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 Thomas Cavanagh QuotationMovie Title: Bang, Bang, You're Dead (2002) as Val: Val : It's not what's in a kid's backpack that makes him dangerous, it's what's in his heart. Trevor : Can you get everybody out of here? Val : What are you talking about?... Val : What are you talking about, Trevor? Trevor : Guns. Trogs with Guns. Val : Are they?... Val : This play is the best way to know how to look into a kid's heart. Angry Parent: What about this 'Bang, Bang, I'm Gonna Kill You'? Val : 'Bang, Bang, You're Dead.' Angry Parent: Seems there's no control here. Why is a play like that being done? Val : Because we couldn't get the rights to 'Hello, Dolly!' Movie Title: Ed (2000) as Ed Stevens: Ed Stevens : I am a lawyer, I own a bowling alley. Two separate things. Ed Stevens : The fact of the matter is you can't live without me. Carol Vessey : What? Ed Stevens : That's right you could move away to Guam, Borneo, Harrisberg Pennsylvania, god knows where, the truth is you'll be making a beeline right back to Stuckeyville. You know why? [Carol shakes her head] Ed Stevens : Capital "E" lower case "d"! [Ed is throwing waffles on Carol's roof after she broke up with Nick because she couldn't throw HIM a waffle] Ed Stevens : Hi! Carol Vessey : I don't think I can handle you being adorable right now. Ed Stevens : Sorry, I can't turn that off. [Ed compliments Shirley's "S" on the Stuckeybowl wall] Ed Stevens : It's very good Shirley. Shirley Pifko : Are you coming on to me? Carol Vessey : My one chance at something vaguely resembling happiness, and you destroyed it. Ed Stevens : What? Carol Vessey : You ruined my wedding, and... and you made me lose Dennis. Ed Stevens : How could I have ruined your wedding? I wasn't even there. Carol Vessey : Of course you were there. You're always there. Because no matter what I try to do Ed Stevens is always there. Ed Stevens : I... I don't know... I don't know what you're so upset about. Carol Vessey : Ed, do you want to know why Dennis walked out of the wedding? Ed Stevens : Why? Carol Vessey : I'll tell you why. I'll... I'll tell you why! Because he thought I was looking around the church for you. He thought I was looking for Ed Stevens. Ed Stevens : Were you? Carol Vessey : Yeah. Yeah, I was. Ed Stevens : Why Carol? Carol Vessey : Because you never stop. It's been this way ever since you came back to Stuckeyville. You didn't even know me. Ed, you did not even know me, and yet you made it your life's work to just, to wear me down. It's like, it's like you crawled into my skull, and you found a nice, comfy little place to rest, and you refuse to leave. No matter what I said, no matter what I did, you just never stopped coming after me. You, you just never stopped! Ed Stevens : You never wanted me to stop! And you wanted me to stop. It's true Carol. I did all these things. I dressed up as a knight. I sang. I danced. I threw waffles at your bedroom window. I hired a skywriter. I got up on a horse named Crazy Jimmy, and you loved it. You loved it. And you hated it. Because you didn't think you deserved it. And you know what Carol? You were right. What, what are you doing? Carol Vessey : I don't know. I don't know. Ed Stevens : Carol, look at me. I'm dying. I gotta get off this ride. [At Stuckeybowl] Mike Burton : Ten bucks if you yell "I love kitties" at the top of your lungs. Ed Stevens : I LOVE KITTIES! [everyone stares] [In a duck suit] Ed Stevens : Quack quack. That's all I got... beer's over there. Ed Stevens : We're circling each other like Venezuelan flamingoes engaged in a complex mating dance. Ed Stevens : In the criminal justice system, Bonnie Hane's day is divided into two separate yet equally important parts: prosecuting offenders, and having lunch. This... is her story. Ed Stevens : I was wondering, how much power does the prom queen actually wield? Could you have like, say, bombed Belgium? Mike Burton : Hey, guys! Hey, you gotta see this! Kenny's about to stop a bowling ball with his head! Ed Stevens : You don't see that every day. Ed Stevens : It says here you went to Tufts University. Kenny Sandusky : It's in Massachusetts. Ed Stevens : I know... you graduated with a 3.7? And then you went to nursing school. Kenny, you're a nurse? Kenny Sandusky : Pediatric nurse. Ed Stevens : Why do you work in a bowling alley? Kenny Sandusky : Life is a journey. Judge : Mr. Stevens, where's your attorney? Ed Stevens : Actually, Your Honor, I'm representing myself in this matter. Judge : Haven't you heard the saying, "He who represents himself has a fool for a client?" Ed Stevens : Yes sir, I have, and I tried my best to convince me not to hire me to represent myself, but I simply refused to listen to me. Ed Stevens : Ten bucks if you call Reverend Carver "Padre". Nancy Burton : I've always wondered where that phrase came from - speak of the devil. Ed Stevens : Well, according to ancient legend, if you said the devil's name three times... he would appear. Mike Burton : According to ancient legend? Dude, you got that from "Beetlejuice". Ed Stevens : 'Tis a beautiful night. Carol Vessey : 'Tis indeed. Ed Stevens : Way to pick up on the 'tis! Mike Burton : Ten bucks if you go over to that guy and ask him where the lettuce is... only, you don't say lettuce. Ed Stevens : What do I say? Mike Burton : Letoos. Ed Stevens : A relationship like ours can't work; things buried deep down are bound to come to the surface and destroy us. It's like building on an ancient burial ground. Mike Burton : Hey, ten bucks... Ed Stevens : I'm not really in the mood. Mike Burton : No, you're gonna like this one, it's conceptual. Ed Stevens : ...Okay. Mike Burton : Ten bucks... if you give me ten bucks. Ed Stevens : I said some things I shouldn't have. Carol Vessey : Well, sometimes that's how friends get closer. Mike Burton : I'll give you six bucks to hug the giant chicken. Ed Stevens : Six bucks? As you know the traditional wager is ten bucks. Mike Burton : But I've only got six. Ed Stevens : Forget it!... Wait. I'll give you ten bucks to hug the giant chicken. |
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