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 Jon Heder QuotationMovie Title: Napoleon Dynamite (2004) as Napoleon Dynamite: Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon? Napoleon Dynamite : Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh! Napoleon Dynamite : Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home. Uncle Rico : She didn't tell me anything. Napoleon Dynamite : Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak. Uncle Rico : I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon. Napoleon Dynamite : Get off my property! Uncle Rico : It's a free country. I can do whatever I want. Napoleon Dynamite : Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you. Uncle Rico : Well then do it! Go on! Napoleon Dynamite : Maybe I will, GOSH! Napoleon Dynamite : Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip. Kip : Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. Napoleon Dynamite : Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time. Kip : Try and hit me, Napoleon. Napoleon Dynamite : What? Kip : I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me. Uncle Rico : So what do you think? Kip : It's pretty cool, I guess. Uncle Rico : Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state. Napoleon Dynamite : This is pretty much the worst video ever made. Kip : Napoleon, like anyone can even know that. Uncle Rico : You know what, Napoleon? You can leave. Napoleon Dynamite : You guys are retarded! Don : Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again? Napoleon Dynamite : I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines! Don : Did you shoot any? Napoleon Dynamite : Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that? Don : What kind of gun did you use? Napoleon Dynamite : A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think? Deb : And here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion. Napoleon Dynamite : I already made like infinity of those at scout camp. Napoleon Dynamite : You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff. Napoleon Dynamite : Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my nunchucks in there anymore. Napoleon Dynamite : I see you're drinking 1% milk. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could probably be drinking whole milk. Napoleon Dynamite : Do the chickens have large talons? Farmer : Do they have what? Napoleon Dynamite : Large talons. Farmer : I don't understand a word you just said. Pedro : Do you think people will vote for me? Napoleon Dynamite : Heck yes! I'd vote for you. Pedro : Like what are my skills? Napoleon Dynamite : Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache. Trisha : Thanks for the beautiful drawing. It's hanging in my room right now. Napoleon Dynamite : Really? It took me like three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done. Napoleon Dynamite : How long did it take you to grow that moustache? Pedro : A couple of days. Napoleon Dynamite : Pedro, how do you feel about that one? Pedro : It looks nice. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, it looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. It's incredible. Napoleon Dynamite : Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Grandma : How was school? Napoleon Dynamite : The worst day of my life, what do you think? Napoleon Dynamite : What kind of bike do you have? Pedro : It's a sledgehammer. Napoleon Dynamite : Dang!... You ever take it off any sweet jumps? Napoleon Dynamite : [Cut to Pedro jumping] You got like three feet of air that time. Deb : What are you drawing? Napoleon Dynamite : A liger. Deb : What's a liger? Napoleon Dynamite : It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic. Napoleon Dynamite : Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!... Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD! Napoleon Dynamite : I caught you a delicious bass. Pedro : If I win, you can be my secretary or something. Napoleon Dynamite : Sweet! Napoleon Dynamite : [drinks glass of milk] The defect in this one is bleach. FFA Judge No. 1 : That's right. Napoleon Dynamite : Yessssssssss. Napoleon Dynamite : [drinks second glass of milk] This one tastes like the cow got into an onion patch. FFA Judge No. 2 : Correct. Napoleon Dynamite : Yessssssssss. Napoleon Dynamite : I like your sleeves. They're real big. Deb : Thank you. I made them myself. Napoleon Dynamite : So you and Pedro getting really serious now? Napoleon Dynamite : Who are you gonna ask to the dance? Pedro : That girl right there. Napoleon Dynamite : Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that? Pedro : Build her a cake or something. Nathan : Napoleon, give me some of your tots. Napoleon Dynamite : No, go find your own. Nathan : Come on, give me some of your tots. Napoleon Dynamite : No, I'm freakin' starving! I didn't get to eat anything today. Nathan : [kicks the tots] Napoleon Dynamite : Ugh! Gross! Freakin' idiot! Napoleon Dynamite : Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec? Secretary No. 1 : Is there anything wrong? Napoleon Dynamite : I don't feel very good. [takes telephone and dials number] Kip : [making nachos on the other line] Hi. Napoleon Dynamite : Is grandma there? Kip : No, she's getting her hair done. Napoleon Dynamite : Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Kip : What do you need? Napoleon Dynamite : Can you just go get her for me? Kip : I'm really busy right now. Napoleon Dynamite : Just tell her to come get me. Kip : Why? Napoleon Dynamite : Cause I don't feel good! Kip : Well, have you talked to the school nurse? Napoleon Dynamite : No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me? Kip : No. Napoleon Dynamite : Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick? Kip : No, Napoleon. Napoleon Dynamite : But my lips hurt real bad! Kip : Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer. Napoleon Dynamite : I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko! Kip : See ya. Napoleon Dynamite : Ugh! Idiot! Napoleon Dynamite : Well, what is there to eat? Grandma : Oh, Napoleon, just make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh! Deb : It's Deb. And I'm calling to let you know that I think you're a shallow friend. Napoleon Dynamite : What the heck are you even talking about? Napoleon Dynamite : Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now. Pedro : Why? Napoleon Dynamite : Because my uncle Rico's an IDIOT. Pedro : Do you have anything to give to her? Napoleon Dynamite : No. Not unless she likes fish. Pedro : Who was that? Napoleon Dynamite : Trisha. Pedro : Who's she? Napoleon Dynamite : My woman I'm taking to the dance. Pedro : Did you draw her a picture? Napoleon Dynamite : Heck yes I did. Napoleon Dynamite : My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn't cause she's doing some modeling right now. Pedro : Is she hot? Napoleon Dynamite : See for yourself. [hands him Deb's glamor shot sample] Pedro : Wow. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamor shots for her birthday one year. Pedro : I like her bangs. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, me too. Don : Vote for Summer. Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, right, I'm not voting for her. Don : Then who you gonna vote for? Napoleon Dynamite : I'm voting for Pedro Sanchez, who do you think? [Don scoffs and walks away] Napoleon Dynamite : Hey, Don. Can I have one of those buttons? [Don hands Napoleon a "Vote 4 Summer" button] Napoleon Dynamite : [Napoleon tosses it across the hall, stares at Don, and runs away] Napoleon Dynamite : You guys having a killer time? Napoleon Dynamite : What are you doing here, Uncle Rico? Uncle Rico : Grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today. Broke her coccyx. [Napoleon Dynamite straps himself into the time machine] Kip : So are you ready? Napoleon Dynamite : Yeah, hold on... I forgot to put in the crystals. Kip : So when's grandma coming back? Uncle Rico : I don't know. Not sure. Napoleon Dynamite : You don't have to stay here with us, we're not babies. Uncle Rico : Ha ha! Talk to your antie Carolyn. Napoleon Dynamite : Kip is like 32 years old. Teacher : Your current event, Napoleon. Napoleon Dynamite : Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Lochness to blow Nessy out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessy Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. |
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