I had no friends. They shoved food under the door so I had to eat pancakes and pizza. It was awful, but I survived. Guy #1 : Gee, I'm sorry. I, uh, didn't know. Guy #2 : Of course I've heard of the Beatles, you retard! Movie Title: That '70s Show (1998) as Pastor Dave: Pastor Dave : Say, "God's Magic Circle"... that sounds like an Eric Clapton song. Right, kids? Pastor Dave : Now, kids, you may think that God is a downer. But, he's an upper. Some get high on L.S.D., but I get high on G.O.D... Steven Hyde : [coughs] Virgin. Pastor Dave : You guys get high off of LSD... well... I get off of G-O-D Steven Hyde : [coughs] VIRGIN. |
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