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 Cleavon Little QuotationMovie Title: Cotton Comes to Harlem (1970) as Lo Boy: Coffin Ed : White Guys? Gravedigger Jones : White Guys? They had on masks. How did you know they were white? Lo Boy : [Crying] Oh Lordy, help me! Coffin Ed : I'm asking you. How do you know they was white? Lo Boy : They run white, dammit. Movie Title: Blazing Saddles (1974) as Bart: [to himself, after fooling the town] Bart : Oh, baby, you're *so* talented... and they are *so* dumb. Bart : Are we awake? Jim : We're not sure. Are we black? Bart : Yes, we are. Jim : Then we're awake, but very puzzled. [Jim downs a bottle of whiskey in one long guzzle] Bart : A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE. Jim : When? Bart : Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'? Elderly woman: Up yours nigger. Bart : I better go check out this Mongo character. [Bart reaches for his gun] Jim : Oh no, don't do that. Bart : Why not? Jim : If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad. [Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain] Bart : Stampeding cattle. Hedley Lamarr : That's not much of a crime. Bart : Through the Vatican? Hedley Lamarr : [smiling] Kinky. Sign here. Taggart : Break's over, boys. Don't just lay there gettin' a suntan, ain't gonna do you no good anyhow. Now take this shovel and put it to some good use. [Bart grabs a shovel and advances on Taggart from behind] Charlie : Don't do it, Bart. Bart : Uh-uh, baby, I have to. Taggart : [to Lyle] Now send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said [Bart whacks him] Taggart : OW. Lyle : Send wire, main office, tell them I said ow, gotcha. [Bart returns unexpectedly after being sentenced to death] Charlie : They said you was hung. Bart : And they was right. Bart : You be my guest, and I be your host. What be your pleasure, Jim? Jim : I don't know... play chess... screw... Bart : [quickly] Let's play chess. [Bart on grandstand to the townspeople] Bart : Excuse me while I whip this out. [Bart reaches into waistline as crowd gasps and screams. Bart pulls out paper] Crowd: Ahhhhh. [Lili Von Schtupp offers Bart a gigantic sausage] Lili Von Shtupp : Would you like another schnitzengruben? Bart : No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben. Lili Von Shtupp : Well how about a little... [whispers in his ear] Bart : [shocked] Baby. I'm not from Havana. [to two members of the KKK] Jim : Oh boys, lookee what I got heyuh. Bart : Hey, where the white women at. [Bart and Jim are wearing KKK outfits to infiltrate the enemy's lynch mob] Jim : [spotting Bart's black hands] How many times have I told you to wash your hands after a weekly cross burning? [Taggart whips off Bart's hood] Bart : For my next impression, Jesse Owens. [Jim: The Waco Kid has just shot the guns out of the hands of a dozen henchmen] Bart : Don't just stand there clasping your hands in pain... How about a round of applause for The Waco Kid? Bart : Now, I suppose you're all wondering just what in the heck you're doing out here in the middle of a prairie in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. Crowd: You bet your ass. Bart : I'm hip. Bart : What's your name? Jim : Well, my name is Jim, but most people call me... Jim. Jim : Where you goin'? Bart : Oh, nowhere special. Jim : Nowhere special. Always wanted to go there. Bart : [holding his own gun to his head] Nobody moves or the nigger gets it. Bart : Well raise my rent. You are The Kid. Bart : Sir, he specifically requested two "niggers". Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch. [Bart is bidding farewell to the people of Rock Ridge] Bart : Work here is done. I'm needed elsewhere now. I'm needed wherever outlaws rule the West, wherever innocent women and children are afraid to walk the streets, wherever a man cannot live in simple dignity, wherever a people cry out for justice. Crowd: [in unison] BULLSHIT! Bart : All right, you caught me. Speaking the plain truth is getting pretty damn dull around here. Bart : [Mongo walks down the street past a mannequin-like, penny-arcade-style "gunslinger" - Bart's voice is distorted and seems to be coming from the penny-arcade machine] I'm the marshal in this here town, and you're nothin' but a big fat ferret. [Mongo starts to pull his gun on the offending "marshal"] Bart : Hold it! If you wanna draw on me, put a quarter in the machine. [Mongo deposits a quarter in the appropriate slot] Bart : Ready? Now draw on the count of three. One, two... [Mongo is about to draw when the "marshal" falls away to reveal a cannon, which blasts Mongo in the face - we can now see that Bart has been throwing his voice with a bullhorn] Bart : ... Three. Bart : [dressed up as a carnival barker, Bart stands before a big sign, in front of the Rock Ridge town well] Step right up, ladies and gentlemen and... Mongos! Dive, dive, dive, for buried treasure! This is the exact spot where the Spanish Armada was sunk by the British Navy, leaving millions and millions of Spanish Dubloons at the bottom of the sea! Mongo : [excited] Spanish balloons? Bart : Right on! Mongo : Mongo take chance! Mongo : [Bart has dressed Mongo up in an antique diving suit, complete with helmet and hose] Hey, how Mongo get air? Bart : [pointing out for him] From this wonderful antique pump. Good hunting! Bart : [Mongo has reached the bottom of the well and is looking around at...? Above, Bart lets the pump stop] Time for my lunch break. [a sign is lowered for Mongo: "For more air, deposit 25 cents"] Movie Title: Vanishing Point (1971) as Super Soul: Super Soul : There goes the challenger being chased by the big blue meanies on wheels. The vicious traffic squad cars are after our lone driver, the last American hero, the electric sintar, the demi-god, the super driver of the golden west! Two nasty Nazi cars are close behind the beautiful lone driver. The police cars are getting closer-closer... Closer to our soul hero in his soul mobile- Yeah baby! They about to strike, They gonna get him, SMASH! RAPE! The last beautiful free soul on this planet. Movie Title: The Gig (1985) as Wilson: Wilson : It's not religion -- devotion isn't enough. |
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