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 Maury Chaykin QuotationMovie Title: WarGames (1983) as Jim Sting: Jim Sting : Remember you told me to tell you when you were acting rudely and insensitively? Remember that? You're doing it right now. Malvin : I can't believe it, Jim. That girl's standing over there listening and you're telling him about our back doors? Jim Sting : [yelling] Mister Potato Head! Mister Potato Head! Back doors are not secrets! Malvin : Yeah, but Jim, you're giving away all our best tricks! Jim Sting : They're not tricks. Movie Title: Iron Eagle II (1988) as Downs: Downs : You guys stole most of your stuff from us anyway. Kashkin : All of it. We stole everything. Graves : Hey Downs, what do you do for a living? Downs : I blow up things, especially people. Bend over captain, I'll give you a demonstration. Movie Title: A Life Less Ordinary (1997) as Tod: Tod : Do you think that I'd talk to a dog? Do you think I'd ask a dog whether you're good or evil? What do you think I am? Some kind of crazy backwoods lunatic with a barn full of human skulls and a scythe that I sharpen every day in readiness for Armageddon? Robert : No, no, not at all, I'm sure you're just a regular kind of guy. Tod : Right, I'm regular, I am a regular man. I want... but that's not the point! The point is, who are YOU? WHO ARE YOU? Movie Title: Buried on Sunday (1992) as Dexter Lexcannon: Mrs. Swinnimer : We heard your message. Now I say we give Ottawa a message they'll listen to for once! You works for them, right? Dexter Lexcannon : The government is my client, yes. Mrs. Swinnimer : Your client. That's close enough, I figure. I say we hang him. Movie Title: Unstrung Heroes (1995) as Arthur Lidz: Sid Lidz : Religion is a crutch. Only cripples need crutches. Arthur Lidz : A crutch isn't bad if you need it, Sidney. Danny Lidz : All of us are cripples in some way. Sid Lidz : Well, I'm not. Movie Title: Dances with Wolves (1990) as Major Fambrough: Major Fambrough : You wish to see the frontier? John Dunbar : Yes sir, before it's gone. Major Fambrough : Sir knight? I've just pissed in my pants... and nobody can do anything about it. Movie Title: The Hire: Hostage (2002) as The Kidnapper: The Kidnapper : Words... are cheap. Words... come and go. All I wanted from her was a gesture. Now, five million dollars withdrawed from Ms. CEO's account, that's a gesture. See, now that's a GRAND gesture. I like that. The Kidnapper : Show me the money. Oh, If I had known it'd be this easy, I'd have lost my mind a long time ago. Confirm the exact amount. The Driver : Five million, 88- ... The Kidnapper : No, no, no. Here. Write it. Write it down. Here, put it in writing. [The Driver writes the currency amount $5,088,042 and shows it to The Kidnapper] The Kidnapper : So how does it feel to hold a person's life in your hand? The Kidnapper : Now, what's in that number? Two years missed salary, profit participation, bonuses. Mm, I've even had to pay for these power lunches. So, what's in a number? What's in a number? Ypu know what? Maybe nothing's in a number. Maybe a number is just a number. The Driver : I don't get it. Why are you burning it all? The Kidnapper : You know, whoever says you can't take it with you... [FBI SWAT Team bursts in] The Kidnapper : Beingold, Harry Beingold, Linda! SWAT Team member : FBI! FBI! Drop your weapon! Put it down! The Driver : Get back! We haven't got her yet! [gun clicks] The Kidnapper : You better hurry. Time and tide waits for no man. The Driver : If you gonna do it, don't take her with you. The Kidnapper : All I wanted was a gesture. [gunshot] SWAT Team Commander : Suspect down! Suspect down! House is secure. [phone beeps unable to call redial] SWAT Team Commander : [The Driver recollects the Kidnapper's question] The Kidnapper : How does it feel to hold a person's life in your hand? The dollar amount $5,088,042 is actually california phone number 508-8042. Movie Title: Josh and S.A.M. (1993) as Pizza Man: Pizza Man : This pizza, I make myself. My wife, she no make-a da pizza. No more! Movie Title: My Cousin Vinny (1992) as Mr. Tipton: Vinny Gambini : How could it take you 5 minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit-eating world 20 minutes? Mr. Tipton : Um... I'm a fast cook, I guess. Vinny Gambini : You're a fast cook? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit faster in your kitchen than any place on the face of the earth? Mr. Tipton : I don't know. Vinny Gambini : Perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove. Were these magic grits? Did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans? John Gibbons : Mr. Tipton, I see you wear glasses. Mr. Tipton : Yes I do. John Gibbons : Could you show those glasses to the court, please? Okay, now were you wearing them that day? Mr. Tipton : No. John Gibbons : Uh huh. You see? You were fifty feet away, you made a positive eyewitness identification and-and-and-and-and-and-and YET, you were not wearing your necessary, prescription eye glasses. Mr. Tipton : They're reading glasses. John Gibbons : [After long pause] Um Mr., Um... Could you tell the court what color eyes the defendants have? Mr. Tipton : [After quick glance] Brown and hazel green. Movie Title: Gone Fishin' (1997) as Kirk: Kirk : If you see them, you tell them that I love them very much and I want to see them again and that they are very nice, very attractive... boys. Movie Title: Whale Music (1994) as Desmond: Fay : This girl looks under age, Des. Could mean prison. Desmond : That seems a heavy price to pay for a youthful appearance. Movie Title: The Art of War (2000) as Capella: Capella : D'you ever watch wresting Ray? Ray : Errr. Sure. I mean you know, now and then. Capella : Cuz this is just like wrestling. Ray : How? Capella : Well it's reality, mixed with illusion, mixed with bullshit, mixed with ... big scary guys from parts unknown, in dire need of psychiatric care. Movie Title: Bartleby (2001) as Ernie: Rocky : Let me tell you something: It's the sensitive guy that gets the needy woman. Ernie : Yeah, well it's the worm that gets the hooker. Movie Title: A Nero Wolfe Mystery (2001) as Nero Wolfe: Nero Wolfe : May I sit down? All: NO! Nero Wolfe : I'm afraid I must overrule you. [Wolfe fakes a nervous breakdown for Dr. Vollmer] Nero Wolfe : Do you want to pay two dollars a pound for butter? Fifty cents for shoestrings? A dollar for a bottle of beer? Hmph. Well? Confound it, answer me! Archie : I don't know if it's the willies or what, but as you can see - Nero Wolfe : Just because I ask you to lend me five dollars until the beginning of the next war, does not mean that I'm a frugal person. Dr. Vollmer : Who wrote this script for him? Archie : It's been like this ever since I brought him home. Dr. Vollmer : He's been out of the house? Nero Wolfe : Archie tells me that you're masquerading as a doctor. Bah! They'll take your clothes off too! Oh, yes, they'll examine every inch of your skin, and they'll find the mark. The one that entitles you to a discount. [Wolfe pretends to have lost his mind] Nero Wolfe : Aren't you a physician? Don't you know a nervous breakdown when you see one? Dr. Vollmer : Yes. Yes, I do. Nero Wolfe : Well, then, what's the matter with it? Dr. Vollmer : It doesn't seem, um, typical. Nero Wolfe : That's a faulty observation! That's a defect in your training! Specifically, it's a persecution complex, you idiot! Dr. Vollmer : And who's been doing the persecuting? [Feigning a nervous breakdown] Nero Wolfe : You're not going to cut me! They're coming in hordes! I see them on chariots with spiked wheels, waving insolent banners of inflation! Oh! Archie! They're pelting me with worthless coins! |
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