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 Steve Lemme QuotationMovie Title: Club Dread (2004) as Juan Castillo / Juan: [Putman runs up to Dave and Juan in the Pacman maze in a banana suit] Putman : Mmm! Mmm! Mmmm! Dave : Are you trying to tell us something boy? Is Timmy trapped in the well? [Putman motions for them to follow him] Juan : [singing while running after Putman] Follow thee banana, follow thee banana! Juan : [after "interrogating" Penelope by having passionate sex] I may need a few more hours to pump her for information. Juan : Yu and Hank are dead! Coconut Pete : ...What did we do? Juan : No! Yu and Hank are fucking dead! Coconut Pete : Is that a threat? Juan : Ok. Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? It that what you wanted to hear? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazy kids! Juan : [about the goat incident] "At least I wore a comdom." Jenny : You told me they were against your religion! Juan : Uuuhhhh... I'm going to go find Pe-ne-lope. Juan : You are the fucking FUN POLICE! Penelope : Juan, you're bleeding! Juan : You should see the other hombre. Juan : When you jump squeeze your ass cheeks together or water will fly up your butthole and pulverize your intestines. Jenny : [about Penelope] Who is she? Juan : She's my girlfriend. [reading Penelope's nametag on her chest by grabbing her breast] Juan Castillo : You have a beautiful name. Peen-a-lop. Penelope : I go to Oral Roberts. Juan Castillo : Oral Roberts? Is that like Anal Johnson? Because I have done that a few times. Or was it Dirty Sanchez? Yes. It was that. Lars : Are you familiar with the expression "sitting duck"? Juan : Uhh, no. Putman : David, you hated him for killing your parents. You see, what none of us did know, what none of us could know, was that David's parents were trampled to death at a Coconut Pete concert. Jenny : What the hell's wrong with you Putman? Everyone knows Dave's parents got killed at a Pete show. Juan : Way to bring up on a sore subject. Sam : [referring to lyrics form a Coconut Pete song] You know, octopus spelled backwards is supotco. Juan, isn't that Spanish for something? Juan : Supotco? No. But, the word for shoe is zapato. Sam : hmm, shoe. Putman : [returning from being on stage] What'd I miss? Jenny : Apparently somebody's going to get killed with a shoe. Juan : [after Penelope does gymnast moves in the bed room, landing right on Juan] What the fuck are you, a praying mantis woman? Movie Title: Broken Lizard's Super Troopers (2001) as Mac: Mac : Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had. Captain O'Hagan : If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now. Mac : Smothered me in gravy you big dirty man. Foster : Okie dokie silly okio. I'm an idiot. Mac : That's true. Captain O'Hagan : I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, " Shenanigans." Mac : Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy stuff on the wall and the mozzarella sticks? Farva : You mean Shenanigans? Rabbit : OOOOOOOOOOOOOO. [As they hand the Captain their pistols] Mac : You boys like Mex-i-co? Woo-hoo. Farva : Don't call me radio, unit 91. Mac : Then don't call me unit 91, radio. Farva : Are you done? Captain O'Hagan : The bulletproof cup? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked. [fires through the window, accidentally shooting out the glass] Captain O'Hagan : And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac. Mac : Thanks for that, Captain. [Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup ] Foster : How you feelin' there, Mac? Mac : Good enough... to fuck... your mother. Mac : and that was the second time I got crabs. Mac : No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead. Mac : How's your shooting, Thorny? Thorny : Good. I've been dead on all morning. Mac : What about that little guy? [points to a bullet hole in the shooting target's crotch] Thorny : Who, that little guy? I wouldn't worry about that little guy. Mac : Your mother should've swallowed you, Rando! |
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