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![]() Steven Wright Quotation"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five." "A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said 'Wish you were here.'" "Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home." "I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out." "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." "I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, 'Hey, maybe I wrote that.'" "Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?" "I was reading the dictionary the other day. I thought it was a poem about everything." "I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it." "If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something." "There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot." "We had a quicksand box in our backyard. I was an only child, eventually." "When the guy who made the first drawing board got it wrong, what did he go back to?" "I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place." "Yeah, it's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it!" "I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying." Movie Title: Space Ghost Coast to Coast (1994) as Steven Wright: Steven Wright : Who else is going to be on the show? Zorak : Your guts. Steven Wright : Oh. Movie Title: Hercules (1998) as Bootes: [the Argonauts are greeted by nymphs who invite them to stay in their island forever] Jason of the Argonauts : Well, it's obvious what's happening here. These nymphs are trying to keep us from our quest. Bootes : No, that's just a bonus. Movie Title: Natural Born Killers (1994) as Dr. Emil Reingold: Dr. Emil Reingold : Mickey and Mallory know the difference between right and wrong; they just don't give a damn. Wayne Gale : Mallory Knox has said that she wants to kill you. Dr. Emil Reingold : I never really believe what women tell me. Movie Title: Half Baked (1998) as The Guy on the Couch: The Guy on the Couch : Hey, is it January? Thurgood Jenkins : No, it's August. The Guy on the Couch : Really? Movie Title: The Swan Princess (1994) as Speed: Speed : Ow! Jean-Bob : THAT'S IT! I'm gonna die! I'm on a mission with a lame turtle! |
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